Clarke woke up in his bed the next morning, his eyes were red from crying. He cried the whole night and only slept when it was almost dawn. He glanced at Kate dozing off on a chair beside him, he was so ashamed of himself- his tears, his shaking and the moment he clung to her like a scared child.
'I can't believe I cried', he thought to himself, hissing in self-contempt.
His thoughts spiraled back to the memory of his parents, the last image of them still fresh in his head. He couldn't believe those men ended their lives over nothing but mere papers. A sudden realization hit him as he was deep in thought, the "parts" those men were talking about were his mum's finger and his dad's ear.
'They took it as a trophy!' He exclaimed in his mind.
He clenched his fists in anger and agony, rage building up inside him. He would never stop until he gets his revenge on them, they will pay for everything. He wasn't going to betray the rage and fury that has brought him that far. He swore on his parents life.
But first he had to get rid of his fears.
He whispered to himself "Fear is a guest. Rage is the landlord.
Kate jolted awake and saw Clarke staring outside the window, his eyes were swollen from all that crying. She didn't know why he cried, she never imagined that he would cry because he always had that blank nonchalant expression on his face. She felt pity for him, he was really young and he didn't even know who he is nor who his parents were. He must've cried out of fear, but the fact that he cried meant that he felt something. He wasn't entirely emotionless.
She knew he would feel ashamed so she didn't try to ask him about it. She just behaved like she normally would.
"Are you okay Lomi?," she asked.
"Yes," Clarke answered nonchalantly. It seemed that he was back to his original state. That's good, Kate thought to herself.
"When you're ready to take your bathe, come outside. I'll be at the reception desk."
"You aren't asking me any questions?" Clarke cut her off. She wasn't the type to just go about her day like nothing happened.
"I'm not going to. I don't know why you cried, and I don't want to know," she stated and crouched down to meet him face to face.
"For whatever reason you cried, it just shows that you care and are willing to face it. Do you know that crying relieves you of pain?"
"No I don't," Clarke answered, his eyes locked onto her.
Kate chuckled, her voice soft but steady. "It does, Lomi. It's your strength, not your weakness. I won't question you–I just want you to be strong."
Clarke looked away, diverting his gaze outside the window. She was right. If he hadn't cried he'd still be blind to his own fear. He would have kept formulating his plan only to be met with anxiety the moment he stood before his enemies. Those tears made him realize that he had to be strong and he had to be fearless before his revenge starts.
Clarke got dressed and moved to the common room again. It was the morning routine for all patients in the hospital. The patient that called him psycho when he was trying to scare the dementia patient shouted out mockingly when he entered, "the little psycho cried last night, huh?" News spread fast in this hospital. One wouldn't think that they are mentally challenged with how fast they gossip.
Clarke didn't react, he walked past her and suddenly stopped in his tracks.
"I can still do what I wanted to do yesterday," he stated loud enough for her to hear, he then turned to her and whispered coldly, "But I wouldn't be helping, I'd be sending you to your maker."
The patient shook in fear, her face paler than a ghost. She hurriedly walked away from him her feet almost touching her waist.
Clarke felt something special at that moment– not anger, not fear but power. This was his first deliberate use of psychological intimidation since he got here. He smiled to himself, celebrating his little victory, but his celebration was interrupted midway by Clara.
"Hey there, Lomi." Clara said familiarly and honestly Clarke felt drawn to her the most in the hospital. He didn't understand why he did, he just did.
"Hi, Nurse Clara." He answered her politely.
Clara froze in shock for a moment, after which a bright smile appeared on her face. Kate and Alan had complained to her about him, Kate especially. She said he was slightly rude and didn't care about anyone or how his words would sound to them. She couldn't count the amount of times the old lady's feelings had been hurt by Clarke.
"I'd like you to meet a friend. You should be age mates."
"Him? That looks like a girl though," Clarke answered stretching his neck to get a glimpse of the boy hiding behind her.
A little boy was standing behind her, his head facing down. He was the same age as Clarke, except his features were delicate than his. One wouldn't know that he was a boy if they weren't told. His hair was overgrown coverings half of his face leaving only his lips and nose visible.
Clara chuckled, everyone in the hospital thinks he's a girl with his long hair, fragile body and shy appearance, she couldn't count the amount of time she had corrected even the staff about his gender.
"Yes, Him. His name is Lana."
"Lana? That sounds weird," Clarke said in disbelief.
Clara shrugged her shoulders, her expression indicating that she also found it weird that a boy was named Lana.
"Well, he's been here for awhile. No one around his age has been admitted since he got here, but now that you're here, I figured you guys could be friends."
Clarke wasn't in the mood to make friends, this wasn't the time for that but he couldn't bring himself to turn Clara down. If it were Kate or any other person, he'd have gotten to his room without listening to anything they say.
"Hi, Lana," he greeted the boy forcefully, conscious of Clara's presence.
The boy responded with silence and for the first time, Clarke felt what Kate and the doctor felt when he didn't respond to their questions.
"I don't think he's ready to be friends, nurse Clara."
"Which is why I'll leave you two to talk,"
Clarke's eyes widened and the quiet boy moved for the first time. Clara pulled Lana out from behind her and left hurriedly, not giving them the chance to say no. As soon as Clara left, Clarke dropped the act. He stared boringly at the boy for a few minutes before turning to leave. As he made a move to leave, the boy said out loud,
"I know you."
