A hard day of fucking slaving away at the factory awaits me,
But maybe I'll still grab a comrade's dick instead.
I'm riding the bus, looking around. What a beautiful country.
Seeing a poster that reads: "In times of need, give your ass to a comrade."
While getting off the bus, my penis is pinching again,
I admit that at the factory, no one has a bigger tool.
Entering the factory, envious stares befall me
I know everyone is sizing up the scale of my giant.
Walking up to the machine, I feel a touch on my shoulder.
Looking over the shoulder, there is a guy with a mustache saying something about semen.
He takes me to the toilet and unzips my fly,
I think to myself that this mustache reminds me of someone.
I couldn't get a close look because he already started polishing my dome,
Honestly, I even liked the view.
He says, "You have the biggest penis in the Soviet Union,
Even bigger than a certain Greek philosopher."
I still can't believe what a fool I was back then;
With semen on his mustache, he said, "See you soon."
I am a victim of the communist state,
Because I have the biggest dick around here.
In the factory, I met production quotas for Stalin,
And now he's plugging me from behind.
Just at the sight of a mustache I tremble,
I am being raped by the NKVD.
The next day, I hear a knock on the door,
I know right away they want my blood.
I won't give in, so I jump out the window,
They expected it, and I land right on a militiaman's pole.
They grab me by the hand and say, "You're coming with us,"
Once again, I am treated to beatings with meat batons.
I lose consciousness and wake up in Stalin's office,
I laugh that his penis is as small as a vagina.
He gets pissed off and slams his fist on the desk,
As punishment, I am raped with a metal pipe.
He says that it was him giving me a blowjob in the factory yesterday,
And he's almost sorry to send me to the camp.
"Everyone must be equal in the Soviet Union,
Everyone must have a micro-penis and wear skirts."
For being a misfit, he brings charges against me,
Rapes me again, and sends me to Vorkuta.
I am a victim of the communist state,
Because I have the biggest dick around here.
In the factory, I met production quotas for Stalin,
And now he's plugging me from behind.
Just at the sight of a mustache I tremble,
I am being raped by the NKVD.
In the Gulag, I was destroyed as a man,
For a week, I didn't introduce male feces into my system.
They forbid us from fucking and jerking off,
My God, what an agony.
All the prisoners have gigantic dicks,
I wish I could get out to freedom and feel up beautiful ass-cheeks.
I look at the fence, and a plan is born in my head,
While a man secretly gives me a blowjob in a thunderbox.
I gather everyone, and we slip away at night,
We go to the fence and use our cocks as shovels.
I look at the others, their dicks can barely stand,
In a moment dawn will rise, everyone is afraid.
Fortunately, I saved something for a rainy day,
I hand out Viagra and male spit to everyone.
The guards spotted us, everyone panics,
They run towards us, shouting that they will castrate us.
We made it to the other side, only one guy was left.
With tears in my eyes, I scream, "Dig, you faggot!"
He says he can't because he snagged his wiener on the fence,
I look in horror—in his hands, he is holding a baby.
At the last second, I grab the baby, my heart breaks,
Before my eyes, his tool is sliced off.
I look at the infant, whose father no longer has a birdie,
I decided that I will name him Biritch.