Li Shimin said nothing.
He barely knew Li Zhi's son. The boy was a stranger to him, really, and not the interesting kind who might have a scandalous secret or two. But Li Yuanjia and Li Lingkui? Those two he actually knew. He'd met them in person, exchanged pleasantries at court functions, and even given them the standard imperial advice to study hard.
Truly, a life-changing interaction. Someone ought to write it down.
Both boys were sons of Consort Yuwen. Li Yuanjia, the elder, was twelve. Li Lingkui was ten. Both had been hailed throughout the capital as child prodigies. Their names popped up at every banquet and scholarly gathering, paraded around as living proof that the imperial bloodline could produce something other than spoiled brats with expensive hobbies.
And now look at them.
Li Shimin made a mental note. Never let children become famous. Apparently, it is a curse.
Either that, or the universe had a particularly twisted sense of humor when it came to gifted children.
As for Li Zhen, Li Shimin remembered signing the edict that had made the boy Prince of Han just three months ago. The child had bowed with all the stiff, rehearsed dignity expected of a prince receiving his title. Perfectly proper. Perfectly forgettable.
The sort of ceremony that went into one ear and stayed in the archives.
Li Shimin had not given him another thought since.
He had not expected the boy to grow up, or develop enough ambition in the meantime, to have the audacity to raise an army against the throne.
Still, he had to give the man some credit.
At least there was some imperial blood running through those veins after all. It had apparently taken a rebellion to prove it, but better late than never.
[Chat Log Server]
[PudgeHooker: The old lady has officially lost her marbles 💀 Apparently, even becoming a female emperor can't save you from the brain damage that comes free with old age
DrunkenSwordImmortal: Oh, please. The old hag knows exactly what she's doing 🙄 Notice how she only eliminates people who actually stand a chance of claiming the throne? Her own sons and grandsons, meanwhile, get the deluxe VIP treatment 💅 Ever wondered where Liuwei Dihuang Wan came from? Yeah. Let that sink in
MidOrFeed: Fair point. That's practically the standard operating procedure for feudal succession. Murder the competition until you're the last candidate standing, then congratulate yourself on being the people's only choice 🤨 Isn't that right, Erfeng? Guangshen? Judy?
NamelessSword: Leave Judy out of this 💀 He was just clearing the emperor's side. He would never talk nonsense like that.
ElderlyCrane: Hold on. Is it just me, or do the old lady's fancy titles sound like something a tacky nouveau riche would slap on a business card 😭 And seriously, what's with all these amnesties? Does she hand them out every time she wakes up in a good mood?
InvokerOfChaos: Oh, you sweet summer child 💀 You have no idea how ridiculous it gets. From Li Zhi's death until the end of the Shenlong Coup and the collapse of Wu Zhou, that old lady declared 29 general amnesties in just 21 years. And that's not even counting another nine regional amnesties
She practically turned imperial pardons into a loyalty rewards program. Commit a crime, wait for the next promotional event, and congratulations! You're legally forgiven 🤡
JungleDiff: Damn. She really looked at Erfeng's approach and decided to do the exact opposite 💀 If he was the patron saint of making enemies, she's the patron saint of giving everyone a second chance, provided they aren't standing between her and the throne, obviously
BeggarSectElder: All right, time for a no-prize quiz 🎯 Which historical boss seized power midway through the game, had a nephew named Fengxian, ruthlessly purged members of the imperial clan and veteran ministers after taking the throne, then got overthrown by regional warlords because he couldn't keep his obsession with a woman under control?
AzureDragon999: HOLY SHIT 💀💀💀 history really does run on recycled plotlines]
Empress Zhangsun watched her husband's face cycle through at least four distinct shades of red.
She had seen him angry before. Furious, even. She'd once watched him hurl a teacup at a minister's head for daring to suggest that His Majesty was getting fat.
But this?
This was the face of a man watching his life's work get roasted by anonymous strangers from a thousand years in the future.
