Artoria had never felt this uncomfortable before.
Now that she thought about it, this was probably the first time she and Shirou had been alone together during this Holy Grail War.
Irisviel had always been there between them, and her gentle, generous, innocent nature had worked like a lubricant between the two.
So when Irisviel left the castle with the maids at noon, leaving only Artoria and Shirou behind to watch the place, she found herself inexplicably restless.
"It looks like Irisviel won't be back until this afternoon. Would it be alright if I make lunch today?"
"Ah, yes... I'll leave it to you, Shirou. Thank you." Artoria nodded stiffly.
The red-haired boy looked puzzled.
"Why are you being so formal with me?"
At that, Artoria answered with a serious expression,
"Shirou always makes delicious meals for me. Th, that is only proper etiquette!"
"Ah, right, right... don't look so scary."
Shirou waved a hand, then turned and left the room, probably headed for the kitchen.
Only after the door closed did Artoria finally let out a sigh of relief.
How strange.
The girl frowned slightly. Why am I so nervous just because I'm alone with Shirou?
She took a deep breath and decided that once Shirou came back, she would try to act more naturally around him.
Lunchtime.
"So it really was because you were hungry?"
Shirou suddenly spoke up.
"What?"
Shirou explained,
"Saber seemed a little off earlier, but now you're back to normal.
"So I started wondering if maybe you were just in a bad mood this morning because you were hungry..."
A blush spread across Artoria's cheeks.
"That is not it at all!
"What kind of image do I have in your mind if you think I would take my hunger out on you, Shirou?"
"Hahaha... I was joking."
Shirou had already finished his lunch, while Saber was working on her second bowl of rice.
Resting his chin in one hand with a satisfied look, the boy watched the blonde girl eat with graceful composure, then asked,
"Hey... Saber, what's your wish?"
Artoria's chopsticks stopped in midair, and she frowned as she shot back,
"Why bring that up all of a sudden? This is mealtime."
"Since Iri's not here, let's have a little private talk between fellow holy sword wielders."
"Saber, if you win the Holy Grail War, what kind of wish are you going to make?"
Pressed again by Shirou, Artoria fell silent for a moment.
"My reason for seeking the Holy Grail, is that what you mean? Can it not simply be because I want it?"
"The Holy Grail is an omnipotent tool. As long as one obtains it, there is no wish that cannot be granted, so there is no need for a reason to pursue it."
Shirou looked at her.
"Saber, do you not want to tell me?"
Her attempt to brush it aside was far too obvious. She truly was terrible at lying.
"Um... Shirou... I..."
"I want to know what kind of wish Saber wants to make. Of course, if you do not want to say it, that is fine too."
"Not every wish is something you can tell other people, after all."
Artoria looked troubled, her expression thoroughly awkward.
She could not say it.
Her wish was to use the power of the Holy Grail to return to the ceremony of the sword of selection, erase the existence of "Artoria," and entrust the mission of saving Britain to someone else.
No matter what, that was a wish she could never bring herself to tell Shirou.
At last, Artoria understood why being alone with Shirou made her feel so uneasy.
It was inferiority.
He too was a wielder of the holy sword, yet he had no wish he wanted to fulfill through the Holy Grail.
No selfish wish, and no lofty wish for the greater good.
The only reason he was risking his life to fight was simply that he did not want the Holy Grail to fall into the hands of evil people.
Shirou must have achieved something so great that I could never compare, lived a perfect life without a single regret... only then could he possess such a noble spirit.
"Sorry. I was being too pushy."
Seeing that Saber refused to say anything no matter what, Shirou apologized first.
Artoria hurriedly lowered her head as well.
"This is not your fault, Shirou... I am sorry."
An awkward silence settled over the Einzbern dining hall.
Then, the words that finally broke that unbearable silence were,
"I like Saber."
"...Huh?"
Artoria looked up and found the red-haired boy staring straight at her with an utterly serious expression.
