I need to survive, no matter what.
But there are many things I can't speak truthfully about.
Vaguely, from memories that felt like mine yet not mine, I had a different answer, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.
If I spoke such fantastical things, they'd just see me as mentally ill.
So perhaps it would be better to simply call it an ability.
Or I could just say that for some unknown reason, I already knew it. That would be impossible to verify.
Yes, that's what I need to do to survive.
Even if I can't survive, if I want to suffer less, that's what I should do.
So maybe this is the right choice.
I have to hope so.
"...I don't know why, but I, I already knew it. It just vaguely came to me—"
[Vaguely?]
But it seemed ambiguous answers weren't tolerated here, as a harsh voice cut me off.
Perhaps they meant that anything that can't be proven must be doubted.
But I was too scared to tell them the truth.
It wasn't even what I truly thought, and I couldn't speak as if these hazy, forgotten memories were facts.
By this point, I was frightened of myself—what knowledge did I possess, what thoughts had I been thinking?
If it was going to be like this, I should have just continued living as a fool.
I was actually happy just being beside Ha-min, seeing his bright smile.
Ha-min wanted me to come back.
He wanted me to return to my original self, and I wanted to fulfill that wish.
But now, how did I feel?
I was terrified.
If I had just said let's not do anything, let's just be happy like this—would I have become a burden?
Saying such things would only mean asking others to take care of me.
I was an Academy student, but I was too unwell to attend.
When I glimpsed Ha-min's studies, I realized I didn't understand what he was learning.
Ha-min said it was natural that I couldn't keep up after three months away, but couldn't I have caught up if I tried?
Maybe I should have just pushed myself harder.
Or would this situation have happened regardless of what I did?
I was frustrated because I knew nothing, not even why I had ended up in this state.
Was this all because of my missing memories, as Ha-min said?
If I had known, I could have prepared myself, could have endured the fear.
Though I can't be certain of that either.
"Y-yes. I still, still don't know how I came to know it..."
I stammered out my response.
I couldn't say it was an ability because they might ask me to demonstrate it again.
Even if I had become foolish, I could still think enough to choose what seemed like the optimal answer.
It might not be objectively optimal, but it was the best I could come up with.
As far as I knew, there were no abilities that could only be used once.
Abilities were inherent powers residing in one's body, while magic was the opposite—a universal power rather than something unique. I'd never heard of an ability that could only be used once.
At least, I'd never seen anyone with such an ability.
That's why I gave that answer, hoping it would be seen as the best option by others too.
[Then we'll put this answer on hold. Next, I'll ask what you did during the time you were missing after encountering the Strange One.]
Oh, I'm doomed.
I seemed to know, yet this hazy sensation kept delaying my answer.
This bizarre feeling of knowing yet not knowing, of having experienced something yet not having experienced it—I squeezed my eyes shut.
"He, he treated me like a toy, cutting off my limbs and remaking them..."
[...I see.]
Had I heard this somewhere before? Did they already know everything?
Their casual acceptance was somehow more frightening.
How much did these people know about me?
I worried about memories I didn't even know I had, information they seemed to possess despite me never having told them.
I was also concerned about contradicting something I might have said in the past.
As tension built, I tried to clench my fists, but the restraints around my wrists prevented even that.
My expression must have been contorting.
[What exactly did the Strange One do?]
The questions continued.
It seemed this conversation would go on until their curiosity was satisfied.
Though difficult and frightening, it was surely better than being hurt.
I desperately tried to recall, calming my pounding heart as I opened my mouth to escape this situation.
"Um, well... he, he implanted something in my body."
A moment of silence fell.
Then came their response.
[We've determined that the Strange One's essence remains in your regenerated limbs. There's a record of your arms and legs being cut off before. Yet you regenerated them, Kanna, discarding your prosthetics.]
I tilted my head, confused about what they were getting at.
[This leads us to conclude that the Strange One implanted something unknown in your body itself—a 'Totem' of sorts. Something that could help track locations or contribute to breaking down the Wall.]
Their tone suggested I was no different from a Strange One, and tension crept through me.
"N-no...! I, I would never...!"
[You're the only person who has encountered a Strange One three times during three separate collapses, even if the last time they came to you. And the Strange One specifically sought you out.]
"N-no... well, not exactly no..."
[Is your limb regeneration similar to the ability of the Strange One we just eliminated? I heard that Strange One could regenerate its fists too. Do you have separate abilities as a Strange One?]
I don't know anything.
Talking about the Strange One isn't a problem, but explaining my current state is difficult.
How can I answer when I don't even properly understand what I am?
But talking about the Strange One doesn't feel right either.
At first they might be pleased to learn information unknown to humanity, but what if they later demand to know where I got this information?
I had connected these vague memories to the word "novel" that flickered in my mind, but I wanted to avoid such disturbing thoughts.
Living as if watching from a step away—that's not me.
I didn't live like that. I didn't think like that.
Even though I don't fully understand what's what, this moment was precious to me.
The time with Ha-min was enjoyable.
When I had to stay home alone, it was a bit lonely, but knowing Ha-min would return and cook for me made the loneliness and boredom bearable.
But now that's impossible.
Ha-min can't find me here.
After saying goodbye in my heart, there's no way Ha-min could come.
It's regrettable. But if I had asked him to save me, wouldn't Ha-min have ended up like me?
Or would Ha-min have avoided my fate?
Perhaps he gave up quickly and moved on.
"...I don't know."
[If you keep avoiding answers like this, we have our methods.]
At that sharp voice, the researchers hurriedly left their machines and exited.
"B-but I really don't know...!"
They left me rattling in my chair, suddenly alone in this vast space surrounded by machines.
The absence of anyone who might harm me provided a small comfort, but only that.
And then, at the end, I heard the door opening again.
*
In an instant, the interior of the building became chaotic.
Not everyone in the Association building was a hero or an Awakened Being who failed to become a hero. There were completely ordinary people too, so the light in Yoon Ha-min's hand was enough to cause confusion.
People fled or hesitated at a distance, staring at Ha-min who looked as if he was pointing a gun at someone.
For some reason, Ha-min found it easier to manifest his ability than before. He spread his power around him and held it against the neck of an employee who had been in the same space until moments ago.
Unlike a gun, which could be dropped if the hand was attacked, this was more threatening.
"...Do you know where Kanna is and what she's doing right now? If you know, please guide me there."
"Ah, aah! I, I really don't know! I don't know!"
The employee shouted, desperately hoping for another hero on security duty to arrive.
As if answering that wish, a shadow suddenly rushed to tackle Ha-min.
It would have succeeded if Ha-min's ability had been lacking, but the current Ha-min was not at all inferior.
"Huh."
A dark-skinned man instinctively dodged Ha-min's ability and turned his head, only to find Ha-min looking at him with an expression that suggested he could kill him at any moment.
"Don't you see the hostage? Either find someone who knows where Kanna is or help me."
"Who's that?"
The hero adjusted his stance with an incredulous expression.
Ha-min gritted his teeth in response.
The stars began to shine more intensely.
As they hummed with increasing power, ready to explode at any moment, the employee standing nervously beside Ha-min swallowed hard.
The hero regretted not subduing Ha-min during the initial surprise attack and gestured for him to calm down.
"Calm down and withdraw your ability. Not everything works out just because you want it to."
But such words would never work on Ha-min now.
"Then what do I need to do to make it work? Am I asking for too much? I just want to take my friend back home!"
BOOM!
As Ha-min shouted with veins bulging in his neck, the entire corridor behind him shattered, all the glass breaking simultaneously.
"...I'll say it again. Please let me take Kanna home. Okay?"