As expected, Theodore's mysticism lessons are indeed life changing. With each class, Amanises's knowledge across the Beyonder world expands rampant.
Who knew that to escape the need of a deity one can simply pray to oneself?
He taught her the way to draw upon her own power by feigning the role of a creature from the spirit world. This ritual avoided many provoking variables, such as: accidentally calling upon an evil deity or rising the anger of an orthodox one.
This, naturally, striked some ideas.
I need to craft a three-line honorific name that pinpoints to myself. Hmmm. What could refer to me?
She spent the rest of the evening in her room, experimenting with different stanzas. The dignified lady of Dusk? Nah, I'm no noble anymore. Gave up that title.
The transmigrator beyond from another world? No—If someone accidentally heard that, my head would lay at my feet!
Now, her mind was complicated. I need a name that refers to me and only me. This is too hard!
There were hardly any distinct characteristics to her being apart from transmigration. Except—
That's right. The nightmare river, the one she refers to now as—The River of Souls.
Her mind chanted: The spirit walking above the River of Souls
Great! This now points to me!
She was the only being directly atop the water, unlike the other strange creatures that often end up submerged.
Even if she wanted to, her feet cannot dip the silent watercourse.
But what if someone had heard of it? That's even better! They would help me get a clue on what that damned place is!
She was more than confident that few would know the existence of The River of Souls. And even if they knew, perhaps they could get rid of the connection.
It serves me no purpose outside of disgusting images and outright horrid scenery. That monstrous hidden entity just adds to the strangeness of that place.
Besides, she was pretty convinced it was just a strange dream. It is a well known fact that the human mind holds the most secrets. Secrets that only gods would know the answer to.
Now is time for the second line...
Another peculiarity she remembered is her Tarot Club membership. Thankfully it didn't seem to expire.
No, that's just the same as my transmigration. If someone were to hear I worship an evil deity I'd be skinned!
Perhaps I should connect it to my pathway? The Sleepless pathway is linked to dreams and souls. The River of Souls already fills the quota of the second symbol, but what about the first?
Keeper of dreams and sorrows
Perfect! It sounds so good! I'll have to give myself a pat on the back for that!
And for the final line, her full name works just fine.
Lady Evelyn Dusk
Now her full three-line honorific name for praying to herself goes as follows.
The spirit walking above The River of Souls
Keeper of dreams and sorrows,
Lady Evelyn Dusk
She kept the name in her mind, rummaging through her apartment. I can try it right away.
Taking out the necessary materials: candles, flowers and incense, the woman prepared for the ritual described step by step by her young teacher.
Her preferred options were Slumber Flowers and Lavender incense paired with regular candles.
She placed the materials on the makeshift altar and then put the candle in the middle, symbolizing herself. After forming a wall of spirituality using a silver dagger, she lit the candle by rubbing her fingers using her own spirituality.
Deciding on the type of ritual, she settled on a regular, deity prayer ritual. Only the deity here was herself.
In this ritual, one couldn't employ the phrase "I! I summon in my name" to beseech oneself.
Amanises opened her mouth and recited:
"The spirit walking above The River of Souls,
Keeper of dreams and sorrows,
Lady Evelyn Dusk..."
The bright flame of the wax candle flickered as though stirred by an unknown breeze, before it suddenly changed its nuance to a bright blue.
The flame's gradient slowly became eerie.
Its innermost part was blinding white, the middle zone was a sky blue and the outer zone became dark.
How weird. Is this a characteristic of the Sleepless pathway? New to mysticism, Amamises was left stunned.
However, she chose to continue the ritual before it would end prematurely, disregarding the variable.
"I pray to you,
"I pray for your attention!"
It didn't matter what the ritual's incantation was. After all, there was no deity to mind the obvious disrespect displayed by Amanises.
Once it was done, she waited. One second, two seconds.
A minute...
Nothing happened.
H-huh? Wasn't I supposed to answer or anything? Not even my spirit trembled, not even a bit!
Dejected, she ended the ritual, and gathered all the wasted materials.
Whatever, didn't need you to answer anyway!
Perhaps she could ask for The Fool's honorific name when it mattered. If He really didn't want her to reveal it, then He could erase that memory!