Her face turned red in an instant.
"Wh, what are you suddenly saying, Shirou!" she protested in a scolding tone.
"Ah... um... no! That's not what you think! Saber, let me explain!"
Shirou frantically waved his hands as he tried to explain, his face burning red.
"No, no, no! I do not mean I like you as a woman. I mean I like you as a person! Not that kind of like!"
"You did not need to deny it quite that thoroughly!"
For some reason, Saber only got even angrier, her widened emerald eyes looking as though they might actually spit fire.
The two stared at each other, and just like that... the tension finally eased.
"Honestly, Shirou, do not say such strange things so suddenly."
"Sorry, but I meant what I said."
Saber puffed out her cheeks and gave a small huff, then turned her face away while Shirou continued.
"Actually, I lied."
"You did, Shirou?"
"That's right... I once said, 'Since Iri and Saber are not bad people, I do not mind letting you have the Holy Grail.'
"That was a lie."
"..."
Saber frowned slightly.
Shirou went on,
"What I was really thinking was...
After learning about Saber's past, I started to feel sorry for the life you've lived.
That's why I wanted you to use the Holy Grail to find happiness."
"...Shirou!!"
If anyone else had said something like that, Saber probably would have flown into a rage. She had no need for anyone's pity.
But Shirou's expression was so full of sorrow that her anger caught in her throat.
"Saber is wound up too tightly right now. It is hard to watch... it is about time you learned how to smile."
After saying that, the boy picked up the empty bowl in front of him and stood.
"Saber has spent all this time fighting for the sake of others."
"If no one else is willing to tell you that, then I will!"
"It is enough, Saber... you have already worked hard enough."
"You have made so many people happy. You deserve to receive that same happiness in return."
With a playful wink at the blonde girl, Shirou carried his bowl and chopsticks toward the door.
"If no one else is willing to help Saber, then I will."
"I will help Saber obtain the Holy Grail... so this time, be happy."
Watching his back as he left, Artoria lowered her long lashes.
I'm sorry, Shirou...
A sinner like me has no right to happiness...
...
...
There had been a conversation like that during the Holy Grail War too.
Saber came back to herself from those recent memories.
It was late at night.
The place was Ryuudou Temple.
The final night of battle had just ended, and the hour before dawn was approaching.
"You worked hard, Shirou... you really did your best."
She gently stroked the cheek of the sleeping Shirou.
A faint smile rested on the boy's sleeping face. Was he dreaming about something happy?
"Saber..."
The suspicious female Magus at her side suddenly let out a startled voice.
Only then did Saber notice that the pitch-black Mana wrapped around her had vanished along with Avenger's death.
But that was not the important part. What mattered was that her body too was beginning to disappear.
The time had come.
With the summons of the Holy Grail War now over, Saber was being called back by the Counter Force to where she belonged.
She lifted the red-haired boy from her lap and handed him over to the pure-white female Magus.
"I leave Shirou to you... Merlin from another world."
"This is my request. Please save this child."
Shirou had pushed himself too far in tonight's battle. In his current condition, he probably would not live past eighteen.
But if she was there, if the Grand Magus Merlin remained by his side as he grew up, then Shirou would surely be saved.
Lady Avalon gave a solemn nod.
"Even if you had not asked, I intended to do exactly that."
"Leave Shirou to me, Arthur... it is about time you faced your own destiny as well."
"You're right."
Artoria gave a gentle nod, and then her body dissolved into light and vanished.
When she regained consciousness, she had already returned beneath the sky of her familiar homeland.
"...In the end, I never even managed to say a proper goodbye to Shirou and the others."
The badly wounded girl king quietly leaned against the base of a great tree, as though she had just awakened from a long dream.
She knew perfectly well that it had not been a dream.
Though it had only lasted seven short days, those days had left an indelible mark on her.
She had parted from him without ever properly saying the words she wanted to say.
Even if I do not fully understand human emotions, Shirou... I think... I must have liked you too.
