The tropical sun of Porta Vista was relentless, beating down on the white sands with the kind of intensity that usually preceded a Charizard's Flamethrower. But the heat wasn't what was making me sweat. It was the woman sitting across from me at the "Starmie Café," calmly spooning a mountain of strawberry sundae into her mouth while wearing sunglasses that probably cost more than my entire education.
Lorelei. The Ice Queen of the Elite Four. My mentor. My savior. And currently, my most terrifying debt collector.
I looked down at myself, feeling a draft that was legally questionable. After the S.S. Anne decided to become a permanent underwater exhibit, Lorelei had informed me that while my life was priceless, the emerald silk dress she'd lent me was very much priced. Specifically, at a half-million Pokedollars.
"Eat your sundae, Regina," Lorelei said, her voice smooth as silk and cold as a Glacieon's nose. "You're burning calories just by vibrating with anxiety. It's bad for your complexion."
"I am vibrating because I am wearing three strings and a prayer, Lorelei," I hissed, tugging at the edge of the swimsuit she had practically forced me into.
It was the "Dynamic Maiden" set—a white and red polka-dot bikini topped with a sheer, ruffled bolero and a matching red bow in my hair. It was cute. It was stylish. It was also the exact opposite of my usual "Utility-Vests-and-Combat-Boots" aesthetic.
"Nonsense," Lorelei waved a manicured hand. "Since I don't have a little sister, I've decided you're my official human-sized dress-up doll for the weekend. Consider this 'repayment' for the dress. One day of total obedience. No grumbling about tactical advantages. Just... being a girl."
I groaned, sinking into my chair. "I feel like a Magikarp out of water. Can't we just go train in a cold cave? I'm much better at caves."
"We are at a world-class resort, Regina. The only thing we are training today is your ability to handle a crowd." She leaned forward, her Cheshire cat grin appearing. "In fact, look at that stage over there."
I turned. My heart skipped a beat, and not in the romantic way. It was more like the way a heart skips when it sees a Hyper Beam charging up.
A massive banner hung over a wooden stage near the water: PORTA VISTA BEAUTY AND THE BEACH CONTEST! WINNER TAKES ALL!
"No," I said instantly.
"Yes," Lorelei purred.
"Lorelei, I will fight a Gyarados with a toothpick before I walk onto a stage and model a swimsuit. I have the grace of a Geodude on ice skates."
"You have the grace of a trained operative, dear. And more importantly," Lorelei leaned in, her eyes gleaming, "the grand prize is a massive cash purse provided by the local tourism board. It would cover... oh, I'd say about twenty percent of a certain emerald dress."
My jaw snapped shut. Twenty percent? That was a hundred thousand Pokedollars. My financial survival instincts overrode my social crippling anxiety in a heartbeat.
"What are the rules?" I asked, my voice flat.
Lorelei's grin widened. "That's my girl."
"I'll go get my Pokémon," I sighed, defeated by the power of capitalism.
The Behind-the-Scenes Cutness Overload
I retreated to a changing tent with three very specific Pokéballs. If I was going to do this, I wasn't going to do it alone. I needed a gimmick. A theme. Something so undeniably cute that the judges would forget I was shaking like a Leafon in a blizzard.
Pop! Pop! Pop!
My three Kanto starters—Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle—appeared on the sandy floor. They looked at me, then at the costumes I had hidden in my bag.
"Okay guys," I whispered, my voice going up three octaves. "I am so sorry, but we have to do this. For the bank account!"
I pulled out the outfits. They were custom-made plush onesies. Not just any onesies—they were designed to look like their final evolutions. A tiny Bulbasaur outfit with a plush Venusaur flower on the back, a Charmander hoodie with orange dragon wings and a Charizard tail, and a Squirtle shell-cover with two plush Blastoise cannons sticking out of the shoulders.
As I pulled the Charizard hoodie over my Charmander's head, I lost it.
"OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO CUTE!" I squealed, picking him up and smothering him with kisses. "Who's a big scary dragon? You are! Yes, you are!"
Charmander let out a confused but happy "Char!" as I squeezed him. I turned to Bulbasaur, who was currently trying to figure out how to walk with a giant plush flower on his back. I lunged at him next, hugging him tightly.
"And look at you! A little forest king! I could just eat you up!"
Squirtle was already posing in his Blastoise hoodie, looking at his reflection in a puddle and pretending to fire his plush cannons. I grabbed him too, planting a big kiss on his blue forehead. "My little tank! We are going to win this!"
They were so adorable it actually hurt. My professional, cool-headed G-Pro persona had completely melted into a puddle of 'Sucker for Cuteness.'
