"Why did this happen?"
Staring at his blackened arm, Zihark ground his teeth and demanded an answer from himself. Where had he gone wrong?
But the more carefully he thought it through, the more he realized too many details were still unclear.
For example, the Void was the opposite of matter, which meant the flesh and blood of Void creatures could dissolve organic life. He had pressed that shell directly against his skin, and it had corroded him.
So why had Kai'Sa not been corroded in the same way? Was it because the creature had been dead too long, and the shell fragment he used had lost its activity? Or was it only certain parts of the shell that worked?
And beyond that, symbiosis itself was unstable. Icathia had fallen three thousand five hundred years ago. Over all that time, who knew how many people had been dragged underground by monsters? Yet as far as he knew, Kai'Sa was the only successful case.
It was like a viral infection. Out of millions, maybe one person developed resistance.
Maybe Kai'Sa's success had been nothing more than a miracle on top of a miracle. Even if he copied the process exactly, he still might never get the same result.
Was there really no chance at all?
The thought enraged him. Kai'Sa had succeeded despite the odds being practically nonexistent, so why couldn't he?
Giving up meant death anyway. Zihark would rather believe he had simply made a mistake somewhere.
He was not giving up.
He would keep trying until it killed him.
While he used something close to madness to crush down his fear, the terrified Kai'Sa dropped her dagger, grabbed his good arm, and burst into tears.
"Waaah... what are you doing? You don't have to prove it like this! It's not like I didn't believe you!"
She did not fully understand what Zihark had been trying to do, but seeing her only remaining companion hurt himself like that made her feel unbearably miserable.
Compared to what he had just done, the pain in her own arm no longer seemed worth mentioning.
"Didn't I tell you already? Only monsters can survive down here. If I want to live, I have to become one too," Zihark said with a sigh.
Kai'Sa was actually about the same height as him. Girls matured earlier, and with that mutated arm of hers on top of it, she was strong enough that Zihark could not wrench himself free.
"You don't have to turn into a monster just because of me..." Kai'Sa lowered her voice, her sobbing softening into sniffles.
She was not fooled that easily. What was so good about becoming a monster? She thought Zihark was only doing this to make her feel less alone.
For that ridiculous little sense of solidarity... but how could something like that be worth risking his life?
She had already lost everything. She really, truly did not want to lose the last friendship she had left.
Unlike Kai'Sa, Zihark had not been swallowed whole by emotion. Some part of his mind stayed cool, and that was when he noticed a faint rustling coming from above, like the scraping of giant insects crawling over stone.
"We should talk somewhere else. This place isn't safe."
He told Kai'Sa to pick up the dagger and the spear, and the two of them quickly left.
...
In a tunnel deeper underground, Zihark finally looked away from his blackened arm.
The wound had not turned pale and swollen, which was already the best outcome he could have hoped for.
If it had started dissolving and puffing up, and if the skin had burst open to spill out a glossy fluid like amniotic slime, that would have meant something was being born inside him. Organic matter would have been broken down into that pale substance and remade into some vile new life.
That was different from the symbiosis taking place inside Kai'Sa. This would have been outright parasitism. The creature would devour the host from within, feeding on his body until it finally tore its way out like some nightmare made flesh.
He turned to look at her and said quietly, "Eat something."
"I'm not hungry." Kai'Sa leaned against the tunnel wall, sulking, and answered him with an obvious lie.
She had listened to him earlier, and now his arm had ended up like this. The skin had turned a horrible dark purple-black, like it was covered in one massive bruise.
"Come on, sulky girl. You need food if you're going to have the strength to kill monsters."
Zihark did not get angry. He walked over to the little pile of food he had already set by her feet, took out the last peach, rubbed it carefully clean against his sweater, and held it out to her lips.
"Eat. If you leave it any longer, it'll rot. And this might be the last peach you ever get."
Those words instantly made Kai'Sa tear up again. "Why are you still thinking about killing monsters after what happened to you?"
"Because if I don't kill monsters, I can't become one. Same as I said before. If we want to live here, becoming monsters may be the only way."
"But why? Why are you so determined to become a monster? What's wrong with staying human?"
To Kai'Sa, becoming a monster was terrifying. She could not understand how Zihark could say something like that so calmly. He was calm in a way that frightened her, as if there were a monster's soul inside a human body.
And yet she could also feel, clearly and unmistakably, how kind he was being to her. That part was new too.
Zihark had changed. He was more dependable now. He thought about her feelings. But at the same time, he had become strangely unfamiliar, and with how little she understood of the world, she had no way of making sense of it.
Was this what adults meant when they talked about growing up?
When she still refused to eat, Zihark took a bite first. If he acted a little more upbeat, maybe her guilt would ease.
"See? Sweet, juicy, and perfect. Don't you want a taste?" He held the bitten peach out to her. This time, Kai'Sa did not refuse. She cupped the peach in her hands, and in doing so, held his hand too.
She seemed torn, unsure whether to push it back or take a bite.
"Dying is easy. If I really wanted to die, I'd just go off somewhere quiet and do it. You wouldn't even be able to find me. But instead I'm sitting here sharing food with you. Do I look like someone who wants to die? Hey, don't tell me I have to feed you too. You're old enough to eat on your own..."
"I'll eat, I'll eat. Your chest still hurts, so stop talking so much. I... I won't make you mad anymore."
Zihark coughed hard, and the frightened Kai'Sa finally bit into the peach. She took a big bite right where he had already bitten it, their teeth marks overlapping at the edge.
This time, what she tasted was not despair.
It was sweet and crisp and full of juice.
It tasted like hope.
Happiness. Satisfaction. The desire to keep living, because only by living could she feel something like this again.
Zihark waited until Kai'Sa had quietly finished the peach and a few strips of jerky, then bit open a waterskin and took a drink himself.
Then he said, "Every bite makes the food run out faster, Kai'Sa. Once it's gone, what do we do?"
Those words nearly made her spit everything back out.
Right.
What were they supposed to do once the food was gone?
"The... village?" Kai'Sa answered hesitantly, though she already knew that was no real solution.
Aside from what was left in the village ruins, there was nothing edible anywhere underground. Once they finished that, they would have nothing left to eat.
"We don't know how long we'll be stuck down here. Maybe a few years. Maybe decades. Maybe until the day we die. If we want to stay alive, we need to start planning now," Zihark said.
Kai'Sa looked at the cloth bag, now nearly half empty, and thought that no amount of planning could possibly stretch it that far.
She had no idea what to do, so all she could do was listen.
"From what I've seen, this place lacks plenty of things, but monsters aren't one of them. If we want to survive, we'll have to eat them."
"You're still thinking about killing those monsters!" Kai'Sa's cheeks puffed up in anger for a second, and then she managed to cry again. "Are you stupid, Zihark? Just touching one ruined your hand! If you eat one, how could you possibly live through that?!"
She hugged his arm while wiping her tears, trying to stop him from doing something foolish again, though at that moment the foolish one was clearly her. She was crying so hard she had snot bubbles.
"I never said we'd eat them with our mouths." Zihark sighed, wiped her tears away with his sleeve, and added, "Come on. Hold out your hand. I'll show you."
[End of chapter]