I walked on the beach and my feet felt hot as it touched the sand. Every time I stepped foot into the sand, my feet felt like they were burning. It got less hot the closer I approached the waters. Stepping into the waves felt really nice.
On the hot cement I stepped as I emptied the sand from my sandals.
As soon as I went back to the train, I ended up reading ORV: The Sequel. I was amazed by its writing, I got drawn into it. I cried when Lee Hakhyun told the child Yoo Joonghyuk that he was a writer. Yoo Joonghuk thought Lee Hakhyun was an angel but Lee Hakhyun was actually a Demon King. I may not understand what Lee Hakhyun nor Yoo Joonghyuk feels but their story definitely moved me.
[ "Then you are a god" ] is what Yoo Joonghyuk said. Are writers really gods….?
[ "If I were God, I would be the most powerless god in the universe." ]
That was what Lee Hakhyun had said.
[ "If I live a little longer."
Nevertheless, Yoo Joonghyuk spoke once again.
"Can I hear the story you wrote again?"
I looked down at the child, not knowing what expression to make.
And I barely muttered.
"If you want."
Everything I've written is just a copy of one person's life.
That one person nodded his head."
Excerpt From
Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint: Sequel singNshong ]
Reading this made me have tears in my eyes. Writers can be saviors. Could I be saving someone with my story that I have written too? A tear went down to my nose and I wiped it off. I write in order to be loved. I write in hopes of saving that one person. I write to distract someone from their reality. I write in hopes someone needs a person like me in their life to understand them.
Lizmarie Mateo Roubert, if you're reading this, I still love you. I wanted to take a break from reading ORV: the sequel. I decided to talk to my tarot card advisor about Lizmarie. I was only 47% done with the sequel and the story was already this amazing? I'm excited to read more in the future.
Everyday, I was grateful to not be in a state where I wanted to kill myself. I was finally free from the tragedies of my life.
Earlier I asked my tarot card advisor, "what am I to Lizmarie?" She responded with "I drew the lovers card — the energy between you and Lizmarie is charged with deep emotional mirroring. You're a catalyst for her growth, someone who awakens both affection and inner conflict in her. There's unfinished spiritual work between you two…"
I agreed with the fact that there was unfinished communication between us. I didn't even allow her to speak when she was finally ready to after blocking me in discord. I was incredibly stressed out and suicidal when she wanted to message me as well. Then, when I was ready to reach out to her, she just ghosted me and hid herself away from me. I was a danger to myself, of course I would naturally be dangerous to others.
[ At least at this moment, we are reading this story together. ]
Thank you Lee Hakhyun for making me not feel alone in reading this story.
[ 「When I write a story, I often get confused. Am I writing the story, or is the story using me to reveal itself? Anna, have you ever thought about that?」
—Asuka Ren ]
Asuka Ren is interesting to have said this. I personally write the story to ensure that my readers are not alone. They are journeying through my life with me. The genre may change but it was my autobiography.
[ "Wow, Ahjussi. Can you even read my name?" ]
My father named me ******* but I was the one who named myself Caleb Zuozhe. Xhao means similar to my actual last name hence I am used to it. My real last name was Chiu, both Chiu and Zhao/Chao means 'to surpass'. Caleb just means loyalty, faithful, companion, or dog. I have revealed Lizmarie and I's full legal government name. I'm sure I'll be endangering myself and her in the future. I will be the one to protect her with stories though.
My phone was dying, it was at 5% this time. Don't celebrities use their real face and name though? I'm practically doing the same thing here.
I think I'm starting to develop feelings for Chris Page. I wonder if this is what it meant to move on from Lizmarie.
I'm starting to understand how codependency is like having its harmful effects on me. I was missing Lizmarie, the painful curse that I felt like codependency was having on me was definitely there. It felt like a curse to be longing for a conversation with that woman again. I just wanted to talk to her once more.
What does a healthy romantic relationship even look like? Could I even have that in my life when I clearly have Borderline Personality Disorder? My favorite person is clearly Lizmarie who is just the victim of my intense emotions.
