Yu didn't give up after Nemuri's warning. Just the opposite. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and set it down on the nightstand on speaker before anyone could stop her.
"Alright," she said, crossing her arms as much as the sling would let her. "If this really is an assignment from the principal, then you don't mind me asking him directly, right?"
Izuku felt his stomach turn over.
Great, I'm about to go from "promising student" to "pervert with a file" in a single phone call.
The line rang twice before a shrill, way too cheerful voice filled the room.
"Takeyama-san! What a pleasant surprise. I was expecting your call, though I have to admit it came a few hours later than I'd calculated."
Yu blinked.
"...You were expecting me?"
"I expect a lot of things. It's part of my charm. How can I help you?"
Yu glanced sideways at Izuku, who had gone as straight as a board, and smiled confidently.
"Principal, with all due respect..." Yu cleared her throat and lowered her voice, as if that made her sound more professional. "Okay, no. Without any respect at all. I just walked into a hospital room, okay? Kayama's here, and one of her students. And guess what! I just caught them doing..." she stopped, made a face, and decided not to finish the sentence, "doing things I'm not gonna describe out loud, and she says you authorized it... So I need you to tell me she's lying, because if this leaks I'm ending up in the article too, and I just signed a shampoo endorsement."
There was a brief pause on the other end. Yu widened her smile, probably imagining the scolding about to rain down on Nemuri.
"Ah, that!" Nezu's voice pitched up, delighted with the opportunity. "How timely that you mention it, Takeyama-san. Just this morning I was telling Yagi over tea that a special authorization at U.A. passes through several signatures before reaching my desk... I designed that process eleven years ago, and it took me several months to convince the school board to adopt it. It's a beautiful system. You should see it on paper someday."
"...Principal, with all due respect, I didn't ask you about the pap..."
"I know. That's exactly why I found it so entertaining to skip it. It's approved."
Yu's smile froze halfway.
"..."
"...Excuse me?"
"Go ahead, Midnight-san, you have my permission to include Takeyama-san in the program," Nezu continued, as if the interruption hadn't happened. "In fact, you're saving me the trouble of assigning her to you myself next week, which is precisely what I was planning to do. Takeyama-san? Are you still there? Hospital lines are terrible."
"HUUUH?! JUST LIKE THAT?!"
Yu shot up from the chair, forgot all about her ankle, and for half a second her arm grew tall enough to brush the ceiling lamp before she managed to reel it back in.
"Yu. The ceiling."
"I know, I know!" Yu shrank back down, grabbed the backrest when the crutch slipped from her grip, and pointed at the phone with a trembling hand. "That's all the bureaucracy?! All those signatures for a field trip permit and you say yes to this in a few seconds?! He's your student! A U.A. student feeling up pro heroines!"
"A student whose Quirk permanently increases the performance of said pro heroines," Nezu replied, and the clink of a teacup against a saucer came through. "Takeyama-san, do you know how much it costs to bump up a single professional's percentile through conventional means? I have a boy here who does it in one afternoon, and enjoys himself while doing it. Forgive me if my moral outrage arrives with a bit of a delay."
"But it's gonna leak! Someone's gonna record it and I'm gonna end up in the headlines!" Yu ran a hand down her face. "I just signed the shampoo renewal, Principal! The renewal!"
"And that's precisely why it's so convenient that the authorization carries my signature and not yours. You're welcome."
From the bed, Nemuri narrowed her eyes. She didn't say anything, but Izuku knew her well enough to notice she'd stopped smiling.
"Nezu."
The missing honorific made Izuku whip his head around fast enough to hurt his neck.
Just like that? On a first name basis? You can do that?
"Yes, Nemuri."
"Why are you in such a good mood?"
"I'm always in a good mood. It's one of my best documented qualities."
"You approved this before Yu even finished the sentence."
"That's true."
"You already had this decided before the phone even rang." Nemuri sat up against the pillow, and the bandaged arm slipped off her lap without her bothering to fix it. "You planned this. What do you get out of it?"
On the other end, a teacup clinked against a saucer, and nothing more.
"Is Takeyama-san still in the room?"
Yu lifted her head, paying attention.
"She's still here," Nemuri answered.
"Ah. Then my answer is that I run a school, and I like investing in my students."
