Chapter 9: Oh! I Get It! If an Appliance Breaks, Just Whack It With a Baseball Bat!
Stelle and Caelus charged forward, their baseball bats raised high. They howled like a pair of feral raccoons unleashed upon a buffet, swinging with reckless abandon. Crack! Smash! With every wild swing, the grotesque armor of a Void Ranger shattered into pixelated dust.
Curiosity getting the better of him, Leon decided to join the fun. He picked up a spare bat, casually sauntered up to a pair of advancing Void Rangers, and swung. Bang. Bang. Two terrifying monsters of the Antimatter Legion instantly disintegrated into nothingness.
'Tsk...'Leon weighed the aluminum bat in his palm, spinning it lazily.'The balance is completely off. The feedback is just average.'
He sighed, shaking his head. He really wasn't suited for this kind of sweaty, unrefined manual labor. This sort of mindless, adrenaline-fueled charging into battle was best left to the energetic youngsters of the Astral Express.
Without another word, Leon silently stowed the bat away. He leaned against a nearby metallic bulkhead, crossing his arms and waiting leisurely for March 7th and his two newly adopted 'children' to finish clearing the hallway.
"Wow, appearances really are deceiving. You guys are totally used to fighting!" March 7th blinked, her pink eyes wide with surprise as she looked between Stelle and Caelus.
Despite the fact that these two constantly wore expressions of perpetual, dazed confusion, their combat instincts were razor-sharp. Every dodge was precise, every counterattack brutal. Their raw physical strength was genuinely impressive.
"As for you," she pivoted on her heel, pointing a curious finger at Leon. "How come you stopped after only two hits?"
She had been keeping a close, secret eye on the trio the entire time, her bow drawn and ready to provide covering fire at a moment's notice. After all, she—the brilliant and heroic March 7th—was incredibly reliable! Naturally, her keen gaze hadn't missed the way Leon effortlessly obliterated two Void Rangers before casually clocking out of the fight.
"Well," Leon offered a perfectly innocent, self-deprecating smile, waving his hand dismissively. "To be completely honest with you, I'm just a humble clerical worker. My martial prowess is pitifully low, and I have absolutely zero talent for fighting."
"It's okay, Dad! I'll protect you!" Stelle immediately dropped her bat and patted her chest, her golden eyes shining with absolute, deadpan seriousness.
"Me too," Caelus chimed in without missing a beat, nodding solemnly as he stood shoulder-to-shoulder with his fellow amnesiac.
"Wait, hold on, that's not right!" March 7th slapped a hand over her face, groaning in exasperation. "Don't you both know he's definitely not your dad? Why do you keep calling him that?!"
"To each their own. It is merely a title. The details are not important," Stelle and Caelus replied in perfect, eerie unison. They sounded completely justified, as if stating a universal law of physics.
"Fine... I really find it hard to imagine what goes on inside those heads of yours." March 7th dropped her hand, utterly speechless.
She turned around, leading the group down the sleek, neon-lit corridor. "In a bit, we'll take that central elevator straight down to the Master Control Zone. Are any of you familiar with the layout?"
She glanced back over her shoulder, her gaze sweeping over their odd attire. "Speaking of which, none of you are wearing Herta Space Station uniforms. Are you absolutely sure you're from here?"
"Like I said earlier, I'm just a passing visitor. I'm certainly no Space Station specialist," Leon replied, shaking his head with a gentle, denying smile.
"No idea!" Stelle and Caelus answered together, their voices ringing with absolute, unshakeable confidence.
"Right... I totally forgot about the whole amnesia thing." March 7th slapped her forehead again. "Never mind! I won't ask any more complicated questions!"
She let out a long sigh, but her natural optimism quickly bubbled back to the surface. Her face broke into a bright, infectious smile that could rival a sunburst. "Come on, let's go! I'll get you all back to safety!"
That brilliant, energetic smile possessed a strange sort of magic. Even Leon found himself unconsciously affected, the corners of his lips curling into a genuinely pleasant arc. The gloomy atmosphere of the invaded station faded away.
Feeling thoroughly entertained, Leon's stride grew light. He even added a slight, rhythmic skip to his step as he walked.
Seeing their 'father' move in such a manner, Stelle and Caelus exchanged a glance. As if grasping some deep, universal truth of human locomotion, they immediately followed suit, syncing their movements to match Leon's bouncy skipping.
The bright smile on March 7th's face froze instantly. Her right eye twitched. Then the corner of her mouth twitched.
'Actually, you can all just walk normally!'she screamed internally, watching the trio skip down the futuristic hallway like a family of deranged kangaroos.'Dan Heng has been away from the team for exactly ten minutes... I miss him so much.'
The skipping procession finally came to a halt when the group arrived at the central elevator controls. March 7th pressed the glowing holographic panel, but the interface flashed a dull red. Her shoulders immediately slumped.
"Ah! I knew it..."
"What seems to be the problem?" Leon asked, leaning over to inspect the console.
"The elevator is broken. The call buttons aren't responding at all."
March let out a heavy, dramatic sigh. "If only the all-powerful Mr. Dan Heng were here. He knows all sorts of strange, obscure things. Maybe he'd even know how to bypass a broken elevator."
"I do not know how to do that."
A calm, cool voice suddenly drifted from the shadows behind them.
March 7th jumped nearly a foot in the air, spinning around with a startled yelp.
"Whoa! Dan Heng?!" She clutched her chest, her heart hammering. "How did you get here? How are you faster than us?!"