Clarke stopped and turned to him, his brain searching for reasons why a boy staying in a psychiatric hospital would know him. Lana then continued,
"You stood in front of the hospital last week, you stared at me for awhile before a woman called out to you."
"So?" Clarke asked abruptly.
"Uh?" Lana was taken aback by the question.
"You saw me outside the hospital, does that mean you know who I am?, do you know my name?, do you know the woman you said called out to me? Clarke asked in annoyance not expecting an answer. "You don't know anything so don't go around claiming you know me."
"Sorry. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you angry."
Lana was on the verge of tears, not from fear but from embarrassment. He only wanted to find a way to get close to him not make him angry. He thought that would create a sense of familiarity between them, but he was wrong.
Clarke didn't feel sorry, even though he knew how the boy must've felt. He left the common room, heading straight for his ward. He remembered Lana, he was one of the reasons he chose Edenvale as his hiding spot but at the moment, there was nothing he could benefit from friendship. That would only ruin his plan.
•••
The doctor called Clarke in for his next session, he observed him as he walked in. He noticed a shift in Clarke, he was composed, more calm and less dramatic.
"You cried last night?" Alan probed, trying to get a reaction from him.
"Are you asking because you don't know?" Clarke shot right back at him, hinting that although he cried, nothing changed in him.
Alan smiled at him. He didn't know what else to say to him, and as a doctor he had to maintain his composure in his patients presence at all times. He couldn't deny the fact that Clarke was giving him a though time.
He's though, he thought to himself, contemplating on the questions he should ask him.
"I'm assuming you wouldn't tell me why you cried?" Alan asked him half expecting him to talk about it.
Clarke nodded his head in affirmation, there's no way he would tell anyone that he cried out of fear. He would never.
"That's okay. It means you feel something, you aren't entirely heartless."
Clarke smirked. "It's irrelevant."
"What is?"
"The tears? They're irrelevant to me. I cried… and so what? Clarke moved closer to the doctor, his eyes fixated on him. "I have to do what everyone does to fit in."
"What everyone does? What does everyone do? Crying?" Alan asked confusingly.
Clarke didn't say anything else, he simply stared at the doctor's notepad curiously, his hands fiddling with the book cover. Since his last session, he had decided to make a point of leaving him unsatisfied . He wouldn't answer every question Alan asked him, that way the doctor could see that he had a problem.
Alan gently took his notepad and began to write furiously. He was clearly itching to question Clarke further, but he knew the boy would keep giving incomplete answers so he didn't continue. He scribbled on the paper for a few minutes, then he dropped his pen and closed the book.
"You can go now, Lomi," he stated.
Clarke stood up to leave, pushing the chair backwards to make room as he headed for the door. Just as he reached for the handle, Alan called out to him, suddenly remembering something.
"Ah Lomi, that reminds me. The therapist will be here this afternoon. You'll be talking to him. Okay?"
"Him? You said 'her' the last time."
"Oh, she isn't working here anymore. This is a new person."
"Okay."
Clarke nodded, turning the door handle. He made his way out of the room and headed toward his ward. A single question kept playing in his mind: How could he turn the doctor into an unwitting asset in his plan?
Back in his office, Alan called Kate in, he wanted to ask about Clarke and also to discuss something with her. Kate came into the office looking visibly worn out.
"You know you can always rest, Kate," Alan said to her as soon as he saw her face.
"We're short staffed as it is. I can't afford that right now," Kate retorted.
"You're not getting younger Kate. The other staffs are much younger than you are," Alan said, handing her a cup of coffee. "Besides, they wouldn't complain if you leave the work to them.
"Alan, I am fine, you don't need to worry."
Alan looked at her worryingly and heaved a sigh. He held her shoulders, leading her to a couch in his office.
As they sat down, Alan asked about Clarke. He really wanted to know why he cried, but Kate didn't have an idea either so he just left it.
"Emma won't be coming anymore." He told Kate. Emma was the hospital's therapist. She usually came twice a week for counseling and mental health diagnosis. She didn't stay in Bel-Air so she couldn't be in the hospital everyday.
"Really? Why?"
"She's relocating to Thailand."
"Thailand all of a sudden? That's strange."
"She recommended someone so I hired him. He'll be here today for counseling."
"That's fast."
"I know right. He insisted on starting today," he handed her a file that contained the therapist details. Kate scanned through the documents, nodding impressively at what she saw.
"He seems okay," she stated as she dropped the file on a table in front of them.
"Yeah, his qualifications are impressive. I wonder why he chose to work here."
Kate chuckled "Alan, the pay's high you know that."
Alan chuckled back, the pay here is really high so anyone would want to work here not minding the way the hospital looks.
"Anyways, I'll leave him to you. Lomi is the first patient he'll talk to."
"Okay."
•••
Clarke was on his way to the therapist, he already hated having to walk to the doctor's office, now a therapist? How nice that is. He annoyingly stomped to the office, each of his footsteps resounding loudly as he walked. He finally got there. He paused at the door, put on his usual facial facade, and opened the door. He saw the therapist head buried in a book, as he stepped in. The therapist raised his head up and grinned widely at him. He stood up and walked over to him, closing the distance between them. His eyes locked onto Clarke with an unsettling familiarity. The grin suddenly vanished, leaving his face cold and unreadable and he said.
"Hi, Clarke Hawkins."