Song Recommendation: Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish
GWENETH
Neil.
My fiancé. The man who got down on one knee and proposed to me with an expensive gold ring at a sky lounge restaurant in the upscale part of Manhattan.
The same man who promised me forever and said he'd rather be crucified than hurt me.
The same man who proved time and time again that he was different from my exes, that he loved me deeply, was naked on the couch, tangled with another woman. A blonde bent over in front of him. A woman I instantly recognized as Mackie — his coworker. He introduced her to me months ago at the mall, saying she was his direct subordinate. I had been jealous then. Even I thought she was breathtakingly gorgeous. But Neil's constant reassurance had killed that fear.
They were too lost in each other to notice me standing at the door.
"Go harder! Oh, you're so good, babe." Mackie's moans and the sound of their skin colliding bounced off the walls. The musky smell of what they were doing filled the air and shattered my heart into pieces. Tears slipped from my eyes as I watched him.
No. This is not Neil. It cannot be. He would not do this to me. He is not Tobias, Cody, Eric, Malcolm, or Mitchell.
But it is Neil. The man I've been dreaming about. The man I was counting down the days to marry. To take his last name. To have his children.
"Damn, that's it, baby. Fuck. You take it so well," he groaned, his jaw clenched, eyes shut. A deep flush painted his face, neck, and chest, sweat glistening on his forehead. I've seen that face many times. Hell, I loved that face. He was enjoying this. He was enjoying another woman in the house we were supposed to live in together after our wedding.
My heart didn't just break. It shattered into a million pieces, each one cutting deep into my soul.
My bag fell from my fingers with a thud. So did I.
Their eyes snapped to the door. Neil's eyes met mine and for a millisecond, everything stopped. His eyes widened in shock, then went blank and cold.
He should pull away from her and apologize. He should fall to his knees and say he's sorry, that it was a mistake, a misunderstanding. I fully expected that.
But he didn't. He carried on like I wasn't even there. Mackie smirked at me, moaning louder, clawing at the leather couch.
"Sugarplum..." My voice cracked on the endearment I made just for him.
He reached his climax and pulled away from her, gathering her into his arms, letting her lay her head on his chest. Watching him be so affectionate with someone who wasn't me was unbearable. If this is real, I want to run as fast as my legs can carry me. If it's not, I want to wake up from this nightmare.
"You know, instead of sitting there making that loser face, you could join us. We'll be going again soon. Or don't. It's great to have an audience," Mackie said.
Something snapped in me. I wanted to rip the hair from her scalp and beat her within an inch of her life. I bit my inner lip and clenched my fists so hard my nails dug into my flesh. I wanted to claw at that shameless, smug face of hers. But I held back. A regretful experience from my second heartbreak taught me never to get into a physical fight over a man who doesn't want to be kept.
This is the sixth time I've been cheated on. But this one hurts more than all the others combined. Our wedding was coming up. We planned a future together. I truly believed I'd found the one. But now...
"Why, Neil? How could you do this to me?" My voice was choked with tears, unrecognizable even to myself.
"You can't really blame me, Gweneth," he said calmly, without a hint of apology. "You neglected me. Always claiming to be busy like you're the only one with a job. Do you remember the last time we had sex? Because I don't."
"I thought you understood. You said you did," I croaked. "She's the one who put you up to this, isn't she?" I pointed at Mackie.
"For your information, darling, I'm his savior who filled the void you left. If anything, you should be thanking me, bitch."
Did this woman want me to thank her for ruining my happiness? I paid her no heed. Her words couldn't hurt me. I was already irreparably broken the second I walked into this room.
"Look, Gwen," Neil started. "We've both lost the spark for what we had..."
Had. My brain underlined the past tense he used for our relationship. "We could both really use some space. Or better, a breakup. We're not right for each other."
I spun around and ran like I was being chased. Tears rolled down my face, blurring my vision. Running down the stairs, I missed my footing and lurched forward. Fear shot through me as my hands windmilled for anything to save me. There was nothing.
I fell, tumbling down the stairs in a painful, chaotic mess. I lay at the bottom, on the dirty landing, my whole body aching. The bruises were nothing compared to the splintering pain in my heart. Neil's hurtful, unapologetic words were still echoing in my ears.
He wasn't sorry that he cheated. He rubbed it in my face and said to give ourselves space.