Chapter 253: The Vreedle Brothers
Earth. Bellwood at night. Inside the Tennyson residence.
"That's exactly how it played out. An entire planetary war just ended like that, and poof, goodbye." Ben leaned against his bedroom window, staring up at the quiet night sky while holding his green cell phone to his ear. "Those two insanely stubborn, opposing factions were so enraged that Albedo destroyed their sacred Statue of Wisdom that they actually stopped fighting each other. They packed up their troops, left their home world, and are currently hunting Albedo across the Milky Way Galaxy."
Ben paused, a dry chuckle escaping his lips. "I really wonder about them. Seeing how fiercely they hated each other back then, they probably won't even think about resuming their civil war until Albedo is caught, right?"
"Even though Albedo was released, I firmly believe your cousin will handle the fallout. He always has a plan, even if it seems a bit unconventional at first." Grandpa Max's voice came through the receiver, sounding completely relaxed. However, the chaotic, bubbling, and occasionally explosive noises echoing in the background strongly suggested he was experimenting with another one of his horrifying alien recipes. "Besides, exchanging a bit of planetary peace for such a small price really isn't a bad deal at all."
"Leaving their planet also forces them to expand into the wider universe. Uniting against a common external threat is the fastest way to promote long-term cooperation and mutual benefit... At least, that's what Cousin Klein said." Ben shrugged, watching a passing car's headlights sweep across his ceiling.
While Ben continued to chat casually with his grandfather, a very different scene was unfolding far away from the peaceful suburbs of Earth.
Somewhere in a remote, dusty corner of the Milky Way Galaxy.
A battered, rusted spaceship that looked suspiciously like a heavily modified Earth garbage truck was tearing through the cosmic void. It sped toward a specific set of coordinates at a velocity completely imperceptible to the naked eye, leaving a trail of dirty exhaust in its wake.
Inside the cramped, messy cabin sat two aliens. One was extremely fat, the other stringy and thin. Both sported dull, grayish-green skin and wore matching, grease-stained red and yellow overalls. While they weren't Earthlings, their general bipedal structure was roughly humanoid, albeit with a much rougher, uglier complexion and patchy, wiry body hair sticking out at odd angles.
"Oh boy, Octagon! I just can't wait to get down there and start blasting away!"
The fat one, Rhomboid Vreedle, shifted his massive bulk in the co-pilot's seat. He hoisted a massive, illegally modified laser cannon onto his shoulder, squinting one eye and making a series of exaggerated aiming poses at the empty space outside the windshield.
"Rhomboid, do you possess the mental capacity to recall what I explicitly instructed you regarding this particular assignment?"
The thin one, Octagon Vreedle, pinched the bridge of his nose. He scowled deeply, fighting a losing battle to suppress the sheer irritation bleeding into his scratchy voice.
"Oh, uh, let me think on that a second..." Rhomboid scratched his chin with the barrel of his cannon, his eyes rolling up in thought. "It seemed to be something along the lines of... don't run around everywhere?"
"It was absolutely, unequivocally, DO NOT MAKE A SOUND!"
Octagon slammed his hands against the steering yoke, unable to tolerate his brother's staggering idiocy for another second. "Did you suffer a traumatic brain injury and forget exactly whose territory we are encroaching upon? If you start messing around and making a ruckus down there, we won't be leaving that mudball alive!"
"Oh! Right! Sorry, Octagon!"
Rhomboid blinked slowly as the realization finally penetrated his thick skull. The excitement vanished from his face, instantly replaced by a mask of pure, unadulterated terror. His thick lips began to tremble uncontrollably. "Octagon, are we... are we really going to that monster's territory? He's gonna kill me, Octagon. He's gonna rip my arms off and beat me with 'em..."
Rhomboid shuddered, his mind flashing back to the horrific scene he and his brother had accidentally witnessed two years ago.
If they hadn't run fast enough, and if that terrifying, god-like monster hadn't been too distracted to notice their pathetic little junker ship... they would have been reduced to cosmic dust. Even though they had fled at maximum warp, they had still been caught in the outer shockwave of a literal planetary explosion. Their ship was nearly torn in half, they lost all their hard-earned credits and heavy munitions, and they spent months recovering from severe radiation burns and shattered bones.
"What in the galaxy are you so worried about? This is a perfectly legal repossession operation!"
Octagon grew angrier the more he tried to justify it. He gripped the steering yoke tightly with his left hand, while his right hand snatched a crumpled, heavily stamped legal decree from the dashboard. He leaned over and slapped Rhomboid across the face with the paper twice. "Even if we are discovered by the local authorities, as long as you don't act like a complete imbecile and start shooting, he has no legal precedent to do anything to us!"
As the two brothers bickered and sped through the sector, they completely failed to notice a sleek, silver Space Traffic Cop drone hovering near a cluster of asteroids.
Beep beep beep.
The red siren on the automated drone's domed head began to flash rapidly, its sensors clearly indicating that the rusted truck-ship was exceeding the sector's speed limit by a massive margin. The robot didn't require any time to process the situation. It immediately fired up its thrusters and gave chase, locking its pursuit lasers onto the infamous Vreedle Brothers.