Izuku had stopped listening at some point. He had the gelatin cup balanced on his knee and was carefully loading the spoon.
Himiko had glued herself to his side without anyone inviting her. Her mouth was already open.
"Aaaah..."
Izuku, without even looking at her, brought the spoon in front of her lips.
"Nom... Nom, nom! Mmm... Izuku-kuuun..." she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder. "What're they saying? What're they talking about?"
"I don't have the faintest idea," he answered under his breath as he loaded up another spoonful. "I stopped following a while back. I thought I was the only idiot in here... Glad you showed up, Himiko-chan."
Himiko blinked for a moment.
"Was that a compliment?"
"Depends on how you wanna take it."
She smiled, showing off her fangs a little.
"Then it WAS a compliment! I'm keeping it!"
Wow. This is identical to those novels my mom watches. All that's left is for someone to turn out to be somebody's long-lost brother.
Nemuri and Yu turned at the same time.
"Ah, uh..." Izuku raised his free hand and waved it with a smile. "Ignore us. Ignore us."
The voice on the phone kept going, just as chipper as ever.
"Two days ago, someone smuggled a creature into my school, Nemuri. They built it to kill one specific person, and they built it convinced it was possible. I've spent a night without sleep thinking about how much you have to know to believe something like that."
Nemuri didn't answer. The bandaged arm slipped again, and this time she left it where it fell.
"And now a first-year student shows up who can make people stronger. You tell me if that's luck, or if I have the right to treat it like luck."
Izuku absently patted Himiko on the thigh and brought the spoon closer without taking his eyes off the phone. The spoon reached her chin, kept going, and the gelatin landed inside the collar of Himiko's shirt.
She froze, shivering a little as she stayed still with her shoulders hunched while the stuff slid slowly down her cleavage.
"Nezu, I hate it when you get mysterious. Speak clearly."
"Then let's do it properly. Monday, in my office. I'll prepare some good tea... and I'll answer all your questions there."
He paused briefly before adding:
"And, if you don't mind, bring your student and Takeyama-san too. I think it'll be a conversation both of them should hear."
Nemuri let out a resigned sigh.
"Principal, wait! What about me?! I'm the one who's gonna end up on the cover when this leaks!"
"Get well soon, Takeyama-san. And congratulations on the shampoo renewal. I saw the ad at the Musutafu station. Very flattering."
The call cut off.
What is he talking about? Why do I feel like they were talking about me in a language nobody taught me?
"Hmm? Who was that, Izuku-kuuun?" Himiko asked, still poking at the gelatin with one finger like it belonged to her.
"The principal of my school."
Yu stared at the dark phone screen before letting herself flop back against the chair.
"Lunatics," she told the ceiling. "Everyone in this room is out of their mind. The one in the pajamas, the one on the phone, the weird girl with the gelatin, the kid."
"Huh?! I didn't bring a knife today," Himiko clarified.
Yu turned her head slowly.
"TODAY?"
"Yu."
"What? It's the truth and you all know it." She adjusted the sling and sighed. "...And does this at least come with hazard pay, or did they just assign me and that's it?"
"Ask the principal on Monday."
"Not in a million years."
Izuku, on the other hand, was barely listening anymore.
Rewind. Kayama-sensei said yes, Nezu said yes, and Nezu just added Mt. Lady to the program without anyone even asking him to.
Mt. Lady. The heroine who changed my life.
They say a hero finds their calling when someone reaches out a hand and tells them "you can be one too." For me, it happened with her thi...
No, no, no, and NO. Focus, Izuku, she's your spiritual mentor and you owe her respect.
...Some very respectable thighs.
Izuku dropped his gaze to the floor so nobody could see his face.
Incredible. I didn't even have to ask.
...I mean, what a wonderful opportunity to contribute to the advancement of hero society. All for the sake of society.
"Alright." Yu rubbed her temples. "Before I sign anything, and before this day gets any worse, someone's gonna explain to me what exactly the kid's Quirk does."
Izuku froze with the spoon in the air.
Oh no. That part... How do I explain it without coming off as a pervert?
"Um... It's an analysis function," Izuku started, setting the spoon back inside the cup. "I can see information about another person's Quirk. It shows up in my head like a file and tells me what it does, what limits it has, and what it still needs to develop."
