On this day, the great imperial physician arrived at her loyal palace.
Su Wen sat straight-backed at the center of Funing Palace, eyes half-lidded, her cold and striking face filled with nothing but solitude and detachment. Nothing remained of the gentle bearing that had once made her the mother of the realm. She might have been a deity enthroned on high, one who had witnessed every joy and grief the mortal world could offer, until nothing in all creation could draw her gaze aside.
She wore a jade-colored gown, its shades balanced just so, covering her thoroughly, throat and insteps included, modest and reserved, and yet the effect only made her figure look taller and more graceful.
"Sit."
At the sight of Li Fei her eyelids did not so much as flicker, and her voice carried a distance that held the world a thousand miles off.
Yet the white cat in her lap sprang down to the floor and mewed and mewed without stopping, which set the palace maid behind her marveling under her breath.
In the past that cat had slept nearly twelve double-hours a day, a full round of day and night, and no one had ever seen it eat or drink; it might as well have been a stuffed toy. Today, though, not only had the cat come alive, but the Empress herself had stopped hiding the coldness in her bones beneath that broad, generous manner.
That air of authority, of a woman who let nothing of her mood show, left the maid trembling with dread.
Could it be that this newly appointed imperial physician had offended Her Majesty during yesterday's treatment?
While the maid was still guessing in silence, Li Fei had already picked up a chair, set it flush against the Empress's own seat, and sat down pressed close beside her.
Su Wen's expression did not change as she asked, "Since the immortal maiden has descended from the heavens, presumably she must return there sooner or later?"
"Huh? That..."
Li Fei blinked, as though she had not expected the Empress to open with such a question, as though the woman could not wait to see her gone.
Su Wen's face remained aloof and indifferent, but the lake of her heart stirred without any wind, ripples rising across it.
She did not know herself what answer she wanted.
"As long as Your Majesty's illness remains uncured, I will not go back," Li Fei said with a bright, artful smile.
Su Wen's heart gave a jolt, yet her face stayed cold. "There is no need. My practice of the Meditation Method has advanced. Even without the immortal maiden's care, I will be well before long."
"Your Majesty, damage to the soul is no small matter. It allows not the slightest carelessness." Li Fei's tone was earnest and weighty. "Even once you are cured, I will have to observe you closely for some time, in case of relapse."
"So the immortal maiden does not intend to return at all?"
Su Wen's voice carried neither joy nor sorrow, yet unease and expectation surfaced in her without her leave.
"Of course I have to go back," Li Fei answered honestly.
Su Wen's eyelids quivered. Something in her chest clenched for no reason she could name, and a faint bitterness spread through her mouth.
This way... this way was better.
So long as she kept this immortal maiden safe before her return to the upper realm, and did not let Consort Hui lead her astray, she would have discharged her duty as mistress of the Empress's palace. Once the girl went back, immortal and mortal would be parted forever, and she herself would have no more cause for wild thoughts.
Her head had begun to ache again, but Su Wen forced it down, lest her thoughts leak through.
"Though I can come down again any time. I could even open a passage between the immortal and mortal worlds and call down heavenly troops and generals to follow me in subduing demons and slaying monsters."
Li Fei changed course, smiling as she offered comfort. "Medicine alone can't save the Great Song, after all."
"So please set your mind at ease, Your Majesty. We still have a very long time ahead of us... and if it pleases you, you could even come with me to the immortal realm as my guest. My home is quite spacious."
At those soft, gentle words, Su Wen felt her heart split cleanly in two. One half was sweet and leaping, longing to stay by this immortal maiden's side for the rest of her days; the other half was wretched and helpless, wanting nothing more than to drive the girl out of the palace on the spot, before improper fancies took root and disgraced the position of Empress.
And yet the dull ache in her head had unmistakably eased.
She buried the whole tangle of it and said flatly, "Then... tell me about the immortal realm."
"No problem at all." Li Fei agreed cheerfully. "But please disrobe first, Your Majesty. We can talk while I treat you."
"That will not be necessary." Su Wen refused without a moment's thought.
What she had wanted was to learn when Li Fei would return to the immortal realm. If the term was short, she need only stall for time; once the girl went back, each of them could be at peace.
Even though Li Fei's answer had left her torn a hundred ways, she meant to drag things out and think through a proper strategy at leisure.
"Then... my apologies, I'll have to take my leave."
To her surprise, Li Fei rose at once without the slightest hesitation, her face apologetic. "Consort Hui ran into me earlier and said she was feeling unwell, and asked me to examine her. I was worried about Your Majesty's condition, so I came to Funing Palace first. Since Your Majesty doesn't require treatment, then I'll have to... Of course, I brought a companion with me from the immortal realm. If you're interested in it, I'll have Eva come and talk with you at length tomorrow."
"Her Majesty is willing to converse with you, which is an immense honor. How can you—"
Duty made the young palace maid speak up and apply pressure, but faced with Li Fei her tone refused to harden, and by the end of it she had gone red in the face on her own.
