6.3
Eve sat down on a fallen log, and Jelani found a place beside her.
The forest was so dark and so silent, and Jelani almost leapt to his feet when he realized that the only sound he could hear, a soft whooshing sound like a tiny puff of wind, was Eve's nervous breathing.
And she could hear his.
"Eve."
The realization must have given Jelani some confidence, because her name slipped from his lips before he even thought to say it.
"Hm?"
Her breath sounded like the breeze in an empty field at night, and that soft humming reply sounded like…
Jelani found himself searching his mind, trying to recall a familiar memory.
No. It sounded unlike anything he'd ever heard.
The heat inside his throat was unravelling, spreading out to his limbs and nearly lifting his body off the ground.
Floating in zero gravity, he murmured, "Are you doing better now?"
Eve also took her time to reply.
"Now that I've found my mom? Yeah, a lot better." She pursed her lips tightly together before adding, "Thanks, Jelani. I… I don't think it would have happened without you, so thank you."
Jelani instinctively raised his hand to lay on her back, or maybe around her shoulders, but he came to his senses in the nick of time and jerked it back as if he'd touched a boiling pot.
"U-uh, you're welcome!" he stammered. "I mean," he hastily added, wishing he could start over, "she would have found you no matter what, so it really wasn't thanks to me."
Eve giggled. "I was thanking you for other things, too."
This time, all he could do was blink.
"It's weird," she continued. "If I'd never met you, I wouldn't have suffered so much. You know, I felt alone when you were gone!"
All hope was lost for Jelani, and Eve smiled in the silence.
"I suffered," she repeated, "but I'm glad everything went the way it did."
"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I don't mean that I'm glad we left you on Mt Hood! I'm sorry about that! I really am! Well, it turned out fine so I guess I am glad, but if I could do it over again I would never have left you there!"
Jelani grinned, snorting a laugh at her sudden panic.
"Don't worry. I'm not holding it against you."
Eve sighed in relief. "Thank goodness," she muttered. "I can finally stop crying about that."
"You cry about it?"
Eve slapped a hand over her mouth. If he'd been able to see her cherry-red face, she would have leapt to her feet and run for her life.
"I was pretty surprised when I saw you almost crying that one time," Jelani mused, "but to think you've been doing it all the time…"
"I have not!" Eve squeaked between her fingers.
"Really? I must have misheard you then. I actually thought you said something like 'I can finally stop–'"
"AH!" Eve yelled. "Stop!"
"Stop?" Jelani repeated. "Stop crying?"
She buried her face in her hands and Jelani laughed out loud. He laughed like he hadn't in years, and Eve was the only one who could hear it.
"Sorry," he finally said. "That was funny."
"hmpf."
Jelani sighed and leaned his head back, looking up at the stars through the narrow gaps between pine branches.
He was no longer floating in the air, but his body still felt light. With each breath, now slower and deeper than before, the cool November air flowed into his lungs and around his beating heart.
It didn't feel as cold as it should have.
"What about you?" Eve asked softly.
He turned in her direction.
"Hm?"
"Are you doing better?" She swallowed and added, "You didn't seem like yourself for a while. Honestly, you were scary."
Jelani was suddenly aware of himself. His body, held from beneath by the wooden log, and his hands, clenched into the grooves of the bark.
Was I? he wondered. Am I myself now? Am I not scary anymore? Is that a good thing?
His brow furrowed.
No, it's not a good thing! I need to be strong!
…wait… I'm strong? Do I really need to be scary anymore?
"...yeah," he finally said to her. "I think I am myself now."
He'd said it, but he couldn't believe his own words.
I've done enough? I'm finally good enough?
The way I am is ok?
Now, it was Eve's turn to raise her arm. Unlike Jelani, she didn't falter, and she didn't stop until her hand found a place on his shoulder.
"I think so too," she whispered. "I think this is who you really are. That's my selfish opinion."
Jelani was so fixated on the glowing heat her hand was channeling through his shirt and down into his skin that he barely understood the language she was speaking.
"And now I have a selfish question," she continued, still in undertones. "What are you going to do next?"
Jelani opened his mouth with robotic rhythm and spoke into existence the thought that had just appeared in his head.
It had just appeared, but hidden in his subconscious, it had been residing silently for over two years.
"I'm going back to my family."
"They're in Russon, right?" Eve replied encouragingly.
In response to the warmth of her voice, which didn't carry the slightest hint of disapproval or warning, Jelani decided that he really would go back.
It was, he realized, a decision he was never going to make on his own. Without everything that had happened to him–without Echo, and without Eve–he would have been caught in an endless loop.
An endless loop of insufficiency and dissatisfaction that would have inevitably brought him to his death.
Eve's silhouette was nothing but a shadow, yet Jelani felt he could sense her soul permeating the air all around him as he looked into her invisible face, which he knew was wearing a soft, genuine smile.
"Yes," he said decidedly. "My dad and my brothers. I left because I was putting them in danger. I couldn't stay after… it was my fault that… that…"
Eve rubbed her hand across his back.
"Can I come with you?"
Jelani took a deep inhale.
"Yeah," he said clearly. "I want you to."
"Yesss!" she cheered. "I'll have to convince my mom, but I think she'll want to go too!"
Jelani nodded. "It'll be dangerous, but now that's true no matter where you go. Plus, I'm not weak anymore. And we'll have Echo… and you."
"Stand up, Jelani."
Eve was already on her feet, and when Jelani looked up, he saw the outline of her face in place of the stars.
He stood up, and an invisible force pulled him towards her–so close that their boots were nearly touching and their breaths were on each other's skin.
Eve placed her hands on either side of his head and pressed her lips against his.
I love you.