Chapter 17: Let Me Have a Good Fight!
"Hey, King, we've already arranged the itinerary for the hero promotional event. Are you free to come over in the next few days?"
"Sitch, if you ever make me take on that kind of product endorsement again, I'll blast you to dust. Also, I'm in a bad mood these days, so I don't have time."
With those two simple sentences, the call between king and Sitch promptly ended.
"Damn it, if this hero promotional event is for some movie or company promotion, I'll definitely kick Sitch's big nose in."
The "Weilong" Spicy Stick and "Nice" Underwear commercials king had filmed two days prior had already swept through all twenty-six cities. Countless men and women, young and old, would now always carry a pack of spicy sticks when they went out. When a monster appeared, they didn't scream or run away; instead, they would calmly eat a spicy stick to calm their nerves. Even more absurdly, some people actually believed that "Nice" underwear was tougher than a bulletproof vest. They would cover their entire bodies in "Nice" underwear and go looking for a fight with monsters. Of course, the outcome was predictably tragic.
Alas, this was the tragedy of advertising not matching the product. Why wasn't there an advertising law in this world? No one was managing the advertising industry, which was full of baseless hype.
Faced with this situation, king went on M-City's television station that very evening to tell everyone not to blindly believe advertisements. The spicy sticks didn't actually have the function of replenishing energy, and "Nice" underwear couldn't withstand a rocket launcher. He told everyone to be rational consumers.
Even so, "Weilong" Spicy Sticks and "Nice" Underwear continued to be a craze among all of humanity. The sales of the two companies skyrocketed. Seeing this miraculous situation, other corporations turned green with envy, flocking to the Hero Association to offer money and resources, requesting King's help in filming commercials.
The Hero Association wanted to make money, but king had already made his stance clear. They didn't dare challenge his bottom line, so they painfully rejected the businessmen's offers. At the same time, they actively recommended other heroes, quoting prices to the businessmen.
And it worked. Quite a few businessmen sought out other heroes to endorse their products. Although it didn't create the same sensational effect as king, it still had a certain impact, boosting sales considerably.
The professional heroes of the Hero Association had become an entirely new profession, integrating the characteristics of various traditional jobs like celebrities and police officers to become a class of its own. Just like celebrities, they had a group of fans—in the future, Genos would often receive a whole cardboard box full of fan mail. They also had the fame of celebrities, even endorsing products. At the same time, they bore the responsibilities of police and soldiers—to eliminate monsters and defend against disasters. They even had their own unique characteristics; C-Class heroes would actively do good deeds to get closer to the public.
In short, heroes had become a new, sought-after profession. Many young people yearned to become heroes. Unfortunately, the Hero Association's hero assessment was becoming increasingly strict, causing the number of heroes to stagnate. The hero selection exam was held every half month. Since the very first exam, it was now the 51st session. The number of participants was growing, with the fifty-first session reaching over ten thousand people. However, those who could pass were few and far between. Each assessment session basically only had two or three scattered individuals who could become heroes, and there were even a few sessions where no one qualified at all.
This assessment system was already incredibly strict, but the Hero Association felt it wasn't enough and continued to increase the difficulty. One could only imagine that those who could pass the assessment in the future would be the absolute martial elites of humanity.
"Hmph, this is so frustrating. I'm going out for some fresh air."
Before leaving, king observed the Vaccine Man egg and found that after several days, there was still no movement. He didn't know if it was a dead egg.
"Supermarket sale! Supermarket sale! Weilong Spicy Sticks, everyone come and buy!"
"Our Pingyi Store has a new shipment of 'Nice' underwear. Everyone is welcome to come and browse."
"Buy a pair of 'Nice' underwear and get a free poster of King wearing only his briefs! Hey ladies, don't miss this chance! Buy it now and go home to lick it..."
When king got to the main street, he was instantly dumbfounded. The entire street was filled with sellers of Weilong Spicy Sticks and "Nice" underwear. He knew his two commercials had caused a sensation, but he never expected them to become such a craze. It had basically become a phenomenon. Yes, a phenomenal advertisement—King's Hot-Blooded Spicy Sticks and King's Passionate Underwear.
On the street, a cringey teenager chewed on a spicy stick and shouted loudly, "If the heroes run away, then who will fight?"
This line, which king had plagiarized from Mumen Rider, had already gone viral, becoming a catchphrase that teenagers had to shout before getting into a fight. What was once a passionate and inspiring line had become dripping with cringey energy.