Dan Heng stepped into the light, his spear resting casually by his side. "I took an alternate route. I circled around from the upper level and happened to spot your group from the security monitoring room."
He paused, his gaze sweeping over Leon, Stelle, and Caelus before returning to March. "Arlan is also in the monitoring room. He sustained some injuries during the initial attack, but it is nothing life-threatening."
"Ah, you found him! That's great news!" March's eyes lit up. "Wait, does Arlan know what's wrong with this elevator?"
Just as the words left her mouth, a deafening metallic CLANG echoed through the corridor.
"Hey! What are you doing?!"
March 7th whipped around. Leon was standing casually in front of the holographic console, a baseball bat gripped firmly in his hands. He had just delivered a ruthless, overhead swing straight into the delicate elevator control device.
CLANG! He hit it again for good measure.
"Just trying to see if I can fix it," Leon replied, his tone implying this was the most natural, logical course of action in the universe. "In the past, whenever my home appliances broke down, a couple of solid whacks usually knocked the gears back into place."
"Are you crazy?! How could that possibly work on a highly advanced space station—"
Before March 7th could finish her frantic scolding, a low, mechanical hum vibrated through the floorboards. The dull red holographic interface suddenly flashed a brilliant, healthy blue. The heavy steel doors of the elevator slid open with a smooth hiss.
March 7th stared in stunned silence.
Dan Heng blinked slowly, his stoic expression cracking just a fraction.
"Oh! I get it!" Stelle slapped her hands together, a look of deep enlightenment washing over her face. "If any appliance breaks in the future, we just need to give it a brutal whack with a baseball bat!"
Caelus materialized a small notebook and a pen from thin air, nodding solemnly as he began to furiously scribble down this very useful life lesson.
"Exactly. Good kids. Write it down, memorize it," Leon praised, nodding with deep, paternal satisfaction.
March 7th's jaw practically hit the floor.
Dan Heng pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on.
"Don't just write down random garbage!" March 7th finally exploded, waving her arms frantically. She pointed an accusing finger at Leon. "And you! Stop teaching them random, destructive garbage!"
This maintenance method was completely, utterly ridiculous!
Despite the sheer absurdity of the situation, the elevator was indeed fully operational. However, March 7th and Dan Heng quickly agreed that they couldn't just leave yet. They needed to retrieve Arlan from the monitoring room and bring him along for the evacuation.
A few minutes later, a battered but relieved Arlan limped alongside them back to the central corridor. But when his eyes landed on the open, glowing elevator doors, he froze in his tracks, utterly stunned.
"Wait... after the initial evacuation was completed, the elevator permissions were supposed to be completely locked down," Arlan muttered, his brow furrowing in confusion. "It was a hard-coded security measure to prevent the Antimatter Legion from bypassing our defenses and attacking the Master Control Zone directly."
He looked at Dan Heng and March. "Did Miss Asta give you the master decryption key?"
Arlan nodded to himself, finding his own logic sound. Since Miss Asta had specifically commissioned the Astral Express Crew to rescue him, it only made sense that she would entrust them with the highest-level security key.
"Ah? This thing needs a key?" March 7th squinted, her face twisting into an expression of pure, unadulterated confusion.
If it required a high-level decryption key, then what the heck was that display just now?! Leon had literally fixed the elevator by smashing it with a piece of sporting equipment!
Could the legendary defense system of the Herta Space Station truly be this incredibly crude?
Dan Heng observed the scene with calculating eyes. 'Do you think there is a possibility,'he thought to himself,'that this Leon person is actually a Masked Fool? He likely used some sort of conceptual Path ability to bypass the lock, all while putting on a theatrical performance of fixing it with a bat.'
Looking at the still dazed and completely oblivious March 7th, Dan Heng felt his left eyelid twitch violently.
He rubbed his temple. Why had his eye been twitching so much lately? According to old Xianzhou superstitions, a twitching left eye meant incoming wealth. Was he about to strike it rich? Or was it just the stress of dealing with these lunatics?
"Huh? Wait, if you don't have the key, how did you open the elevator?" Arlan asked, his bewilderment deepening.
"Just like this. A solid CLANG, and it opened right up," Leon explained calmly, lifting his invisible bat and pantomiming the brutal overhead swing.
Arlan's pupils shrank into tiny dots. His brain completely short-circuited as a series of dumbfounded noises escaped his mouth. "Huh? Huh? Huh?! That... that actually works...?"
"Cough!" March 7th cleared her throat loudly, a sudden flush of embarrassment creeping up her neck. She had just remembered that Asta had, in fact, handed her a physical decryption key before they left. She had completely forgotten about it in the heat of the moment.
"Anyway, since the elevator is already open, let's just head out quickly!" she urged, trying to sweep her blunder under the rug.
"You guys go first." Arlan stopped at the threshold, taking a deep, steadying breath. His expression hardened into one of absolute resolve.
"Without the proper key sequence, the elevator can only be forced open, but it cannot be re-locked. I must stay here to defend this chokepoint. I absolutely cannot give the Antimatter Legion a chance to use this shaft to invade the Master Control Zone."
He offered them an apologetic bow. "You can leave by circling around from the top floor. It will take a bit longer, but I'm sorry to trouble you with the detour."
"Ah? No, it's fine! Actually, I..." March 7th reached into her pocket, fully intending to confess that she held the master key and could easily lock the doors behind them.
But before she could pull it out, a horribly familiar, bone-rattling sound echoed from right behind her.
CLANG!
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