There is cool math for if a supernatural chance is real, how often it should happen. Wendigos for example, should take about once every 5.5 years to run into based on the vibe you constantly travel the streets. And they are a pinpoint on the map that is solid. And doesn't disappear all the time. And travels the planet. I won't bore you with the math cause I didn't memorize it anyway.
Demons should be every 3 years. And seeing a former friend is 7 years. Seeing a cop is once every 12 minutes if they're good at their jobs. Which I doubt. I walk around the side of town where the police station is at. I don't see them that much.
So what happens with a shapeshifter when they're bored and a fucking weeb? Guess what the cosplayer shapeshifter does when I run into her? Be fucking Loona from Helluva Boss. Not even a meme. They were literally that form, with a close art style of the real character. Which left her especially exposed. Which was annoying.
I get bored and chat with her. Cause I'm bored and want to test if this is schizophrenia or a epic creation of Illuminati Americana's peak for the Artist skill tree. Cause hypothetically with stuff like a hologram, this form should be possible.
"Hey, what's up sunshine?" I say warmly.
"Don't flirt. Go away." Loona? says nicely.
I quirk an eyebrow, surprised that she said that without being angry.
"So no. Because I have real questions. What are you doing? Are you anime levels of the artist skill or-" I say, analytical.
"Shut up. Or I kill you." Loona? threatens like Achmed the Terrorist by Jeff Dunham.
"You are such a fucking weeb. Are you like, an American Wendigo?" I ask, amused.
She gasps, and bats a claw at me like a cat.
"How'd you know?" she asks, mildly shocked. "Nobody's ever guessed before. I'm not obvious, am I?"
I facepalm and laugh a bit. Then put my hand aside and admit.
"Ma'am, you got distracted. Your form is currently Loona from Helluva Boss." I say, very amused.
"Oh." Loona? says awkwardly.
Then she shapeshifts into a small, middle aged woman. Then widens her eyes with shock, her head briefly becoming Loona again.
"You know I can shapeshift! I... I might have to kill you." she says, nervous and analytical with fear of discovery.
"Ma'am, what if we just vibed? I promise I won't put it in my manifesto." I say nicely.
I didn't lie, this isn't the manifesto. Heheh.
"Hmm... no, I need money." Loona? says with cocky malice.
"Ma'am, I'm broke. Please-" I lie with quick fear.
I wasn't actually, I had a hundred bucks on me for a drug deal. From a guy I robbed before because of like, transphobia or some shit. Who cares? Anyway.
She shapeshifts her arms Carnage style into blades, and takes on a combination of a praying mantis and fucking Loona again.
"Shit like this is why nobody likes magic. No one is gonna believe I fought Loona fused with a fucking praying mantis." I complain bitterly.
I erm... put up the dukes for some reason. Cause I am a epic, delusional barbarian who refuses to believe that I shouldn't try to beat up an alien or some anime monster for some reason.
"Wait, what? Let me focus." Loona? says, embarrassed.
She transforms into a praying mantis for real. And slashes at me with a jab. I smack it aside, and break its arm like a twig. I thought. Not true, it's a whip now. She whips her claws at me, turning back into Loona with her head and getting a purple, green, and pink color scheme while attacking me. I block with my forearms, getting minor cuts. Then surge forward through the pain cause she's got two yards on me. Four steps worth of minor cuts, I unleash a powerful right straight into her jaw.
She is hit hard enough that she smacks her head against the wall of the bus station outside stop with a plastic and metal booth we were at. Outside the post office. She whines, becoming Betty Boop.
"Awww, why'd you have to beat up a woman? You're mean."
I sigh, annoyed and facepalm. She smacks me during that. I catch her hand, and consider punching her again. But change my mind and decide to try pursuing peace.
"Alright, what if we do peace? And I walk away." I say with forced calm.
"Sure, why not? Go away." Betty Boop? says happily.
I walk off. And like an hour later, she is Loona throwing rocks at me as I walk through a bar's parking lot.
"Give me bus fare, dick!" Loona? yells angrily.
"No! Go fuck yourself! Keep doing that, we'll fight for real! That's assault with a deadly weapon!" I yell angrily.
She pulls out a gun. And due to like, I dunno, stress. Someone lifted the veil? My anime powers happen. First, adrenaline surge. Followed by a advanced strength feat of launching myself foward with a single leap at high speeds into her face. Not fast enough to avoid her reacting.
"What the fuck?" Wanda? says, utterly confused.
She had the face of Wanda from fairy odd parents. Vibe. Anyway, I throw my punch, and she blocks it. But it breaks her wrist. And she whines, torturing me visually by becoming one of my ex-girlfriends.
"Mannnn, you're so mean Jacob." she whines.
I stare at her, utterly stunned.
"Bitch, what? Don't meme, this is fucked up. Don't be my ex, are you stalking me?" I ask, confused and minorly horrified.
