"Your mother bought ten apples at the market. She ate four in the morning, three at lunch, and none at dinner. So how many apples are left~?"
"Umm~."
After listening to Dad, I spread out my fingers.
The apples were ten in all, just like my fingers, right? If four were eaten in the morning... umm, how many should I fold down?
Watching me groan over it, Dad gave a wry smile and offered a small hint.
"Hint. The number of apples left is the same as Eto's age this year. How old is Eto?"
Ah! I think I know!
I shouted the answer with complete confidence.
"Three thousand years old!"
"You're three years old, aren't you!? Why do you already know the thousands place when I haven't even taught you that yet!?"
Looks like I got it wrong. What a shame....
When I drooped, Dad laughed like there was nothing he could do and gently patted my head. His hand through my hair felt so soft that I liked it a lot.
Feeling happy, I threw myself into Dad's arms.
I like Dad. I like everything about him—his kind smile, his warm arms, his voice, his smell, his "taste," everything.
Dong~dong.
"? Who is it?"
Then the doorbell rang. Dad started to get up.
I wanted to stay in his arms a little longer, so it was a shame. Still, I'm a good daughter, so I let go of his waist so he could go greet the guest.
Dad walked carefully to the door and put his eye to the peephole.
"...!"
I could feel Dad swallow a breath without making a sound. Then he turned back to me and whispered quietly.
"Eto! Formation B!"
Ting!
I sprang up like a startled rabbit, my ears perking.
Formation B. That's the emergency mode our house uses whenever an unfamiliar guest comes by.
I don't know why we have something like that. According to Dad, it's because there are lots of scary people in the world.
Formation A is our normal state, and Plan B is when I hide myself.
Formation C is when Dad and I hide together, and I like that one because I can stick close to Dad. I hope the day comes when we can use it soon.
The last one, Formation D, means immediate escape.
I asked Dad if that meant jumping out the window like in a movie, but for some reason he hardened his expression and said no. It just means preparing a rope tied securely to the balcony railing in advance and escaping through that.
Anyway, just like we'd practiced, I opened the closet door and hid myself between the blankets.
But I was still curious about who had come, so I didn't close the closet all the way and left it slightly open.
After confirming that I was hidden, Dad took a deep breath for a moment, then opened the front door as calmly as usual.
On the other side stood a man in a white coat.
Dad always gets tense inside whenever he sees people wearing that coat. Especially when I'm with him. I wonder why?
The man in the white coat looked about the same age as Dad. Dark circles were sunk deep under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept for days, and his eyes were bloodshot too.
He looked extremely tired, but it was obvious even to a little kid like me that he didn't want to show it.
Dad asked, "What can I do for you?"
"Are you Takaki Koma?"
"Yes, that's right."
"It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Shinichi Hajimoto, Second Class Ghoul Investigator with the CCG. I'm the man taking over for your father, Takaki Harima."
"My father's...? It's been a long time since I've had any contact with him, so what brings you to me?"
"...I'm sorry to bring you such unfortunate news."
Flinch.
I could see Dad's shoulders trembling. Why was that?
"Four days ago... Takaki Harima, a First Class Investigator who had participated in an important operation... was attacked by a Ghoul while trying to save me...."
The man named Shinichi Hajimoto twisted his face in pain. As if every word hurt to force out, and yet he still had to say it.
"...He died in the line of duty."
In the line of duty? What does that mean? It sounds like a difficult word....
Boom!!!
Startled!
I almost made a sound from how shocked I was.
Dad suddenly slammed his fist into the wall. Blood was even running down from his trembling fist.
It looked terribly painful.
I wanted to run out right away, but Formation B meant I absolutely wasn't allowed to come out until Dad said so, so I held myself back tightly.
What face was the man named Shinichi seeing on Dad right now? Looking at him with eyes thick with grief, he bowed deeply at the waist.
"I'm sorry.... Because of my inexperience, I ended up dragging down First Class Takaki. Your father's death is entirely my responsibility."
"...Please raise your head."
Dad's voice drifted out. At first it was so cracked I could hardly tell it was really his voice.
"He was the kind of idiot who said he'd kill one more Ghoul even if it meant dying at the very last moment.... In the end, he went and saved one of his subordinates... At least he did something human at the end, so what's the problem....?"
"...I'm sorry."
After that, Uncle Shinichi couldn't lift his head for a long while.
Dad didn't say anything else. He just stood there blankly, then opened his mouth.
"May I... ask one thing?"
"Yes. Anything."
"What kind of person was my father to you...?"
Uncle Shinichi straightened up, closed his eyes, thought seriously for a moment, then said, "He was a merciful man who, no matter how ferocious a Ghoul was, would try to capture them alive if possible and give them a chance to atone for their sins."
"I see...."
Every time I heard Dad's trembling voice, my chest hurt for no reason. I don't know why. I somehow don't want to hear Dad's voice when it shakes like that.
After leaving a few more words, Uncle Shinichi handed over a paper envelope along with his business card before he left.
"遺書"
What did it say? I'm too young to read kanji, so that made me really sad.
After Uncle Shinichi left, Dad tore open the envelope and unfolded the paper right there. Since the guest was gone, could I come out now? I called to Dad carefully.
"Dad...?"
"...."
Dad didn't answer.
He just tossed the paper in his hand aside and went to the corner of the room, where he sat down. I hurried out from under the blanket and followed him.
"Dad? What's wrong?"
"...."
I couldn't see Dad's expression because he was covering his face with both hands. But I think I can tell what kind of feeling he had.
"Hic.... Huuic....!"
I was shocked. It was the first time I'd ever seen Dad cry.
He was desperately holding it back so his voice wouldn't leak out, but that still couldn't hide the grief in his voice or the liquid running down between his fingers.
Whenever I cried, Dad always comforted me.
Now I have to comfort Dad. But what can a small, little kid like me do?
"...."
After thinking about it, I went up to Dad and wrapped my arms around his head tightly.
Dad's sobbing stopped for a moment, startled.
"Please don't cry."
"...."
Tremble...!
Dad's pitifully shaking hands wrapped around my back as I clung to him.
"Grrrgh...!! Aaaahhhhh!!!"
Then he poured out all the grief he'd been holding back and cried. So I really can't stop Dad's sadness after all? Hating my own helplessness for not being able to stop Dad from crying, I felt tears welling up too.
So I cried with Dad. Dad held me for a long time too, crying without stopping.
I carefully hid the paper Dad had read.
Someday, when I'm grown up enough to read difficult writing, I'll read the words written on this paper.
And then I'll find out what makes Dad sad, and that's when I'll properly comfort him.
"To Takaki Koma
Maybe you already know this, but Ghoul Investigators write their wills in advance when they go on dangerous operations. If you're reading this, then I suppose I must have died because I made some foolish mistake.
In the end, I never even got to meet you, let alone hear your voice. I'm sorry I ended up with such a stubborn father.
I still meet many Ghouls these days. I still believe they must be dealt with without mercy, but after what happened with you, I started seeing things I hadn't noticed before.
Do you know what my colleagues call me lately? The nickname I used to have, 'Butcher,' has somehow changed to 'Buddha.'
That probably isn't a very good thing. A Ghoul Investigator can be killed by even a half-baked kindness. Still... I don't think it's unfortunate. People change. Maybe Ghouls do too? I find myself thinking that sometimes.
...Now that I've written this much, I'm getting rather embarrassed. I'll do my best to survive today too, so this will never have to reach you.
P.S. If your daughter grows up and gets married, is that promise to call me still valid?
Your father, Takaki Harima"