Children's words cut the deepest — little ones have a way of saying things that land like real blows on the adults around them.
Past midnight, Yoshiiro Chiose still could not sleep. The pressure that had been building for so long was quietly fermenting inside her.
In truth, the problem tormenting Chiose had always been a simple one.
The so-called worries that Takamatsu Tomori, Shiina Taki, Sakiko Togawa, Nagasaki Soyo, Haizuka Kyoumoto and the rest had brought her outside the simulations… the relentless self-hypnosis, the battles with her conscience, the constant adaptation inside the simulations… all of it was nothing more than endless self-erosion circling around a single question.
That question was:
[What if I just went with the flow — no malicious intent whatsoever, just a slack, passive simulation — just helping these girls as much as I could, and then dying abruptly when the time came? Would the results really be that much worse?]
[The System could have just set up a rule to kill me automatically at the appointed time, couldn't it! So why do I have to be the one to go out of my way to play the villain?]
Yes… she didn't need to take that extra step at all. So why was she, Yoshiiro Chiose, struggling so desperately to script everything out for herself?
Lying in Soyo's bed, Yoshiiro Chiose was completely wide awake.
She rolled out of bed and curled up in the corner against the wall — a twenty-six-year-old body housing a lost, sixteen-year-old soul.
By the pale light of the moon she could make out the pretty profile of the sleeping child.
Yoshiiro Chiose was still wrestling with all of it.
"If there's an answer… it's probably that going slack won't solve any of this.
"A slack-style simulation — throw out every shred of self-reproach and self-erosion, hold on to nothing but your own pure original intentions and keep simulating… that sounds good, doesn't it?
"No. Absolutely not.
"If you coast on the hope that you won't need to summon any real [resolve] to complete the simulation, then your capacity as a person has already bottomed out.
"If you've chosen to leave someone with a Lifelong Regret experience, but haven't steeled yourself for the fact that [your own conscience will be condemned for it]…
"If you've chosen to run simulation after simulation to buy yourself more time alive, but only want to drift through it passively rather than actively seizing control — if you lack the resolve to [be the master of your own fate]…
"Then that person has already hit her ceiling.
"Becoming The System's prisoner. Insisting over and over that you're a good person. Blaming everything on The System. Slacking off and drifting with whatever comes… what possible resolve does someone like that have to be a competent villain?!"
The pressure that had been compressing inside her for so long reached its peak in that moment.
"What do you think a villain even is? From the very beginning, you committed to being the kind of wretched, hyena-like creature who consumes her own kindness for the sake of her own lifespan — and yet you still clung to laughable notions like [I can just go with the flow], [I don't have to actively do anything bad], [I can pretend to do good and then conveniently discover at the end that I accidentally did something that deeply affected these girls' lives]? Someone like that has the nerve to call herself a villain?"
No — put it another way: someone like that has the nerve to use simulations to defy fate and rewrite her destiny?
Yoshiiro Chiose walked into the bathroom and softly scolded the face staring back at her from the mirror.
"From the very beginning, you were always going to become a villain…"
"What — does Yoshiiro Chiose's resolve still fall short?! And you're still hesitating? Still hurting over it?!"
Then why don't you go prostrate yourself in front of mini-Takamatsu-Tomori, drunk-Takamatsu-Tomori, and that useless little Shiina Taki, and cry your eyes out while you're at it?!
You didn't recover after the third simulation, and now you're dithering and wavering going into the fourth?
Who exactly are you wronging here?! The person you're wronging the most is yourself!
A so-called villain, a so-called qualified Lifelong Regret Simulator… they would absolutely never — absolutely never — be someone who only discovers after everything is done that her own life has been turned completely upside down! Someone who panics and doesn't know how to handle things when the fools from the simulation come knocking at her door!
Those people… are not qualified Lifelong Regret Simulators.
A lead who gets pinned to the wall in a one-versus-many — does that count as a lead in a one-versus-many?
