Chapter 14
In the autumn of his fourth year in England, Marcus wrote Leroy a letter that was different from the others. He didn't plan it to be different. He started writing and something came out that he hadn't known he was carrying.
Dear Leroy,
I've been thinking about something and I can't talk to anyone here about it properly because I don't think they'd understand the way you would.
I don't know where I belong anymore.
That's not me complaining. I know what I have here. I know what Auntie Bev gave up to take me in and I know what Mama gave up to send me. I know the school is good and the opportunity is real. I know all of that.
But some days I feel like I'm playing a character. Like there's a version of me that fits here and that version is doing well running good times, writing good essays, making Mr. Okafor look satisfied and then there's the actual me underneath that, who still dreams in Kingston, who still sometimes wakes up in the morning and for half a second doesn't know where he is.
You know what I miss most? Not the food or the weather. I miss being ordinary. I miss being in a place where I didn't have to explain myself, where I wasn't interesting because I was from somewhere else, where I was just Marcus from the yard who could climb a tree.
I'm not going to stop. I'm going to finish and do well and make Mama proud and all of that. I know that's what's supposed to happen. But I wanted to tell someone true that it's hard. It's hard in a way that's hard to explain.
I hope you're alright. I hope the yard is the same. Tell me everything.
Your brother, Marcus
Leroy's response came three weeks later. It was the longest letter he had ever written. His handwriting was looser than usual, as if he'd written fast.
Marcus,
You know what my dad told me once? He said that a man who has been nowhere is half a man. Because you don't know what you're made of until something tests it. You're being tested. That means you're being made.
The yard is changing. Two families moved out. New people in the room next to where Miss Gloria used to be. The mango tree still there though. Nobody climbs it the same way as you.
You belong here AND you belong there. That's not nothing. That's more than most people get.
Come home when you can. But not before you finish what you went to do.
Your brother, Leroy
Marcus read it twice. Then he folded it and put it in the shoebox.
He ran the next morning harder than he had in weeks.