(Jay's POV)
The digital clock on the bedside table read exactly 2:00 AM when our peaceful world shattered into a million pieces. One second Keifer and I were wrapped up in the soft blankets of the guest room, completely dead to the world, and the next second, the entire house was vibrating.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
It sounded like a giant angry gorilla was trying to punch through our bedroom door. The wood groaned under the force. My heart leaped straight into my throat, beating like a trapped bird.
"Wake up! Everyone wake up! Oh my god, we are all going to die! Wake up!"
It was Angelo. His voice was pitched three octaves higher than usual, sounding less like a grown man and more like a seagull that had just swallowed a firecracker.
Beside me, Keifer bounced awake instantly. His military training or whatever alpha-male switch he had in his brain flipped on in a millisecond. He rolled out of bed and dropped into a low, terrifying fighting stance right on the rug. His hands were clenched into massive, rock-hard fists. His eyes were wide, scanning the dark room for invaders. He looked ready to take down an entire army of Clyde's henchmen single-handedly.
"Jay, stay behind me," Keifer hissed, his voice a low, protective growl.
"I'm with you!" I whispered back in a total panic. My brain was operating on zero percent power. I needed a weapon. My eyes darted around the dark room. No bats. No lamps. Nothing. In a desperate scramble, my hands wrapped around the first thing they touched on the floor.
Socks. A pair of rolled-up, thick winter socks.
I held them up high, gripping them like a deadly grenade, ready to hurl them at any thief who dared to cross our threshold. If a criminal walked through that door, I was going to hit them so hard with these cotton socks they wouldn't know what hit them.
BOOM! BOOM!
Another crash against the door!
"We have to go outside!" I yelled, my voice cracking. "They're attacking the whole family!"Keifer didn't hesitate. He threw the bedroom door open, stepping out first to shield me. I charged right behind him, my arm cocked back, ready to launch my lethal weapon socks. We expected to see masked men, or maybe Clyde back from Singapore with a weapon.
Instead, the hallway was a scene of absolute, pure comedy chaos.
My horoscopic brother, Aries, was running in literal circles in the middle of the corridor, holding a frying pan in one hand and a pillow in the other.
Tita was standing near the stairs, trying to put her shoes on her hands instead of her feet.
And right in the center of the madness was Angelo. He was sweating through his pajamas, his hair sticking up in every possible direction, running back and forth between doors and thumping them with both fists like a madman.
"Angelo!" Keifer shouted, his fists still raised, looking incredibly confused. "Where is the thief? Who am I punching?"
Angelo spun around on his heel. His eyes were completely bloodshot and wide with sheer, unadulterated terror. He sprinted toward us, waving his arms in the air like a crashing airplane.
"The water! The water has flooded the gates of heaven!" Angelo screamed at the top of his lungs, grabbing Keifer by the shoulders and shaking him violently. "Ion's water broke! The baby is coming! We are drowning! The baby is going to be born in the hallway! What do we do? Do I boil water? Why does everyone in movies boil water? Do I drink the water?!"
I stared at him. Then I looked down at the socks in my hand. The absolute absurdity of the situation hit me like a wave. My poor sister-in-law was in labor, and this giant, muscular man was having a total mental breakdown in his cartoon pajamas.
A strange, ancestral rage woke up inside me. For the first time in my entire life, I didn't think. I just acted.
SLAP!
For the first time in forever, I literally slapped the Kuya, the Demon, the disguised angel without fearing the outcomes!!! Level Upgraded!!!!!!!!!
The sound of my open palm hitting Angelo's cheek echoed loudly through the entire hallway.
Everyone froze. Aries stopped running in circles. Tita stopped trying to force her foot into a coffee mug. Angelo blinked, his head turned to the side, a look of complete shock on his face. He touched his cheek, staring at me like I had just grown a second head.
"Jay..." Angelo whispered, totally stunned. "You slapped me."
"Yes, I did!" I yelled, tossing my weaponized socks onto the floor. "And if you don't shut up, I will do it again! Why are you standing here waking up the whole neighborhood and bruising our doors? Take her to the hospital instead of shouting like a crazy person!"
That seemed to snap him out of his trance, at least for a split second. "Right! Hospital! Doctor! Car!"
"Keifer, get the car keys right now!" I commanded, fully stepping into my role as the only sane person in the house. "Go, go, go!"
Keifer gave me a quick, impressed wink—even in the middle of a birth crisis, the man had time to be charming—and vanished down the stairs in a blur of motion.
"Tita, where is the emergency bag?" I asked, turning to my aunt who was finally putting her slippers on the correct limbs.
"In the closet! The blue bag by the door!" Tita gasped.