From the very first moment I saw you, I could not take my eyes off you.
Ah... if only I had just said those words honestly back then.
Artoria let out a dejected sigh, then looked around.
Unlike other Servants, the place Saber returned to after leaving the world was not the Throne of Heroes, but this forest from her life.
This was the quiet forest the King of Knights finally reached after crossing blood-soaked land strewn with corpses.
In the Battle of Camlann, which had ended not long ago, Saber had slain Mordred in the end and crushed the rebellion.
But she herself had also suffered a mortal wound, and the kingdom had in effect perished in that rebellion.
Disheartened and sunk in utter despair, Artoria had been lured by the Counter Force into resolving to seek the Holy Grail across infinite parallel worlds in order to save Britain.
Ordinarily, she should have immediately gone on to fight in yet another Holy Grail War as a Servant.
In that endless cycle without any concept of time, she would continue burning herself away until her spirit turned to ash.
Until King Arthur's soul became nothing more than a cog in the Counter Force.
And yet, just as Artoria was about to accept another summons,
"Saber, is your wish... to deny your own life?"
"You really disappoint me..."
The words of a certain boy echoed in her mind, and Artoria's heart seemed to stop.
She remembered an even earlier conversation.
"Saber is far too tense right now. It hurts just to watch... it is about time you learned how to smile."
"Saber has always fought for the sake of others."
"If no one else will say that to you, then I will!"
"Shirou... I..." Artoria clenched her fists.
"It is enough, Saber... you have already worked hard enough."
"You made so many people happy. You deserve to receive happiness in return."
Artoria's conviction began to waver.
That child, Shirou's final wish was...
"If no one is willing to help Saber, then I will."
"I will help Saber obtain the Holy Grail... so this time, you have to be happy."
After a long while, she took a deep breath.
Ignoring the seductive voice of the Counter Force, she turned toward the knight standing before her.
The brave knights who could each face down a thousand enemies had all already died. The only one still left at the King's side was this man.
"Sir Bedivere."
"At your command, my King."
"I order you. Leave this forest, cross the bloodstained hill, go to the lake, and cast my sword into it."
"My King, that..."
The knight's face filled with hesitation.
Arthur's sword, the holy sword of the star bestowed by the Lady of the Lake.
The supreme blade that symbolized kingship, the sword of salvation that could never be defeated.
As long as the holy sword remained, the King would remain the eternal king, blessed with agelessness and deathlessness.
As long as the holy sword remained, the King would never truly die, even after suffering a mortal wound.
To cast it away.
Would that not mean the end of Arthur as king?
To the bewildered knight, the girl continued,
"The moment Britain fell, I ceased to be king."
"I failed to save my homeland even in the end…"
"At the very least, I want to rest for a while now, Sir Bedivere."
The knight panicked.
"The reason... may I ask your reason, my King!"
"Of course."
Closing her eyes, Artoria answered calmly.
Because this was the simple wish of a boy who had once saved her.
Sir Bedivere departed with the King's command and the holy sword.
Standing before the calm surface of the lake, the loyal knight ultimately fell into hesitation.
If he returned the holy sword to the lake, then the King would truly die.
He hesitated three times, tried three times to cast the sword in, and in the end still could not do it.
At last, when the knight returned beneath the great tree to beg forgiveness, the King was already gone.
"...My King, where have you gone?"
Staring at the heartbreaking pool of blood, the knight realized he had committed an irreparable sin.
Because the holy sword had not been returned, the King could not even die.
Because the holy sword had not been returned, the King could not go to the land of fairies.
Denied peaceful sleep, she was forced to remain upon the land of the end.
And so, Artoria became the undead king wandering the surface, the Wild Hunt.
She escaped one cycle, only to fall into another.
The girl was trapped inside a curse called "eternity," and could never escape it again.
Until the day the one who truly longed to save her, and truly possessed the power to do so, finally appeared.