After praising Komekko, the two guards, Pucchin and Chekera, slowly turned their ruby-red gazes, shining with the light of adolescent grandiosity, toward the remaining four.
"Well then, you who remain. At this moment when fate has drawn our paths together, do you still refuse to cast off that lowly disguise?"
Pucchin suddenly pulled his cloak tight, covering half his face. His voice dropped so low it sounded like it was crawling up from a cellar.
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a look, and in each other's eyes they saw the same deep resistance, along with the same desperate longing to go back to Axel.
For two guys who still prided themselves on having at least a scrap of normal human dignity, acting out this kind of humiliating play in broad daylight was more painful than being buried under an army of cabbages.
Just as Kōichi was about to bluff his way through with some excuse like, "We're just delivery guys bringing sweet potatoes," Aqua's eyes suddenly lit up beside him, as if some strange switch had been flipped inside her.
"Hmph, hmph, hmph. Since you ask so earnestly, this Goddess shall graciously enlighten you!"
Aqua spun around with a flourish, her aqua-blue hair streaming in the wind. Not only did she imitate the tone of the Crimson Demon Clan, she even went a step further and conjured a cluster of harmless but dazzling water droplets at her fingertips.
She struck her signature, outrageously narcissistic Goddess pose: one hand on her hip, the other curled elegantly against her chin, her body leaning back in an exaggerated arc.
"My name is Aqua! I am the Goddess of Water, revered by all, who presides over life and pure water! I am also the supreme embodiment of faith for the Axis Order! Tremble, mortals! Through this sacred baptism, feel this Goddess's unmatched beauty and mercy! Ooooh, hohohoho!"
The air fell dead silent for three seconds.
"Oh... ohhhhh!!" Pucchin and Chekera let out earth-shaking cheers, even high-fiving each other in excitement. "That completely baseless confidence! Those visually striking movements! And that title that sounds incredibly impressive, even if it's obviously fake!"
"You were born to be a member of the Crimson Demon Clan! No, you're even more Crimson Demon Clan than the Crimson Demons themselves, blue-haired lady!"
Aqua, floating on their praise, smugly patted Kōichi and Kazuma on the shoulders, her face full of the superiority of someone standing above them.
"Well? Kōichi, Kazuma! See how amazing this Goddess is now? I only had to show a tiny bit of my power, and these red-eyed brats are already completely captivated. Hurry up, you two. Don't embarrass this Goddess!"
Kazuma's mouth twitched.
"So this is what they mean when fools and madmen always find common ground..."
Just as Kōichi was wondering whether he should simply pretend to faint, Darkness suddenly let out a heavy gasp beside him.
Her beautiful, gallant face had turned so red it looked ready to bleed, and her body trembled violently from extreme shame and... some indescribable excitement.
"Y-yes... This is a necessary... trial..." Darkness gripped the hilt of her sword, her knuckles turning white from the force.
She took a deep breath, as if throwing caution to the wind, then stepped forward and struck an incredibly awkward pose. It seemed to be an attempt at imitating a Thief, but looked more like she was begging for mercy.
"My, my name... is Darkness!" Her voice shook terribly, carrying a strange, feverish heat. "I am a Crusader with the strongest defense in the kingdom, willing to stand on the front line and endure every form of ravaging and humiliation from the enemy! No matter what attack you use, no matter how despicable the method, come at me! Even if I must strike such a shameful pose in public to obtain permission to enter the city... I... I will never submit... Ngh... Hurry, kill me with those eyes full of contempt!"
The two guards fell silent again, then looked at her with solemn respect.
"I don't really know what she was talking about, but that spirit of forcing herself to finish even when the shame is about to break her... That's a tough one! A real tough one!"
"It's over. This party is completely beyond saving. Now it's just me and Kazuma left. If I don't do something, I'm seriously going to get assimilated by these people..."
Kōichi covered his face in agony, his eyes peeking through his fingers filled with despair toward this world.
However, after three full seconds of inner struggle, Kazuma's gaze suddenly turned firm, even carrying the desperate resolve of someone who had given up on everything.
Kazuma turned and gave Kōichi a tragically heroic look.
"Kōichi, accept your fate. Since we can't fight this flood of adolescent grandiosity, we might as well sink all the way in! No one here knows us anyway. As long as I'm not embarrassed, everyone else will be the ones feeling awkward!"
With that, Kazuma took a huge step forward, dropped into a half-crouch, crossed his arms before his chest, then swiftly swept them out to either side, striking an astonishingly accurate Kamen Rider transformation pose.
"My name is Kazuma Satou! I am the Thief of Destiny, who crossed the boundary between life and death and returned from the depths of another world! I am also the King of Sadism, who commands the arts of Lurk and Steal, judging evil from the shadows! Tremble, for this is the soul of a man who refuses to bow his head, even before a Goddess!"
A subtle silence settled over the scene. Pucchin and Chekera exchanged a look and rubbed their chins.
"Hmm... The pose was pretty standard, and the lines were passable, but it feels like it's missing that Crimson Demon Clan madness, the kind that would risk life itself just to look cool."
"Still, the title King of Sadism does have the makings of a wicked final boss. We'll barely let you pass."
Kazuma stepped back in relief.
Then everyone's gaze turned to the only normal person left, Kōichi. The two guards, the smug Aqua, the flushed Darkness, the expectant Megumin and Komekko, and even Yunyun, who had been crouching on the ground drawing circles, all lifted their heads and stared straight at him.
The corners of Kōichi's mouth twitched violently, and veins bulged on his forehead.
He looked at the red glow in the guards' eyes, then at the piles of sweet potatoes stacked like small hills nearby, and finally at Megumin's huge eyes, which clearly said, "Kōichi, hurry up and show us how cool you are."
"Damn it... At this point, I have no choice but to bring out the most embarrassing lines I've got..."
Kōichi took a deep breath, as if drawing on every last bit of strength in his body, then suddenly flung aside the cart handle he was holding.
His entire presence abruptly surged. He clapped his right hand over his left eye, bent his body backward at an extremely unnatural angle, pointed his left hand toward the sky, and spoke in a low, magnetic voice, though it was entirely forced.
"Hmph. Since you insist on peering into the truth sealed in the deepest depths of the abyss... then watch closely!"
Kōichi snapped his eyes open, his gaze sharp as lightning.
"My name is Kōichi Hayashi! I am the Observer who walks the border between reality and illusion, upholding the balance of all things! I am also the Lord of Ashes, who severs cause and effect and reshapes order from chaos! Within my right hand dwells karmic fire powerful enough to incinerate the stars, while my left hand holds the ice that freezes time! Were it not to protect the peace of this land, my true name should never have been awakened here and now!"
Together with his intensely imposing posture, Kōichi's lines instantly created an overwhelmingly dramatic effect.
Pucchin and Chekera were completely stunned. Their mouths hung open, and the glitter in their hands spilled all over the ground.
"Oh... ohhhhh!! He's too strong! It's that feeling where you don't understand a single thing he's saying, but somehow it sounds insanely awesome!"
"Lord of Ashes! That title is so cool it hurts! Dude, are you sure you aren't a long-lost illegitimate son of the Crimson Demon Clan?!"
Megumin was so excited that she shouted at the top of her lungs.
"Did you hear that? This is my partner! As expected of the captain I chose. That adolescent grandiosity... no, that overwhelming presence is worthy of standing beside this genius!"
Amid the crowd's cheers, Kōichi silently lowered his head, shedding two lines of clear tears in his heart.
"It's over. My last shred of self-respect... has been completely shattered into dust..."