Tonight, it turned out, I wasn't a participant.
Not a special.
Not a trainee learning to protect and serve.
Tonight—
I was a guest of honor.
Someone else might've been proud.
I wasn't.
In this nest of vipers, I'd gotten used to standing behind Silius. Pathetic as it sounded—I'd gotten used to him standing between me and the rest of them.
Tonight—
there was no one in front of me.
"Do I really have to go in?" I asked again as we stopped before the tall oak doors.
"I don't like it either," Clyde muttered. "But it's mandatory. Tonight—you're the one everyone's watching."
He pushed the doors open.
The first thing I saw—
Amelia.
Kneeling on a low platform in the center of the hall.
Head lowered.
Still.
People circled her.
Laughing.
Throwing insults.
Some threw more than words.
Chicken bones.
Dirty napkins.
Trash.
Someone splashed wine over her—red streaks running down her hair, soaking into her clothes.
She didn't move.
Didn't react.
Didn't even flinch.
My stomach turned.
"That's the Evening of Shame?" I asked under my breath.
"Yes," Clyde said. "Be glad it's not you."
His gaze shifted.
Susan Rose sat off to the side.
Alone.
Rigid.
"Poor girl," Clyde added quietly. "Even if she survives, she loses everything."
"If that were you, it would just damage your reputation," I said.
"If that were me, I'd lose my status," he replied flatly. "And that would still be nothing compared to what would happen to you."
A pause.
"You're an idiot for agreeing to that deal."
Another.
"And I'm worse for letting you."
I opened my mouth—
But Marta appeared.
"There he is—the second star of the evening!" she said brightly, sweeping toward me. "Alan, I couldn't possibly miss the chance to congratulate you personally."
Before I could react, she leaned in and kissed my cheek.
I froze.
Her neckline was right in front of my eyes.
"Th—thank you."
"That's enough, Marta," Clyde cut in.
"Oh, don't be jealous," she laughed. "Tonight, he doesn't belong only to you."
She slipped her arm through mine and pulled me into the crowd.
Clyde followed—reluctantly.
Voices closed in.
Congratulations.
Smiles.
Polite words with edges hidden underneath.
None of it reached me.
"Alan!"
I turned.
Sandra Holivan.
"Excuse me, Marta…"
"I understand," she said easily, letting me go—and turning her attention to a clearly irritated Clyde.
I moved toward the edge of the hall.
More space.
Less pressure.
She followed.
I turned, ready to shut it down—to say there was nothing left between me and that family.
And stopped.
She was barely holding herself together.
"Mom…" The word slipped out before I could stop it.
Something shifted.
For the first time—
she felt like mine.
Not just his.
Mine.
"My boy…" Her hands reached for mine—hesitant, trembling—then closed around them. I didn't pull away.
"I was so worried… I accepted that you chose the academy, even if I never understood why. But when I saw you there… when I realized what they've made you do…"
Her voice broke.
"Alan, please. Leave this. Come home."
She stepped closer.
Wrapped her arms around me.
Quiet sobs against my shoulder.
I stood still.
Then slowly pulled back and wiped the tears from her face.
"It's too late," I said quietly.
The look in her eyes—
hurt more than anything else that night.
"I've gone too far. You know that. Nothing goes back to how it was. And Father—"
"I'll make him forgive you!" she said desperately. "I'll fix it—just stop this!"
"I can't."
A small shake of my head.
"You don't understand."
"Then explain it!" she broke. "Explain why you have to go through this instead of being safe!"
"Because I have power."
Simple.
Flat.
Final.
"I still don't understand!"
"Forgive me for interrupting," a smooth voice cut in, "but I couldn't help overhearing."
Blocking.
Of course.
Smiling.
Always smiling.
Eyes locked on me.
Too sharp.
Too intent.
"Good evening, Mr. Blocking," Sandra said stiffly. "I would like a moment alone with my son."
"I understand," he said lightly. "But you're still hoping he'll come back. He won't."
A pause.
"He's not the same person anymore."
Cold.
Straight through me.
I shot him a look.
Does he know?
No.
He can't.
…can he?
"Do you have children, Kogon?" Sandra asked sharply.
"No," he said, faint amusement in his voice. "I haven't met the right person. Perhaps that path isn't meant for me."
"Then you don't understand me."
"Mom… it was good to see you," I said quietly. "But I've already said everything. I'm sorry."
I turned.
Walked away.
The warmth she left behind—
faded fast.
Replaced by something colder.
Unease.
"Wait," Blocking called.
I stopped.
"I just need water," I said. "That conversation—threw me off."
"Yes," he nodded slowly. "Power does that. Once you feel it… you don't walk away from it. Wouldn't you agree?"
"So that's what you meant," I said, "when you told her I wouldn't come back?"
"That," he said, stepping closer, "and more."
His gaze sharpened.
"There's far more in you than you're showing. You may not see it yet."
A pause.
"But I do."
Closer.
Too close.
"Tell me, Alan… do you want more power?"
I frowned.
"Do you want strength only a handful ever reach?"
"What are you talking about?"
Relief crept in.
He didn't know.
Couldn't.
I was overthinking.
"Transfer to my school."
"…What?"
"I'm offering you a place," he said quietly. "I can unlock everything you're holding back. Give you what no one else can."
Closer still.
"You interest me."
The words brushed against my ear.
I flinched.
"Good evening, Director Blocking."
Cold.
I felt it before I heard Clyde's voice.
"Silius junior," Blocking smiled. "Even tonight, when he doesn't belong to you, you won't leave his side. Have your roles changed?"
"Alan's had a long day," Clyde said flatly. "His time here is over. If he wants, he leaves."
His gaze shifted to me.
"You want to leave."
Not a question.
"Yes," I said immediately. "I'm tired. Good evening."
I gave a slight bow and stepped closer to Clyde—
brushing my pinky against his hand.
"Relax," I murmured.
The cold eased.
"Alan," Blocking called again.
I turned.
"Before this ends," he said, smiling, "you'll come to me on your own."
No doubt.
No hesitation.
A promise.
I said nothing.
But something in me—
didn't like how certain he sounded.