Beep beep beep.
Hearing the shrill, annoying siren wailing from behind them, Octagon glanced at the rearview monitor. He let out a disdainful, nasal sneer and adjusted his collar. He turned to his trembling brother. "Now you listen to me, Rhomboid. Later, when we land, you don't say a single word and you don't move a single muscle. I am a professional. I will handle all the necessary negotiations."
After delivering his lecture, Octagon slammed his foot on the brake pedal, bringing the junker ship to a screeching, shuddering halt in the middle of the space lane.
He rolled down the driver's side window, pasting a sleazy, overly polite smile onto his face as the drone floated up to the door. "Hey there! Officer, a very good evening to you... or rather, good morning. You know how it is, it is exceedingly difficult to determine the proper time of day in the vacuum of outer space."
Before the Space Traffic Cop could even process the greeting or issue a digital citation, a blinding red laser beam shot directly past Octagon's nose, missing his face by a fraction of an inch. The blast slammed into the drone, blowing it into a shower of molten slag and sparking wires.
Octagon froze. The sleazy smile slowly melted off his face. He took a long, deep breath, his jaw locking so tight his teeth ground together. He slowly turned his head to look at Rhomboid, who was currently holding the smoking laser cannon with a sheepish expression.
"How many times have I explicitly instructed you not to overreact to law enforcement!" Octagon screamed, spittle flying from his lips. "But you still insist on OVERREACTING!"
"I'm real sorry, Octagon..." Rhomboid mumbled. Despite his massive, burly, and intimidating appearance, his voice cracked into a high-pitched, almost pathetic whine.
"Don't apologize to me! Go apologize to that monster when he comes to mount our heads on his wall!" Octagon snapped, turning his head away and staring out the windshield. He simply couldn't bear to look at his foolish brother for another second.
Rhomboid sat in silence for a few moments, carefully glancing at Octagon from the corner of his eye. Suddenly, a lightbulb seemed to go off in his tiny brain. His dull eyes lit up with excitement. "Hey, Octagon! Why don't we just call Ma for help!"
"Are you completely out of your mind? We are just going down there to catch a dog!" Octagon reached over and punched Rhomboid hard in the shoulder. "Although the client is paying us a highly lucrative sum, it is absolutely not worth getting Ma involved in this mess!"
"But why not?" Rhomboid rubbed his shoulder, looking genuinely confused.
"And what exactly do you expect Ma to do if we call her out here? Cause a massive, destructive ruckus on Earth? And then have her go toe-to-toe with that monster?!" Octagon yelled, his voice cracking with panic.
"Ugh..." Rhomboid clutched his head, struggling to process the logic. "Can't Ma beat that monster? She beats everybody."
"Ma is invincible! You idiot!"
Cold sweat instantly beaded on Octagon's grayish forehead. He shouted the words as loudly as he could, but this time it wasn't out of anger. It was a desperate attempt to cover up the sheer, obvious uncertainty trembling in his own voice.
It was true that their mother, Ma Vreedle, was a universally recognized, terrifying criminal mastermind who possessed enough firepower and sheer ruthlessness to make entire planetary governments surrender. But even Octagon had to admit one horrifying truth deep down in his soul: in terms of raw, unadulterated combat power, their mother was truly no match for the monster residing on Earth.
"Then what about calling all our siblings?!" Rhomboid was still persistent, refusing to let the idea go. The thought of causing widespread, chaotic destruction alongside his countless brothers excited him immensely. "With the combined, overwhelming strength of our entire Vreedle family, no matter how strong he is, he can't possibly fight all of us at the exact same time, can he?!"
As a master of illegal cloning technology, Ma Vreedle had produced countless offspring, mostly identical artificial humans. This was one of the most terrifying aspects of their criminal syndicate: an innumerable, endless army of Vreedle clones, each possessing powerful individual combat strength and a complete lack of self-preservation.
"He single-handedly scared off the entire Vilgaxian Empire! He absolutely decimated the Highbreed invasion fleet!" Octagon was exhausted. He slumped back in his seat, rubbing his temples. "So why in the name of the cosmos would he truly be afraid of a bunch of clones from the Vreedle family?!"
At its absolute peak, even the dreaded Vilgaxian Empire had to show a certain degree of deference to the Vreedle family's explosive tendencies. Yet, hadn't that same empire been effortlessly crushed by the monster, losing half its territory in a matter of days?
"Use your pig brain and think carefully for once in your miserable life," Octagon muttered, his voice dropping to a grim whisper. "Him, plus the local Plumber magistrate, and then all of us... we might just end up rotting in the Null Void together."
Rhomboid finally shut his mouth and didn't retort. Although he was incredibly stupid, even he possessed a primal, instinctual understanding of what true fear was.
"Heh heh... we're just going to catch a dog." Octagon forced a weak, hollow laugh. He seemed to be talking to Rhomboid, but he was mostly trying to convince himself. "As long as we keep the commotion to an absolute minimum, we might even be able to grab the target and leave the system before he ever notices we were there."
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