I shouldn't have said that.
The moment the words left my mouth—you don't trust yourself around me—I felt it.
That shift.
That quiet, dangerous stillness that followed whenever I stepped too close to something I didn't fully understand.
But this time—
it wasn't just the air that changed.
It was him.
Lucian didn't move.
Didn't look away.
Didn't deny it.
And somehow—
that was worse.
Because it meant I was right.
And I didn't know what to do with that.
"You shouldn't say things like that," he said quietly.
His voice wasn't sharp.
It wasn't angry.
But it wasn't calm either.
It was… controlled.
Too controlled.
Like something underneath it was pushing to the surface, and he was forcing it back down.
"Why?" I asked softly.
"Because you don't understand what it does."
"To who?" I pressed. "Me… or you?"
Silence.
That was my answer.
My chest tightened.
"You're not as unaffected as you keep pretending to be," I said.
"I'm not pretending."
"Yes, you are."
My voice didn't shake this time.
Didn't falter.
Because I could see it now.
Clearly.
"You keep telling me to leave," I continued, taking a step closer without thinking, without stopping myself, "but you don't actually want me to."
His gaze darkened.
"You don't know that."
"I do."
The certainty in my voice surprised even me.
But I didn't take it back.
Because it felt true.
Because it was true.
"Then say it again," I added quietly.
My heart started racing.
Faster now.
Harder.
Because I knew what I was asking.
Because I knew what it meant.
And because I wasn't sure I was ready for the answer.
Lucian didn't respond immediately.
For the first time—
he hesitated.
Really hesitated.
And that alone made my chest tighten.
Because it meant something.
Something real.
"You already know what I'll say," he said.
"I want to hear it."
His jaw tightened slightly.
Like he didn't like that.
Like he didn't like how much I was pushing.
But he didn't walk away.
Didn't stop me.
Didn't stop this.
"I don't want you to leave," he said finally.
The words were quieter this time.
Lower.
More restrained.
Like he wasn't trying to hide them anymore—
but he wasn't letting them out fully either.
And still—
they hit harder than before.
Because now—
I could feel it.
The weight behind them.
The truth in them.
"You say it like it's a problem," I whispered.
"It is."
"Why?"
His gaze held mine.
Unwavering.
"Because you staying… isn't something I can control anymore."
My breath caught.
That—
that was new.
That was different.
Because up until now—
everything about him had felt controlled.
Measured.
Intentional.
But this?
This wasn't.
This felt like something slipping.
Something breaking.
Something he wasn't sure how to hold onto.
"And that scares you," I said softly.
"It should scare you."
"That's not what I asked."
Silence.
Again.
But this time—
it felt heavier.
More real.
"Yes," he said finally.
The word was quiet.
Barely there.
But I heard it.
I felt it.
And something inside me shifted.
Because that—
that was the first time he admitted it.
Not directly.
Not fully.
But enough.
Enough for me to understand.
"You're not just trying to protect me," I said, my voice softer now, more careful, more aware of what I was stepping into.
His gaze didn't move.
"You're trying to protect yourself from me too."
The words hung in the air.
Sharp.
Dangerous.
And for a moment—
I thought he would deny it.
Thought he would shut it down.
Thought he would go back to being that controlled version of himself.
But he didn't.
Instead—
he stepped closer.
Closing the distance completely.
And my breath caught.
Because this time—
it felt different.
Not careful.
Not hesitant.
Not restrained.
It felt like a decision.
A real one.
"You don't understand what you're doing," he said quietly.
My heart raced.
"Then stop letting me do it."
The words slipped out before I could think.
Before I could stop them.
Before I could take them back.
And that—
that was the moment everything shifted again.
Because something in his expression changed.
Not slowly.
Not subtly.
All at once.
His hand lifted.
Faster this time.
Not rough.
But not as controlled as before.
And when his fingers touched my wrist—
right where the mark still lingered—
I felt it.
A sharp warmth.
Not painful.
But intense.
Like something under my skin had reacted.
Recognized him.
Answered him.
My breath hitched.
"Lucian—"
My voice broke slightly.
Because this wasn't the same.
This wasn't just touch.
This was something else.
Something deeper.
Something that felt like it meant more than I was ready to understand.
His eyes darkened instantly.
Not just red.
Deeper.
Stronger.
Like something inside him had responded too.
"You feel that," he said quietly.
Not a question.
A statement.
I swallowed.
"Yes."
The honesty came out before I could stop it.
Because I couldn't lie.
Not about this.
Not when it was this real.
His grip tightened slightly.
Not enough to hurt.
But enough to hold.
To keep.
To claim.
And my heart—
it didn't slow down.
It didn't pull away.
It didn't resist.
If anything—
it reacted.
"You shouldn't," he said.
My breath caught.
"Shouldn't what?"
"Feel that."
"Why?"
His gaze locked onto mine.
Unmoving.
Unreadable.
"Because it means you're already too far in."
The words should have scared me.
They should have made me step back.
They should have made me pull away from him—
from this—
from everything.
But they didn't.
Because something inside me—
something quiet, something certain—
had already accepted it.
"I think I already am," I whispered.
And that—
that was the moment everything changed again.
Because this time—
he didn't hold back.
Not completely.
His hand tightened around my wrist.
Pulling me closer.
Not forceful.
Not aggressive.
But intentional.
And I didn't resist.
Didn't stop him.
Didn't even try.
Because I didn't want to.
Because whatever this was—
whatever we were stepping into—
I had already chosen it.
And as his gaze darkened, as his presence wrapped around me in a way that felt too strong to ignore—
I realized something that made my chest tighten.
I wasn't just afraid of him anymore.
I wanted him.
More than I should.
More than was safe.
More than I could take back.
And I had a feeling…
that was exactly where everything was about to go wrong.