I'd thrown myself into a cycle. Work, smoke my weight in weed, pop pills, drink a bottle or half, depending on how I feel and end the day with a sandwich. I admit, it is destructive but it works for me.
Often times I'd stand before my parents picture—their wide smiles and twinkling eyes as they looked at the camera. The admiration on their faces when they held me—and I don't know what to feel.
I used to feel guilty for turning out this way, like they won't be proud of me but aunty Jessica always said 'they understand'. It didn't make sense then.
I smoothed down my dress, taking note of how much weight I lost. I stared at myself in the mirror—guant eyes and sunken cheeks—and cringed.
I need to get out of my head.
I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the shower. A sigh escaped my lips as the warm water cascaded down my body. I massaged some conditioner into my hair after washing it and grabbed my shower gel and loofah.
Aunty Jessica will have the answers and by God she will give them up. Images of when we trained, how SHE trained me, flashed through my mind. Now that I think about it, there was a motive in every of her words, in every instruction, in everything she taught me.
I'd went to her, broken and confused just after Arthur and she took me in. She was the one that consoled me, that forced me to snap out of it and become this person. She wasn't kind…nor unkind, she never minced words, but I guess she lied.
My mind drifted to Isaac and I sighed.
I rinsed off the conditioner, turned the shower off and came out with a towel wrapped around my body and one more on my head.
I chose a skinny pair of jeans this time and paired it with a vintage shirt that I left open wide enough to see my black bralette and gold necklace with a cross pendant that dipped into my cleavage. Next, I picked a high heeled leather boot and a matching pair of leather hand gloves.
My girls were at my side the moment I came into the living room and I scratched behind their ears, giving them some attention.
"You sure you are not liars?" I whispered when I bent down to their heights.
They just looked at me, tails wagging and eyes filled with bliss. Of course they are not liars.
"Let's go," I stood up and looked at Isaac who just came in.
He nodded at me and followed me out, to the garage where my babies are parked. I swung my leg over the Ducati scrambler motorcycle, snapped my helmet in place and zoomed off with Isaac on my tail.
•
"If it isn't Janelle Buchanan," aunty Jessica mused.
I strolled into her house, a literal palace. High, guarded fence, a towering mansion with beautiful shrubs surrounding it. A huge water fountain sat in the middle of the compound that was filled with an elite team of trained killing machines, just how she likes them.
I spent holidays here, my own version of Disney land as a kid. For every of my parents 'work' travels, I spent my time here. She was the fun aunt, the kind of aunt that would wake me up in the middle of the night to eat late night snacks and watch movies. The kind of aunt I shared all my childhood and teenage stories with, the aunt that stepped up when the news came that my parents died in a crash, the aunt that held my hand during their funeral and walked me down the aisle on my wedding day.
Hot rage flooded me faster than I can comprehend and before I could get a hold of myself, a knife was flying at her. She caught it with an annoyed look.
"Still a child I see," she scoffed and threw the object down.
"Start talking," I snapped.
"I am talking," she shrugged.
"I swear to God…" I gritted and charged at her.
A gun was pointed at me in a beat, I stopped.
"Do I have to shoot you to get you to calm down?" She mused.
"Why did you lie to me? All these years, you joined in on the biggest scam of my existence!" I shouted.
I shook with barely contained anger, my body itched to release some of that tension.
Isaac stood to the side, his back to us as he knew not to interfere with our fights.
"You were a child Ti-Flè and it was the best way to protect you," she sighed softly and dropped her arm.
In that moment, I charged at her and swung blindly. She dodged and grabbed the same hand I'd tried to hit her with and folded it behind me before grabbing my free hand and doing the same thing to it. When she had secured both hands in one of hers, she worked her fingers into my shoulder, the part that meets my neck.
I grunted and tried to free myself.
"You are angry, you will lose this fight," she reasoned.
"I had to be told by the same bastard that fucked me up and stole every damn thing from me, after almost getting killed!"
"I guess that's a bad way to find out," she mused.
I trashed around but her hold remained firm. She still smells the same, that vanilla and pinewood smell I always associated her with, it always felt safe.
"Why?" my voice broke.
My eyes stung with tears and my throat closed up as I tried not to let go.
She let go of my hands and turned me around to face her. Her thumb brushed a drop of tear from my cheek as her eyes softened.
"You are our hope, our shining star. To your parents and I, you brought hope of something innocent to us, something we never had all our lives. How could we corrupt it?" She sighed.
"James was going to do anything, kill anyone, commit the worst crime to keep you safe from this life but Vince happened and your parents died. It's cold out here, would you like a cup of tea?" She tilted her head as her eyes studied me.
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and nodded absentmindedly.
"Isaac come along," she turned to a stiff backed Isaac.
"I'm good."
"Boy, don't be silly. Get in here. You are family too."
Together we came into her warm house. Okay, I admit, I was freezing up outside. The evening breeze had picked up earlier, it could rain. Spring was fast approaching.
A cup of warm beverages and controlled emotions later, Jessica and I sat in her home office.
"Your great-grandfather was the founding father of the S family. Later, other people, races joined and gradually it became family legacies. S spread her roots in different countries, politics, business, international affairs, you name it. Leadership structure was simple, passed down, unless found unfit. Your parents met there, oh your father was head over heels for my sister, it's no surprise that he wanted a normal family life. Love can do that to you," she mused.
I scoffed and took a sip of my tea.
"Your father's brother, despite getting the throne without a fight, he still wanted to make sure he had no threats, blew them in the air."
Her face twisted into something dark.
"He didn't know about you. For all they knew, your parents eloped and never had kids."
"They were quite social. They'd post a lot of pictures but never posted me. It was a ruse after all."
"Yes. They hid you in plain sight, so when they were killed, nobody suspected that they had you."
"How is Arthur involved in this?"
"Arthur was a stupid boy, hot headed and makes stupid decisions in a haste. He didn't come to me on time, by the time he told me, you were on the brink of being discovered. Their stocks, their properties, they were in fake names. When he married you, given his own background, the wrong people started getting interested in who his wife was."
Realization dawned on me.
"If they discovered the connections…" I nodded to myself.
"Dominoes. Phaw!" she made a shooting gesture and sat forward.
"You've been found now but you are not the little girl you used to be. You have a whole army under your thumb now, you have me…and Arthur," she finished, her eyes on me.
Anger coursed through me at the mention of Arthur and she sighed.
"Jane…"
"I want to know everything about this bastard that wants me dead," I sighed and sat back, relaxing into the couch.