Chapter 13 - Chapter 9: Misplaced in Nostalgia

After a bit of time, I read and drew, which made me feel calm. I completely forgot about what I was even thinking about. All I can remember is this place and Ms.C. Speaking of Ms.C, she was interacting with all of her students, one by one. I'm pretty sure they felt the same as I did. Then, Ms.C came to me, looking at my drawing, and asked, "Is drawing your favorite thing? It seemed like you've been drawing for so long." I nodded at her question and replied, "Yeah! It helps me calm down and lets me put all my imagination into one paper." Ms.C's eye glimmered at my answer, and the bottom corners of her eye seemed to twinkle. I knew by that look that it was a small smile. A genuine and comforting one. "That's a good way to look at drawing, dear," Ms.C admired, "Drawing is not just pencil scribbling. It's the world you create… on paper!" I finished my drawing before I asked Ms.C, "What do you think this drawing might need?" I held out my drawing to Ms.C, and then she answered, "Well… I'm not good at drawing. But you could add a sun in the corner." She giggled as she said that. I nodded and then drew a little sun in the corner. The drawing was a forest with a dirt path. It was almost like it was in the eyes of a hiker in the woods. The sun in the corner didn't really make much of a difference to the drawing, but it doesn't matter, as long as I'm fine with it. "That's much better!" Ms. C said, "And also, it's better if your drawings have… feelings. It can stand out more." Ms.C showed great advice, but… I only feel euphoria right now, nothing else, and that's a good thing… I think. "Okay… Well, I do feel happy," I replied. "Then you can draw something that makes you happy," Ms.C advised before she patted my shoulder, but her touch felt warm, genuine, and comforting, even if it was a shadow. I nodded, and then she walked away. I could draw many things from my happiness, but I just can't choose one. I've already drawn the things that came from my happiness, what next? My… memories? No… all of my memories were from here, right? I drew… I just drew… I don't know what I'm drawing anymore. All the paper ever had was a smiley face. I don't feel like drawing anymore. I had a memory, or maybe imagination, that my parents (I think real…) would always play board games with me. Their faces, I don't know, it feels like their faces were swirled or blurred. I'm losing their faces, aren't I? I folded my arms on the table and placed my head on it. I should rest a bit until recess, I have nothing to do anyway. I was about to fall asleep until I heard a voice. "Hey, Tim? Are you sleeping in the morning?" The voice teased. I recognized that voice. It was Max. "Huh…?" I replied with my head up. I saw Max sitting next to me, shaking my shoulder with his shadowy hand. Max then asked, "You didn't get enough sleep last night, didn't you?" I shook my head to wake myself up. "Yeah, I slept well. I did have a nightmare, though, but I fell back to sleep after," I answered tiredly, "I don't know what the nightmare was like, though…" Max tilted his head and replied, "Nightmares? They're a headache. Every time I get one, I wake up with a headache. What about you? Do you get at least something when you have a nightmare?" I nodded at his question and answered with a bit of melancholy. That melancholy from the nightmare made me feel uneasy. That melancholy from the memories that were either real or f̷͖̉̅̐a̵̖̹͈̩̒͒k̴̭̇̂ę̷̈͝. "Well, I don't get this often, but sometimes I forget some small things," I answered. "Like what?" Max asked. Then, I looked at my bracelet. Tim… I am Tim. That's it, I guess that's all of who I am. I answered, "Well… I'd forget things, but it's super duper rare." Max replied to my answer, "Oh, that's terrible… I can't imagine not remembering the best part of a show and telling it to my friends." It was way more than just forgetting a favorite episode, and it's not super rare; It's all the time, even when I'm not sleeping. Am I even sleeping? I can't remember who I am, I don't know what's real or f̷͖̉̅̐a̵̖̹͈̩̒͒k̴̭̇̂ę̷̈͝, I don't know if my memories were real or just plain play-pretend, I don't know who my real parents. No… Everything here is real, I'm sure of it. I took off my bracelet, and now, looking at it felt uncomfortable. It must have been one of the things that's been in my way of being happy right now. I put the bracelet in my pocket. Right now, I don't want anything in my way that could make me feel anything but euphoria. "I know," I said, "It's so annoying. But, I won't get nightmares anymore, as much as I hope." I lay my head on my folded arms again and continued, "Right now, Max, I just need to relax… hopefully I will wake up just in time for recess…" Max nodded and stood up from the chair. "Alright, I'll leave you alone for a while," Max said. He left the table and went back to his friends. I know that Max won't tell anybody about what I said. It's my business, nobody else's. My eyes slowly closed, and I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes, I was in a hallway. It was dark, the walls were yellow, and the floor had a brown carpet-like texture. I know this was a dream in another dream. It feels like I'm still small, my footsteps are still gentle. I walked down the hallway. Is it the nightmares that