Umi stood up, her posture perfect, but her expression was one of someone finally delivering a long-overdue court verdict. She adjusted the sleeve of her yukata, looking directly at Agung, who was currently white-knuckling the edge of the table.
The Final Accounting
Umi:(In a voice like sharpened steel) "Stop looking at the Aqours girls as if they are the only ones you've left in a lurch, you ridiculous Panda. If you had spent even five minutes reading that 'list' instead of manifesting snacks, you would know that the responsibility doesn't end in Uchiura."
Agung:(Weakly) "Umi-chan... please. My heart can only take so many percentages..."
Umi: (Ignoring him, pointing a finger) "From u's, you have three. I have been raising a boy—your son—who, heaven help me, has inherited your stubbornness and my penchant for discipline. He asks every morning why his father isn't here to practice his forms."
Agung: "A... a son? I have a son?"
Umi: "And don't you dare forget the others! Kotori is raising your *daughter*
*, who is far too kind for her own good, and Maki..." (She glances at Maki, who is suddenly very interested in the ceiling)
"...is raising a **daughter** who already knows how to argue about medical expenses and bank interest. That is three from us."
Kanata: (Wiping her eyes and stepping in, her voice soft but heavy) "And from Nijigasaki... it's four. There is my Kureha-chan, who we already discussed. But Ai-chan has been busy too—she's raising twin boys who have enough energy to power all of Odaiba. And Lanzhu.."
Lanzhu: (Crossing her arms, looking regal yet annoyed) "Lanzhu is raising a daughter! A 'Queendom' princess who wonders why her father is a man who wears a Mikan apron and carries a cheap Android phone!"
Kanata: "Three from u's. Seven from Aqours. Four from Nijigasaki."
Umi: (Crossing her arms, leaning over Agung) "That is fourteen children, Agung. Fourteen lives that don't care about your salary in Pekalongan or your 'glitch' in the system. They are real, they are hungry, and most of them will be awake in exactly two hours."
Agung: (Staring into the void) "Fourteen... a son with Umi... twins with Dia and Ai... triplets with Mari... I'm not a 'Panda' anymore. I'm a biological anomaly."
Umi: "You aren't an anomaly. You are a father. Now, finish your rice. If you are going to meet fourteen children by breakfast, you're going to need every bit of that 'infinite stamina' you keep bragging about. Because once they see you... there is no 'running away' back to the Kanda Shrine."
Agung: (Whimpering) "I'm going to need a bigger phone plan..."
Umi: "SHAMELESSNESS! Buy a service provider with that credit card and be quiet!"