---
### The Pallet Town Circus
As we approached the stage, the sheer "Anime Energy" of the place hit me like a Brick Break.
Sitting in the front row was an older man with a tan and a Hawaiian shirt who could only be Moe, the owner of the cafe. Beside him were Professor Oak and Delia Ketchum. They were apparently in town with the "Pallet Town Volunteer Patrol," which sounded like a fancy excuse for Oak to get a tan and Delia to keep an eye on her disaster-magnet son.
Brock was already on stage, clutching a microphone with a desperation that suggested he hadn't seen a girl in at least twenty minutes.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the most beautiful event of the season!" Brock shouted, his eyes practically turning into hearts. "Our first contestant is the pride of Cerulean City... Misty!"
Misty stepped out, wearing a yellow bikini that matched her hair ties. She looked surprisingly confident, holding her Starmie and Ash's Squirtle.
"Okay, guys! UFO Formation!" Misty commanded.
The Starmie began to spin, its central core glowing with a brilliant light, while Squirtle balanced on top, shooting a spinning *Water Gun* that created a shimmering halo of mist. It was actually quite creative, a solid 8/10 on the "Beach Aesthetic" scale.
Suddenly, the music was cut off by a jarring, synthesized cackle.
"Prepare for beauty!"
"And make it... double-pretty!"
Two figures in "sexy" swimsuits pushed Misty aside. It was Jessie and James. James was wearing a lavender bikini with... inflatable enhancements that defied the laws of both biology and physics.
"We are the Omastar of the Ocean!" Jessie shrieked, as an Ekans and Koffing tumbled out dressed in paper-mâché shells.
The audience went dead silent. Somewhere in the back, a Shellder let out a disappointed clicking sound.
Before the "Team Rocket" duo could finish their botched motto, a sleek, black convertible roared up to the edge of the stage. A boy with spiky hair and a purple polo shirt stood up, surrounded by six girls in identical blue swimsuits who were shaking pom-poms with the mechanical precision of a Porygon.
"Move aside, losers," Gary Oak smirked, adjusting his sunglasses. "The real show is here. Gary Oak is on the scene, and my cheerleaders are the only beauty this beach needs!"
"GARY! GARY! HE'S OUR MAN! IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NO ONE CAN!" the cheerleaders chanted.
Ash, who had been sitting in the audience eating a corn dog, suddenly leaped onto his chair. "GARY! You think you're so great just because you have a car?! This is a beauty contest, not a race!"
"Exactly, Ashy-boy," Gary laughed, leaning against the hood of his car. "Which is why you should stay in the audience. You don't have the style, the grace, or the... well, anything, really. Go back to Pallet Town and play with your Caterpie."
"I'LL SHOW YOU STYLE!" Ash roared, scrambling toward the stage.
Brock stepped between them, sweating profusely. "Guys! No battling on the stage!"
I stood in the wings, watching this dumpster fire of an interaction. *God, I love this world, but the IQ average is in the single digits.*
---
### The Sneak and the Scan
While Ash and Gary were busy measuring their egos, I noticed a suspicious movement behind the stage. Brutella—the rival restaurant owner who looked like a Golem in a floral dress—was whispering to Jessie and James near a giant Gyarados-shaped submarine.
"Nelly," I whispered. "Record audio. Max gain."
*"Recording initiated, Host."*
I crept closer, hiding behind a stack of oversized beach balls.
"Listen, you colorful idiots," Brutella hissed at Team Rocket. "I've fixed your sub. All you have to do is ruin the contest and demolish Moe's shack. If the tourists have nowhere to eat, they'll have to come to my place. Do it, and I'll give you enough Pokedollars to buy a real disguise."
"Destruction? That's our middle name!" Jessie cackled. "Well, technically it's 'The,' but the point stands!"
I tapped my G-Pro terminal. "Nelly, send that audio file directly to Officer Jenny's local Vermilion precinct. Tag it as 'Criminal Conspiracy and Unauthorized Submarine Operation.' Also, send a copy to Lorelei just for fun."
*"File sent, Host. Response from Officer Jenny: 'On our way. Tell the girl in the red bikini to keep them distracted.'"*
"Distracted?" I gulped. "Oh boy."
---
The Queen's Entrance
Brock finally managed to restore some semblance of order. Gary and his cheerleaders moved to the back, and Ash was being held back by Misty.
"And our final contestant!" Brock shouted, his voice cracking slightly as he read the name on the card. "A newcomer to our shores... the Emerald Siren... REGINA!"
I took a deep breath. Debt waiver. Treats for Nugget. Survival.
I walked out.
