Chapter Forty: The Overnight Trip
The letter came home in Lily's backpack on a Friday.
Dear Parents,
The kindergarten class will be going on an overnight field trip to the City Science Museum. We will leave on Friday morning and return on Saturday afternoon. Children will sleep in the museum's planetarium under the stars.
Please let us know if your child will be attending.
Lina read the letter three times.
"An overnight trip?" she said. "They're five years old."
"They're five and a half," Ethan corrected.
"That's not better."
Ethan took the letter from her hands. "They'll be fine. The teachers will be there. The museum is safe."
"What if they get scared? What if they miss us? What if—"
"Lina."
She stopped.
"They'll be fine," Ethan said again. "And even if they're not, they'll learn that they can survive being scared. That's part of growing up."
Lina took a breath.
"I know," she said. "I just... I'm not ready."
"Neither am I. But we have to let them go."
Lina nodded slowly.
She signed the permission slip.
---
The week before the trip was chaos.
Lily packed and repacked her backpack seventeen times. She included three stuffed animals, a flashlight, a change of clothes, and a snack "in case of emergencies."
Leo packed once. He included a notebook, two pencils, and a book about black holes.
"You're not bringing pajamas?" Lina asked.
"I'll sleep in my clothes."
"You'll be uncomfortable."
"I'll be fine."
Lina bit back a smile. "Okay. But I'm putting pajamas in your backpack anyway."
Leo sighed. "Fine."
---
The morning of the trip arrived cold and clear.
Lina drove the twins to school, her hands tight on the wheel, her heart pounding. Ethan sat beside her, his hand on her knee.
"They're going to be fine," he said.
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true."
Lina parked the car. She walked the twins to the bus, hugged them both, and watched them climb aboard.
Lily waved from the window. "Bye, Mama! I'll bring you a souvenir!"
Leo sat in the seat behind her, already reading his book.
Lina stood on the sidewalk, watching the bus disappear.
Ethan put his arm around her.
"They're going to be fine," he said.
Lina leaned into him.
"I know," she said. "But I'm still going to worry."
"That's your job."
They walked back to the car.
---
The penthouse was too quiet.
Lina wandered from room to room, not sure what to do with herself. The twins' toys were still scattered across the living room floor. Their drawings still covered the refrigerator. Their small shoes were still lined up by the door.
But they were not here.
Ethan found her in the twins' bedroom, sitting on Lily's bed, holding Snowball.
"They've only been gone for an hour," he said.
"I know."
"You're allowed to miss them."
Lina looked up at him. "I feel like I'm missing a limb. Like part of me is just... gone."
Ethan sat down beside her. "That's parenthood. It's loving someone so much that their absence feels like physical pain."
Lina leaned against him. "How do people do this? How do they let go?"
"They don't. They just learn to live with the missing."
They sat in the darkness, holding each other, while the city hummed outside the window.
---
The school sent updates throughout the day.
10:00 AM: Arrived at the museum. Lily is already asking questions. Leo is taking notes.
12:00 PM: Lunch in the museum cafeteria. Lily traded her sandwich for a bag of chips. Leo ate his vegetables without complaint.
3:00 PM: Tour of the space exhibit. Leo corrected the tour guide on a fact about Mars. The tour guide was impressed.
6:00 PM: Dinner. Lily made three new friends. Leo sat with Max and Priya.
8:00 PM: Planetarium show. Both twins are mesmerized.
9:00 PM: Lights out. Both twins are asleep. I repeat, both twins are asleep.
Lina showed the texts to Ethan.
"They're asleep," she said, amazed.
"Were you expecting otherwise?"
"I was expecting a call at nine o'clock saying that Lily had climbed the dome and Leo had refused to stop taking notes."
Ethan laughed. "Give them time. The night is young."
---
The call came at eleven o'clock.
Lina grabbed her phone before the first ring finished. "Is everything okay?"
"It's fine," the teacher said. "Lily just had a nightmare. She's asking for you."
Lina's heart clenched. "Can I talk to her?"
There was a rustling sound, and then Lily's small, tearful voice came through the phone.
"Mama?"
"I'm here, sweetheart. What's wrong?"
"I had a bad dream. There was a monster. It was big and scary."
"Was it a real monster?"
"No. It was a pretend monster. But it felt real."
Lina closed her eyes. "Do you remember what we do with pretend monsters?"
"We tell them to go away?"
"We tell them to go away. And then we think about happy things. Like elephants. And aliens. And chocolate chip pancakes."
Lily sniffled. "Can you sing to me?"
Lina sang.
She sang the lullaby she had sung to the twins when they were babies, the one her own mother had sung to her before everything fell apart. Her voice was soft and slightly off-key, but Lily did not seem to mind.
By the end of the song, Lily's breathing had slowed.
"Are you still there, sweetheart?" Lina whispered.
"I'm here, Mama."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm okay. Ms. Hernandez is here. She's holding my hand."
Lina's eyes filled with tears. "Good. You hold Ms. Hernandez's hand. And tomorrow, I'll come get you, and we'll make pancakes. Chocolate chip."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Okay. Goodnight, Mama."
"Goodnight, sweetheart."
The line went dead.
Lina set down the phone.
Ethan was watching her from the bed.
"She's okay," Lina said. "Ms. Hernandez is holding her hand."
Ethan nodded. "Told you. She's in good hands."
Lina climbed into bed and curled up against him.
"I'm still going to worry," she said.
"I know."
"Until they come home."
"I know."
Lina closed her eyes.
She dreamed of monsters and elephants and a little girl who was brave enough to face them both.
---
The Next Morning
Lina arrived at the school at two o'clock, exactly when the bus was scheduled to return.
She stood on the sidewalk, watching for the bus, her heart pounding.
Ethan stood beside her, holding her hand.
"They're going to be fine," he said.
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true."
The bus appeared around the corner.
Lina held her breath.
The doors opened. Children spilled out, tired and happy and full of stories. Lily ran to Lina, her backpack bouncing, her face flushed with excitement.
"Mama! Mama! We saw stars! Real stars! In the planetarium!"
Lina knelt down and hugged her. "I'm so glad, sweetheart."
Leo walked off the bus more slowly, his notebook in his hand, his expression thoughtful.
Lina hugged him too. "How was it?"
Leo held up his notebook. "I took notes."
"I see that."
"The tour guide was wrong about Mars. I told her. She said she would look it up."
Lina smiled. "I'm sure she will."
Leo nodded, apparently satisfied.
They walked to the car, the twins talking nonstop, their voices overlapping, their words tumbling over each other.
Lina should have been annoyed.
Instead, she was grateful.
The noise meant they were home.
---
That Night
The twins told Ethan and Lina about every detail of their trip—the planetarium, the space exhibit, the new friends they had made, the snack they had eaten, the game they had played at the museum. They talked until their voices were hoarse and their eyes were drooping.
After they were asleep, Lina sat on the couch with a glass of wine.
Ethan sat beside her.
"They survived," he said.
"They survived."
"How do you feel?"
Lina thought about the question. She thought about the empty house and the quiet rooms and the small, aching hole in her chest. She thought about Lily's nightmare and Leo's notes and the way both twins had grown just a little bit older, a little bit more independent.
"I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be," Lina said. "Not because it's easy. Because it's hard. And I'm still here. I'm still trying. I'm still becoming."
Ethan kissed her temple.
"That's all any of us can do," he said.
Lina leaned her head on his shoulder.
She thought about the future. About all the overnights yet to come—the sleepovers and the campouts and the nights when her children would not come home at all.
She was not ready.
But she was learning to live with the missing.
---
End of Chapter Forty