Inside the church, the heart-wrenching confessions of the two grown men gradually subsided, leaving only intermittent sobs and self-loathing muttering.
The air was filled with a sorrowful atmosphere known as "social death."
Perona admired her masterpiece with great satisfaction.
Looking at the two men who had been arguing fiercely just a moment ago, now lying on the ground like two dried salted fish, she felt that this New World wasn't so bad after all.
However, the effects of the Negative Hollow were, after all, only temporary.
The first to recover was Sato Kazuma.
That sense of despair that had drowned his reason receded like a tide, replaced by another, more specific, and sharper fear.
What had he just—said?
Tractor—wet his pants—death by shock—virgin—Excalibur—
Every keyword was like a red-hot branding iron, searing fiercely into his nerves.
He stiffly rolled his eyes and saw the silver-haired natural perm lying on the ground beside him.
Then, he also remembered the other's confession.
Old hag Otose—over sixty—slept with her—beast—
Kazuma's brain crashed for half a second.
A mix of absurd, complicated emotions, blending sympathy with a "what the f***," made him briefly forget his own humiliation.
But the next second, when his gaze met Gintoki's dead fish eyes—which had also regained clarity but were now filled with horror—both of them shuddered simultaneously.
They both remembered.
Not only had they spoken, but they had also heard each other's.
What was even worse was—standing in front of them was a living, breathing witness who had heard the entire thing.
Like wind-up puppets, the two moved in perfect unison, slowly raising their heads to look at the Gothic girl holding a doll and an umbrella.
Perona was watching them with great interest, the little devilish smile on her lips appearing hotter than hellfire in their eyes.
"Horo horo horo—so you were scared to death by a tractor, what an unheard-of way to die."
She tapped her umbrella tip in Kazuma's direction, her tone innocent yet cruel.
Kazuma's face went pale instantly, all the color draining away.
"And you," the umbrella tip turned to Gintoki.
"Your taste is truly—unique. Over sixty—Horo horo, what an eye-opener."
Gintoki's body visibly petrified.
The legend of Shiroyasha shattered at this moment, more completely than shards of glass.
It was over.
Everything was over.
Alarm bells rang simultaneously in both men's minds.
This was no longer a question of combat power or faction; this was a matter of basic dignity for a man—no, for a sentient being in the Universe!
"Thump!"
A crisp sound of knees hitting the floor.
Sato Kazuma, this hero from another World, 0.01 seconds before his dignity was completely swept away, made the most skillful and decisive tactical decision since he crossed over—a slide-kneel.
He assumed an extremely standard, textbook-level dogeza posture, prostrating himself with his forehead pressed tightly against the cold floor. The sound was so loud and the posture so humble that it would have made any feudal-era retainer feel ashamed.
"Perona, My Lord!"
He didn't even ask for her name, using the honorific directly.
"No! It's Princess Perona! No! It's Her Majesty Queen Perona!"
"Please! Please have mercy! Treat the words I just said as the ramblings of a miserable, ignorant, humble maggot before death!"
"I, Sato Kazuma, from today on, am your most loyal servant! If you tell me to go east, I will never go west! If you tell me to chase a dog, I will never chase a chicken! As long as you can keep this secret, this lowly life of mine is yours!"
Gintoki stared, dumbfounded, at the man beside him who had been arguing with him the second before and was now kneeling so smoothly and naturally the next.
What astonishing reaction speed! What a humble desire to survive!
He had actually—fallen behind in this competition called "Abandoning Dignity"!
"What kind of joke is this!" Gintoki roared in his heart, how could Gin-san lose in a place like this!
"Thump—!"
With a dull thud, louder than Kazuma's, Gintoki prostrated himself like a hungry tiger pouncing on its prey. Leveraging his height, he slid-kneeled to a position even further ahead than Kazuma, almost kissing the tip of Perona's high heels.
"Your Majesty!" His voice was tearful, a hundred times more miserable than Kazuma's.