The moment I stepped onto the stage, the noise died down. It wasn't just the swimsuit—though the "Dynamic Maiden" look was definitely hitting the mark—it was the three Pokémon trotting behind me.
The crowd let out a collective, synchronized "AWWWWW!"
My Bulbasaur (the Venusaur-lite), my Charmander (the Dragon-cub), and my Squirtle (the Marshmallow-Cannon) were doing a coordinated waddle. They looked like they had stepped out of a high-end plushie catalog.
"Is that a... baby Venusaur?" someone yelled.
"Look at the tiny Blastoise! I want ten of them!"
"That tiny Charizard is so cute!"
I didn't just walk. I did a slow, elegant runway turn. I wasn't nervous about the modeling anymore—I was too distracted by how cute my babies were. I stopped in the center of the stage and did a playful wink at the judges' table.
"Bulbasaur, Sweet Scent!" I commanded softly.
A cloud of pink, shimmering sparkles and the scent of fresh strawberries filled the stage.
"Charmander, Ember-Flicker! Squirtle, Bubble-Dance!"
The Charmander released tiny, glowing sparks that danced in the air like fireflies, while Squirtle blew iridescent bubbles that caught the sunlight. My team was surrounded by a swirling, magical aura of pink mist, golden sparks, and blue bubbles.
I looked over at the side of the stage. Ash and Gary were both standing there, their mouths hanging open. They looked like they'd been hit by a Confuse Ray.
I didn't even think. I just reached out, grabbed Ash's hand with my left and Gary's hand with my right, and pulled them into the center of the stage.
"Wha—Regina?!" Ash stammered, his face turning a shade of red I didn't know humans could achieve.
"Hey! What are you doing?!" Gary squawked, though he didn't pull away. He was staring at me like he'd just seen a legendary Pokémon.
I pulled them both close, standing between them like a queen with her two high-ranking bodyguards. I struck a pose, leaning slightly into Ash while looking over at Gary with a teasing smirk.
"Well," I said, my voice carrying over the microphone, "thank you for being such handsome props for my performance. Having two hot boys beside me as my bodyguards... I guess I'm winning, huh?"
The reaction was instantaneous.
Ash's brain actually seemed to stall. He made a sound like a boiling kettle and steam practically erupted from his ears. Gary, the "cool" one, lost all his smugness. He looked away, his face glowing like a Flareon, his hand trembling slightly in mine.
The crowd went wild. The "Cute Girl with Hot Bodyguards" trope was apparently a massive hit in Porta Vista. Brock looked like he was going to cry with envy, while the girls in the audience were cheering for the "Pallet Town Trio."
The cheerleaders in the front row gasped in collective betrayal. "GARY-SAMA IS BLUSHING! WHO IS SHE?!"
Brock, meanwhile, was on his knees at the edge of the stage, weeping into his hands. "WHY NOT ME?! WHY CAN'T A BEAUTIFUL GIRL USE ME AS A DECORATIVE PROP?! IT'S NOT FAIR!"
"Look at those boys! They're blushing!" a woman yelled.
"They're so cute! The Queen and her Knights!" another screamed.
I just chuckled, oblivious to the fact that I had just shattered the psyches of Kanto's two most competitive rivals. To me, it was just a joke—a way to win the prize. I didn't realize that to a couple of teenagers, being called "hot" by a girl in a "Dynamic Maiden" swimsuit was basically a critical hit to the heart.
The judges—including a very smug-looking Lorelei—unanimously held up "10" cards.
---
The Un-Cannon Conclusion
While the boys were busy melting, I kept a sharp eye on the crowd. My G-Pro training never truly slept. I saw a shady-looking woman with a permanent scowl—Brutella—whispering to the Rocket trio near a giant Gyarados submarine.
In the original timeline, they were supposed to attack the contest and destroy Moe's restaurant. But I had spent the morning doing a little "pre-emptive research." I had followed them to Brutella's shack, recorded their entire conversation about blackmail and property destruction on my terminal, and sent the file directly to the Porta Vista police department and Officer Jenny.
As Team Rocket reached for their remote controls to activate the submarine, a fleet of police cars screeched onto the beach.
"Jessie! James! Brutella!" Officer Jenny's voice boomed over a megaphone. "You are under arrest for conspiracy to commit arson and illegal submarine parking! Hands in the air!"
"We haven't even done anything yet!" Jessie shrieked as the handcuffs clicked.
"It's the thought that counts, dear!" I yelled from the stage, waving my hand.
The threat was neutralized before a single Hyper Beam could be fired. The contest continued without a hitch.