Yu raised an eyebrow from the chair. The idea didn't sound bad, and that made her lower her guard a little.
"That sounds useful. And how do you pull it up?"
"I need physical contact with the person."
"Bah, that's nothing weird. There's a bunch of Quirks that need physical contact," Yu said, waving it off with her free hand. "A handshake, a tap on the shoulder... Don't overthink it."
"It's not the shoulder."
"Then where?"
Izuku opened his mouth and searched for a polite way to say it that didn't exist in any known language.
"It's... uhhh... look, it's complicated, there are very specific factors that..."
"Kid, just say it already."
"Ahem." Izuku straightened his back and lifted his chin with every ounce of dignity he had left. "Fine. I admit it. I HAVE TO TOUCH BREASTS. Happy? Whew, I finally got it out. I've had this weight on my chest since I first kept the secret. It's a terrible thing to carry for someone as noble as I am."
The room went quiet. Himiko stopped chewing.
"Of the person being analyzed, to be clear," he added, pointing at his own chest. "I already tried it on mine and nothing happens, so it's not something I enjoy. It's a burden I got stuck with."
"Hold on a second..." Yu sat up slowly, looking at him in disbelief. "Are you telling me your Quirk consists of going around groping heroines?"
"It's a serious and respectable procedure!"
"THERE'S NOTHING RESPECTABLE ABOUT IT!"
"It's being misinterpreted, let me explain the important part, which is exactly the part that makes it respectable!"
"Sweetie..." Nemuri murmured without fully opening her eyes, still settled against the pillow. "You've been talking for a while now... and with every word, you're managing to make things worse. From here on, let me handle it."
"But, sensei! I swear, I can fix it if you just let me explain it one more time...!"
"No, honey." She shook her head gently. "You sit down, be quiet... and pay attention. It's time you saw how a situation like this gets handled."
Izuku closed his mouth. Nemuri took her time turning her head toward the chair, and smiled.
"Yu."
"What?"
"Let me use my Quirk on you for a moment."
"Huuuh? What for?" Yu looked at her as if she'd asked for a kidney. "Kayama, not on your life. I know you. You'll knock me out, and the second I close my eyes I'll wake up with a mustache drawn on my face and a photo circulating around, I wasn't born yesterday."
"Trust me for a second." Nemuri shrugged as far as the bandaged arm allowed. "Or are you scared of my pheromone? The great Mt. Lady, trembling over a little bit of scent."
Yu narrowed her eyes. She knew exactly what Kayama was doing, and even so she felt the sting right where the other woman wanted it.
"I'm not scared of anything from you."
"Then let me try."
"Fine. Go ahead." Yu settled into the chair and opened her arm in an exaggerated invitation, mocking smile already loaded on her face. "But I'll warn you one thing, Kayama. If I fall asleep and wake up with something weird drawn on my face, I'm suing you and taking your agency. And if by some miracle your scent doesn't knock me out, you're gonna hear me brag about my resistance until you retire."
"Noted, word for word."
Does no one else in this room see the problem? Izuku thought.
Nemuri closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She took her time, long enough for Yu to start opening her mouth with a smart remark already loaded, and right then the air in the room shifted, sweeter and heavier than before.
Yu waited with her arms crossed. She checked her hands and looked up at the ceiling, searching for the sleep she knew by heart, the one that wasn't quite arriving.
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"See? Not even a tingle. Told you, Kayama. I'm tougher than I look. Last time we worked together I inhaled your scent head-on... and here I still am."
Across the room, Izuku loosened the collar of his hospital gown with one finger, unable to remember the moment he'd set the gelatin cup back on the nightstand.
Why is it so hot in here? It's a hospital, hospitals are supposed to be cold by regulation.
Yu scratched at the base of her neck while she kept talking.
"I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with this, but I want you to know it's not gonna work!"
She scratched again in the same spot, without noticing she was repeating the gesture.
Himiko looked up from the gelatin and started fanning herself with her sticky hand.
"Is it just me or is it super hot in here?"
"You've got dessert melting inside your shirt, Toga," Izuku answered without looking away from the wall.
Himiko glanced down at her cleavage.
"Oh, that's right! I forgot all about it."
Yu shifted in the chair, adjusted it a little, and a moment later moved it again, this time with the leg scraping against the floor and quite a bit closer to the bed than before.
