Amid the sour stench of vomit, Hinata pressed her fingers to her temple with a grimace.
"I thought you two would be used to this by now. And it's just a kiss scene—it's not like I'm asking you to sleep together."
Before she could finish, Sasuke erupted into a violent coughing fit. The poor boy had barely eaten that morning—he was already retching bile.
"Stop talking, Hinata! If you keep going, Sasuke's going to puke himself to death!"
A pale-faced Sakura frantically begged for silence, while Choji—patting Naruto's back on the other side—wore an equally pained grimace. "Yeah, Naruto's about to go too..."
"It's the truth, though. They should be used to it by now."
Hinata muttered with visible annoyance. Ino scrambled to clamp a hand over the white-eyed girl's mouth. "I'm begging you, Hinata. Just stop talking for now."
After roughly five minutes—once Sakura and Ino had cleaned up the mess—the meeting resumed.
The situation, however, was dire. Sasuke and Naruto sat ashen-faced on their cushions, occasionally producing a visible throat spasm. They'd vomited so violently that their muscles had simply given out.
"...It's really not going to work, is it... making Naruto and Sasuke do a kiss sce—"
Shikamaru couldn't even finish the sentence before both boys dry-heaved in perfect unison. Ino roared: "Pick your words more carefully!"
"Fine, fine... point is, it's impossible."
Shikamaru waved a hand in surrender, then looked to Hinata. "You see the situation."
"But modifying the script would affect the storyline. And the readers who are anticipating Volume Three would be disappointed, wouldn't they?"
Dependable as ever, Shino stepped in. "Moreover, even if we remove this particular..." He paused, pushing up his sunglasses, and glanced at the two catatonic leads before choosing his next words with visible care. "'Oral contact scene,' there will eventually be more 'oral contact scenes,' and possibly even... 'indoor action scenes.' This is a romance, after all. These elements are unavoidable."
"Substituting 'oral contact scene' for 'kiss scene'—you really went the extra mile there."
Hinata's brow twitched as she sat with her chin in her hand. The white-eyed girl straightened with an air of severity, her tone sharpening. "Do you all think this is some kind of children's game?! Let me remind you what we are: an organization. And not just any organization—the most promising independent production crew in the entire Land of Fire!"
"Have you done the math? Your individual cut from each installment—one hundred thousand ryō—is the maximum payout for a C-rank mission! And you don't have to report it to the village. You don't have to split it with teammates. In other words..."
Her cold gaze swept the room, taking in Sakura and the others fidgeting nervously. "Before you've even graduated from the Academy, you're already earning what elite Chūnin risk their lives for! And now you want to suggest I alter a critical script over some trivial excuse?"
She slapped the tatami beside her. Her voice dripped contempt. "Answer me—when you become real ninja, are you going to cherry-pick your missions too?"
The room went silent. Even the ashen-faced Sasuke and Naruto gritted their teeth and sat back up. Hinata's words were harsh—but undeniably correct. Money didn't grow on trees. They had no right to complain while enjoying returns like these.
"Now, now, Hinata-sama, let's not be too upset. They're still students, after all. A little flexibility goes a long way."
Kakashi—the only adult present—stepped in with a smile to smooth things over. Privately, he agreed with Hinata entirely.
A hundred thousand ryō per installment was a dream gig that would make any ninja green with envy. No mortal danger, no need to write a will before each assignment, and the workload was negligible—clean up the set, use the Transformation Technique to act out a few scenes, and call it a day.
Each actual working session rarely exceeded a few hours. Then when the revenue came in, everyone collected their share and went off to eat, drink, and enjoy themselves. Even Kakashi found himself envious.
And since his earnings as a guest crew member weren't subject to village deductions, every hundred-thousand-ryō payout was pure, legal side income. Asuma had already half-joked about being jealous of Kakashi's cushy arrangement.
So, for reasons both personal and professional, Kakashi needed to step up as mediator.
"Personally, I think the kiss scene is still necessary—but it doesn't have to be Sasuke and Naruto who do it."
He beamed at the group of children and scratched the back of his head with theatrical mystery. "In any production crew, 'stand-ins' are perfectly acceptable, aren't they?"
Every face in the room lit up. Of course! In a world where even five-year-olds could use the Transformation Technique, why were they agonizing over casting issues? Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees.
"Perfect! So we just bench Naruto and have another cute girl play the female lead! If it's a real girl, Sasuke would definitely be on board, right?"
Ino punched her own palm, her cheeks flushing a suspicious shade of red. Her voice oozed with ulterior motive. "So, Hinata—what do you think about me? I played a princess in the school play once! I'd be perfect for the role!"
"In your dreams, Ino-pig! I know exactly what you're up to!"
Before Hinata could respond, Sakura detonated. Flames practically erupted behind her as the pink-haired girl roared like a Super Saiyan and hurled herself at her rival. "If anyone's playing the female lead, it's ME! Sasuke's first kiss is MINE!"
"Forehead girl! I am NOT giving up this golden opportunity! Seducing Sasuke during filming is MY move!"
Watching two girls roll around on the floor pulling each other's hair and stretching each other's cheeks, a grim-faced Hinata turned to Kakashi. "This is your brilliant idea?"
"Well, uh... we could always consider other candidates... couldn't we?"
A sweating Kakashi looked helplessly at the grappling Sakura and Ino. His suggestion had clearly made things worse.
"Honestly, what a hassle. If we're talking about a stand-in, there's only one obvious choice here."
Shikamaru yawned and gave a lazy side-glance at Shino. "You see it too, right?"
"Ah, yes. Ordinarily, either Sakura or Ino would work. But given the current situation... mm, they appear to be indisposed. And aside from Naruto, the rest of us—Shikamaru, Choji, the cameraman, and myself—are all male, which rules us out as kissing partners. So the only remaining candidate is one person..."
Shino looked up, sunglasses glinting. His right index finger rose, pointing squarely at the figure seated at the head of the room. "That would be you, Hinata."
"Huh?!"
Both Ino and Sakura froze mid-grapple. The atmosphere in the room shifted to something distinctly delicate. Sasuke, for his part, simply snorted, turned his head away, and closed his eyes—clearly determined not to express an opinion.
"Exactly. Rather than letting Sakura and Ino destroy each other, it makes more sense for Hinata to play the female lead. That way there's nothing to fight over."
Shikamaru yawned again, eyelids drooping. He was starting to feel like he'd been talking an awful lot lately. His mouth was getting dry.
"Mm. If we're solving the problem at its source, Hinata-sama is indeed the most suitable candidate."
Kakashi couldn't help a wry chuckle as he scratched his head. Judging by Sakura and Ino's expressions—both on the verge of tears but clearly too cowed to argue with the boss—the matter was more or less settled.
"Heh."
With every pair of eyes in the room fixed on her, Hinata gave a soft, imperious huff. The white-eyed girl leaned back against her cushion and answered without hesitation. "I refuse."
"Huh?!"
Once again, the room was thrown into turmoil. Amid the bewildered and questioning stares, Hinata languidly brushed a strand of hair from her neck, then offered her explanation.
"Don't misunderstand. It's nothing personal. I simply won't accept anyone weaker than me." She blew on her fingernails, then swept her gaze toward Shikamaru and Shino. "You two—as the brains of this crew, I believe this falls squarely under your purview. I'll give you one hour. At the end of that hour, I want to see filming begin. That is all."
"Ugh... what an unreasonable assignment..."
Shikamaru pressed his palm to his forehead and grumbled. "Looking at you... I'm getting a very strong premonition of what it'll feel like to be bossed around by a Hokage someday..."