"Please don't listen to that virgin's nonsense! He's clearly a novice at slide-kneeling; his posture isn't even standard! Please look at me! Look at the perfect, sincere slide-kneel of a mature man with rich social experience!"
While speaking, he used his sleeve to vigorously wipe the small piece of floor tile in front of Perona's shoes, as if it were some sacred altar.
"Everything I said earlier was just dream talk! Yes! Just dream talk! I dreamed I turned into a strawberry milk and was drunk by an old lady named Otose!"
"That's it! It's definitely not what you think! I, Sakata Gintoki, am pure and chaste! In my heart, there is only 'JUMP' and strawberry milk!"
Kazuma panicked; he knee-walked two steps forward and crowded over, trying to push Gintoki away.
"Don't believe him! This natural perm is a lie from his hair to his toes! I am the one who truly wants to serve you! I can warm your bed!"
"No, wait, I can clean your room! Do laundry and cook! I can also steal! I can steal anything; whatever you want, I'll go steal it for you! My luck stat is super high!"
"Pfft!" Gintoki retorted without showing any weakness.
"You pervert must have stolen girls' panties with your stealing skill! Your Majesty! Don't listen to him, look at me, look at me! I'm the boss of Yorozuya! I'm proficient in all kinds of business! Repairing water pipes, finding lost items, life counseling, waiting in line for others."
"Even including fighting! I am the most cost-effective servant! If you hire me now, I'll even include the iron-cutting wooden sword Lake Toya!"
"Your crappy wooden sword can't even cut my bath towel!"
"You have the nerve to mention your bath towel!"
Perona: "(ˉ▽ˉ;)—"
Holding Kumacy and supporting her small red umbrella, she looked down at the two men at her feet who were arguing until their faces were red, even starting to expose each other's shortcomings in the fight for the position of "number one servant," and was momentarily speechless.
These two guys—is the structure of their brains different from normal people?
However, this feeling—
This feeling of being desperately fawned upon and revered as a queen by two (seemingly) useless men—
Seems—not bad? Since I just arrived in this New World and need helpers—why not—
"Horo horo horo—"
Perona let out a joyful laugh. She used her umbrella tip to gently lift Kazuma's chin and then tapped Gintoki's forehead, as if inspecting her spoils of war.
"Truly two humble and interesting maggots." Her tone was full of condescending arrogance.
"Fine, this princess will graciously accept your allegiance."
"Great!"
"Thank you for Her Majesty the Queen's grace! Long live Princess Perona! Long live!!!"
The two shameless men cheered in unison, their faces filled with the ecstasy of surviving a disaster.
"However," Perona changed the subject, her smile becoming dangerous.
"Your 'dark history,' this princess will keep it well in mind. If any of you dare to disobey, or try to run away—"
She didn't continue, but the "Horo horo" laughter and the four Negative Hollows poking their heads out from behind her again said everything.
Kazuma and Gintoki both shivered simultaneously and buried their heads even lower.
"We wouldn't dare! We absolutely wouldn't dare!"
"Very good." Perona nodded with satisfaction. She put away her smile, looked around the dilapidated and cold church, and wrinkled her nose in disgust.
"Then, my two new servants," she said in a commanding tone.
"This princess is cold and hungry, and I'm not familiar with this damn place at all. I'll give you a mission: immediately find me a residence as magnificent as a castle that is worthy of this princess's status, along with the most delicious desserts and hot cocoa."
"Oh, right," she added, her gaze sweeping over Kazuma's bare body and then looking at Gintoki's relatively intact clothes.
"First, find a way to get him some decent clothes. I don't want to walk down the street with a naked pervert; it's too embarrassing for this princess."
"At your command! My Queen!"
Kazuma and Gintoki said in unison again, their voices loud and full of motivation.
What are dignity and integrity? Are they edible?
As long as they could keep that secret, which was more important than their lives, they would accept being servants, or even pet dogs!