"I'll be yours..?"
"Exactly. You'll do whatever I want, whenever I want it."
Alex stood completely still, thinking this was a trap or some kind of psychological manipulation.
"Now go get me a drink. I'm thirsty."
Kendall was dead serious, and Alex realized it very quickly. Thus began that strange new routine of Kendall issuing all sorts of commands to Alex—from fetching her food and drinks, to handing in her university assignments when she was busy, or asking to be escorted around campus and downtown.
"Tomorrow I'm going shopping downtown. You're coming with me," Kendall stated, looking at herself in the mirror as she adjusted her creamy white blouse.
Alex stared at her, mesmerized, nodding silently. By now, she was used to her behavior and followed orders without asking questions. It was useless and a waste of time anyway, because Kendall never gave her any answers.
"Alex?"
"Yes?"
"If you keep staring at me like that, I'll start thinking you have some strange intentions toward me."
Alex blushed, biting her lip and cursing her own feelings. She was genuinely attracted to Kendall and hated seeing her talk to other guys who hit on her, but it was something she had to endure. She had to hide her true thoughts because there was no other choice.
"Let's go!"
Alex actually found it pleasant to follow Kendall and help her; it made her feel useful and, above all, allowed her to stay close to her. Too bad her friends didn't see it the same way.
"Stop monopolizing Alex's time!"
Ilaria blocked Kendall's path right after she and Alex walked out of the restroom.
"Excuse me?"
"Ilaria..." Alex tried to calm her down, but it was no use. "No, Alex! What's forcing you to spend time with her? I don't even see you around anymore!"
"Ilaria, it's my choice."
"Ilaria?" Kendall interrupted their conversation, flashing a smile at the other girl. "Alex is mine now, so step aside."
"Huh?! How dare you?!" Ilaria yelled, drawing attention. Kendall remained composed, calmly observing her surroundings. She didn't seem worried at all. She was so confident, so different from the past, and that alone captivated Alex, making her fall even deeper into her feelings.
"Alex?! Is it true?" Ilaria stared at her friend with a look of disbelief, but Alex couldn't deny the obvious.
"Yes..."
Ilaria's eyes widened in shock at her friend's behavior, then shifted to Kendall's smug smile.
"Is she threatening you? I can help you, Alex," she whispered to her friend, but the raven-haired girl just smiled and whispered something in her ear that would calm her down, at least for a while. "I need to make amends, but I won't pull away from you."
"But why are you hanging out with her?"
"I like Kendall."
Ilaria was left speechless, not knowing what to say to Alex, who had just casually confessed her feelings for a woman as if it were nothing. It wasn't that she was against that sort of thing, but it was just so weird! It had come completely out of nowhere.
"Let's go, Alex!" Kendall walked away, expecting the raven-haired girl to follow, completely ignoring Ilaria, who was now watching her with a mix of curiosity and sheer amazement. Alex felt guilty about Ilaria, but she had other things on her mind right now. She had to make up for her past somehow, and maybe one day she would be able to breathe again without feeling suffocated.
"Kendall, wait for me!"
Kendall smiled and offered her hand; her cheeks turned slightly pink. She was happy that Alex had chosen her, ignoring her friend's complaints.
They spent the rest of that day together until they were pulled apart by their respective classes. When evening fell, Kendall sent Alex a text:
Kendall: "I need to grab some documents from the department library and I could use a hand. Can you come?"
Alex smiled when she saw Kendall's name pop up on her screen. Instead of heading out of the department building, she changed her route and made her way to the library.
Alex noticed that the area was deserted; the department was close to shutting down for the night. She only spotted Kendall after searching through the library aisles, finding her engrossed in a stack of papers. What surprised her most was seeing her wearing glasses for the first time in a long while. "They really suit you."
Kendall jolted in surprise and locked onto Alex's blue eyes—the same ones that always sent a shiver down her spine and haunted her dreams at night. "Don't joke around." She went to take off her glasses, but Alex closed the distance, stopping her hand and gently pushing the frames back into place. "I would never lie. Not after what happened, Kendall... I truly believe you're beautiful, inside and out. I'll never forgive myself for not realizing it sooner... for making you and others suffer."
Kendall was slightly shorter than Alex. Seeing her up close, with such an intense gaze and sweet words on her lips, made her want to wrap her arms around her neck and crash their bodies together. Kendall knew she had feelings for Alex, but she still couldn't escape their painful past. She would have hated herself once for feeling this way, and looking back, it was exactly that infatuation years ago that had hurt her so deeply. Alex had been her first crush, the catalyst that made her realize she was attracted to women; she had discovered a piece of herself, only to learn how foolish it was to fall in love with a bully. Now, the situation and their relationship were different, but she still wouldn't trust Alex easily. The memories suffocated her sometimes, but so did the proximity of this girl—as beautiful as she was venomous. Because she was like venom: something that hurt you but captivated you at the same time. It was an addiction, a forbidden desire.
"Kendall, I... I wanted to tell you that—" Alex's sensual voice made Kendall's legs tremble, but before she could hear what the beautiful raven-haired girl was about to say, the lights went out, and the sound of a door slamming shut echoed through the room.
"Damn it!" Alex rushed toward the door. "Hey! Is anyone out there?! Open up!"