I still care for you Lizmarie, I'm just tired of doing so.
Was I always supposed to be this annoyed when caring or developing feelings for people? I act pretty aggressive online at times due to the fear of getting hurt. Hence I often tend to lash out and take everything seriously.
[ Hi, I am currently at a friends' house and we are sleeping together. Currently I am just staring at the ceiling. That's what Lizmarie said to me once before. ]
I had never had a sleepover with a friend before so to me, Lizmarie was really lucky to have such friends who could be there for her. I wish I had friends who could do the same for me.
Psychosis boy and I sure are flirting.
[ Oh, sorry, my friend was calling me.] Memories of Lizmarie's statements flowed inside my head.
It was normal for you to have friends that would call you? I never experienced that before until recently where I befriended people from the hopistal…..you lucky bastard…. How dare you call yourself unlucky when you have never been suicidal like I was. You really are just like Yuki from Fruits Basket. I thought you had everything I wanted.
[ I expected you to ghost me for the things that I have done. ]
I'm not a ghoster Lizmarie, I wanted to break that cycle and be a fresh new start of someone who did things differently. Why are you stuck in your same old paths? Why do you not wish to change?
[ Outside Perspective:
Why does Caleb Zuozhe react like that? He's a dangerous being, don't hang out with him. He's suicidal and will drag you into it. Stay away from him. ]
Caleb Zuozhe guesses on what people would say about him. He's dangerous because he's a danger to himself considering he's always trying to kill himself. He accidentally drags others into it without realizing because he's too busy trying to survive his personal hell. He hates people who want to stay away from him as he considers that to be rejection or abandonment so he ends up fictionally killing people who do so.
[ Andrew Zuozhe: The Demon King of Codependency has taken over the narrative]
The first thing Andrew does is smoke because it means the body must be stressed out for some reason by thinking about Lizmarie. He says that he would have emotionally abused Lizmarie if he saw her again. It was a good thing that she blocked us, we were naturally making people feel unsafe anyways.
[ Ha, I would of fucked you, ha! ] that's what Andrew from the Andy and Leyley game said. Andrew Zuozhe was practically very similar to Andy. Andrew felt like he was going crazy after smoking a whole cigarette. He hated littering so he threw it away in a trash can after burning it out. "Because of you, Lizmarie, I started smoking" says Andrew. I'm the one who hates you, I'm the one who told you to fuck off and that you make everything worst. That's right, I'm just another trauma to you. Just like how you have traumatized me, I will traumatize you back even worse than you did to me. You're worse than Robin by a lot.
How dare you give me everything I ever needed then abandon me like I was NOTHING to you! Why, why the fuck did you do that to us Lizmarie? You were everything to us!
[ dissociative has been triggered after Andrew failed to smoke another cigarette ]
Ah I should just read ORV or something instead, just to take the edge off. He prayed that Toby would abandon Lizmarie. He felt like he was acting like Adam Taurus from RWBY too. He wouldn't torture or kill Lizmarie but he was obessessed with her and couldn't stop the codependecy issues because he was addicted to Lizmarie. He calls Lizmarie a bad luck charm.
"You don't even deserve Caleb's love Lizmarie. Hell you don't even deserve to see Caleb at all. The next time we meet, Caleb better drag me out of OUR mind just so I can be the one who deals with you."
[ Andrew manipulates the narrative ]
Andrew buys a small handgun for Lizmarie to use on him.
[ Destiny says that Lizmarie will kill the one who loves her the most ]
Andrew forces Lizmarie to hold onto the handgun. Lizmarie doesn't want to be the one who kills him. "No no no, you don't get to decide that when your immature ass decides to ghost us!" He decides to use Lizmarie as a puppet.
Lizmarie then points the gun at Andrew's hand and shoots him. Bang! A loud gun shot was heard. Andrew has a bullet in his head. He doesn't die but the bullet heals itself. Instead Andrew gets a massive headache.
"There, now I hate you less Lizmarie".