Lying on the ground, my hair touching the filthy running water and blood, but it didn't matter.
Only the burning feeling in my wrist.
And my heart pounding too furiously, hitting my chest again and again.
But alongside it, a faint pleasure lingered.
Looking at Leonel, motionless on the ground, his hands reaching for his wife and daughter.
Their bodies glowed as their souls began to ascend, but there was no angel to carry the three of them.
Only them, holding hands upward.
My eyes twitched as I looked at their peaceful faces.
Something liquid fell on my cheeks.
Tears?
I chuckled.
It was really a great joke, a joke that is only funny because the clown suffers.
My heart gradually began to settle. The blue mark flickering on my wrist stopped too. Its color didn't change, only becoming more distorted.
After a while, my chest no longer heaved as before.
Even the sound of the running water washing the blood stopped suddenly.
Only the voice of my own mind remained.
My mind made it perfectly clear that his doors would never close.
Which made me realize just how childish my actions were.
"The ultimate joke," huh?
But what's the point. I'm all alone again.
"So what to do now?"
No one answered me.
Honestly, I had hoped that the dead bodies would answer.
But somehow it seemed they didn't need to, as if it was obvious.
The real question was whether I should do it or not.
I mean, I hadn't even lost my V card, drunk beer, or traveled anywhere.
It may sound trivial, nowhere near the wide and ambitious dreams of my classmates.
But why should we all need some grand goal to accomplish to deserve to live?
Oh right.
I had another desire to tend to.
"Did my harmless jokes help my dead parents?"
Yeah… that's too deep for me.
I closed my eyes slowly.
"Maybe I should just lie here and do nothing."
But then I heard the buzzing of police sirens.
"Damn hell.
Didn't I order that register officer to kill everyone?"
The screech of tires hitting the water below began to rise too.
Not a single scratch on my body, yet I didn't bother to stand, run, or even kill them.
Which was honestly relieving.
What difference would it make anyway?
The floor is actually quite comfortable when you give it serious thought.
Then a car stopped and five soldiers stepped out, stretching their muscles from how cramped the car was. If I had to guess, the god of the west is cutting the nation's budget to bomb the god of the east.
All of them looked so young, which explains why half of them vomited on the spot at what was left of my "ultimate joke."
And let me tell you, those three who just vomited are completely disrespectful to my art and have terrible taste.
Wait, what am I even talking about?
Shouldn't I write a will?
Nah. No one would read it.
The remaining two who managed to hold themselves together split up.
The first went to check on the bodies, trying to heal them with his blessing.
The second was heading straight for me.
He looked roughly a couple of years older than me, yet he called out,
"Hey, kid!
Are you alright?"
Wait, why isn't he pulling his gun?
"Hey, kid? Are you alive?"
"For now, sir," I said.
His eyes narrowed.
"Why are you in a place like this?
Shouldn't you be at school or something?
And why are you drenched in blood?"
His merciless, annoying questions made me laugh.
Is it actually possible that this soldier is worried about me?
"Kid, I know you're dressed as a clown, but you can break character now, okay?
This is serious trouble you're in!"
His voice was firm and kind.
Then the other soldier ran toward him, panicked and out of breath.
"Joe, everyone here is dead!"
Joe's expression turned somber as he looked at Leonel's body.
"Soldiers, children, and women, all massacred like this…
Who in hell could have done this?"
Anger ignited in his eyes. Conviction too, I suppose.
The other soldier looked at the ground.
"But that's not all…"
"What else?"
"When I tried to heal the bodies, I sensed something sinister, something of madness.
And it's still here. Very near."
Damn hell, I'm literally right in front of you two.
Joe's eyes widened, then shifted his gaze toward me.
"Did you see the culprits by any chance, kid?
Sorry for asking you like this."
I stretched my body, still on the ground.
The other soldier pulled his gun instantly and yelled,
"Joe, step back, now!"
"The hell is wrong with you?
Don't scare the kid like this, Finsint!"
Finsint pulled Joe forcefully away and pointed at my left hand hanging in the air.
"Look at his wrist, you idiot!"
"There's nothi-"
Then it hit him. He noticed the blue star mark on my wrist.