Nobody answered, and panic began to set in for both students.
Kendall thought to text a classmate who was nearby. Luckily, he replied immediately, letting her know he'd find a way to help them out.
"I texted Derek, he's going to help us."
"Who's Derek? Your boyfriend?" Alex asked, walking over to the nearest table to sit down. Kendall smiled secretly, realizing Alex was acting jealous. It was pretty obvious; besides, to Kendall, she was an open book.
Kendall bit her lip, wondering if it was fair to tease the raven-haired girl just a little bit. Then she convinced herself that there was no harm in it. "Derek is the cutest guy on campus... actually, he asked me out..." In reality, Derek was only interested in dating other cute guys, but Alex didn't know that.
"Oh... and are you going out with him?"
"Why should I care about your opinion?" Kendall whispered, moving closer to Alex and leaning against the table where the raven-haired girl was sitting. Alex wouldn't look at her; she kept her eyes glued to the dark wood surface. Kendall's proximity was making it hard for her to think, and right now she needed to use her head instead of acting on impulse. Yet, it felt as though a mysterious force was guiding her actions.
"Alex...?" Kendall was surprised by the girl's silence and worried she might have hurt her feelings. But suddenly, she found herself trapped by Alex's arms, pinned against the edge of the table with no way out.
"Don't go out with him."
"Why not?" Kendall asked, blushing, suddenly very glad they were in the dark. Alex was barely visible, illuminated only by the streetlamps and moonlight filtering through the library windows. Her gaze was heavy with lust, or at least that's how it looked to Kendall; the raven-haired girl's lips were so close to her own that she could almost feel their softness.
"Because if I'm yours... you have to be mine."
Alex pulled away without kissing her. Maybe she felt guilty for what she had just said. She had been so impulsive! It wasn't right to impose herself like that, but... she was just so jealous of Derek. She wanted to tell everyone to stay away from Kendall, but that would be selfish, and she didn't have the right to complain.
"Alex... do you like me?"
Alex had her back turned; she didn't have the courage to look her in the face. "Yes... I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, and I know it's wrong... but I can't deny it."
At one point, she felt Kendall's delicate, cold hands brush against hers, and she was forced to turn back toward the woman she had hurt so deeply in the past.
"Alex, I want you to be honest with me. Are you sure it isn't just your guilt making you feel this way?"
"It's not that... but I guess it's the right price to pay for what I've done. I deserve to suffer." Tears began to streak her cheeks. Even though Alex tried to wipe them away with her hand, they kept falling, as if there were no end to them.
"Alex... what you did was wrong, but I've already forgiven you. I never expected you to actually do everything I ordered you to do... to be honest, I felt a little ashamed doing it. It's not like me. Most importantly, I never wanted to hurt you out of revenge. All I had to do was look at your face to know you were genuinely sorry and hurting for what happened three years ago. I won't pretend I wasn't hurt, but in life, you have to move on... now it's time you do the same, and forgive yourself—" Kendall pulled the dark-haired girl into a hug. She never expected the day would come when she would feel affection for the girl who had bullied and belittled her three years ago, but things change over time, and it was clear Alex had changed radically. Now she was humble, kind to everyone, sensitive, extremely vulnerable... maybe she always had been. Growing up, Kendall had learned that sometimes people become 'bad' not because they truly want to be, but because the pain they endure crushes them to the point where they can't find room to breathe. They only survive by lashing out—a release that varies from person to person, sometimes leading victims to find victims of their own.
"I've tried these past few years... I just can't!"
She sobbed against Kendall's chest, finding comfort in her arms. After leaving high school, Alex had realized that a part of her would never escape her past, her complicated life, and the suffering she endured at home. Her victims stained her conscience in red and black; she saw nothing but pain and self-hatred.
"Alex, look at me." Kendall took her face in her hands and gazed into those incredibly fragile blue eyes. She wanted to help her, but there was nothing she could do unless Alex tried to help herself first.
"Don't cry, please. You have to be strong..." She stroked her cheek and lost herself in that deep ocean, wondering if it really was so strange to feel something for the person who had hurt her in the past. The only thing that mattered was that she wasn't doing it anymore. With that thought in mind, she closed the gap between their lips and didn't waste another second. She kissed Alex passionately, tasting the salt of her tears on her own lips. She ran her hands through the raven-haired girl's locks, caressing her scalp, while Alex wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her flush against her.
"I like you too... a lot," Kendall confessed, catching her breath after that magnificent, soul-stirring kiss. In that moment, Alex felt overwhelmed by a joy far greater than her guilt, and she realized that perhaps she could make up for her mistakes after all—by making the girl she had fallen in love with happy.
"Make me yours, Alex..."
"Kendall," the raven-haired girl panted, completely undone by the brunette's sensual tone, wishing they were anywhere else but locked in a library.
"Do you know what your words imply?"
"I know. Don't think I'm that innocent! Do you still picture me as the insecure Kendall you used to know?" she whispered, running a hand down the raven-haired girl's chest and gazing at her body with desire. Her fingers stopped at Alex's belt, grabbing it to pull their bodies flush together once more.
Alex swallowed hard, aroused.
Since when had Kendall become so irresistible?