"Wow, King is so cool, so cool."
A young girl came out of an underwear store, carrying a bag with the "Nice" logo—an inverted triangle. She was also holding a poster of King standing amidst ruins wearing only his underwear. His cool expression was a huge hit with the female fans.
With an exasperated expression, king watched the girl's eyes light up as if she'd discovered a treasure. Her gaze was glued to the prominent bulge in King's underwear on the poster. *Little sister, where are you looking?! Uncle here has a reputation to maintain.*
"Alas, what has the world come to..."
He shook his head and sighed with the sorrow of the heavens and pity for humanity.
"Hey, little sister, hand over your underwear..."
Just as king was about to leave, a gruff voice rang out. He turned his head and saw that an enlarged pair of boxer briefs had come to life. A face was printed on the underwear, with thick eyebrows, big eyes, a wide nose, and a broad mouth, looking extremely brutish. It had a full set of limbs. Its hands were wearing gloves—oh wait, no, on closer inspection, they were briefs. On its feet were flip-flops—whoa, holy shit, my eyes are playing tricks on me. Those aren't flip-flops, but a thong. On its head, it wore a bandana—wait, that looks like a pair of... boxer briefs. Damn it, and... and that brand logo is an inverted triangle—'Nice'!?
Is this... an Underpants Monster?
"Ah?! A monster..."
The young girl who had just bought the "Nice" underwear let out a high-pitched scream. Immediately, she unfurled the poster and shouted, "Hubby King, please protect me..."
king: "..." *Are there really such naive people in the world? Does she think my portrait can ward off evil? If that's the case, what's the point of heroes? Just have everyone paste my picture on their front doors, and the world will be at peace.*
"Ah, my idol!"
However, the moment the Underpants Monster saw King's portrait, its big eyes widened, shining brightly. It covered its face with both hands and screamed with the excitement and shyness of a fangirl.
"..."
*Weird things happen every year, but this year seems to have a lot more. Damn it, I even have a monster fan now?*
king rubbed the tip of his nose, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
"Emergency notice, emergency notice! Citizens of M-City, please be advised, an Underpants Monster has appeared in the shopping district. Its estimated disaster level is Wolf. Before the monster is eliminated, please do not approach the area. Please do not approach the area..."
The Hero Association's monster alert system in M-City broadcasted the announcement.
"Ah! A monster is here! Quick, run!"
"Let's have a spicy stick to calm our nerves."
"Don't be scared, I have 'Nice' underwear. Its attacks will have no effect on me."
Hearing the Hero Association's announcement, the bustling shopping district instantly descended into chaos, with people screaming and fleeing.
"Seeing as you're also a fan of Lord King, I'll let you go."
After seeing the King poster, the Underpants Monster actually showed mercy and let the young girl go.
"Thank you, Hubby King, for protecting me."
The girl kissed King's portrait in delighted surprise. That was fine, but the problem was, *Miss, where are you putting that mouth? Can you be a little more respectable? I'm a person of status and reputation. If you do this, how am I supposed to show my face?!*
"Hey, you with the baseball cap, hand over your underwear, now."
The pedestrians on the street had all fled, leaving only king, who hadn't moved. If it were the old him, he probably would have run away long ago. But now, he was holding two two-star cards and one four-star card. Would he be afraid of a Wolf-level monster?
He already had the capital to not run away. Ever since coming to this world, he had always run from every monster he encountered. Running, running... it was too humiliating. He was a hot-blooded man, too, and he also looked forward to an exhilarating battle. This time...
"Let me have a good fight!"
A grin formed on king's lips, hidden under his cap. The cells in his body began to buzz with excitement. Was the first battle of his life finally here? In that case... which card should I use to finish you? The underpants?
"Thunderbolt Strike!"
Suddenly, a loud shout rang out from behind the Underpants Monster. An iron rod crackling with electricity slammed viciously into the Underpants Monster's back.
"Argh?!"
The Underpants Monster cried out in pain and stumbled to the ground, its whole body convulsing and going numb, as if having a Parkinson's seizure.
"Heh, K.O.!"
The attacker declared victoriously.
king speechlessly glanced at the attacker and the Underpants Monster, which had already lost the ability to fight. The corner of his mouth twitched. "I... the fuck?!" The surge of excitement inside him withered and scattered with the wind.
(end of chapter)