The other soldiers came running from the back, guns raised.
"Shoot the Corinthian demon!" Finsint yelled.
As the soldiers began to charge their weapons, I found myself wondering why they were calling me a Corinthian. I don't know much about them.
Well, it doesn't matter. I'm going to die anyway.
"No-"
"STOP!" Joe yelled.
The soldiers stopped, though it was clear from their expressions that Joe had no real authority here.
"Joe, what's wrong?
We need to kill him now!"
Joe ignored them and stepped closer toward me, standing between me and his fellow soldiers.
Yet he didn't look at me. He looked at Leonel's dead body, my black dagger still resting in his heart.
"Joe, step away!"
"Get out of the way!"
"Joe?"
He ignored them all and asked me in a calm tone, though his face was stretched tight, veins appearing across it.
"Are you the one responsible?"
I didn't answer. Isn't it obvious?
But Joe didn't take silence for an answer and kept asking.
"Is that black dagger yours?
Did you kill those soldiers?
Did you kill Leonel's family?"
Looking at his eyes, it was clear as day that he already knew.
But strangely, I couldn't smile or chuckle or even laugh at him.
As if deep inside, I wanted him to believe I wasn't the monster he needed to put down.
He lifted his gaze from Leonel's body and looked at me, his face red.
"ANSWER ME!"
I clicked my tongue and pressed my cheeks up forcefully with my middle fingers, so hard that my lips started to bleed and crack.
"Who else would make such a joke but a jester, sir officer?"
Joe's tense face turned pale. He touched his chest roughly.
The soldiers behind him stared at me with disgust and hatred, yet they didn't shoot, as if waiting for someone to finish the lunatic.
Joe's eyes twitched, as if holding something he didn't want seen.
"W-why?" he asked, his voice crooked and uneven.
My fingers let go of my cheeks. I lowered my head back to the ground.
A minute passed without a single word or sound.
I couldn't tell if Joe was still looking at me, but his hands were shaking near his gun.
And suddenly, he grabbed it.
The soldiers behind whispered,
"Is he really going to shoot?"
"That would be a first…"
Then he spoke, composed yet broken, his tears still flowing.
"Sir Leonel and his team… they were like a second family to me."
A smile formed.
"They were my superiors, yet they never treated me as lesser or called me a coward like everyone else did when I couldn't shoot a criminal. They said I had a good heart that shouldn't be stained with blood."
His smile turned into a frown. His reflection distorted in the running water below.
"Sir Leonel wanted to see his daughter grow up and have children.
Sir Gerald wanted to be an artist, a poet after retirement.
Nelson proposed to his lover a month ago.
Their wedding is a year from now."
His hand trembled near the trigger.
"What should I tell his fiancée?"
His voice rose, filled with rage.
"TELL ME, monster!"
I stood up and stepped closer.
Looking at him closely, he had such a beautiful face, especially when he cried.
I leaned in and whispered,
"Wasn't I just a kid a moment ago, sir?
You shouldn't judge by the cover."
Joe's face turned paler by the second, sweating and trembling.
I raised both hands in the air.
"You should just shoot."
Joe said nothing, just kept looking at me with hatred and agony.
I touched his shoulder gently.
"Why won't you just kill me, officer?"
He clicked his tongue.
"I won't sink to your level. I won't stain m-"
I interrupted, my grip tightening.
"But the ones who told you that are already dead. Why are you still holding onto a false illusion?"
Finsint whispered behind him,
"Damn it all…"
The other soldiers cheered for Joe to act.
"Kill the monster, Joe!"
"Kill him!"
They wanted to lift his spirit, yet Joe felt the opposite. His heartbeat rising furiously, the way mine had just moments ago.
Is this what pain feels like?
My hands slid slowly from his shoulders to his hands around the gun.
"Don't you see, soldier? Killing a monster doesn't make you one. It makes you a hero."
"I… I can't!" he yelled.
I chuckled, pressing his fingers toward the trigger.
"You haven't taken a life before, have you?"
My words were nothing but mumbling, yet to him they felt like swords pressing against his heart.