A true simulation veteran is a true villain. They should carry the resolve to play with others in the palm of their hand.
Without that resolve, the whole process of harvesting lifespans is nothing but a hypocrite's hollow self-indulgence and self-hypnosis.
The simulations are fiction — but what you yourself go through is real. Only you, in the entire world, know what it was like to live through those days inside a simulation. Only you can listen to your own suffering.
"I, Yoshiiro Chiose, am not that kind of pathetic fool…"
There is no way back anymore.
If you're still going to feel sad or confused right before you bring the blade down at this point — then you really are a hopeless idiot, Yoshiiro Chiose!
"I can't take it anymore, it's so hot in here… I need to go for a walk."
She grabbed her trench coat and walked out, leaving the door slightly ajar behind her — she didn't have a key to the Ichinose apartment, after all.
The street was quiet and still, but Yoshiiro Chiose felt no fear at all.
She knew that as long as she was still breathing, she had more than enough strength and means to keep herself safe.
It was still so hot.
So Chiose slung her trench coat over one shoulder, holding it by a single hand.
"Could there be other people out there with a System?"
She murmured to the moon, which had risen ahead of schedule.
"Could there be other people out there running a Lifelong Regret Simulator?"
The moon cannot answer anyone who speaks to it. That is simply what the moon is.
If such people truly existed — what were they thinking?
Would they build some false comfort in their hearts? Something like: [The simulation is only meant to make other people's lives better, but oh dear, I suddenly died — that can't be blamed on me, can it? None of the mistakes were intentional. I'm still a good person.]
Or perhaps they'd ask The System for a setting like [simulate for a hundred days, then die]?
That would go a long way toward easing the psychological burden on the simulator. And then what?
And then what…
"If you've already decided to do something purely out of your own greed, then you were never a good person to begin with — and yet you still hide and dodge and make up excuse after excuse to wriggle out from under the psychological weight of it…"
Inside those crimson pupils, three rings of golden light swayed with each of Chiose's steps.
Yoshiiro Chiose let out a long sigh, her face utterly devoid of expression.
"Disgusting."
Two-faced little trash — all that posturing, and in the end just as hollow as ever.
People who dare to wreck the lives of characters inside simulations without a shred of resolve, who dare to strut onto the grand stage of the Simulator…
A coward who can't even control someone else's life script — what right does she have to call herself a villain?
You've already decided to satisfy your own selfish desires and keep simulating. Then you had better be prepared to become a true villain.
Otherwise, pack up and drag yourself to a hospital to wait for death.
A piece of trash with no resolve — does she deserve unlimited lifespans and all the boundless treasures this world has to offer?
Yoshiiro Chiose got dressed properly and walked to a small convenience store on the side of the street, buying a whole row of Kisatsushu.
She took a taxi to the little pier where she and Tomori had once fallen into the sea together, and stood there quietly listening as the wind carried distant cries from far away.
Those cries could belong to anyone — but not to you, Yoshiiro Chiose.
Chiose chewed on the straw of a Kisatsushu bottle, took a single sip, and then threw every last bottle into the sea.
"I swear — no matter how painful it becomes, I will harden my heart and bring myself to do what must be done. I alone will bear all the guilt."
The rest of the drinks — she'd dedicate them to the Alcohol Lamp. Even though that version of her doesn't exist in this world.
Chiose couldn't drink too much — it would affect the simulation the next day.
Besides, alcohol dulls the senses. If she could only be a villain while drunk, that would just be too pathetic.
"Since I've chosen to keep simulating, I have to be a true villain."
A villain who can manipulate The System, who can control the life scripts of those inside the simulation.
She could feel heartache and pain for what she had to do — but no matter how much it hurt, she would still drive the blade in.
Those with resolve shall find happiness. Yoshiiro Chiose hoped she would never agonize over this again.
She strolled leisurely back to the Ichinose apartment, washed up briefly, and lay back down on Soyo's bed.
And that is how things stood.
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