Alright, I shouldn't joke about this. What if He gets mad and kills me? Or worse, exposes my blatant disrespect to the Tarot Club! I'd want the ground to swallow me up from embarrassment!
Since it was already midnight and her frustration knows no bounds, the woman decided to vent her anger by taking a nice walk along Backlund's streets.
It started with a fast pace stomping, while her lips continued to mumble:
"Damned ritual! I tried one thing and I couldn't even to that right!" She was truly, really mad.
But slowly, the tranquil hours of darkness reached her soul, bringing with it a serene calm.
The red dot in the sky was quite small so there wasn't much moonlight to drown the streets, but with her enhanced night vision, it gave an eerie but soothing glow.
One could even observe countless stars flickering, some even forming well-known constellations.
A strong gust of wind blew over, hair strands that seemed to be made of tangible darkness fluttered freely, unbound by anything.
Her gaze softened, then shifted to the gloomy sky, taking in the wondrous visage.
It was beautiful.
Breathtaking even.
All the woman had done these past few days was enjoy the peacefulness that came with the night.
The key to the Sleepless isn't to stay up late, but to enjoy it. For the coldness to bring you warmth, for the darkness to bring you light.
She felt that her potion had digested significantly.
***
Above the colourless river, she stood silently, observing the current with indifference.
By now, her mind was unfazed by the horrid imagery, ignoring the torn skin and painful expressions of the river passers-byes.
Her skin felt significantly cold, as if becoming one with the water. Her feet could now touch it, but not feel it. Each step came with its own 'plip plops'.
Each change brought a strange calmness in her heart. It felt like small, but significant progress in uncovering the mysteries of this reoccurring nightmare.
One strange change however, was the singular flickering star, alone in the black sky.
Without realizing, her hand extended wishing to touch it, to soothe the lonely point of light as if she saw her own image in it.
As if on cue, the star flew towards her hand, keeping itself floating above the cupped smooth palms. From it an echoing whisper was heard, playing in her ears like a lullaby.
"I pray to you,
"I pray for you attention!"
There it was, her own prayer. It existed above The River of Souls, just the way her heart intended.
Guess that confirms it.
That's right.
There is no nightmare.
***
Amanises laid motionlessly on her lofty bed. Spread out, facing the blank ceiling.
I was careless. Why?
Her own reasoning for connecting herself to the River of Souls was simple. She lacked something exact to pinpoint her identity. But why did she reach that conclusion?
Within the wall of spirituality a simple honorific name was enough. "Beyonder of the Sleepless pathway, Keeper of dreams and sorrows, Lady Evelyn Dusk" was already enough.
Unless there was another Evelyn Dusk of the Sleepless pathway within the spiritual barrier, it was more than enough to do its job. If she were to be overheard somehow, nothing would be out of place unlike a seemingly unknown river.
So why did she choose that honorific name?
It's simple. Her subconscious told her to, disguising it as carelessness and obliviousness.
It acted on its own.
Amanises was smart enough to spot what was out of place. She was a cautious woman. One who refused to jump to conclusions.
She refused to refer to Mr Fool as a god until it was practically confirmed with the charms. Even then, He could be a high-sequence angel.
It was better to expect less than be disappointed.
But no matter what she thought to herself, no one should know. In front of everyone, she could praise The Fool like he was higher than the gods, if need be!
From other's view, Evelyn was a reliable but naive woman. One who was shrouded in care and doesn't know the world outside.
It's all carefully planted. To be rooted deep in the hearts of everyone else. Her walls were up, never to be damaged or brought down.
I said I would play the role of Evelyn, so I am doing just that!
But alone, the naive act wasn't needed. So why did she fell for it. Even tried to hide it too!
Why?
Why is Evelyn fighting back?
From apearence, outside demeanor and preferences, Amanises and Evelyn were far too similar to spot differences. If it weren't for the clear barrier between worlds, they might even be twins!
But soul-wise, this wasn't the same person. Amanises went through her own struggles growing up. Finding a way to fit in society, not be swayed by others and building her own self up was already enough to warrant a strong character.
Carelessness wasn't something that fit the strong-willed middle-aged woman.
So what happened?
Evelyn's innocence was fighting back, it seems. Her will merged along with amemories.
I knew it couldn't be this easy.
A long fight is taking place. A fight for the self.
I can't allow myself to lose.
I'm sorry.