The angels had been laughing for twelve minutes.
Not dignified laughter.
Not the restrained celestial kind expected from beings responsible for the maintenance of mortal existence.
The other kind.
The kind where someone leans against a wall because their legs stop working.
The kind where someone tries to speak and only manages—
"—PFFFT—!"
One angel wiped tears from her eyes.
"I can't— I can't— look at the jaw again!"
Another angel grabbed the pamphlet.
Looked at the illustration.
"…PHAHAHAHAHA—!"
Someone slid down the wall.
"THE HAIR!"
"I KNOW!"
"THE HEIGHT!"
"I KNOW!"
A third angel tried to read the headline again.
"The Immortal Swordsman of Divine Origin—"
She got halfway through.
Then immediately folded over laughing.
"—HAHAHAHA—!"
The illustration showed a man roughly eight feet tall.
Silver hair flowing like moonlight.
A jaw sculpted from divine marble.
Eyes filled with calm celestial authority.
A blazing sword raised heroically toward the heavens.
A legendary warrior.
A divine herald.
Meanwhile—
On Veyra's screen—
Kael was asleep with his mouth open.
One arm hanging off the bed.
Rai sitting on his chest staring at the ceiling.
Veyra looked at the illustration.
Then at Kael.
Then back at the illustration.
Her expression twitched.
Not a laugh.
But dangerously close.
The angels nearest to her noticed and immediately found something very urgent to do somewhere else.
Veyra leaned forward slightly.
You have absolutely no idea what is about to happen to you this morning, she thought.
She folded her hands.
She was absolutely going to watch this.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Pause.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
I opened one eye.
Rai was sitting on my chest.
We stared at each other.
"Krrt."
Translation: someone is outside and they are ruining our morning.
"Five more minutes," I muttered.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Fine!"
I rolled out of bed and opened the door.
Rael stood in the hallway.
Fully dressed.
Arms crossed.
Holding a newspaper.
Her face was completely neutral.
Too neutral.
Dangerously neutral.
"Good morning," I said carefully.
She held up the paper.
"Read."
I looked at the illustration.
I looked again.
Then slowly looked back at her.
"…Is that supposed to be me?"
"Keep reading," Rael said.
Her mouth twitched.
She killed the twitch immediately.
The four of us sat around the common room table.
The newspaper sat in the middle like evidence.
Rai sat beside me staring at the illustration.
Head tilted.
Comparing.
Judging.
"Krrrt."
"Don't start," I warned.
Senna adjusted her glasses and began reading.
"The Immortal Blade. Witnesses describe a divine swordsman who cannot die and whose presence inspires fear and reverence—"
She stopped.
Her hand went to her mouth.
"…Continue," I said slowly.
She tried again.
"Witnesses describe the Immortal as tall—"
"How tall."
Senna checked the paper.
"…Approximately eight feet."
"—WHAT?!"
Rael's shoulders shook.
She turned away immediately.
"I AM NOT EIGHT FEET TALL!"
"That is correct," Senna said calmly.
"I am a normal height!"
"Remarkably normal," Rael added.
"Stop helping!"
Senna continued reading.
"With hair the color of moonlight—"
Rael looked at my hair.
Then at the illustration.
Then back at my hair.
"…PFFFT—!"
She turned around immediately.
Her shoulders shaking violently.
"My hair is not moonlight!"
"No," Senna said.
"It is aggressively ordinary."
"AGGRESSIVELY?!"
Senna cleared her throat.
"With features of divine symmetry and a jaw described as—"
She stopped.
Her hand covered her mouth.
"What."
Rael leaned forward.
"What does it say about the jaw?"
Senna pointed.
Rael read.
Silence.
Then—
"—HAHA—!"
Rael slammed her fist on the table.
"The jaw!"
"What about my jaw?!"
She pointed at the illustration.
"Apparently it can cut stone."
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!"
Mira had been staring at her tea.
Very carefully.
Too carefully.
"Mira."
She shook her head.
"Mira."
Her shoulders trembled.
"In fairness," she said calmly, "sixteen witnesses agreed."
"Sixteen idiots!"
"Possibly."
Rai leaned closer to the illustration.
Then looked at me.
Then looked back.
"Krrrt."
"YOU TOO?!"
Senna turned the page.
"There is a section about the sword."
Finally.
Good.
She read.
"The blade carried by the Immortal glows with divine fire and was forged through sacred covenant between the swordsman and the heavens—"
"It was in a pig pen," I said.
The room froze.
"…What," Senna said.
"The sword."
"Yes."
"It was in a pig pen."
Rael leaned back slowly.
"…Sacred covenant with livestock."
"I woke up in mud," I said. "There was a sword. I picked it up."
Mira whispered into her tea,
"Divine pig alliance."
Senna collapsed onto the table.
"PFFFT—!"
Rael turned to the wall.
Her shoulders shaking.
Mira tried to hold it.
She really tried.
Three seconds later—
"—HAHA—!"
She covered her mouth immediately.
But the laugh escaped.
I folded the newspaper and shoved it into my vest.
"I'm keeping this."
"Obviously," Rael said.
"When you become famous," Senna added, wiping tears, "this will be historical evidence."
"I am NOT becoming famous."
"The newspaper disagrees."
"The newspaper thinks I'm eight feet tall!"
Mira sipped her tea calmly.
"The newspaper also believes you have divine pig contracts."
Senna collapsed again.
"HAHA—!"
Rai leaned closer to the illustration again.
Then looked at me.
Then back at the picture.
"Krrrt."
"Stop judging my jaw!"
Three streets away a church administrative clerk named Porvus read the same article carefully.
He opened a drawer labeled:
ANOMALOUS PERSONS — OBSERVATION PENDING
He wrote:
Unknown adventurer.
Resurrection confirmed by witnesses.
Sword signature unknown.
He added one final note.
Monitor closely.
The file slid into the drawer.
The drawer closed.
Porvus continued eating his bread.
Meanwhile I sat in the common room with a ridiculous newspaper in my pocket.
Three companions who had just laughed harder than I had ever seen.
And a dragon that had judged my jaw and found it disappointing.
Somewhere in Breth—
A file had been opened.
I had no idea.
Above the city—
Veyra watched everything.
Her shoulders trembled once.
Just once.
She pressed her lips together.
You have absolutely no idea, she thought.
You really don't.