Chapter 24
[Remaining Lifespan: 1 hour 11 minutes 41 seconds]
Kanzaki Tomomu had finished telling the story of his life.
Clarisse felt as if something heavy was lodged in her chest.
A deep discomfort spread through her entire body, impossible to ease.
After he had been saved by his teacher, Kanzaki Tomomu's days had been calm and quiet.
Right up until the end of his life, he had never encountered any real misfortune.
Yet she felt heartbroken for him.
Why did it feel this way…?
She searched for an answer but remained lost.
Wasn't an ordinary life supposed to be a good thing?
"Kanzaki Tomomu… didn't you have any dreams? Anything you wanted to do or achieve…?"
"I did. And I completed all of them. I told you about them just now."
Hearing those words, Clarisse finally understood where her pain was coming from.
Kanzaki Tomomu… had never once lived for himself!
His entire life had been spent drifting along with the current.
His teacher taught him knowledge, so he studied with desperate effort, absorbing everything with almost frightening dedication.
His teacher assigned him tasks, so he worked diligently, solving every problem and striving for perfection.
Whatever his teacher asked him to do, he did it.
When his teacher told him to leave after completing his apprenticeship, he left.
He lived in quiet seclusion here for a hundred years, guarding the path home for his teacher until the day he died.
He was like a puppet who had willingly tied his own strings, living entirely for someone else.
He appeared free, yet he had never truly been free.
You shouldn't have lived like that… Kanzaki Tomomu…
Even if she was the only light in your life, you should have had your own dreams and your own self, instead of willingly letting invisible threads bind you.
Clarisse wanted so badly… so desperately… to feel jealous of Kanzaki Tomomu's teacher.
But the person who had saved him wasn't her. What right did she have to be jealous?
And yet, she was the one Kanzaki Tomomu had saved.
If her mother forgot everything because of her amnesia, she would truly have nothing left.
Why did her heart feel so sad? Why did it hurt so much?
Clarisse had pieced everything together.
Because she had no right to judge. Because nothing could be changed anymore.
Because… she could only keep all these words locked inside her heart.
How could she possibly say any of this to Kanzaki Tomomu?
Had he done anything wrong? No.
Had his teacher done anything wrong? No.
If she had to blame someone, it would be the world that had already turned to space dust yet left permanent scars on him.
Were those the only reasons?
Clarisse closed her eyes, exhausted.
No…
Perhaps the deepest reason, the one even Kanzaki Tomomu himself had never realized, was the true source of her jealousy.
…Kanzaki Tomomu had always been deeply in love with his teacher.
But he didn't know it.
He had never even recognized the feeling in his own heart.
He didn't understand what love was.
He had simply taken that love and turned it into what he believed was nothing more than respect for his teacher.
Clarisse remembered the song she had once overheard him playing and singing during a visit.
"…Kanzaki Tomomu, I want to hear you play and sing that song again."
"Which one?"
"I don't know the name. The… saddest one."
Kanzaki Tomomu never refused the girl's reasonable requests.
He stood up, took the stringed instrument, and began to play with practiced ease.
The melody started. The singing began. Then came the chorus, the interlude, and the ending…
From the very first few notes, Clarisse had her answer.
Kanzaki Tomomu was slow when it came to emotions. He had no real awareness of his own feelings and didn't even recognize them as love.
His life had been so completely occupied by his teacher that he simply didn't understand.
And yet… the song he had written gave everything away.
What one thinks about during the day appears in dreams at night.
In the same way, how could someone create lyrics and music so full of sorrow without having lived through that exact state of mind?
Sighing that our love runs deep, in the end we join hands…
The final line of the song was perhaps the truest wish hidden in Kanzaki Tomomu's subconscious.
Everything before the ending revolved around the word "love," filled with loneliness and unfulfilled longing.
The song Kanzaki Tomomu had written was about himself.
What made it even harder for Clarisse to breathe was realizing… the song was also about her.
Both of them had walked deeper and deeper down paths fated to end in separation, their hearts left full of wounds.
But I know myself. You do not know yourself…
The cruelest part was that she could not say any of it.
In this world, there was no greater regret than this.
The tarot reading she had done for Kanzaki Tomomu had not been wrong. In fact, it had come true in every way.
The Three of Swords.
The Ten of Swords.
The Star, reversed.
Profound heartbreak leading to the end of a relationship, bringing unforgettable despair.
In the end, all hope for the beautiful future she had imagined was completely lost.
The only difference was… Kanzaki Tomomu knew nothing. That was all.
He didn't know his own heart was broken. He didn't know he had once dared to dream.
Or perhaps… he had never allowed himself to dream at all.
He didn't even know that his subconscious had already fallen into despair.
He had lived for his teacher, and he had waited bitterly for her final words until the end of his life.
He had willingly bound himself to memories of his teacher's past and never once thought of breaking free.
How tragic…
The stringed instrument in his hands and the white coat hanging inside the bamboo house were undeniable proof of her realization.
So many years had passed… yet everything still looked brand new.
No wonder on the day they went to tend the plum grove, even though the weather had already turned cold, Kanzaki Tomomu had taken off his white coat.
It was because he didn't want even a speck of dust to touch it…
Kanzaki Tomomu… you didn't have to be so humble…
At that moment, Clarisse could no longer hold back. She stood up, gently pulled Kanzaki Tomomu's head toward her, and held him in her arms.
"Clarisse?"
"…Let me hold you. Just for a little while…"
Perhaps no one had ever felt sorry for you.
No one had ever given you an embrace filled with tenderness.
Then let me be the one to do it.
Before Kanzaki Tomomu dies of old age, let me give his already cold body—the body that never even knew its own feelings—one last bit of warmth.
Even if it's only a little.
Even if it's only for a moment.
Kanzaki Tomomu froze.
A strange feeling washed over him.
Wrapped in a warmth that felt strangely familiar.
He felt himself relax.
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T/N: Heya~
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