I stepped even closer until our faces were almost touching, the trigger needing only the slightest push to explode through my chest, and whispered,
"Trust me, you'll feel better.
Break the chains, soldier."
Before the bullet could pierce through, he shoved me away roughly. I landed near Leonel's body.
"You tell me with a smile that killing a soul will ease my hatred and agony. Yet if that's true, why are your eyes full of pain?"
Joe's words echoed across the tunnel.
I looked at the black dagger still hanging from Leonel's body and laughed for some reason.
"You don't need to die, you need hel-"
"Sir Joe, may I interest you in a joke?" I interrupted.
The mark on my wrist flickered.
Joe was truly lost. Who wouldn't be?
But regardless, he accepted, with hesitation.
"Wouldn't it be funny if you, the most righteous one here, were to fall from grace and dirty your hands with my filthy blood?"
Strangely, no one laughed. Except me, of course.
A clown who doesn't laugh at his own joke is no clown at all.
Suddenly, a mark of a pure blue star formed on his forehead, but unlike mine, his wasn't distorted.
His hands aimed the gun at me.
"The hell? My hands!"
He fought it over and over, slamming against the ground, against the dead bodies of his friends.
"Please stop it!" he begged.
But no begging or resistance is enough to break fr-
A gunshot. Soldiers rushing toward Joe instead of me.
How? Why?
When I looked closely, it was ridiculous.
Joe had shot his own leg to break free of whatever this curse of mine is.
When I watched him look at me with pity, a thought passed through my mind.
What if the three soldiers who came to my doorstep, what if all soldiers, had been as kind and virtuous as him?
But despite that thought, I believed that even if the world were to become a heaven, abominations like me would still exist.
And bring joy.
I chuckled.
Finsint's eyes locked onto me.
"Shoot him!"
But no one shot me.
Instead, the soldiers behind, one by one, began coughing blood.
"The hell?"
"You guys alright?" Joe said, worried.
Wait, something similar happened before… I can't remember it.
No, I remember now. They should, any minute-
Ex-
One of the soldiers exploded.
Guts everywhere. Then the others followed.
Until only Finsint and Joe remained.
Drenched in blood and worse. Strangely, Finsint didn't say a word. But Joe opened his mouth wide as if screaming at me.
I couldn't hear him for some reason.
Their faces began to blur.
Then I felt something sharp and tall pressing against my back.
When I looked behind, I smiled widely.
"The hot Corinthian gi-"
I couldn't finish the sentence. My body gave up.
But instead of falling to the ground, she caught me, pulling me close to her chest.
"I told you I'd see you soon."
Her warm body and gentle voice made the perfect lullaby as my eyes closed.
Joe's screams, ironically, were the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"
I held tighter around her.
"Later, Joe," I muttered.
I felt a cold, solid ground beneath me. I honestly thought that I wouldn't get to sit on something other than the tunnel's filthy, blood-covered ground.
But something was weird. Didn't that red-haired Corinthian girl carry me here? i do not feel neither her warmth or soft skin .
Maybe I should open my eyes.
In front of me were three individuals.
In the center, a tall man wearing a black suit and a pair of glasses. His hair was black and short. He looked at me with a pale and calm face.
A short girl with blond hair. Her eyes looked like stars, and I'm not being a weirdo. Her eyes literally looked like stars that glowed with a different color each second. She was smiling at me, which made my heart beat faster and faster.
And beside her, another girl with short red hair. Her height was roughly the same as mine. But this girl can't be her, right?
That woman had long, smooth hair and sharp nails that I wished to be torn by…
Besides, this girl was looking at me with such hatred, or at least irritation, for some reason. That angel wouldn't treat me with such cruelty.
Anyway, they all looked different in both personality and appearance. Yet their presence was the only thing I could point out as a similarity between them.
It felt suffocating and dangerous, yet familiar and kind. It pulled me in so much that I made a decision.
To close my eyes, hoping that the three of them would just disappear.
"Hey, Sammael, you just opened your eyes. We know you're not asleep."
He said it sarcastically, with an arrogant British accent.
"The hell you mean? I'm asleep as a log, four eyes!
And where the hell is that hot red-haired girl that just saved me, aye?"