"In my eyes, patients have no high or low, no noble or base, and glory and wealth are only passing clouds." Li Fei shook her head, neither humble nor arrogant. "Practicing medicine and saving lives comes first. I ask Your Majesty's forgiveness."
"Pei'er, withdraw for now."
Su Wen sighed and dismissed the maid, and only when the two of them were alone in the bedchamber did she say, delicately, "The immortal maiden may not know... Consort Hui is not necessarily unwell at all."
"Perhaps she simply took a liking to you at first sight and found a pretext to get close."
"If she's neither sick nor suffering, so much the better. A trip to Weiyang Palace to confirm it will set my mind at ease, and then I can move on to the next patient." Li Fei's smile did not fade. "But if illness really has hold of her, then the earlier the treatment, the better."
And what if they deliberately contracted something that did the body little harm but was troublesome to cure? A few extra mouthfuls of tonic to send the blood racing abnormally would, strictly speaking, count as an ailment. As highborn women of the palace, they had far too many methods at their disposal.
Su Wen sighed without a sound, the words rising and dying in her throat.
She knew perfectly well how skilled Consort Hui was at such schemes; she herself had nearly fallen into her traps more than once. But without proof, her station as Empress and the upbringing branded into her bones made it impossible to blacken another woman's name on nothing but her word.
Seeing Li Fei already on her feet, every inch of her burning to go save someone, Su Wen grew more anxious still.
Such a pure-hearted, guileless young immortal maiden. If she were lured into the silk-web cave that Consort Hui and Consort Xiang had woven so carefully, how could she ever come out whole?
"Immortal maiden, hear one word of advice from me." Su Wen could not stop herself from calling out to keep her. "The waters of Weiyang Palace run too deep. Go there and I fear you will sink in past all hope of pulling yourself free..."
"Consort Hui seems virtuous and gentle to me, poised in every way. She hardly looks like a wicked person. Is she going to eat me?"
Li Fei waved a hand, entirely unbothered, like a girl who had seen nothing of the world.
"Consort Hui and Consort Xiang are not like us," Su Wen said with a sigh. "They favor women... spend too long around them and you may be tainted by that crooked, unwholesome influence."
"How can favoring women count as crooked and unwholesome?" Li Fei tilted her head, puzzled. "Does their being together hurt anyone?"
Su Wen was silent a moment, then answered slowly, "No..."
"Then why not bless them, instead of shunning them like snakes and scorpions?"
Li Fei stood before the door and smiled, radiant, sunlight lighting up her face until even the ends of her hair looked vivid and bright, and for a moment Su Wen simply stared, lost.
"It... it goes against the natural order. A thousand fingers would point at them..." Su Wen murmured.
"People who love each other being together, that is the natural order."
Li Fei's smile was pure and kind, her eyes full of light. "If the world reproaches them, then the world is at fault, because it mistakes childbearing for the purpose, ignorance for purity, foolishness for virtue, and prejudice for principle. Love should be a resonance between souls, not a reaction between organs."
Su Wen had no answer. Thoughts surged through her, and she felt as though she were craning her neck at some unscalable mountain.
So this was... the intellectual height of a physician from the immortal realm?
Compared to ordinary mortals like herself, the woman seemed to be a whole era ahead.
Plainly, to debate philosophy with Li Fei one would have to be a fellow transmigrator, a hardened keyboard warrior with years of online combat behind her. However widely Su Wen had read, she was no match for Li Fei.
"Well then, Your Majesty, this humble subject takes her leave."
Li Fei's words startled Su Wen back to herself.
"Wait."
Su Wen lowered her eyes, deliberated for a long moment, and then, under Li Fei's curious gaze, forced out the words to keep her, "You... you had best treat me a little after all."
It had to be said that Li Fei's words had moved her.
But Su Wen also knew perfectly well that no love, of whatever kind, ought to look like that: whole flocks of women, rivers of them running together.
The kinder the immortal maiden was, the less Su Wen could bear to see her led astray. She resolved to offer herself up as meat to the tiger, stalling as long as she could, cutting down the hours the girl might spend with those two consorts.
Besides, just in case, Su Wen had made certain preparations.
For instance, she had not drunk a drop of water all morning.
Last time she had been caught off guard, which was why she had made such a humiliating spectacle of herself. This time, if she only held her breath, steadied her spirit and let her thoughts go slack, she should be able to preserve the dignity of the royal house.
Su Wen turned it over in secret and at last made up her mind.
"Hm?" Li Fei blinked and put on a show of hesitation. "But didn't Your Majesty say last time that it wasn't comfortable in the least, and had no effect whatsoever?"
Su Wen's jade fingers tightened. She bowed her head, and a trace of shamed anger crept into her voice. "Enough talk. I have told you to treat me, so treat me obediently."
"Then... will Your Majesty be moving to the bathing pool again?"
"That will not be necessary."
Su Wen drew a deep breath and settled the anxious hammering of her heart, but when she raised her head she found that the immortal maiden had already stripped off her outer robe.
