The peaceful humidity of the Hidden Village was shattered by a sound that resonated with the frequency of pure, unadulterated annoyance. Above the weeping willows, a shadow bloomed across the clearing—not a cloud, but a massive, balloon-lifted flying baseball stadium.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
I groaned, leaning my head against a fence post. "Not the poem. Anything but the poem."
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
Gary stood up, brushing dirt off his expensive trousers. "They have a flying stadium. Do you have any idea what the fuel consumption on a lift-displacement system that size is? It's a logistical nightmare."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth! That's right!"
The stadium hovered, its shadow swallowing the small huts. Jessie leaned over the railing, a megaphone in hand. "Look at all these delicious, vulnerable morsels! It's like a 'Buy One, Get Fifty Free' sale for the Boss!"
"Start the intake!" James shouted, pulling a lever.
A massive vacuum tube descended like the trunk of a mechanical god, the roar of the suction drowning out the cries of the forest. The wind speed in the clearing jumped to a localized gale.
"Everyone into the cabin! Now!" Brock yelled, his 'Big Brother' protocols overriding his heartbreak over Melanie. He began herding the injured Rattatas and bandaged Oddish toward the safety of the thatch-roofed house.
But the Oddish—the one Misty had tried to catch—was too slow. Its little roots struggled against the artificial gale. With a terrified squeak, it was lifted off the ground, spiraling toward the maw of the tube.
"Oddish!" Misty screamed.
Before the tube could swallow it, two vines lashed out from the tall grass. The wild Bulbasaur anchored itself to a heavy rock, its vines wrapping around the Oddish's middle. But the suction was immense. The Bulbasaur's feet began to slide, carving deep ruts into the soft earth.
"I've got you!" Ash didn't think; he never did. He dove forward, wrapping his arms around the Bulbasaur's midsection, digging his heels into the dirt. "Don't let go, Bulbasaur! Pull it in!"
The tug-of-war was brutal. Ash's face turned purple, his hat flying off into the wind. But the extra weight was enough. Bulbasaur gave a mighty heave, swinging the Oddish toward the cabin door where Brock caught it like a football.
"Fearow!" I barked, my voice cutting through the roar. "The meal they just ruined was *yours*. You going to let them take your appetizers too?"
My Fearow let out a piercing, glass-shattering shriek. It didn't just fly; it launched like a surface-to-air missile. Its beak, reinforced by weeks of G-Pro nutritional supplements, caught the sunlight as it dived.
*POP.*
The stadium's balloon didn't just leak; it disintegrated. The baseball-shaped stadium began to list violently to the side.
"The balloon! Our precious fabric!" James wailed.
The cage filled with the few Pokémon they *had* managed to snag detached, plummeting toward the earth.
"Pidgeotto, go!" Gary and Ash shouted in perfect unison.
Their two birds dived, catching the edges of the falling cage and slowing its descent until it settled gently on the grass. I kicked the latch open, and a swarm of dazed Pokémon spilled out, scurrying back into the brush.
"We're falling! We're falling with style but no parachute!" Meowth screamed as the stadium-balloon lurched upward and then exploded, catapulting the trio into the stratosphere.
"TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF AGAIIIIIN!"
*Ding.*
---
### The Adoption Protocol: A G-Pro Legacy
The silence that followed was heavy with the smell of ozone and burnt rubber. Melanie stood in the center of the clearing, looking at the cage, then at the sky, and finally at us.
"Regina was right," she said softly, her eyes clear for the first time. "Peace isn't a lack of conflict; it's the ability to defend it."
She turned to her Holo-caster and, with a few keystrokes, initiated a high-priority call to Professor Oak and Professor Linda. "Sir... Linda... I'm ready. I want to register the Hidden Village as the 'Route 5 Adoption and Conservation Center.' I want the Aegis. I want the budget."
I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Nelly's "Sustainability" meter finally ticked into the green.
Melanie turned to Ash. The wild Bulbasaur was standing by his side, looking up at him with a mix of respect and challenge. "Ash... this village is too small for this one's heart. He's spent so long protecting us that he's forgotten how to grow. He needs a trainer who doesn't know when to quit."
The Bulbasaur let out a sharp "Bulba!" It stepped forward, its vines twitching.
"He'll go with you," Melanie smiled. "But only if you can prove you're strong enough to lead him."
The battle was short but intense. Pikachu dodged the vines with a high-speed **Quick Attack**, but the Bulbasaur was a tactician. It predicted the landing and slammed its body into Pikachu in a brutal **Tackle**.
"Pikachu, use the vines!" Ash yelled.
As the vines wrapped around Pikachu, Ash didn't call for a dodge. "Thunderbolt! Use them as wires!"
The electric current surged down the organic conduits, hitting the Bulbasaur with 100,000 volts of "Main Character" energy. The Bulbasaur collapsed, its eyes swirling, and Ash clicked the Pokéball shut.
"I caught a Bulbasaur!" Ash cheered, striking the pose.
