She started keeping her own secrets after that.
Small ones at first.
A phone call she didn't mention. A text she deleted before he could see. A meeting with her sister that she didn't tell him about until after.
Damien noticed.
He noticed everything.
But he didn't ask.
Because he had made a promise. He had promised to trust her. And trusting her meant letting her have her secrets.
Even when those secrets burned.
---
"You're different," he said one night.
They were in bed. The city was dark. She was curled against his chest.
"Different how?"
"Quieter."
"I'm tired."
"You're hiding."
She looked up at him.
"I'm not hiding."
"You are." He touched her face. "You've been hiding for weeks. Ever since the conversation about Viktor."
"Damien—"
"I'm not accusing you. I'm asking you. What's going on?"
---
She was quiet for a long moment.
The baby kicked.
"She's active tonight," Christabel said.
"You're changing the subject."
"She's our daughter. She's never not the subject."
He sat up.
Looked at her.
"Christabel."
She sat up too.
"What?"
"Talk to me."
"I am talking to you."
"You're deflecting."
"I'm protecting."
"From what?"
"From the truth."
---
He felt the words like a physical blow.
"The truth about what?"
She was quiet for a moment.
Then she got out of bed.
Walked to the window.
"Liam called me," she said.
The name hung in the air.
"Liam?"
"The man I was seeing before you. The nice one."
"What did he want?"
"He wanted to know if I was okay."
"Are you?"
She turned to face him.
"I don't know."
---
Damien got out of bed.
Walked to her.
Stood in front of her.
"What does that mean?"
"It means I don't know if I'm okay." She touched her stomach. "I don't know if I've been okay for a long time."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't know how."
"You're telling me now."
"Because I can't keep pretending."
"Pretending what?"
"Pretending that I'm happy when I'm not. Pretending that I'm fine when I'm falling apart. Pretending that us is enough when I don't even know who I am anymore."
---
He stared at her.
"You're not happy?"
"I don't know what I am."
"You're pregnant with my child."
"I know."
"You're engaged to me."
"I know."
"You love me."
"I know." Her voice cracked. "I know I love you. I know I want this baby. I know I want a future with you. But I don't know if I can do it."
"Do what?"
"Be the woman you need me to be."
---
He pulled her into his arms.
Held her tight.
"I don't need you to be anyone other than who you are."
"Who is that?"
"What?"
"Who am I, Damien? Because I used to know. I used to be Christabel. The woman who didn't take shit from anyone. The woman who built her own company. The woman who didn't need a man to feel whole."
"And now?"
"Now I'm your fiancée. The mother of your child. The woman who lives in your penthouse and drinks your tea and waits for you to come home."
"You're more than that."
"Am I?" She pulled back. Looked at him. "Because I don't feel like more. I feel like less. Smaller. Weaker. More afraid."
---
He touched her face.
"You're not weak."
"I feel weak."
"You're growing a human being."
"That's not weakness. That's biology."
"Then what is?"
"Needing you." Her voice was barely a whisper. "Needing you so much that I can't breathe. Needing you so much that I don't know who I am without you."
"That's not weakness. That's love."
"It feels like weakness."
"Love always feels like weakness." He kissed her forehead. "Until you have to fight for it. Then it feels like strength."
---
She was quiet for a long moment.
The city hummed below them.
Somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.
"Liam asked me to meet him," she said.
Damien went still.
"What?"
"He asked me to meet him. For coffee. Just to talk."
"Did you say yes?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I knew you wouldn't want me to."
"It's not about what I want."
"Then what is it about?"
"It's about what you want."
---
She looked at him.
Her eyes were dark.
"I wanted to say yes."
"Why didn't you?"
"Because I knew it would hurt you."
"So you protected me."
"Yes."
"By keeping a secret."
"Yes."
He stepped back.
Put distance between them.
"You lied to me."
"I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you."
"That's the same thing."
"No." She stepped toward him. "Lying is saying something that isn't true. Not telling you is... omission."
"Omission is lying."
"That's what you said. When you didn't tell me about the penthouse."
He stared at her.
"This is different."
"How?"
"Because I was protecting you. You were protecting yourself."
---
She was quiet.
The baby kicked.
"Maybe I was," she said finally. "Maybe I needed to know that I could keep a secret. That I could have something that was just mine."
"You have plenty of things that are just yours."
"Do I?"
"Your company. Your city. Your name."
"My name is yours."
"You chose to take it."
"I chose to take it because I love you." She touched her stomach. "Because I want our daughter to have a family. Because I want to build something that lasts."
"Then why are you pushing me away?"
"Because I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of losing myself."
---
He pulled her into his arms.
Held her tight.
"You're not going to lose yourself."
"How do you know?"
"Because I won't let you." He pulled back. Looked at her. "I fell in love with you. All of you. Not just the parts that fit into my life."
"And if I change?"
"Then I'll fall in love with the new you."
"What if you don't?"
He smiled.
"Then I'll wait for the old you to come back."
---
She kissed him.
Softly.
"I love you," she said.
"I know."
"I love you so much it terrifies me."
"Good." He kissed her forehead. "It should."