That night…
I was lying on my bed.
Staring at the ceiling.
My mind wouldn't stop.
Somi said… she only talks to girls on Instagram…
But what I saw…
was also real.
"Samuel_99…"
I closed my eyes.
Maybe… she just didn't want to tell me.
Maybe I'm not important enough.
A small, bitter smile appeared on my face.
She was laughing while chatting with him.
Laughing in a way…
I had never seen before.
Why did that bother me so much…?
I turned to the side.
I think… I should stop thinking about her so much.
Maybe… I shouldn't get too close.
From tomorrow…
I'll keep my distance.
I won't talk too much…
I won't try too hard…
"…Maybe this is all my fate," I whispered.
But deep down…
I knew something.
I didn't want to do this.
I didn't want to stay away from her.
I didn't want things to change.
But still…
I forced myself to accept it.
I'll just stay normal.
Just… a friend.
Nothing more.
And just like that…
I made a decision.
The next day…
everything felt the same.
But also…
completely different.
Somi came as usual.
"Hey," she said.
"Hmm," I replied.
That was it.
No extra words.
No smile.
She looked at me for a second.
Like she noticed something.
But didn't say anything.
We sat down to study.
Before…
I used to explain everything.
Step by step.
"Did you understand?"
"Try this one."
"No, no, not like that…"
And during that…
she would sit closer to me.
Sometimes so close that…
I could feel her presence right beside me.
Back then…
I didn't mind it.
Maybe… I even liked it.
But now…
things were different.
If I started explaining…
she would move her chair closer again.
And I didn't want that.
Not anymore.
Not because I hated it…
But because I liked it too much.
And that was exactly the problem.
So instead of explaining…
I just wrote the answers quickly.
And pushed the notebook towards her.
"It's done."
No explanation.
No extra words.
Because the more I explained…
the closer she came.
And the closer she came…
the harder it became to stay away.
She blinked.
"That fast?"
"Yeah."
Silence.
She waited.
Maybe expecting me to explain.
But I didn't.
She slowly looked down at the notebook.
"…Okay."
That one word felt heavier than anything.
For a moment…
I remembered.
How she used to struggle with simple questions.
How she would look at me with confusion.
And how I used to enjoy explaining it to her.
But now…
I just looked away.
Later…
she tried to say something.
"Chi-Ho… do you think this part is—"
"I'll do it."
I interrupted.
She stopped.
"Oh… okay."
A small awkward silence filled the room.
To break it, she said softly,
"You're… quiet today."
"I'm just tired."
That was my answer.
Simple.
Cold.
Not true.
She looked at me again.
Like she wanted to ask something more.
But didn't.
And that…
somehow hurt more.
Even on Instagram…
things changed.
Before…
I used to reply instantly.
Now…
I saw her messages.
And replied minutes later.
Sometimes even hours.
Her messages were still the same:
"Did you eat?"
"Are you studying?"
My replies?
"Yeah."
"Hmm."
"Okay."
Short.
Empty.
Like I was trying to create distance…
one word at a time.
Even though…
a part of me wanted to reply properly.
Wanted to talk like before.
But I stopped myself.
Again and again.
This continued…
for three to four days.
Slowly.
Silently.
Every day…
a little more distance.
When she came to my house…
I avoided eye contact.
I stayed focused on the notebook.
I didn't joke.
Didn't tease her.
Didn't even look at her properly.
And yet…
I could feel it.
She noticed.
Of course she did.
She wasn't saying anything.
But her silence felt different now.
Not comfortable.
Not normal.
Just…
quiet.
One day…
she picked up the pencil again.
"Can I try this one?" she asked softly.
Before…
I would smile and say, "Of course."
Now…
"No need. I'll do it."
She froze for a second.
Then slowly nodded.
"…Okay."
That "okay" again.
Why did it hurt so much?
I didn't understand.
Or maybe…
I didn't want to.
Days passed.
Same routine.
Same silence.
Same distance.
And somewhere in between all this…
I started asking myself something.
Is this really the right thing to do?
But then…
another thought came.
She's happier talking to him anyway.
And that was enough.
To keep going like this.
To keep staying away.
To keep pretending…
that it didn't matter.
But deep inside…
It did.
A lot.
And then…
one evening…
as I sat alone…
A thought crossed my mind.
A quiet…
painful thought.
"…Does Somi also want to get rid of me?"
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