Chapter 126: Diagnosed with a Disease Where Kissing Will Kill Me
Shirazawa knit his brows as he watched a certain white spider excitedly charge toward him, extending a single index finger to block her incoming flushed lips.
Shiro froze for a split second, then pouted in deep dissatisfaction. "What's wrong?"
"I've been diagnosed with a disease where kissing will kill me," Shirazawa stated with absolute seriousness.
"Huh?"
"If we kiss, there is a very high probability I will pass away from sudden suffocation."
Shiro: "..."
*If you're going to make up a crappy excuse, at least make it sound somewhat plausible.*
"Oh, come on~ I promise I won't get all handsy this time, seriously." Shiro offered an intensely earnest expression. Bracing both arms against the mattress, she arched her upper body, using her knees to anchor herself against the edge of the bed as she slowly hovered closer to him.
Watching her face draw nearer and nearer, Shirazawa's breathing rapidly grew shallow. *To hell with it. Even if I die, dying for romance is still a glorious way to go...*
Contrary to his expectations, Shiro suddenly tilted her head downward, letting her lips brush against his in a feather-light, fleeting touch. It was a remarkably gentle contact, exactly like a soft plume drifting across skin, yet it sent a sharp, teasing itch straight to the absolute center of his heart.
Shirazawa went completely numb. He stared blankly at her, a wave of sheer bewilderment and shock flashing through the depths of his eyes.
"See? I told you I wouldn't get all handsy~" Shiro flashed a brilliantly radiant smile.
Yet, handling things this way actually left a guy feeling infinitely more tormented.
"You torturous little goblin."
"Hehehe~" Shiro smiled merrily as she climbed down from the bed. "Have a proper rest. Consider this your official day off–I'll be back in a couple of days."
"Wait, what? Where are you going?" Before Shirazawa could even finish his sentence, Shiro's silhouette had already vanished completely from the room.
"This girl..."
Shaking his head helplessly, he collapsed back onto the mattress to continue researching higher-tier magic.
Now that the existential knot in her heart had been fully untied, Shiro had completely bounced back to the carefree, giggly state she used to indulge in during her early days in the labyrinth. Of course, this goofy, relaxed persona was a luxury she only displayed in front of him and Ariel. In front of anyone else, she remained the same aloof, detached village-girl deity.
Shirazawa didn't dwell on Shiro's destination; her departure actually lined up perfectly with his personal agenda. He was going to quietly grind behind the scenes, master the ultimate internal skills, and thoroughly stun everyone down the road. The macro-initiative absolutely had to remain in his hands–he fundamentally loathed being the passive one.
Meanwhile, on Earth, inside the two-story suburban house.
"Let's see here, where exactly did the latest episode of this anime leave off..."
In front of the computer desk, the white-clothed maiden had already changed into a fresh pair of cartoon pajamas, clutching a bag of potato chips in one hand and a bottle of Coca-Cola in the other. She felt like her life had officially reached its absolute peak. Indulging in an existence of this caliber was simply an overdose of pure bliss.
Meanwhile, back in the alternative world...
Sophia: "You absolute bunch of bastards! Would it kill someone to actually come over and check on me?!"
Ever since Riel and Sael had been deployed elsewhere, every single occupant of the manor had completely forgotten that a certain massive human burrito was still ruthlessly pinned to the mattress next door. Fortunately, her identity was that of a Vampire Progenitor, meaning she could comfortably survive indefinitely without food or water; otherwise, Sophia's cause of death would have been an absolute global embarrassment.
It wasn't until Ariel had completely suppressed the internal rebellion that she finally remembered her high-society noble mistress cultivation blueprint was still sitting on hold.
One month later.
"SHIRAZAWA!!!"
"YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT!!!"
In the early hours of the morning, a piercing, deafening shriek of pure rage shattered the tranquility of the manor, echoing straight through the clouds.
Shirazawa, who had been happily wrapped around his wife in the middle of a wonderful dream, was violently shaken awake. "Who?! Who the hell is cussing me out?!"
"What's happening?" Shiro rubbed her glassy, sleep-laden eyes, both of them looking thoroughly disoriented.
The moment they finished dressing and stepped out into the grand stairwell, they collided head-on with Sophia's face–which looked as dark and menacing as a stagnant pool of ink.
Shirazawa froze for a split second. A fraction of a millisecond later, a realization suddenly struck his brain, and he slapped a hand against his forehead, a look of profound chagrin washing over his face.
"Tch~ I knew I forgot some crucial piece of business. I completely forgot to untie Sophia."
Hearing this, Shiro caught the subtext in an instant.
"A whole month! Do you two have even a single shred of a clue regarding how I survived this past month?!"
Sophia's expression rapidly twisted into something thoroughly monstrous. Her right hand was actively dragging a massive white greatsword that was quite literally taller than her entire body, sparks flying violently as the blade ground against the floorboards with every single step she took toward them.
"Every single night, I had to lay there listening to the two of you making all sorts of shameless noises next door! Do you have any idea how much psychological trauma that inflicted upon my innocent, fragile little soul?!"
"You absolute degenerate couple, face your deaths!!"
"Ah!!"