I sprinted past Angelo and threw open the door to his and Ion's bedroom. Ion was sitting on the edge of the bed. Unlike her husband, who was currently weeping in the hallway, Ion looked incredibly calm, though her face was pale and beads of sweat were forming on her forehead. She was holding her stomach, taking deep, slow breaths.
"Jay," Ion said, her voice tight with pain but still completely steady. "Please tell me you slapped my husband."
"I did," I said, grabbing the giant blue emergency bag Tita had prepared weeks ago. "Right across the face."
"Good," Ion grunted, wincing as a contraction hit her. "He was making me dizzy. Let's get out of here before he tries to deliver the baby with a spatula."
I helped Ion stand up. She groaned, leaning heavily on my shoulder. For a small woman in her ninth month of pregnancy, she had the grip strength of a professional wrestler. Her fingers dug into my arm so hard I thought my bones might crack, but I clamped my teeth together and cheered her on.
We made our way out to the hallway, where Angelo was now trying to carry three different pillows and a giant stuffed giraffe under his arms.
"We don't need the giraffe, Angelo!" I yelled, dragging Ion toward the stairs."But what if the baby wants to see a safari on the ride there?!" he yelled back, completely losing his mind again.
By the time we got out to the driveway, Keifer had already backed the SUV out of the garage. The headlights cut through the pitch-black 2:03 AM darkness. The engine was roaring, sounding like a race car waiting at the starting line. Keifer had the doors open, standing there like a professional getaway driver.
"Get in, get in!" Keifer called out, his voice calm, cool, and collected.
Aries and Tita waved us off from the porch like we were going to war. I helped Ion into the spacious backseat. Angelo scrambled in right after her, dropping all his pillows and the stuffed giraffe onto the floorboards. I jumped into the front passenger seat and slammed the door shut.
"Everyone belted?" Keifer asked, his hand already firmly on the gear shift.
Before anyone could answer, Ion let out a loud, painful cry. "Oh, mother of god! It feels like a spiked bowling ball is trying to exit my spine!"
Angelo immediately panicked. He pulled Ion's head down onto his lap, caressing her hair with trembling hands. "It's okay, my sweet potato! It's okay! Daddy is here! Just breathe! Imagine a peaceful meadow! Think of butterflies!"
Ion's eyes snapped open. The pain was clearly driving her into a state of pure, primal rage. The sweet, chocolate-adobo-eating woman from yesterday was completely gone. The Terminator had arrived.
She reached up, grabbed Angelo by the front of his shirt, and pulled his face down until they were nose-to-nose.
"Angelo," Ion hissed, her voice sounding like a villain in a horror movie. "If this labor pain gets any worse, I swear to you, I am going to bite your ears off. I will eat you alive. Do you hear me? I will chew you up right in this backseat."
Angelo went completely pale. He swallowed hard, nodding rapidly. "Yes, honey. You can eat my left arm first if it helps with the pain."
Then, in a classic display of pregnancy mood swings that left all of us dizzy, Ion's face suddenly softened. Big, dramatic tears filled her eyes. She let go of his shirt and patted his cheek lovingly.
"Oh, my poor Angelo," Ion sobbed, her voice cracking with deep sadness. "I love you so much. If I don't survive this... if the spiked bowling ball wins... please promise me you will take care of our beautiful baby girl. Tell her her mother loved her. Don't let her wear ugly colors. Promise me!"
"Ion, you are not going to die from having a baby!" I yelled from the front seat, turning around to face them. "People do this every day!"
"Shut up, Jay! You don't know the heavy burden of carrying life!" Ion wailed, before suddenly groaning and clutching her stomach again. "Ow, ow, ow! Angelo, tell Keifer to drive faster! The baby is trying to kick her way out like a karate master!"
Angelo looked up at the rearview mirror, his face a mix of terror and absolute desperation. "Keifer! Drive! Drive like the wind! Drive like Clyde is chasing us with a rocket launcher! Move this car!"
Keifer's lips twitched into a small, confident smirk. "Hold onto something."
What happened next was a blur of flashing streetlights and gravitational force. Keifer slammed his foot down on the gas pedal. The SUV didn't just accelerate; it practically launched into outer space. The tires let out a loud screech that probably woke up every sleeping dog in a five-mile radius.
My back crashed hard against the passenger seat. Angelo and Ion rolled backward into the leather seats.
Keifer drove like a man possessed. He handled the steering wheel with the precision of a Formula One driver. He didn't care about speed limits. He didn't care about the empty roads. He saw a red light ahead, checked both sides in a split second, and flew right through the intersection like a silver ghost.
"Keifer! There's a bump!" I screamed, grabbing the dashboard.
"I see it," Keifer said smoothly. He steered just enough to glide over the speed bump without flipping the car, though we definitely airborne for a fraction of a second.
In the backseat, Angelo was holding onto the door handle for dear life with one hand, while Ion was squeezing his other hand so hard his fingers were turning a dangerous shade of purple.
