I know what I was doing with Chidi is abomination. Am no longer a child have my own decision to make, I ask myself what I am doing with a married man ? One mind will say he is your first love weather married or not, another will say it is evil. I ask myself simple question, what if he is your husband and he is cheating with another girl how do you feel? My mind said I will divorce him. It helps me to see my faults, I made up my mind to let him go for real. I called him at first it was not easy but I maintain my stand that I want to break up with him. He thought I was joking or playing prank on him, I wasn't and he understoods that will time. After that I reshape my mind set, I see life the way it is. Finding a part of me is that is lost is my priority now. I started looking for a job with my certificate which I forgot I have because chidi placed me on monthly salary to cover my expenses and that of my daughter. At the same time I was looking for a store where I can start small business. I couldn't find a job, my brother introduced me to agent company, he gave me money to register for the position I was interested, which I need.
I received a call for them there is a secretary position which is available, I have no option since I need money to survive. I started working there. At first my boss nice, he buy lunch for two but the closing time was not the as situated in the appointment letter. I did not quit I accepted the job because I want to be busy with life. One day at home I received a call from unknown number introducing himself as my very good childhood friend ,the way he spoke to me was gentle and calm. After much emphasis I remember him. He was my childhood crush. He has been crushing on me, every since we were a child. He is now man. He said , I still want you to be mine, I laugh , he said I know you will laugh. The person that gave me your number have told me everything that happen to you and that I have a daughter now. I was shocked and surprise again he said I will take her as my first child. I started crying. I said to him help me find my part, am lost, I got all emotional, he kept quite. After taking to him I feel better like recharged his words were confronting. We are not in the same country. The only thing that connects us is phone but I enjoyed it . We started chatting, calling each other, I was happy again, the truth I was not forcing things like my other relationships. He knows my values he respects me . When he missed my call without asking, he will explain why.
I started developing something I can't place my hand on. My mind will always tell me he is the one for me, but Something I stop responding to him because of my past. Is really here for me or is he here to test my vaginal and go when he comes back? Have I found my missing rib. Time is no longer on my side. I ask myself should I gamble with my life again, what will be the outcome of this friendship? Will life happen to me again? can he heal this time? That was my questions.