Have you ever experienced waking up but not being able to move a single limb? Then you start dreaming while still seeing reality. People often call this sleep paralysis when you are in between being awake and asleep.
That's my current problem. It has been a while since I managed to open my eyes. However, my body doesn't listen to me. I've been staring at the white ceiling for a while now.
I managed to recall what had happened to me, so I already expected that I would lose a lot of sensation in my body.
"Doc, the patient woke up!!" My sense of hearing is okay. I am glad.
"Let me check." The doctor used a stethoscope on my chest. My sense of touch is okay. But that same sense of touch recalls the trauma I experienced. Then the pain starts to consume my whole body.
I can hear the doctor calling for help as my body moves against my will.
"Wait!!! Don't touch me!!" I tried to shout, but no words came out. A sense of crisis filled my mind.
"Don't touch me, it will worsen the pain!!"
A lot of people held my body. I felt like my muscles were being torn apart.
"Aarghhhh!!!!" Pain exploded through my body, sharp, suffocating, and unbearable.
"What happened? What's happening to my son!!" Is that my mother? I tried my best to catch a glimpse of her.
"M-om!" Succeeding in saying the word, I felt overjoyed. I could hear her rushing toward me.
However, when I saw her, I was shocked. This is not possible.
"Hold him tight!!! Give me a towel now!!"
I suddenly felt something in my mouth. The stress made my body shake even more. Panicked voices filled the room, my mother crying, doctors shouting.
Until someone injected me with some kind of drug. My body stopped.
That's when I lost consciousness once again.
---
The next day, I woke up. I noticed that the pain had disappeared. I tried my best to stand up, but to no avail.
"Brier!!! My God, you finally woke up!! What the hell happened to you??" I heard my mother's voice beside me, clearly worried.
So I'm really not hallucinating, huh?
"…Mom?"
Why does she look… younger?
I can't see a trace of old age on her face. My mother was supposed to be in her 60s by now. However, she looks like she's in her late 20s.
Is technology that advanced? Now I look older than my parents? That's so sad, isn't it?
My mother looked confused by how weird I was acting. Then heavy footsteps approached.
"Lisa, the doctors are on their way." I know this voice. It's my father. It has been a long time since I last saw him.
"Brier, are you in any pain right now?" I heard the worry in his voice. It has always been like this whenever something unexpected happens, he's the calm one.
I looked at him closely and just surrendered to the truth that my father had become young again. I tried to reach for his face to confirm it. I felt my hand moving, but I couldn't see it.
"What the hell is this twig-looking hand blocking my view?" I saw my father grab that hand, and I felt his touch. At first, I was confused. But seeing all these signs one by one, there was only one explanation I could think of.
"Mom… What day is today?"
"It's June 13." The event I attended was in March.
"What year?"
"2013?" My mother looked even more confused now. But no one in this room is as confused as I am.
"I turned back in time, huh?" I said to my self
With this realization, I tried to recall what was happening in this timeline. In my original life, nothing happened that made me hospitalized at this time. So this is new.
As I thought about the cause
The doctor arrived. He quickly checked my body and asked me several questions. I could now speak normally. He explained that my body was fine, no problems showed up in the tests.
I remembered a lecture…
trauma could force the mind to relive pain.
Was that what this was?.
PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
This psychological condition causes a patient to relive painful experiences from their life. It is common among soldiers who remain in a constant fight-or-flight state.
However, some cases also happen to people who experienced severe accidents.
This body of mine is only 13 years old, clearly not strong enough to handle the pain I experienced in my previous life. That might be why I ended up hospitalized.
Maybe I didn't go back in time…
maybe I just received the memories of my future self. Well it doesn't matter now. I am just glad that I am alive. Seeing that I have given another chance. I'll make sure to live my life to the fullest.
"Even though you are feeling okay, you have to stay here for a while for observation."
The doctor left after talking to my parents, assuring them that I was fine.
"Brier, let's eat something. Your father brought you rice porridge like that, right?"
With their help, I managed to sit up as they fed me. Seeing how worried they were hit me with guilt for not visiting them or giving them time.
There was a time when my mother called and said my father had a minor attack. Back then, I was in the U.S. After telling her I couldn't make it, I just sent money and continued with my life. I didn't even ask what happened after.
Looking at them now, my father wearing his favorite jacket while driving his tricycle, my mother in simple house clothes, clearly rushing here… everything stopped for them just to be with me. They didn't even change clothes for days and clearly hadn't slept, judging by their eyes.
I've wasted too much time chasing plans, saving money, and building my career. All of that was supposed to be for a better life. But I never included my family in that life.
Just how ungrateful am I?
Everything turned to nothing. I died without enjoying any of it. Now I've even become a burden to them. The shame, guilt, and pain started to consume me as my mother fed me.
Tears began to fall. I started crying. This body clearly couldn't contain my emotions.
My mother noticed and asked if I was in pain. I shook my head.
"No… I'm not. I'm sorry for everything." No words can explain how sorry I am. They've done so much for me. I gave them nothing.
"I'm sorry…"
My voice broke. My father also comes close to holding my hand and my mother starts to hug me for comfort.
"…I'm really sorry." Looking at my father that I neglected. He just holds my hand as I grip it harder as I apologize to him.
Sorry
That was all I could say. No other words would come out.
The weight crushed my chest as I kept apologizing.
"Brier, why? What happened? Tell me I forgive you," she said, confused.
But I couldn't give her the answer she wanted. I just kept apologizing until I exhausted myself and fell asleep.