"Oh my god! We are going to meet the baby in heaven because Keifer is going to crash us into a tree!" Angelo yelled, his eyes glued to the speedometer.
"Just shut up and let him cook!" Ion roared back, completely changing moods again. "Go faster, Keifer! Beat the contractions!"
The local hospital was usually a ten-minute drive away if you caught all the green lights and drove like a normal citizen. But Keifer was not a normal citizen tonight. He took a sharp left turn on two wheels, drifted slightly around a corner near the city park, and lined the SUV up straight with the emergency room entrance.
I looked at the dashboard clock. It read 2:05 AM.
Two minutes. It took us exactly two minutes to travel across the town. I was pretty sure Keifer had broken at least twelve traffic laws and possibly the sound barrier, but we were alive, and more importantly, the baby was still inside Ion.
Keifer slammed on the brakes, bringing the SUV to a perfect, screeching halt right under the bright lights of the emergency room canopy. He didn't even wait for the car to fully settle. He threw it into park, jumped out, and sprinted through the sliding glass doors.
"Nurses! Stretcher! Pregnant woman in maximum pain!" Keifer's booming voice echoed from inside the lobby.
Within ten seconds, two medical staff members came rushing out with a wheelchair, with Keifer leading them like a general leading his troops.
Angelo practically fell out of the backseat, stumbling over his pillows and the stuffed giraffe, before helping the nurses gently guide Ion into the wheelchair. The second Ion sat down, she looked completely relieved, though she gave Angelo one last warning glare.
"Don't forget the blue bag, or you are sleeping in the hospital garden," she grunted.
"I have it! I have the sacred treasure bag!" Angelo gasped, grabbing the blue bag from the floorboards and hugging it to his chest like a shield.
As the nurses began rolling Ion quickly inside, Angelo ran alongside the wheelchair, holding her hand and tripping over his own pajama pants. "I'm here, sweet potato! Daddy is right here! Don't bite my ears!"
Keifer and I stood by the open doors of the SUV, watching them disappear into the bright, sterile hallways of the hospital. The quiet night air finally settled around us. The engine of our car was ticking loudly, cooling down after the most intense two-minute race of its life.
I let out a long, exhausted breath and leaned against Keifer's solid chest. He wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair, his chest rising and falling slightly from the adrenaline rush.
"Well," Keifer murmured, a deep, rumbling chuckle vibrating against my back. "That was definitely more intense than fighting Clyde's men at the airport tarmac."
"You drove like a absolute maniac," I said, turning around in his arms to look up at him. "I am pretty sure we flew over that last intersection."
"Hey, the customer requested speed, and I delivered," he said, giving me that crooked, handsome smile that always made my heart melt. "Plus, I really didn't want Ion to eat Angelo's ears in my backseat. Leather is very hard to clean."
I laughed out loud, the last bit of my panic finally melting away. I looked down at my feet. I was completely barefoot. I had left the house so fast I hadn't even grabbed sandals.
"Oh no," I giggled, pointing down. "I'm barefoot. And I threw my weapon socks on the hallway floor."
Keifer looked down at my bare toes, then looked back up at me with absolute adoration in his eyes. He picked me up effortlessly, cradling me against his chest so my feet wouldn't touch the cold hospital pavement.
"Don't worry, my brave little warrior," Keifer teased, kissing my forehead. "You can wear my shoes later. Let's go check on our new niece."
We walked into the hospital lobby together, completely exhausted, slightly traumatized by the threat of cannibalism, but feeling totally safe, happy, and incredibly ready to welcome the newest, loudest member of our beautiful, chaotic family.
The birth was a success, but the real circus started the next morning when the rest of the family arrived at the hospital.
Keifer and I were sitting on the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the recovery room, drinking terrible hospital coffee. Angelo was sitting right next to Ion's bed. He looked like he had just survived a shipwreck. His hair was a wild bird's nest, and he was staring at his new baby girl with big, watery eyes. Ion was sitting up, looking tired but victorious, holding the tiny bundle wrapped in a pink blanket.
"She is perfect," I whispered, leaning over to look at the baby's chubby cheeks. "She doesn't look like a spiked bowling ball at all."
"She has my nose," Angelo said, his voice trembling with emotion. "And her mother's fierce, terrifying spirit. Look how she grips my finger. She is going to be a CEO or a dictator."
Just then, the heavy wooden door of the hospital room burst open with a loud slam. Aries and Tita marched inside like they owned the place.
Aries was still carrying his frying pan for some unknown reason, and Tita was clutching a giant bouquet of bright yellow flowers.
"Where is the miracle of life?!" Tita shouted, her voice booming off the white walls. "Move out of the way, boys! Let me see my granddaughter!"
