"I think I can afford it, my Lord," I replied with a dry half smile.
Ned snorted. "Aye, mayhaps you could."
Further conversation was interrupted for a while when the cooks brought the roasted duck and set it on the table. It was quite delicious, and neither Ned or I spoke much while we devoured it.
Once we were finished, I cracked open a bottle of Arbor Gold I'd ordered from White Harbor. The sweet white wine was fantastic, and both Ned and I leaned back in our chairs, savoring the drink as we let the food digest.
Eventually, I broke the silence. "I think I've been a pretty poor wife to you," I admitted, my voice quiet.
Ned remained silent. From the look on his face, he agreed with that statement, at least somewhat, but didn't want to say it out loud.
"I've been distant and preoccupied by my ventures. And with taking care of Robb and Jon," I told him with a wry smile. "That hasn't left me with a lot of time to spend with you, husband."
"We are spending time together now."
"Yes, now we are, but I should have made more time for you earlier," I retorted. "I know so little about you. We spent, what, two sennights together in Riverrun right after our marriage? And once you got home from the war, we haven't spoken about much aside from business or the children, despite living in the same castle. This… this isn't how a marriage should be, and it's mostly my fault."
"To be fair, I haven't been the most attentive husband," he replied with a wan smile of his own.
"Perhaps, but you've been busy as well," I countered. "So, I think… well, like I said earlier, I think we should make this a regular event."
"This?"
"Dinner together, and conversation after," I replied. "We can cover any business before we eat, and… well, get to know each other afterwards."
"I think I would like that," Ned murmured, his voice soft. "I… well, I had always hoped any marriage I got into would be a pleasant one. Though, as the spare, I'd hoped to marry for love."
"Hmm. As much as I wished otherwise," I said, consulting Catelyn's memories, "As the eldest daughter, I never held much hope for that. But… well, I had hoped that whomever I was matched with would be a good man."
"Aye," Ned muttered. "Duty is a terrible burden…"
"It is," I solemnly agreed. "Yet, as I've said before, I could have done much worse than you for a husband."
"High praise, my lady," he said with little humor.
"It's true," I insisted. "How many other lords would be content to let their wives run businesses, especially ones that occupy as much time as mine do? And of those that would, how many would not take every tarnished halfpenny his wife made for himself? No, Ned, you've been… very indulgent with me, and I appreciate it."
"Yet as you said, the North needs the coin, and your ideas will make the North stronger than ever," he pointed out. "I would be a fool to not listen to your advice. Especially after you'd already had such success."
"Aye. Which is why I say I could have done worse for a husband," I replied. "Actually, I doubt I could have done better. I just wished I'd been a better wife so far."
"You're doing a good job raising Robb, and… and Jon. You are doing much more for Jon than most ladies in your position would," he countered.
"Yet, I haven't been seeing to your needs," I said, my voice soft. I looked away, unable to meet his eyes. Instead, I downed the wine that was in my glass and poured myself some more.
Ned considered me for a long moment. When he finally spoke, he said, "You are reluctant to be… amorous with me," he said. There was no accusation in his voice; he was simply stating a fact. "Rest assured, I have no intention of forcing myself on you."
"Aye," I said with a sigh. "I have been reluctant, but you are not at fault. It is… well, it is my fault. I… never expected to be attracted to a man…"
Ned furrowed his brows and frowned. "What do you mean?" He asked.
"You've heard of… sword swallowers, yes?" I asked, using the somewhat derogatory term for gay men in Westeros.
"Aye…" he replied, dragging the word out as if wondering where it would lead.
"I am… well, what sword swallowers are to men, so I am to women," I… was it a lie? Catelyn certainly hadn't been, given how her body reacted to certain men. In my mind, I definitely appreciated the female form, but I hadn't really looked at a woman since I got here. And now I was curious if I was still attracted to women.
Setting that issue to the side, I gave Ned a wry smile and took a gulp from my cup. "I had expected to merely do my duty as a wife, and little more," I lied to him. "And yet… I hadn't expected to want to lay with my husband more than necessary. So I have been… avoiding you."
"Because… you want to lay with me?" Ned asked, sounding terribly confused.
"Aye," I sighed. "It's been… confusing, and I didn't know how to deal with it."
Ned frowned and looked away. "What… what do you want to do about it?" he asked.
"I'm going to try to get to know you better, try to spend more time with you, and try to be a better wife," I told him. "Thus, these private dinners. I hope that, in time, affection or… maybe love, will grow between us."
Ned stared into his cup for a long moment, then drained it. "In that case, I should be thankful that you are at least trying."
"Well, at least there's one thing," I said with a slight chuckle as I refilled his goblet.
"Oh?" He prompted.
I drained my cup and filled it once more. "Once I get a few cups of wine in me, a lot of my hesitation goes away."
Ned eyed me strangely, then eyed my full glass. I swirled it and raised it to my lips. Ned's eyes met mine and, while I maintained eye contact, I drained it.