"Bro, no. She's my ex. Don't say you fucked her, I'll kill you even harder over that." Loona? says angrily.
I smirk, she punches me in the mouth. And it becomes a anime fight over two supernatural Ex-s fighting over a former flame. And because she wants bus fare.
She is using her arms as a liquid-like whip, slashing and burning me as it drags across my skin. I'm chasing after her while blocking and dodging. And rocking her with left and right straights in rapid succession when I get close by. But she leaps away and goes back to mid-range with her whip arms. On the third round of punches to the face, she blocks my hands, catching them with both hands. And then rants about bullshit involving my ex's relationship with me, and how terrible Loona?'s own life is so she is justified in robbing and murdering me.
"First of all, I remember you now! You're that crazy martial artist that's obsessed with this girl! So hard you beat people up because she cheated on you! Second, I am homeless and a monster! Kneel before my superiority before I fucking nuke you cause third! I am a God compared to you, mortal! I am like, a supernatural murder machine if I do a real form! This is child's play, just wait till I do the stereotypical Wendigo form! Which I hate, but it gets work done!"
"Bitch, I would destroy your fucking wannabe goat slash monkey form." I say with angry cockiness.
"I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS!" Loona? screams furiously.
She near instantly fuses into a stereotypical Wendigo with a few short animorph-like panels I visibly see. Like dumb shit fusing together than defusing into a wendigo.
Then she dashes forward like a dump gorilla, and swipes at me with her claws. I try blocking it, but this time there is great strength in the paw. It sends me rolling across the parking lot a few dozen feet. I get up with scrapes and something like rope burn all over my exposed skin. My clothed skin doesn't feel as bad.
She is charging at me while gloating.
"Now let's see who's weak, bitch!" Loona? yells furiously.
Thankfully, my next anime move happened. Hands of Greed. Through temporal bullshit and a favor from Greed itself due to who knows? Being a good capitalist? He loves me for some personal, abstract reasons? Anyway, I have a hand appear from the air itself, and hand me a gun. A 9mm beretta to be exact.
"Bro, what the fuck? Are you magic too?" Loona? asks, shocked and scared.
"Yes. I am a weird creature. I barely understand myself honestly." I say, cocky and proud.
I open fire, but I admit. I feel nervousness creep into myself when I admit I never understand my own powers. Nobody officially tells me this. It is just a mix of vibes and studying occult lore. This power should fall into the tree of Greed in Satanist magic. It is surprisingly a minor buff that could've been stolen. But I don't remember a quest line where I robbed a God or a Demon for this perk. So it is a gift, probably. Which is possible, lore says Greed let it spread like wildfire cause he was bored. And didn't want to deal with it.
I open fire with the pistol and Loona runs away very quickly. Picks up a concrete parking lot bar meant for stopping cars from moving forward. And runs back. She's gonna hit me with it in melee it seems. I keep opening fire. Headshot her. And she stares at her forehead, seeing blood drip down her head as she has the face of a normal anime girl I don't recognize. Then she glares intensely at me as Junko Enoshima.
"Bitch, you're fucking dead." she snaps furiously.
She charges at me at high speeds, and swings the concrete bar at me. I shoot the concrete bar, and it shatters into pieces. She pouts.
"Bitch."
Then tries punching me. I shoot her hand, and it knocks her hand away. Where then we end up in a funny combat scenario. She's bullet proof, and I am smacking her hands away with bullets still while she complains.
"Bitch, quit blocking my shit with that gun. I'll beat your fucking ass. STOP! I WILL KILL YOU! Stop it. Stop it."
The gun doesn't run out of ammo. Which is always curious to me. Logically it should be shooting air pressure. But it's boring to admit to Nicholas Flamel the gun could be reforming bullets based on the combination of the air, human blood phasing through the gun, and the iron of the gun itself. Especially since the gun is feeling lighter now.
I swing the gun to headshot her. It works, but barely hurts her. Then she punches me in the chest with the arm of a mantis shrimp. And I go flying into a wall, barely hurt. I think. Until I start to move and I feel my bones crinkling through my skin. I still manage to stand though.
"Just give it up and give me your wallet." Loona? says with cocky malice.
I agree, after swiping my debit card and ID out the wallet. Which results in a minor fist fight again. I punch her in the throat and flee. Which works well. I manage to escape and decide to test something I called the Veil strategy. She is a magical being. Lore says the Veil is a place where they shouldn't hang out. Which means it should be fine to rest here at the library for now and heal.
It works well to an extent. Until she comes in as my ex again, while talking to the real ex. I just sit still and vibe. Hoping nothing goes wrong.
It goes wrong. We have a dumb argument where my real ex guilt trips me into giving her more money off my debit card. I only agree if she gives me my wallet back. I give Loona? a hundred dollars. And they leave me alone.
It was an absurd day, dealing with a cosplayer Wendigo.