Urr's enjoyment of the festival was adorable.
She would pout when things didn't go her way, and her bright smile when something was more fun than expected was refreshing.
Her gloomy expression was gradually lifting. I knew this was something I couldn't accomplish as her guardian and professor. It was only possible because she had made friends.
What if she only depended on me because I was her guardian, because she needed me to guarantee her safety in this society? Would my feelings for Urr that I've cultivated all this time suddenly cool?
I couldn't say for certain.
Still, I believed I had given her love. I thought I had tried my best.
Since these were all subjective thoughts, objectively speaking, my efforts might have been lacking. Having lost everything while being loved, my sense of loss was greater, but I rarely experienced receiving something and feeling fulfilled.
Even now, I crave. Whether it's knowledge, people, or Urr the Demon God. Like a thirst that remains no matter how much I drink, I kept wanting to keep her by my side.
If it couldn't be helped, so be it. If it was obsession, then it was obsession, but I couldn't do anything about these feelings.
My heart was complicated.
While fearing something hidden within me, seeing Urr now made me wonder if my emotional investment had been worthwhile.
I tried to be good to her and made efforts, but how would Urr think of me? I wasn't sure if her thinking had regressed along with her body, but I worried about how she would view me when she grew up, when she could think like the adult she once was.
I just hoped to remain a good person in her eyes.
In truth, I knew. Even as I smiled watching Urr enjoy the festival for two days, I knew that by trying to prevent Urr from growing up, I was the worst person for her.
With a bitter expression, I skimmed through the documents. Today, I pulled out my thesis while Urr was giggling about how fun the day had been. We're already halfway through the year, but my thesis has made no progress.
People knew well what excesses or deficiencies could kill them in this era. The euthanasia machine was one result of that knowledge.
But Demon Gods were different.
Killing a Demon God was mostly limited to physical methods. You couldn't administer drugs or put them in a machine to lower oxygen levels.
Not knowing what worked and what didn't, I needed a Demon God for experiments, and I hated myself for unconsciously looking at Urr whenever I thought about it.
"..."
I sighed.
Of course, inevitably, someday I would have to ask Urr to die just once for me, but even when creating such a machine, I bit my lip wondering if it was right to ask Urr for help.
Though I had become a professor, it was only half-complete. I looked back at my past actions, driven solely by revenge.
Still, for nearly a year, I had locked myself in the lab researching to prove Urr wasn't dangerous. And for the past few months, I'd grown quite attached to her while living a normal life together.
I felt like I was losing track of myself—fearing one aspect while embracing another with affection.
What was certain was that I didn't want Urr to leave me, at least not after all the heart, time, and money I'd invested in her.
If she were judged safe despite being a Demon God and gained her freedom, I would be satisfied if she said she liked me and wanted to stay by my side.
I wasn't sure. Why had I become like this?
I had climbed this far grinding my teeth with determination to kill Demon Gods, but now I couldn't understand why I was giving my heart to one.
Either I had suffered a severe head injury, or perhaps human hearts simply couldn't remain constant. I wished someone would tell me if this change of heart was natural.
Yuria. Don't forget your duty.
Giving affection to a Demon God is only acceptable when it's proven they pose no harm to humans.
**
When Yuria first entered the Academy, her eyes were filled with vengeance.
I didn't know what had happened until she finished regular high school, but Yuria clearly had a definite goal back then. Though that goal was the common one of exterminating all Demon Gods, Rosemilla was still able to become friends with her.
While the overall atmosphere was sharp, it wasn't exactly hostile.
The sharp nerves were directed at Demon Gods, not people, so normal communication was possible.
From Academy to Institute, four years at the Institute, Yuria obtained her doctorate first and became a professor. Though Rosemilla's professorship was delayed by a year because she had fallen behind, they remained good friends.
Since they were both researching Demon Gods and spellcraft, they were able to help each other.
Even after becoming professors, they continued their research under their advisor's guidance, and that's when Yuria changed.