"And now," Melanie said, turning to the rest of us. "I want my first official adoptions to be the people who saved my home. Please... look around. Choose a partner."
We all blinked. This wasn't just a reward; this was a windfall.
Gary walked toward a pair of Pokémon sitting near the back. His eyes widened. "Regina... scan these."
I pulled up my HUD.
* **Eevee (Male):** Pseudo-Champion Class. Potential: Royal.
* **Nidoran-F (Female):** Pseudo-Champion Class. Potential: Royal.
Ash, not to be outdone, had wandered over to a second Eevee.
* **Eevee (Male):** Pseudo-Champion Class. Potential: Royal.
Misty walked out with a **Tentacool** (Pseudo-Elite) and a **Poliwag** (Gym Tier). Brock was holding an **Aipom** (Gym Tier), looking devastated that Melanie had just rejected his offer to stay.
I turned to the corner, where two Nidorans—a male and a female—were sitting together. They weren't flashy. They weren't "Royal."
* **Nidoran Couple:** Elite Class. Potential: High.
"Nelly," I hissed. "How? How in the absolute flick did they both just 'stumble' into Pseudo-Champion potential? We paid 1.5 million for ours! We negotiated with a mountain!"
"Calculated, Host," Nelly's voice droned, sounding almost amused. "Subject: Ash is the 'Chosen One' of this narrative thread. The world adjusts its probability to ensure his strength matches his destiny. Subject: Gary is the primary Rival. To maintain the competitive equilibrium, the world grants him equal boons. You, Host, are the 'Anomaly.' You have to work for what they receive by gravity."
I turned to look at Ash and Gary. They were both holding their new Pokéballs, looking at the data readouts on their respective Pokedexes.
Slowly, a smug, insufferable smirk began to spread across Gary's face. He looked at me, then at Ash, then back at me. "Pseudo-Champion potential, Regina? G-Pro research data says these are... quite rare. Almost as rare as, say, a Shiny Butterfree?"
Ash, catching on, let out a delighted, booming laugh. "Wow! My Eevee and Bulbasaur are both 'Pseudo-Champions'! I'm going to be a Master in no time! See, Regina? I told you I didn't need a car to find the good ones!"
"You bastards," I muttered, my eye twitching. "You absolute, fate-blessed bastards. You're calling me the lucky one? I have to do literal research papers to get my upgrades! You just had a bridge break and got free Royal-tier gifts!"
Gary chuckled, tossing his Eevee's ball into the air and catching it. "Don't be salty, Regina. It's unbecoming of a Primary Investigator."
"You bastards," I muttered. "You absolute bastards. You call *me* the lucky one? You just walked into a sanctuary and picked up the two highest-potential Eevees in the Kanto region. Do you have any idea what the market value of a Pseudo-Champion Eevee is? You could buy a small island with those!"
Gary laughed, his ego reaching orbital heights. "Jealous, Regina? I thought you said research was better than luck."
Ash beamed, hugging his new Eevee. "He's so cool! And look at his fur! It's like silk!"
I looked at my Nidoran couple. In my previous life, Nidoking and Nidoqueen were my go-to's. They were versatile, brutal, and reliable. Seeing this pair—the highest potential I'd ever encountered in the wild—I felt my saltiness drain away, replaced by a deep, nostalgic warmth. "Fine. My Nidorans are better anyway. They have better coverage."
"So, Madam Researcher," Gary said, his eyes gleaming. "Since you wrote the paper... what do we do with them?"
"I want an **Espeon**!" Ash shouted. "That Psychic-type you showed in the paper looked amazing! It's fast and smart, just like me!"
"I'm going for **Umbreon**," Gary said, his voice dropping into a cool, decisive tone. "The defensive stats are unparalleled, and the aesthetic fits my style. The Moon to Ash's Sun."
I sighed, looking at the two boys. One wanted the light, the other wanted the dark. It was so cliché it hurt.
"Alright, listen up," I said, my researcher brain taking over. "Both Espeon and Umbreon are friendship-based evolutions. They require a high neurological bond. But there's a catch. If you train too much at night, Ash, your Eevee will trigger the Umbreon path. Gary, if you train in the sun, you'll get an Espeon."
I reached into my bag and pulled out two small, grey stones. "These are **Everstones**. Ash, your Eevee wears this at night. Gary, yours wears it during the day. Do not take them off until the bond is at 100% and you are in the correct time zone. If you mess this up, you'll end up with the wrong variant and I will laugh at you for the rest of your lives."
Both of them nodded with uncharacteristic solemnity. They knew I was the expert.
"Understood, Regina," Gary said, his voice actually respectful for once.
"Got it! Day for Sun, Night for Moon!" Ash cheered.
As we prepared to leave the Hidden Village, Melanie standing at the gate with her new Bulbasaur-less life, I looked at my own belt. I had two new Nidorans, a Shiny Charmander, and a Glaceon that could freeze a stadium.
I looked at the two bastards laughing beside me. They were smug, they were lucky, and they were the most annoying rivals in the history of the Kanto region.