Li Shimin took a deep breath before speaking.
"A ruler must govern alongside others, neither neglecting shared authority nor hoarding all responsibility for himself."
"He must care for his people and bring order to the land. Only then can he secure the empire and stabilize the celestial axis."
"Any ruler who attempts this without two generations of inherited prosperity to back him up is bound to fail."
Du Ruhui immediately understood what had just happened.
His Majesty had delivered three sentences on the principles of good governance and somehow turned every single one into a defense of his own reign.
Impressive, really. Three sentences, three subtle attempts at damage control.
Still, the logic held up. Wu Zhou had collapsed within a single generation. On that point, the Emperor wasn't wrong.
The ministers exchanged glances, then bowed just enough to soothe the imperial ego without making it painfully obvious.
"Your Majesty is wise."
Li Shimin waved a hand dismissively, though the bitter taste in his mouth refused to go away.
Had the early Tang not inherited such a solid foundation from the preceding reigns, even its considerable wealth might not have been enough to survive the financial devastation wrought by his own daughter-in-law.
Just imagining the imperial treasury hemorrhaging money for decades made his temples throb.
"I want to see how these foolish rulers compare with Emperor Yang of Sui!" he declared, mostly because he needed something else to be annoyed about.
Then another question occurred to him.
What, exactly, did massacring the imperial clan and changing the dynasty's name have to do with Liuwei Dihuang Wan?
That joke had appeared twice now.
The first time, he'd let it slide. The second time, the commenters had acted as though the connection were so obvious that explaining it would be an insult to everyone's intelligence.
Which was irritating.
If you are going to make a joke at my expense, at least have the decency to explain it.
He turned to Sun Simiao.
The elderly doctor had his head resting on one arm, watching the Light Screen with the mild curiosity of a man who had lived long enough to accept that the world would never run out of ridiculous things to show him.
Li Shimin made a mental note to ask him about the progress of the Liuwei Dihuang Wan once the viewing session ended.
Not that he needed it, of course.
He was Li Shimin, the Tiance General. A vigorous man in his prime. A man of formidable constitution.
He certainly had no personal interest in medicinal tonics of that sort.
He was asking purely out of concern for his elderly ministers.
Men like Du Ruhui, for instance. Decades spent hunched over administrative paperwork had probably done terrible things to the man's stamina.
Yes. That was the reason.
---
Back in the hall, Zhang Fei shook his head at the comparisons coming out of later generations.
"That old woman had it way easier than Dong Zhuo."
Liu Bei nodded along instinctively, then caught himself and sighed.
His third brother was picking up these strange new phrases from later generations far too quickly. A few more chapters of this, and Zhang Fei would start sounding like one of those commenters.
Actually, he might already.
Lu Su, sitting nearby, looked faintly surprised.
"The palace intrigues of later generations are really..."
He trailed off, unable to find a suitable word.
Pang Tong shook his head slightly.
What later generations described was true. And this was only the beginning. Compared to the Song and Ming, this was nothing.
[Lightscreen]
[Balancing power is simple. Hit them with a stick, then give them a sweet date.
Wu Zetian understood this perfectly.
After stripping the Wu family of power, she conveniently executed Li Dan's two favorite wives, Empress Liu, his principal wife, and Consort Dou De, on charges of witchcraft.
At the same time, every prince and imperial grandson who had survived the earlier purges was demoted to commandery prince. The survivors got to keep their titles and their properties, but their political weight vanished overnight. It was a clean, quiet sweep.
Nobody important died, and nobody important had any reason to complain.
Except the people who died. But they were not important.
This move warmed Wu Fengxian's heart right up. Auntie still loves me! This Great Zhou is still ours!
Wu Chengsi was now completely convinced. He devoted himself to pleasing his aunt, flattering her endlessly, and dreaming nightly of the crown prince's seat.
Oh, and one more thing. Consort Dou De, who was killed, had one son and two daughters. The son was Li Longji. During this turmoil, he was demoted from Prince of Chu to Prince of Linzi Commandery.
