[My name is Nagasaki Soyo, and my life is very painful.]
Soyo had a very long dream — she'd returned to the day the middle-school band broke up.
A lot of her pre-middle-school memories actually weren't very deep; she didn't even remember most of her elementary-school years. But starting with that rainy day when the band fell apart, all the sufferings that came afterward had left Soyo with vivid, lingering memories.
Elementary school — her parents had divorced.
Her father had gone off to soar away into the distance, and her mother had been swamped with work; she'd spent those frigid years alone, and the memories of that stretch of time had long since gone moldy and rusted away in some corner.
Then came middle school.
Middle school — entering a young-ladies' school, a new environment, new friends, forming a band, the band breaking up, curling up alone in her room.
Then came high school.
She'd been played for a fool by the only two best friends she'd had —— Wakaba Mutsumi and Sakiko Togawa; the former hadn't been in touch with her for a very long time, while the latter had cut contact altogether.
In the face of all of the above, Soyo had borne it all.
But mother still hadn't often come home to be with her — though that couldn't really be blamed on Mom either; she had it tough, working herself ragged alone, holding to the conviction that her child would never have to live through bitter days.
And so mother had handed over the empty, unpeopled house to her.
And just like that, Soyo had carried her loneliness and her solitude through, all by herself, all the way up to the present.
High school ended, Haruhi had also faded away, and she still hadn't found Sakiko.
The other party had quit the band in the most inexplicable way, and had even ganged up with Mutsumi to play her for a fool… Wakaba Mutsumi clearly knew something, but she just wouldn't say… she might have had her own difficulties too, but why wouldn't Mutsumi even say so much as [Sakiko won't let me talk about her situation] — the most basic of basics?
Why treat her this way? Surely… saying anything would have been better than saying nothing at all.
Walking forward alone in a fog — that had been Soyo's high school.
By the time she'd gotten to university, Soyo had realized she'd already lost the knack for treating people well.
Seeing enthusiastic people would set her on edge, because it called to mind the friends who'd hurt her once before; seeing soft-natured people would unsettle her too, because Mutsumi had been that kind of person; and then there were those riddle-talkers… haah.
University had ended just like that, and after it Soyo had gone to work alongside her mother — right up until recently, when she'd started setting up her own venture——
The pressure was enormous, but apart from work, there didn't seem to be anything else in the world that was particularly interesting anymore.
Whether it was her cello or her bass, they'd both been left to gather dust in the old house — and that was that—
"Gyah!"
Early in the morning, Soyo abruptly snapped open her eyes.
She'd had a very strange dream; in the dream, she'd apparently scooped up a small child and brought it home.
"Phew… thank goodness that was just a dream. Kids are nothing but a hassle."
Soyo hadn't heard her alarm clock, which meant it wasn't yet time to head to the office.
Without giving it a second thought she rolled over to grab a bit of return-to-sleep — but just as her consciousness was slowly sinking down into the empty stretch, a sensation of being stared at made Soyo's brow furrow.
[How strange… hmm… hmm?]
Opening her eyes, Soyo locked gazes with a tiny infant lying right beside her.
"???"
Wha — where on earth had a kid come from?!
Her brain, which had still been somewhat foggy, snapped wide awake on the spot; unable to believe what she was seeing, she sprang straight up off the bed and stood there blankly beside it.
A bare little baby girl, big innocent eyes — the halo of the morning light set off the little one in a holy radiance, and yet…
"Ah-ah-ah?!"
Soyo stood lost in thought for a long while, countless complicated emotions sweeping past in her heart; finally she walked out of the room and dialed a number.
A number… she hadn't been in touch with for a long, long time.
"Hello? Mother, good morning, I…"
Nagasaki Soyo rubbed her tangled, disheveled hair, momentarily at a loss for where to begin.
"I've got, um, a surplus baby on my hands right now. I should…"
"HUH?!"
On the other end of the line, Ms. Nagasaki let out a piercing crack of an exclamation that startled baby-mode Chiose straight into bursting out crying.
"Waaaah!"
"Haah…" Looking at the chaotic scene unfolding before her, Soyo heaved a sigh.
And that was that.
"You're telling me that after you got drunk yesterday, you just casually picked up this kid from the side of the road and brought her home, and right up until you found her this morning you don't remember anything you did?"
"Yeah."
"Are you sure she isn't your own little bun, Little Soyo?! Look at this child's little mouth and big eyes — how much she looks like you!"
"Mom! I've never even dated anyone! How could I possibly have suddenly produced a child out of nowhere?!"
There was a touch of impatience in Soyo's tone.
It had been so many years since graduation; she'd already gone from a sunshiney, cheerful girls'-high-school student to a gloomy, damp, and on top of it all loaded workaholic.
Honestly, if it hadn't been for this baby, she hadn't sat down for a proper chat with her mother in nearly a year.
There were times when she would miss Mom, too, but in those situations she usually had no idea what she was supposed to say to her mother.
Talk about her daily life? Don't be ridiculous — she hadn't talked to her mother all that much about her daily life ever since middle school.
She had a feeling that maybe, to a greater or lesser extent, she did resent Mom — and even if at the conscious level she didn't think of it that way, deep down in her heart that notion had vaguely taken shape.
After all, the familial bonds between East Asians and their parents' generation were just this complicated and tangled — hatred and love often couldn't be told apart.
"So what are we going to do now?"
Ms. Nagasaki had already entered a semi-retired state; she'd basically handed her business partners and her social connections over to Soyo, and although they didn't see much of each other these days, she'd often quietly back Soyo up from behind.
"I don't know… just find some orphanage and drop her off, I guess. I've still got several clients to meet with today, and last time's deal didn't go through either, haah…"
"Eh? But she's so adorable, you know! Little Soyo, look quick — she keeps reaching her little hands out at you, you know. That means she likes you!" Ms. Nagasaki lifted Chiose up.
Soyo glanced over toward where the two of them were, and sure enough she saw this red-eyed baby girl blinking those big eyes right at her.
" "
"I'm heading out for work. I'm leaving this here to you. Send her to an orphanage or keep her yourself — whatever you like… Just so you know, though, I'm not raising her. I don't have the time. I'm off — goodbye."
Maybe it was because she'd picked up on her mother's affection for the little child, or maybe it came from her own pity for the kid — but for once, Nagasaki Soyo's tone had softened a little.
Still, she just couldn't bring herself to sit through long conversations with her mother; it left her feeling stifled and aggrieved, and dissatisfied with herself.
"Have a safe trip, all right?"
"Got it, got it."
Ms. Nagasaki heard the sound of Soyo going down the stairs, and then the sharp "snap" of the door closing downstairs.
She smoothed out the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, walked into the bathroom, and silently wiped this little creature down with a warm towel.
"She really is pretty — just the same as Little Soyo was when she was little, you know…"
The mere thought of the Soyo who these days wasn't all that close to her would set off a faint, twisting ache in Ms. Nagasaki's heart.
But… what could she have done? Running herself ragged for years for her own daughter's sake, she hadn't been able to keep both family and career in hand at once; being resented by her own daughter was only what she deserved.
Soyo had been so well-behaved for so many years — it was about time she had a proper rebellious phase too…
But when Ms. Nagasaki turned her gaze on this little child again, she suddenly had the sense that she'd caught a glimpse of the shadow of a young Soyo in her.
"You could even count her as Little Soyo's daughter, couldn't you… and since my daughter doesn't want to get married, well, this kid is just—"
Soyo picked her up, after all! Of course she has to be registered under Soyo's name!
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