When the judges announced the winner, it wasn't even close. Delia Ketchum—who had been a strong contender—stepped aside with a graceful smile.
"The winner of the Porta Vista Beauty and the Beach contest... REGINA!"
I stood there, clutching the trophy and the 50,000 Pokedollar check, while my starters did a victory lap around my legs.
### The Victory Lap
"Regina, that was marvelous!" Lorelei was waiting for me at the bottom of the steps. She didn't look like an Elite Four member right now; she looked like a proud big sister. "The onesies were a stroke of genius. And the boys? Brilliant props."
"They were very helpful," I said, smirking as I saw Ash and Gary still standing by the stage, looking like they had been hit by a Confuse Ray.
"Oh, my goodness!" Delia cried, dropping to her knees in the sand. "I have never seen anything so precious! Look at their tiny outfits! May I?"
"Of course!" I laughed.
Delia Ketchum scooped up my Squirtle and was showering his fleece-covered face with kisses. "Oh, you are the most precious little Blastoise ever! Yes you are! Yes you are!"
"Squirt! Squirtle!" (He was loving it).
Professor Oak was cooing over my Bulbasaur, poking the plush flower. "The attention to detail! The way the vines can still extend through the arm-slots! Remarkable!"
Lorelei leaned down, her cold exterior totally melted. She started scratching my Charmander under his fleece chin. "Who's a big, scary Charizard? Who's going to be a Champion one day? You are, sweetie!"
Charmander let out a happy purr, leaning into the Elite Four's hand.
Just then, Moe walked over. He looked a lot less grumpy now. In fact, he looked like he was about to cry. "The police told me what you did, young lady. That Brutella woman was going to ruin me. Because she was arrested for criminal conspiracy, the city is seizing her assets to pay for the damages she caused to the beach... and they're giving me a grant to fix my restaurant!"
"That's great news, Moe!" I smiled.
"And," Moe added, looking at the judges. "Since the contest had to be cut short due to the arrests, they decided to crown the winner based on the current standings. And it wasn't even close."
He handed me a massive, gold-plated trophy and a check that made my eyes water.
"Wait... this covers the rest of the dress!" I screamed, hugging the trophy. "I'm free! I'm debt-free!"
"Thank god," I whispered, clutching the envelope. "Lorelei, does this cover the emerald dress?"
Lorelei walked up, looking immensely proud. She leaned in and whispered, "It covers the dress... but I just saw a beautiful diamond anklet in the gift shop that would look *divine* on you. We might need to enter another contest in Celadon."
I looked at the "Hot" comment still echoing in my head from Gary, and the way Ash was currently trying to hide his face behind Pikachu.
"One contest is enough, Lorelei," I laughed, feeling the warmth of the sun and the genuine, chaotic joy of the moment. "But the ice cream is on me."
The Teasing Continues
As the sun began to set, we all sat on the deck of Moe's newly-reopening restaurant. Ash and Gary were sitting as far away from each other as possible, but both of them were still stealing glances at me. Every time I caught their eyes, they would immediately look away, their ears turning red.
"So," I said, leaning forward and resting my chin on my hands. "Since I'm the winner of the beauty contest, does that mean my bodyguards have to do whatever I say for the rest of the evening?"
Ash choked on his soda. "I—I don't think that's how it works!"
"I am a Gary Oak," Gary said, regaining a tiny bit of his composure. "I don't take orders from anyone. Even if they are... remarkably good at choosing swimwear."
"Oh, really?" I teased. "Because you looked pretty comfortable holding my hand up there, Gary. You didn't pull away once."
Gary turned away, coughing into his hand. "The stage was slippery. I was ensuring you didn't fall. It was an act of... chivalry."
"And Ash?" I turned to the boy in the hat. "You were shaking so hard I thought you were using Agility."
"I was just... surprised!" Ash yelled, his voice cracking. "I didn't know you had a Venusaur suit! It caught me off guard!"
I just laughed, throwing a french fry at him. "You guys are too easy. But seriously, thanks for the help. It made the performance."
I looked down at my three starters, who were currently fast asleep in a pile of fleece and exhaustion. They looked like three little stuffed toys.
I leaned over and whispered to them, "Sleep well, my little royals. Tomorrow, we go back to the lab. But today... today we were the stars of the beach."
As the stars began to twinkle over the Porta Vista harbor, I felt a strange sense of peace. My dress was paid for, my Pokémon were cute, and I had successfully teased the two biggest egos in Kanto into a state of total shutdown.
"Best. Repayment. Ever," I whispered.
Lorelei raised her glass of lemonade. "To being a human doll, Regina."
"To being a human doll," I sighed, clinking my glass against hers.