The younger daughter was Princess Yuzhen, one of the top celebrities of the Kaiyuan golden age. She had a scandal with the Poet Buddha Wang Wei, and then another one with the Poet Immortal Li Bai. Two of the greatest poets of the Tang Dynasty, and she managed to snag both before they were even famous.
Some women collect husbands. Princess Yuzhen collected poets.
Was the empire at peace? Who cares. The court was calm, and that was enough for her. So her next order of business was simple.
She wanted to celebrate her achievements. She wanted to enjoy being emperor.
The Music of the Prince of Qin Breaking the Formation was the most famous court piece of the early Tang, right? She ordered a new performance called the Great Music of the Divine Palace, featuring 900 dancers moving in unison. It was performed at the Wanxiang Divine Palace during the New Year court assembly, a record for feudal court music that has never been beaten.
But the old lady soon grew tired of watching song and dance. Fortunately, good news arrived from the Western Regions. The Tibetans had been defeated.
And here is where the old lady actually did something right. Restoring the Four Garrisons of Anxi.
In Erfeng's era, from the destruction of Gaochang in the 14th year of Zhenguan to the submission of Kucha, Shule, Yutian, and Yanqi in the 22nd year, the Four Garrisons were finally established after 8 hard years of work.
But during Gaozong's reign, spending ran a bit over budget. Li Zhi decided to cut costs and abolished the Four Garrisons.
Because nothing says "strategic foresight" like cutting military spending on the border.
During Gaozong's time, the Four Garrisons were abolished and restored twice each. They existed in name only.
Then came Wu Zhou. The old lady, for once, showed some backbone. She restored the Four Garrisons and stationed 30,000 Tang troops there permanently. The region finally stabilized.
A stable Anxi directly checked Tibetan expansion in the Western Regions. The Tibetans were furious. They allied with the Western Turks and attacked Wu Zhou. But the Shiwei tribe, a Tibetan vassal, rebelled and joined forces with Wang Xiaojie and Li Duozuo of Wu Zhou. The Tang forces crushed the Tibetan-Turkish coalition and temporarily drove them out of the Western Regions.
This achievement sent the old lady soaring. Taizong had to tread carefully around the Western Turks. Gaozong considered the Tibetans his greatest headache. Now both had been defeated by her?
She had to celebrate. She had to celebrate hard. Modesty was for people who had not just beaten two of the greatest threats of the early Tang.
This time, Wu Sansi, another nephew of Wu Zetian, stepped forward. Following the Wu Zhou tradition of requesting imperial favors with as many people as possible, he gathered the chiefs of the surrounding peoples and petitioned the old lady to erect a Tianshu Pillar.
The purpose was simple. To record her merits, denounce the Tang, praise Zhou, and establish the new dynasty as the center of the world.
The old lady was delighted. She agreed. Not only did she approve the Tianshu, she specifically demanded that it be cast in copper. No stone. No iron. Copper.
Because why use cheap materials when you can bankrupt the entire empire?
Bronze was hard currency in ancient times. This improvisation left Wu Sansi and the others staring blankly. But there was no choice. They had to make it work.
The various tribes bankrupted themselves and scraped together millions, but it still was not enough. In the end, Wu Zetian ordered that commoners could pay their taxes in copper. Only then did they finally gather enough.
This wonder of the feudal era was overseen by a Persian chief as the contractor. Tang officials and foreign scholars jointly designed it. It was finally completed and named the Great Zhou Tianshu of Universal Virtue.
They collected over 500,000 jin of copper, over 3.3 million jin of iron, and 27,000 strings of cash.
With these funds, the Tianshu Pillar was erected inside Dingding Gate. It stood 90 chi tall, measured 1 zhang and 2 chi in diameter, and weighed 4 million jin.]
The more Li Shimin looked at the magnificent structure on the Light Screen, the more he felt his heart bleed.
"That is all... my money!"