This is my first time behind the wheel. The distant cabin on the Longfield estate is waiting for us.
I climbed into that red convertible with the black hood. The interior looks like it was ripped straight out of a spaceship—pure luxury. I'm terrified. Killian explains the basics, and when the engine roars to life, it's a controlled but powerful growl, like the car itself is warning me: "Careful, I'm a rocket on wheels." I manage to pull it out of the garage, slow but steady, and smile like I just won the lottery. But the second I'm on the road and gently press the accelerator, the beast slams me back into the seat like a fighter jet. I panic and let go of everything except the steering wheel until it stops. I look at Killian and blurt out,
"I'm scared I'll ruin it. You should drive. What kind of car is this?"
He refuses, laughing.
"Keep going, don't worry. You're just learning to drive in a Rolls-Royce La Rose Noire Droptail—twelve cylinders, 600 horsepower."
I glance at him sideways.
"How much does this thing cost?"
"Thirty-two million dollars. Come on, drive…"
I unbuckle my seatbelt, ready to jump out.
"You're insane! What if I crash it or scratch the paint? Oh my God, if I break anything, I'll die."
He stops me, clearly not understanding why I'm so freaked out, and says,
"Relax, little one. I have two."
Little by little, as we drive along the road bordering the lake, the fear fades and I start to enjoy it. I drive that beautiful machine while Killian keeps his hand on my thigh, laughing tenderly every time I press the gas a little harder and scream at the same time.
The road disappears deep into the trees, so far that I genuinely think: How can someone own a property that never seems to end? And the cabin… well, it's pure Longfield. It looks like a Swiss postcard. Someone has kept the exterior in pretty good shape, but the windows are covered in dirt and it's obvious no one has been inside for years.
Killian flips some switches and all the lights come on. He uses a key and pushes open the heavy doors. We both smile. There's only a thin layer of dust, but it can't hide how luxurious and untouched the furniture is.
He goes down some stairs and shouts,
"I knew it! I knew Dad would have a wine cellar."
He comes back up with a bottle of wine.
I pull a notebook out of my backpack. The outdoor lights are strong, so I start my survey from the outside in. An hour later, I have everything I need. Meanwhile, Killian checks some cabinets and finds an old portrait. Excited, he calls me over, saying,
"Carmilla, look. This is us when I was a kid. That's Diana, my mom."
In the photo, everything becomes clearer to me. She looks like a queen, laughing naturally. Killian has her eyes and the same hair color. Mr. Longfield and his sons look so happy just staring at her. I understand immediately—they all orbit around her like she's their gravity.
He puts the photo away carefully and says,
"Before she died, we didn't live locked up behind contracts and extreme security all the time. Mom loved taking us to our buildings in the biggest capitals in the world for weeks. She'd stand on the balconies, watching people come and go down below, and tell us, 'Every single one of them has a motivation in life. If you discover what it is and help them achieve it, they'll be loyal to you forever.'"
"What's yours, Carmilla? What's your motivation?"
"I don't know," I answer. "I really don't. But I can't shake this feeling that follows me everywhere, telling me not to get too comfortable because something terrible is about to happen. And life keeps proving me right. So, the closest thing to a motivation I have is building a safe, permanent place. Not just a house—a real home. A group of friends, or a partner who loves me. Somewhere I can return to when I have no energy left, where I can laugh and forget how cruel the world is and how time eventually puts us all in a wooden box."
He pours me some wine and gently places his hand on the back of my neck. I kiss him and ask,
"What's yours? Come on, tell me."
He takes a deep breath and answers,
"I always thought it was being better than my father, surpassing him in everything. I thought my brother wouldn't be competition and that this empire would eventually be mine. I wouldn't have to take orders from anyone. But a while ago, I realized all of this has consumed him. He's just a sick man trapped by his responsibilities. So today, at least, I can say my biggest motivation is to escape his shadow as far as possible… even though I can't. I still force myself not to fail him."
I take his hand and say,
"Now that I know your motivation, if I help you achieve it, if I help you escape the destiny your father planned for you… then you'll be loyal to me forever… just like your mother said."
He replies,
"Yeah. Right now, I think you're the only one who can help me, because that destiny is catching up to me this year… There's no easy way to say this. Remember when my father said during the ritual that we'd have a wedding at the mansion… maybe even two?"
"Yeah, Sarah and Lucius. The wedding your father wants so badly. I assumed that's what he meant… Wait, is your father getting married too?"
Killian holds my gaze for a long moment. I bury my face in my hands and groan,
"You've got to be fucking kidding me."
He shakes his head and adds,
"She's the daughter of one of my father's rivals. Her name is Annia. She's twenty-four, and I've never even met her in person. That doesn't matter in these kinds of arrangements. If you thought these practices died with kings in the past… surprise. The wedding my father was talking about is mine. It's set for this summer. He's hoping Lucius and Sarah will get married too, but that's not fully settled yet. As for me… I have no way out."
Without even daring to look at him, I say,
"I guess you can't just go to your father and say, 'No, I'm never doing it. Leave me alone.'"
He laughs.
"I could tell him a thousand times. I could even refuse to get married. But I know how these deals work. If I don't marry Annia, everything collapses in a few months. He's ordering me, but deep down he's also begging me. He doesn't see any other way to stay on top of the world except by making this alliance with his enemy. At least Annia's family builds aircraft carriers and other war toys, so I'll get to play with one."
I hit him with a pillow for joking at a moment like this. He starts tickling me and manages to pull several laughs out of me.
But the second he stops, I think about what Killian's mother said. If I can help him achieve his motivation, maybe I can become his safe place, his happiness. And I only know one way to do that… by showing him there's another possible world—one where love is the rule.
I straddle his lap and give him a deep kiss. Damn. It's like I've burned him with a torch. He stands up, lifting me in his arms, and carries me to the bed.
No, bestie. I'm not letting him do it, even if I'm dying inside. And it's not because of this Annia thing—he doesn't even know her. Well… maybe I am a little hurt. Wouldn't you be? Why does everything have to be so complicated?
I make it very clear from the start, even while he's undressing me, biting my breasts, and I can barely speak:
"No. Just kisses. Just touching. I'm not going to be the mistress of a married man… First, we're going to deal with this whole Annia thing…"
I say her name in a childish voice that makes him laugh… and here I am, completely naked in front of him as he lifts me with one arm and flips me over…
He gets behind me and I feel him there, waiting, watching for the smallest sign—like me lifting my hips just a little—so he can slide inside. I bite my lip, but I can't help it. I arch my back slightly, and my mouth falls open, letting out moan after moan. I want him so badly, but I turn around before he can enter. No, no, no. Just looking at him is enough to make me come.
It's a night of pure exploration—his mouth, my mouth, over and over. My virginity is still intact by sunrise… but I know I won't be able to resist another night like this. I need to think.
I need to find a way to make sure I don't become his mistress—a sad woman who loves him at night and watches him leave in the morning to have breakfast with his wife and kids.
Killian drives us back to the mansion. As we arrive, I spot Lucius's silhouette in one of the fourth-floor windows… watching us. That's when I remember I never read his messages.
There are two from him.
I open the first one: "We need to talk. I dreamed about you."
The second one… Oh God. The second one says…
"Another dream. The exact same one. We need to talk. In my dream, I was drinking coffee in bed. You were next to me, reading a book… pregnant. We were so happy. Tonight I'm coming to see you. Don't lock your door."