"How curious," Nemuri murmured.
"What's curious?"
"Nothing important. Hey, do me a favor and describe how you're feeling."
"Fine." Yu took a beat too long to answer. "Normal. A little warm, maybe, but it's this room."
Izuku picked up the gelatin cup from the nightstand, thought better of it, and ended up taking the pillow Nemuri wasn't using and settling it over his lap with all the naturalness he could fake. The wall in front of him had become the most interesting thing in the room and he wasn't planning to take his eyes off it.
"Well, well, Midoriya." Nemuri smiled with a mischievous air. "Your face is completely red. Is something going on... or is there something you want to tell everyone?"
"Wonderful, sensei, never been better," he answered without turning. "It's just the ventilation. Hospitals have terrible air circulation, it's a very well known problem, somebody should report it to maintenance."
Nemuri propped herself up a bit against the pillow, not bothering to hide that she was having the time of her life.
"Izuku-kun, do me a favor and recite the last line of your precious file."
No, not the clause, any other line but that one.
"...I don't remember what it said. I've got a bad memory for details."
"You don't forget anything, sweetheart, and we both know it."
Izuku let out a breath and spoke straight at the wall, half defeated, searching for the least embarrassing exit of all the ones he still had.
"Th-there's a mistake in the file, Nemuri-sensei. A huge one." He turned his head and raised a finger with solemnity. "I read it wrong the first time. What it actually says is that it hits harder the more heroic the recipient is. It's a matter of nobility of spirit, sensei. On some average guy this wouldn't even tickle, but on me it's hitting really hard, and that can only mean one thing. That I'm profoundly heroic... practically the next All Might."
"Sweetie, only you can read that file."
"Which is exactly why you have to believe me. It's my word against nobody's."
"Izuku-kun's got a boner!" Himiko announced, pointing at him with a gelatin-smeared finger.
"TOGA!"
"What? I'm not lying! You said we had to log everything that happened. I'm just being a good helper."
Yu turned her head toward where the finger was pointing, and stayed there. Her throat bobbed a little as she swallowed, and without thinking she ran her tongue along her lip before swallowing again.
...
...Huh?
What the hell just happened to me?
I... I spaced out staring at a boy in a hospital gown?
Yu Takeyama, snap out of it! He's got freckles, non-slip socks, and he's hugging a pillow like it's gonna save his life.
...So why the hell did I think he was cute?
Yu blinked and, finally, noticed how close she'd gotten.
The chair had already ended up pressed against the edge of the bed.
She pulled back, as if she'd been caught in the act.
"...When did I get this close...?"
"You're just noticing now?" Nemuri asked with an amused smile. "You've been inching closer for a while. Trust me, I just enjoyed the show."
The scent in the room had faded at some point, so gradually that nobody noticed when it fully disappeared. Yu stayed very still, hands clenched in her lap.
"Kayama."
"Yes, honey."
"..."
"...I b-believe you, okay? But... I'm gonna need someone to explain the whole procedure. From the beginning. In writing. And with absolutely every single detail..."
She lowered her gaze a little and cleared her throat before continuing, visibly uncomfortable.
"And... well... I promise this stays between us. But, please... don't ever bring up what happened in this room again. Deal?"
"In writing?" Izuku asked.
"In writing."
"It's just that the procedure involves certain words that read really badly on paper."
"I already got real clear on what the contact requirements are, thanks."
Himiko stretched over Izuku's legs to reach the nightstand, letting herself flop against his side with no intention of moving.
"Hey, Izuku-kun, when you do that to the giant lady, I wanna be there! I promise I won't get in the way at all!"
"No, Toga."
"Awww! How come her and not me?" She puffed her cheeks and hung off his arm, swinging. "I was supposed to be next, y'know? I got here first, Izuku-kun, way before that lady."
"Because I already did it with you and not with her, remember?"
"Then do it again, just in case!" She pressed closer, smiling with her fangs bared. "I'd let you check as many times as you want, that's what friends are for."
Yu, who up until that moment was still processing her own existential crisis, turned her head toward the two of them.
"What do you mean, you already did it with her?"
"It's a very long story, Takeyama-san, and I've run out of gelatin to tell it."
******
All I'll say is, if you want more, look me up as Shurazero. See you soon!