I had three choices, but none of them were really choices at all.
Who in their right mind would willingly choose any of these options?
Have all my limbs—received from the Strange One—amputated and replaced with prosthetics.
Keep my limbs but accept banishment beyond the Wall.
Or die here as a sacrifice.
Since being banished seemed worse than death to me, my options were down to two.
If I had my limbs amputated but unrefined mana still flowed through my body like a Strange One's, that would be its own kind of despair. They might decide it would be better to kill me after all.
But how would we know without trying?
It wasn't like I'd have to live without limbs forever. They said they'd fit me with advanced prosthetic arms and legs. If I could live without being hunted by Strange Ones, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
"..."
I swallowed hard.
The researcher waited for my answer.
I wanted to die. That desire came from the despair of not being able to escape the Strange Ones and having to endure their torment forever.
But if I could escape that despair, I would choose life. What could be more important than living?
"A-ar... arm..."
Even so, I was afraid to say out loud that I wanted my perfectly functional limbs cut off.
My lips trembled as I held my breath. The researcher pulled something out and showed it to me. The document thrust before my eyes contained some kind of diagram.
It seemed they had planned for this situation from the beginning. Next to a drawing of my body shape was an image of fitted prosthetics.
The document detailed the thickness and length of the arms, how they would be assembled, and what materials would be used. The researcher explained while showing me the papers.
"The prosthetic arms and legs are made of a metal that conducts mana well. They'll help you channel mana when you need to."
"I... see."
I nodded.
It wasn't what I wanted, but it was a decision I had to make.
"If, as you fear, the Strange One's qualities remain even after removing your limbs, or if the totem's wall-breaking properties persist and cause the Wall to collapse again, we'll reconsider your treatment at that time."
I couldn't help but sigh.
They couldn't be certain, but they clearly believed I was connected to all three Wall breaches.
If it was caught on surveillance cameras, or if the Ramiris family's report said so, then clearly... Whether it was the first, second, or third breach, I couldn't deny my involvement, and that realization was painful.
I couldn't look away from this undeniable fact, so I nodded.
"Then we'll amputate at the indicated points."
"...Yes."
They didn't ask for my consent again.
Was my human rights status downgraded to make banishment or execution easier? Or was it to avoid needing separate consent for this surgery?
After hearing my answer, the researcher continued explaining.
"If the Strange Ones attack again and we determine it's related to you, your treatment will vary depending on the severity. If the situation remains unchanged and only the Wall collapses, execution would be carried out humanely. But if we suspect you're collaborating with the Strange Ones, it would become more... extreme."
Kill me gently or kill me painfully—what cruel considerations.
"We'll begin the anesthesia now. Prepare the bed."
At the researcher's command, other researchers rushed in and began setting up equipment in front of me.
Starting with the bed, they attached various devices and connected wires. Soon, what was unmistakably an operating table took shape before me.
Monitors, lights, and tools appeared from within plastic wrappings among the numerous cables. Including what looked like a saw.
"...Huh."
"Now, please lie down."
It wasn't an ordinary operating table. The restraints made me feel constricted inside.
"Once you're lying down, look at the light above and count to ten in your head. The surgery will proceed after anesthesia."
"Okay..."
One, two...
And then my consciousness was cut off.
Just like that.
*
I shook my legs nervously.
There were too many things to worry about.
The incident happened on Wednesday, and now it was Friday, but there had been no contact, and Kanna hadn't returned.
Where had she gone? No one would answer when I asked around.
I wondered if it was right to treat someone this way, even in the name of protecting humanity.
I knew they became merciless the moment someone was connected to the Strange Ones.
Even though I tried to accept that if Kanna's very existence helped break the Wall and caused people to die, there might be no choice, my heart remained heavy and painful, unable to fully accept it.
The week was almost over.
Next week I'd have to go to field training again, and the thought of going to Larden alone without Kanna made me feel lonely. That wasn't why I had chosen that place.
But I couldn't just change it on a whim, so I swallowed my bitterness.
"Yoon Ha-min... I'm sure everything will be fine. No matter what."
"..."
The conversation had already spread among many people.
Because of that, everyone knew about Kanna now.
Heroes would have exchanged information among themselves. Teachers would have discussed it privately while keeping silent in front of students.
But that didn't mean the students were unaware. Some students had been there under protection too, so rumors spread widely.
Word got around that Strange Ones could invade because of Kanna's presence.
At first, the rumors were vague—"it could be" or "it seems like"—but eventually, speculation began that she might even be collaborating with the Strange Ones.
That made me so angry.
But I couldn't express my anger.
They were afraid too. If their homes collapsed and their families died, where could they direct their grief?
"Yeah, I guess that makes sense."
Even so, I didn't want to become a hero who sacrificed someone they wanted to protect.
But I was just a student, not even a hero yet. I wasn't even consistently at the top rank, and even if I were, I wouldn't have the power or influence to persuade other heroes.
I felt powerless and helpless.
That realization was so painful that my lips trembled.
Orca beside me glanced at the empty seat behind us.
As budding heroes, they wouldn't bully her directly or insult her to her face. But once they turned their backs and reverted to being ordinary people, the insults would flow freely.
I knew it was impossible to stop the behind-the-back talk, but just knowing it existed was troubling.
"...She'll be back soon."
Orca, looking at Kanna's empty seat, said this as she packed her bag. Then she added quietly:
"So don't worry."
"Thanks. See you next week."
"Yes. You know, with everything that's happened, I'm glad we practiced combat training together."
Orca left with a bitter smile, perhaps remembering our practice sessions at her mansion's dojo on Saturdays. I remained in the now-quiet classroom and let out a sigh.
Going home was the same.
Traces of Kanna remained everywhere.
Starting with Kanna's bag that I'd brought yesterday, I took in every trace of her presence.
The laundry basket with unwashed clothes—those were Kanna's too. The suitcase sitting alone in the room I'd emptied for her—that was Kanna's as well.
There was only one bed, and since it was in my room and I couldn't give it up, the blanket I'd offered her remained neatly folded, never properly used.
I stared blankly before breaking into a bitter smile.
I remembered how Kanna would come to my room saying she was scared, carefully seeking sleep.
For the first few nights, I was so embarrassed and flustered that my heart pounded too hard to sleep, but Kanna wasn't like that, which I found amusing.
Wondering if it was just me who felt that way, I pushed aside my bitter feelings.
I sighed and closed the door.
The room—the house—felt strangely empty without Kanna.
I'd never invited anyone else here since moving in, but somehow the vacant space was noticeably empty.
"...Kanna."
Ivory-colored hair.
Purple eyes.
A subtle fragrance.
I should have stopped the heroes from taking Kanna, but I couldn't. I couldn't have done anything, so there was nothing to regret.
Am I really so powerless that I can't protect anything from the Strange Ones? Am I so incompetent that I can do nothing while knowing the Wall might collapse again?
To find that answer, I needed someone I wanted to protect.
Yes, I needed Kanna.
I didn't understand these jumbled, contradictory feelings, but her pained voice echoed so painfully in my heart that I wished she wouldn't cry. I wished she would smile.
I wanted to help Kanna sleep comfortably at night, knowing she couldn't fall asleep in dark places.
As I stood there frowning, lost in thought, the doorbell rang.
"...?"
Who would ring my doorbell, regardless of the time?
I snapped out of my daze and went to the entrance, flinging the door open.
And there, and there...
"...Hi. I'm back."
It was Kanna.