I did everything wrong.
Is it because I'm alive?
I'll apologize for everything. If people died because I exist, because I'm alive, I'm truly sorry for all of it.
But I still don't understand. Even though I didn't commit these acts myself, even though I was just caught up in it all, do I really need to take responsibility like this?
Still, if people were harmed because of me,
if they lost someone precious, I sincerely apologize.
Please forgive me.
I don't want to die. But more than that, I don't want to suffer.
If living means enduring constant pain, then perhaps death would be better.
But why does this keep happening over and over?
Is it because thousands of deaths can't be atoned for with just one death?
I'm sorry. I must have been too foolish to make the best choices.
I apologize. I never thought I could escape from what I'd done just because I lost my memories.
Would you forgive me for living comfortably because I lost and forgot everything?
But even though I think this way, I don't think I can accept such malice.
If I had actually killed someone, I would have nothing to say even if I were beaten repeatedly. But I have no words because people died simply because I existed, and others were caught up in it because of me.
You can condemn me as irresponsible.
You can curse me for running away from responsibility.
But I still don't understand.
What choice should I have made?
The problem started when I was taken by that Strange One, but I couldn't withhold information about the new monster's weakness and let everyone die, could I?
And when I didn't even know what a Totem was, I couldn't just let the people in the village near the Wall die, could I?
I didn't know what the best choice was.
Was it wrong of me—before I lost my memories—to seek help because I couldn't do it alone? Even though there was only one helping hand available.
Was it also wrong that I tried to fight desperately on my own, comforting myself that I could do it alone when that one person briefly distanced themselves?
Would it have been better for humanity if I had never returned after being taken by the Strange One?
I'm sorry.
For coming back.
If I regain my memories, I want to feel it again.
How I truly felt when I saw Ha-min naturally welcoming me into his home.
It would make me so happy.
*
Kanna screamed each time a nail was driven into one of her fingers.
With eyes bulging wide, she shrieked until her voice grew hoarse.
Though simply restraining her would have been enough, he repeated the process multiple times, thinking Kanna might possess the power of a Strange One.
Who knows? Her true intentions might suddenly burst forth, causing her to unleash her power.
It seemed unlikely, but she might instinctively release power.
Though her Academy grades were rock bottom, they could have been deliberately poor, like Yoon Ha-min's recent scores.
Or perhaps she gained power after her transformation into a Strange One began.
Grades were a good indicator, but not absolute.
Despite having the lowest rank—grades so poor she couldn't harm even a monster—in the final moment, she fought and tried to save people by not spreading her ability too widely.
This level of control couldn't be explained by mere instinct; it showed mastery.
How could someone who couldn't use their ability suddenly develop stronger lightning powers and even create magnetic fields with electricity to partially divert mana explosions? It would be stranger not to question this.
Even with power-amplifying prosthetic arms or legs, the output was beyond imagination, suggesting her base ability must be at a certain level.
"Aaaahh!!"
Each time a nail pierced one of her fingers, each time the iron nail barely penetrated the iron chair, the chair rattled.
Unable to speak, the pleading expression from earlier was gone, replaced by her body jerking violently.
Despite her demeanor suggesting she wanted to escape, the man in the gas mask continued hammering nails without concern.
Kanna gradually lost her senses, unable even to swallow her saliva, drooling uncontrollably.
Though it seemed she might do something, Kanna never harmed the hammering man, even as all ten fingers were pierced through and her nails crushed.
Losing consciousness from the continuous pain, Kanna went limp.
The tense atmosphere dissipated as they left the devastated Kanna unattended.
The people watching through the black glass tilted their heads in confusion.
"Could she be unable to charge mana?"
"If she received unrefined mana and prioritized healing, it wouldn't be impossible."
"We should continue observing the situation. She claims not to know anything, so it's hard to tell which side she's on."
This was being done out of fear. It wasn't a pleasant matter.
Others might ask why they were doing such things.
But to them, there was justification.
Since the year Kanna entered the Academy, the Wall that hadn't collapsed for decades began to break.
The Strange Ones brought monsters, and after decades of preparation, they brought a new species of monster, about which Kanna had been spreading information regarding its weakness.
She disappeared for a while but then returned—the only case of someone being taken by a Strange One and coming back alive, though she remained under observation.
Soon after, a second collapse occurred.
Before they could question the unusual frequency of collapses compared to the past, they received information through the Ramiris family that a Strange One had contacted Kanna again.
Wasn't it strange? All the attendants died, yet Kanna alone survived.
During the third incident, they entered the Academy and specifically targeted Kanna.
By the fourth, they were fighting each other.
They seemed to know Kanna's location precisely and had kept her alive for surveillance or information gathering, but between the second and third encounters, they apparently changed their minds and decided to kill her.
The first and second times, they let her live.
The third and fourth times, they tried to kill her.
Still, it was problematic. The Wall remained at risk of collapse as long as Kanna existed.
That made it even more concerning.
The Wall could collapse near Kanna's location, and the resulting damage was difficult to imagine.
"It's almost certain she's on bad terms with the Strange Ones, so if she says she doesn't know, she probably doesn't, but still..."
Someone's gaze moved toward the unconscious Kanna.
"Isn't it dangerous to keep her around? It's already happened three times. More frequently than in the past. If the population inside the Wall continues to decline at this rate, we might face natural extinction even without monsters."
Everyone reluctantly nodded at those words.
While saving hundreds or thousands of lives before them was important, they couldn't ignore the future population decline, so they tried to make a cold judgment.
All for humanity.
If one sacrifice could extend humanity's existence by years...
As they were each organizing their thoughts in silence, sirens blared throughout the building.
"...What's happening?"
When an elderly staff member asked, a communication came through immediately.
A young staff member quickly pressed a button at the beeping sound.
["Cracks have begun forming on the northwestern section of the Wall. All staff members please evacuate promptly, and heroes please respond quickly to the Wall collapse."]
"I ordered them to remove any Totems quickly! They can't even do that properly!"
The elderly staff member raged.
"Please calm down. Finding Totems across such vast territory is quite difficult..."
"Didn't I say we should use the Totems to pinpoint where the Strange Ones would come?"
"Strange Ones aren't fools. If they sense a powerful Totem's energy, they might avoid it. Having our forces concentrated in one area could be more dangerous."
The staff member holding the microphone replied.
"Then shall we evacuate? Back up today's information, though we haven't learned much. Let's wrap up quickly and move to the bunker."
"Yes!"
Finally turning to look through the glass, he instructed the staff member in the testing room:
"Good work. In case she might move the chair, please secure her with a rope around her neck."
The staff member nodded, took rope from a box, and threw it toward the ceiling.
The rope went up through numerous fixtures, was quickly knotted and secured, and the other end was placed around Kanna's neck.
Then they left to evacuate from the danger of the Wall collapse.
One staff member asked the person holding the microphone:
"Excuse me, is it alright to leave Miss Kanna behind?"
"Where would you take her? In this situation, bringing her along would increase the chance of Strange Ones finding us. I don't want to endanger others by revealing the bunker's location."
Everyone present understood and left.
And so Kanna, though unconscious, was left with her head held up by the rope.
Abandoned and alone.