Seeing her launch a full-scale, berserk charge straight toward them, Shirazawa instantly ducked behind Shiro's back. "I-I didn't do it on purpose..." Aware that he was entirely in the wrong, Shirazawa shrunk his neck back, offering a laughably weak defense.
Sophia ground her teeth so hard they nearly shattered, lifting the massive greatsword to cleave him in two. "I am absolutely going to slaughter you today!"
Shiro felt a wave of acute embarrassment wash over her. She genuinely hadn't expected their nighttime activities to be fully intercepted by Sophia's amplified senses. *Should I just silence the witness permanently?* *Wait, forget it, forget it–at the end of the day, this was entirely Aze's blunder.*
It was glaringly obvious that Sophia had been driven to the absolute brink of insanity after being cooped up for so long. To allow the little girl a proper channel to vent her explosive rage, Shiro gave the matter a brief thought before ruthlessly shoving Shirazawa straight out into the open.
"I can't handle this. Deal with it yourself."
Shirazawa: "!"
Before he could even register the betrayal, Shiro had already vanished in a cloud of dust. He was left entirely alone to face an explicitly bloodthirsty Sophia.
"Ahem, well... go easy on me, alright? Just don't hit the face," Shirazawa offered a thoroughly dry reminder. If he didn't allow Sophia to fully unleash this massive inferno of rage, the long-term repercussions would likely be catastrophic. Shirazawa had zero intentions of fleeing or dodging the blame. Facing the terror of imminent death head-on–that was the hallmark of a true man.
"Heh." Sophia let out a bone-chilling sneer. "Hand over your life!"
She swung the massive greatsword, executing a violent downward cleave straight toward Shirazawa.
Shirazawa slowly closed his eyes. "Come at me..."
A fraction of a second later, the anticipated agonizing impact completely failed to materialize. Shirazawa opened his eyes, only to discover that Sophia had executed a massive leap, launching herself straight into his embrace. Her arms were wrapped around his neck in a desperate, vice-like chokehold.
She snapped her jaws open!
*Squelch!*
"Mgh~"
The exquisitely delicious, divine blood instantly flooded her taste buds, accompanied by a rich, crisp aroma. Sophia let out a highly satisfied, muffled hum, her entire body going completely limp as she melted against his chest.
Shirazawa: "..."
"Hey, Sophia, that's enough. I can't take too many helpings of this, you know." Shirazawa's lips twitched as he attempted to pry the little girl off his body.
Sophia lifted her gaze to lock onto him, her eyes burning with a fiery intensity. "As proper compensation for my suffering, you have to feed me until I am completely stuffed every single day moving forward!"
With that demand laid down, she snapped her jaws open once more and took a massive, greedy gulp. The fresh, sweet liquid surged straight into her stomach, sending a wave of absolute euphoria through her entire system. She couldn't resist nuzzling her face against Shirazawa's neck, acting thoroughly spoiled and cute as she silently demanded his undivided affection.
"Dealing with just Shiro is already pushing me to my absolute limit. Throwing a greedy little vampire loli into the mix on top of that... this fragile, delicate body of mine is fundamentally going to collapse..." Shirazawa felt like weeping, yet no tears would come.
"Mmuu~"
Watching the pair engage in such a close, intimate display, Shiro's cheeks puffed up in a heavy wave of jealousy. Even though she had long since deduced that there was a massive trace of fishy business between these two, she hadn't expected their dynamic to have already degenerated to this level!
*Hmph! I'm a mature goddess; I refuse to lose my temper over a literal toddler.*
Shiro proudly tossed her head to the side, secretly resolving right then and there that she was going to ensure A-Zhe wouldn't be physically capable of stepping out of the bedroom for three consecutive days.
"It is a pure miracle that you two absolute idiots haven't managed to conceive a child yet; otherwise, those kids would quite literally die of pure exasperation. You two are the most unreliable, irresponsible pair of guardians on the face of the earth!"
Ariel materialized in the corridor out of nowhere, offering a thoroughly blunt, harsh lecture regarding their reckless behavior. Regarding this specific incident, she stood firmly and unyieldingly on Sophia's side.
"Did you hear that? Next time you see Lord Vampire Progenitor Sophia, you'd better make sure you display some proper reverence and respect, got it?" Hearing her backing, Sophia's lips curved into a highly satisfied smirk, her arms wrapping even tighter around Shirazawa's frame as if terrified he might make a run for it. Perhaps because she finally had someone running interference for her, the volume of her voice increased significantly.
However, before she could fully celebrate her victory, Ariel spoke up once more.
"Sophia's private home-schooling lessons conclude effective immediately."
"Seriously?!" The sudden influx of pure happiness caught her completely off guard, leaving her in a state of sheer disbelief.
"Yes. Moving forward, your curriculum shifts to an actual institutional setting. The Royal Academy of the Analeit Kingdom–I've already completed your registration process. Make sure you report to the school grounds in a couple of days."
"Uh..."
Sophia's tiny heart instantly shattered into a million pieces, her adorable face instantly sagging into a look of profound misery.
She would have infinitely preferred to maintain the status quo. At the very least, staying home meant she got to be around her Master every single day.
This was devastating. She wanted to cry... *wahhh...*
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