make me forget things, or is it because… of myself? The hallway was so silent that my ears were ringing. The hallway walls had pictures. Some of the pictures were the dreams I once explored, and some of them showed the pictures of reality. But the dreams looked much more real than reality. That's because it is, I think… I continued walking until I reached the living room. The living room looked the same from my other dream-dream. I saw myself sitting on a couch with my parents (I think…) watching a movie, laughing. A bullet of both jealousy and melancholy went into my heart. My heart ached, and I felt like crying. Why am I jealous of myself? Am I jealous of my memories (or imaginations…)? My parents' faces were swirled, hard to recognize, and didn't feel real. Mom… Dad… if only you could see me now. I turned away from the scene and went back down the hallway to be met by the door. Ḋ̵̪r̴̝̾e̴̳̓a̴̡̍m̵̺̄s̵̞͊ ̶̠̊d̶̮̄o̶͍̊n̸̜͊'̶̺̅ṫ̸͖ ̵̨̀f̷̻͌o̸̳̿l̵̖̔l̸̺͛ỏ̷ͅẅ̵̳́ ̴̝̚ẗ̴̨́h̶͈̅e̵͍͂ ̶̘̿r̸̨͌u̵̩͋l̵͜͝e̵͉̐ś̸͍ ̶̠̃ǒ̶͜f̵̲̋ ̷̘̍r̴͔̉ḙ̸̒a̶̦͑l̶̹͂ī̷͇t̷̥̔ý̴̮. I opened the door, and outside was a white void. It leads to nowhere. I stepped outside the house. It went from white to black. Then I woke up, and I was still at the table, in this classroom, my head now lifted from my folded arms. My heart was beating like crazy, and my vision was blurry for a bit before it went back to normal. My arms had sleep marks from the way I slept. The classroom was empty, and papers were on the table either in piles or scattered. The chairs weren't pushed in right, and a couple of crayons were on the floor. "Ah, Tim, you're awake," Ms.C said. She walks to me and kneels. I rubbed my eyes, still a bit tired, her eye gazed at mine. "You were sleeping for the entire period. Are you okay?" Ms.C asked with care. I nodded gently and answered, "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just a bit tired… I didn't get enough sleep last night." Ms.C's eye glimmered with both comfort and concern; she gently rubbed my hand with her shadowy thumb. Her touch was warm and softening, it made my heart slow down a bit, and then she worried, "Oh, Tim… You should've gotten enough sleep. Was it because you weren't tired enough or something else…?" I know I couldn't tell her about the dream I just had, she will likely not believe me anyway. "Well, I wasn't tired enough," I sighed and then asked, "Where's everyone?" Ms.C then answered, "They're outside playing. Recess just started, do you want to come along with them? I know it might be a little lonely in here." I nodded. Why would anybody miss out on recess? "Yeah, I want to go play," I answered with a small smile and stood up. Ms.C holds my hands and leads me outside the classroom. The footsteps were the only source of sound in the silent hallway. The hallway was still lined up with decorations, projects, and motivation. The hallway was very nostalgic yet foreign, safe yet eerie. "How was yesterday, dear?" Ms.C asked. "It was good, me and my family had meatloaf for dinner," I answered. Ms.C tilted her head, "Meatloaf? That's a great dish, Tim. Did you like it?" I nodded at her question, still with a small smile, and replied, "Yeah! It was tasty." "I'm glad to hear that, Tim. I'm also glad that you're here. I think the others liked having you around, even Max," Ms.C said. That's good to find out, I didn't want to be lonely anyway. The conversation went on and on until we reached the double doors that led outside. She opened the door, and outside looked the same as yesterday. Light green grass and leaves, the breeze blowing through, and the shadow kids were playing on the blacktop and playground. Then, Ms.C reminded me, "Alright, Tim. Enjoy your time at recess, be safe." I walked outside and waved a 'see you later' with a smile. "Okay, Ms.C!" I affirmed. The doors closed shut, and I looked around. The colors seemed brighter in my eyes. Life… I walked to the swings. My footsteps were as silent as a ninja's. I didn't know my footsteps were that quiet. But before I could get to the swings, Max called out, "Tim!" I turned around and saw Max running towards me before he stopped. "Where've you been? Were you sleeping?" Max constantly asked. Then, I replied, "Yes, I was sleeping in the classroom." When I answered that, Max tilted his head slightly and asked again, "Did you forget anything?" I'm assuming he meant if I had any nightmares. But, I shook my head slightly and answered again, "No, I can remember just fine." Max breathed out a sigh of relief, "Good, I thought you did forget. I would rather have you awake for billions of years than sleep now." I understood what he meant. He now cares if I forgot anything ever since I told him that. Now, he didn't want me to lose my memories. But, am I even sleeping right now? It feels like I am awake, though at the same time, I am not. "Come on, let's talk. And then maybe we can play on the swings," He motioned his hand for me to follow him. I followed and walked with him. Then, we started talking just like yesterday. I am quite happy, I was still softened & less tense ever since that talk with Ms.C, I still feel her warmth on my hand, and I felt free. Just one small thing, it's something I can't get off… I̵̗̅ ̶̖̎f̸͉͑e̷͐͜ẹ̴̚l̵͖͒ ̶̫͝ạ̸͝ș̴́ ̷̱͊i̶̻͝f̸̖̎ ̸̛͎Ĩ̶̼ ̶̲̚m̶̝͛i̸̮̒g̶̮̕h̴̨͆t̴͛ͅ ̴͚̄b̶̝͐e̴͈͝ ̷̱͊v̴̻͛a̵͍͊n̸̰̍i̷̘̚s̶̝̈́h̷̦̄ḯ̵͇ñ̶̗g̶̠̾.