As always, Yuria combined her research with Demon God subjugation. That day too, orders came in, and she postponed her lecture to go subjugate a Demon God.
Apparently some Demon God had come down from the mountains and gone back.
She regretted postponing the lecture, thinking it wouldn't cause much harm. But fortunately, she hadn't announced the lecture would resume, because Yuria returned much later than she had said she would.
Yuria was covered in blood from head to toe. She just dropped her things, saying she needed to wash up immediately, and went home.
At the time, Rosemilla didn't know what had happened, but as time passed, she noticed Yuria's sunken eyes and realized.
While being a professor, conducting research, and subjugating Demon Gods, she was simultaneously researching another Demon God and trying to convince the higher-ups that it was safe.
Rosemilla wondered why she did this.
But not anymore. Yuria had explained it before, so she knew well.
Yuria had intended to kill that Demon God but couldn't. She feared something hidden inside it, and at the same time, seemed to have felt compassion for one of its personas during the killing process.
Rosemilla worried.
In fact, she suspected it wasn't compassion at all, but rather Yuria compromising with herself because she couldn't kill it. She was needlessly concerned.
That Demon God apparently couldn't die. Since Yuria had felt a fear she had never experienced before from that Demon God, Rosemilla thought she would want to kill it more than anyone.
But now Yuria had given up on killing the Demon God, claiming it wasn't harmful to society. After research and examinations, she even brought it out into society, making it attend the Academy in an effort to socialize it somehow.
Rosemilla was curious. She wanted to see for herself.
What had the strong Yuria seen that frightened her so much? And why, instead of overcoming her fear or eliminating its source, was she covering it up by teaching another persona about society? She wanted to see it once.
So Rosemilla, sitting in her lab and contemplating for a long time, pushed back her chair and stood up.
"I should go see it once."
After much deliberation, Rosemilla told herself the answer she had decided on and moved her feet.
Friday afternoon after the festival. Yuria had said she was going out with the Demon God and its friends, so Rosemilla waited at the entrance just as they were finishing up.
Since she had sent a message in advance, they were able to meet quickly even on the vast Academy grounds.
"Rose, what brings you here? You seemed uninterested in the festival."
"...Well, it just happened."
Rosemilla smiled slyly.
She wasn't interested in the festival. She was only interested in the Demon God beside Yuria. When she had listened to Yuria's complaints before, she had just thought of it as listening to a friend's grumbling, but now she found it quite interesting.
For something Yuria had described as so frightening, it just looked like an ordinary girl.
Dark navy hair, and between the strands, golden eyes that turned toward Rosemilla.
"Hello."
As the Demon God bowed her head politely, Rosemilla felt slightly amazed. No matter how much socialization training it had received, she hadn't expected to see a Demon God greeting so courteously, which drew her attention.
"Hello."
The Demon God bowed once more and then quietly stood beside Yuria as if that was her place. Holding hands and blankly looking around, she seemed to be checking if there was something interesting nearby.
She must have had fun since they said she was playing with friends until just now.
"Yuri, I just came because I was curious. Did you have fun?"
"Yeah, Urr wanted to do this and that, so I followed her around, and it was pretty good."
"How's your research going?"
"...Well, I can slack off for a day or so."
Yuria brushed it off with a bitter smile.
Because of the Demon God, she had added another research topic, and yet she was also skipping research for a day because of the Demon God. Rosemilla felt that Yuria had changed a lot.
It wasn't necessarily bad, but she was curious how she had changed like this. What was it about this Demon God?
"What was the name again, Urr?"
"Yes, I'm Urr."
"That's right."
When asked while pointing at the Demon God, Urr nodded. Yuria also confirmed, so Rosemilla could remember it clearly.
"Urr, what do you want to do?"
When Rosemilla carefully asked Urr, she tilted her head but didn't seem to need much time to think about her answer.
"I want to grow up."
Not understanding what kind of wish that was, Rosemilla tilted her head and looked back and forth between Urr and Yuria.