"Shh! Tita, please!" Angelo hissed, waving his hands frantically. "The baby is sleeping! You will activate her crying reflex!"
Tita ignored him completely and pushed past Keifer to get to the bedside. She gasped, tears immediately leaking down her face as she looked at the baby. "Oh, she is beautiful. She looks exactly like me when I was a fetus."
"Everyone looks like a potato when they are a fetus, Tita," Aries muttered, leaning his frying pan against the wall. He walked over and patted Angelo heavily on the shoulder. "Good job, bro. You didn't die, and Ion didn't eat your ears."
"It was a close call," Angelo whispered, shuddering.
Keifer stepped forward, crossing his arms and smiling gently. "So, what is the name of this little miracle? You two have been arguing about it for months."
Angelo and Ion looked at each other. A strange, knowing smile passed between them. It was the kind of smile that made my stomach drop because I knew something ridiculous was about to happen.
"We wanted something strong," Angelo began, puffing out his chest proudly. "Something that represents her heritage, her dramatic birth, and the bravery of this family."
"Oh no," I murmured under my breath. "Angelo, please tell me you didn't name her after a car."
"Of course not, Jay!" Ion said, rolling her eyes. "We chose a beautiful, elegant name. Her name is Uloponga Switzerland Manila."
The room went completely, utterly silent.I blinked once. Twice. I turned to look at Keifer. His jaw was slightly slack, his brain clearly trying to process the words he had just heard. Aries stared at the ceiling, doing mental math, while Tita just froze with her mouth open.
"I'm sorry," I said, breaking the silence. "Can you repeat that? It sounded like you said our private island, a European country, and the capital of the Philippines."
"That is exactly what I said!" Angelo beamed, looking incredibly proud of himself. "Think about the deep meaning, Jay! Uloponga is to honor your island, where we defeated Clyde's evil scam. Switzerland is to honor the expensive Swiss duty-free chocolates that Keifer brought to save Ion's life. And Manila is because she was born right here in the motherland!"
"Angelo, that is not a name," Aries said flatly. "That is a travel itinerary."
"It is beautiful!" Tita suddenly sobbed, clapping her hands together. "It is so geographic! She can be a weather girl when she grows up!"
The words had barely left Tita's mouth when Ion stopped chewing her Swiss chocolate. The room grew instantly cold. Ion's eyes cleared up, the hazy fog of labor pain, drugs, and extreme exhaustion completely vanishing in a split second. She looked down at her beautiful baby girl. Then she looked at the giant stuffed safari giraffe in the corner. Finally, she glared at Angelo, who was still smiling like a total idiot.
SLAP!
For the second time in less than twelve hours, a crisp, loud slap echoed off the hospital walls. Angelo's head snapped to the side again, his smile instantly dying. He touched his opposite cheek, staring at his wife with pure betrayal.
"Ow!" Angelo whined, his voice cracking. "What was that for? I thought we agreed on the geography theme!"
"I was in active labor and my brain was melting, you giant potato!" Ion roared, sitting up straight in bed, completely back to her senses. "Uloponga Switzerland? Are you insane? Do you want our daughter to be teased until she is forty years old? I am not naming my firstborn child after a rock in the ocean and a block of dairy product!"
Aries let out a massive snort, covering his mouth to hide his laugh. I cheered out loud, pumping my fist in the air. "Thank you, Ion! Welcome back to reality!"
Keifer just chuckled, shaking his head. "And there goes the secret agent career."
Ion ignored all of us, her expression softening into something incredibly sweet and tender as she looked back down at the infant. She gently brushed a strand of dark hair away from the baby's forehead. The baby cooed softly, snuggling deeper into the pink blanket.
"Her name is not going to be a map," Ion said, her voice full of a mother's deep love. "She deserves something beautiful. Something elegant and soft."
"Like what?" Angelo mumbled, pouting like a sad puppy while rubbing his sore face.
"Amara," Ion whispered softly, a beautiful smile spreading across her lips. "Her name is Amara Fernandez."
The room suddenly felt warm and perfect. The contrast between the ridiculous map name and this gorgeous new name was like night and day.
"Amara Fernandez," I repeated, my heart melting a little bit. "Ion, that is absolutely beautiful. It sounds like a princess."
"Amara," Keifer agreed, nodding with genuine approval. "It means strong, eternal, and grace. It fits her perfectly. Good choice, Ion."
Angelo blinked, the anger completely vanishing from his face as he stared at his daughter. He tried to pronounce it himself. "A-Amara. Amara Fernandez. Wow. That actually sounds... way better than a weather girl."
He leaned down, kissing Ion's forehead. "You're right, honey. You have the best brain in this family."
"Obviously," Ion smirked, before pointing a finger at his face. "Now go find a trash can and throw that blue safari giraffe away before I hit you with it."
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