This time she wore none of those strange, elaborate stockings; her legs were bare and gleaming, and her undergarments were black, so startling against that snow-white skin that the sight struck like a blow.
She came forward with a charming smile and held out both hands. "Your Majesty, may we begin?"
"A moment." Su Wen feigned calm and kept her eyes fixed straight ahead.
Having been through one session already, she was quickly ready; only the imperial physician's half-smiling gaze made her feel obscurely guilty, so she let out a long breath and smoothed away the flutter in her chest.
Naturally, an Empress of such stubborn pride refused to look timid in front of anyone. She lifted her chin a little, held her body straight, and worked to maintain that stately, imposing, coldly noble bearing.
And it must be said that the mother of the nation truly did possess an elegance that came from within. Even face to face with a physician she radiated a formidable presence, nothing like the fretful ordinary patient. Indeed, being the taller of the two, she faintly overshadowed the imperial physician in sheer presence, like a lotus blooming in the height of summer, noble and sacred, upright and self-possessed, not to be trespassed upon; or like a fathomless ocean that held the world in its embrace and took in a hundred rivers.
But that seemingly flawless composure could not fool Li Fei. The imperial physician noted keenly that Her Majesty's gaze kept sliding away, refusing to meet hers; her limbs were stiff, her breathing a little ragged, none of it as smooth and natural as usual. These were the signs of someone extremely nervous.
"Your Majesty, please."
Li Fei's lips curved as she walked straight to the bedchamber door, inviting the Empress into the trap.
"Mm."
Su Wen walked over with a blank face.
But somehow, the mere touch of the cool floor against the soles of her feet was almost more than she could endure.
It is only a massage and some treatment. I have prepared thoroughly this time. There will be no trouble.
Su Wen halted at the edge of the bed, reassuring herself over and over.
"Your Majesty, come up." Li Fei patted the bed with a smile.
"What is the hurry."
Already the taller of them, Su Wen tipped her chin down to look at the immortal maiden perched sideways on the bed's edge and said it coldly. Then she steeled herself and lay down across the bed.
But when the mattress dipped and she felt the imperial physician straddle her, Su Wen's heart still climbed into her throat, more unsettled and tense than on the night she had wed Zhao Bing.
And she knew quite well that Zhao Bing had left her to sleep alone in the bridal chamber that night, whereas Li Fei would not disappoint her.
Hearing the sound of oil being worked between palms behind her, Su Wen curled her toes and clutched fistfuls of the sheets. The fresh fragrance rising from the bedding could not mask a faint scent of tea.
"Your Majesty, are you ready?"
Li Fei looked down at the delicate pale wings of her shoulder blades, a half-smile on her lips.
"Enough talk. I am somewhat tired. Wake me when you have finished."
Su Wen shut her eyes. She was only feigning sleep, and yet there was something of Lord Guan enduring the knife scraping poison from his bone in the heroic set of her face.
"Skin like ice, bones like jade, whiter than frost... what does Your Majesty use for skincare? I'd like to try it myself."
The imperial physician clicked her tongue in admiration and chatted idly as she worked, the picture of unhurried ease.
But Su Wen could no longer keep up her hard words. Her eyes brimmed with shame and helpless resentment.
How can this be, how can this be? It is only a treatment. Why do I always lose my composure like this?
Could it be that in my very bones I am also **** ... In such a state, how am I fit to be the model of womanhood?
Tears glimmered at the corners of Su Wen's eyes. Last time she could at least blame being caught unawares; this time she had prepared in advance and resisted with all her strength, and still she had overestimated her own self-control.
With no excuse left to reach for, grief welled up in her all at once, shame and self-reproach and guilt toward the imperial house nearly crushing her convictions. She was for all the world like a nun who had seemed the very image of chaste, unwavering purity, only to be caught by her wife in the arms of the girl next door.
"There's no need to worry, Your Majesty." Li Fei sat sideways beside her and comforted her gently. "Expelling the damp from the body is good for your health."
"Do not call me Empress."
Su Wen was silent a while before answering bitterly, "To disgrace myself like this, to shame the royal house again and again, how am I fit to be mistress of the Empress's palace, how am I fit to be the exemplar of every woman in the realm? If word of it got out, I would become the laughingstock of every proper woman alive... hah."
She let out a wretched laugh and said no more.
She had always been so quick to lecture Consort Xiang, and in the end her own flesh proved baser and more wanton than the woman's.
"What does Your Majesty mean by that?" Li Fei said, astonished. "You manage the whole of the inner palace. The strain is simply too great, that's all it is. A few more sessions to let the pressure out and you'll be perfectly fine."
A few more sessions?
The color drained from Su Wen's lovely face, and she abandoned all reserve and pride. "No, no, there is no need..."
As she spoke she flung out an arm, slender porcelain-pale fingers seizing the edge of the bed in a death grip, hauling herself outward with all her strength, her long snow-white body heaving and twisting with the effort, like a white python pinned under a fox spirit's foot, thrashing in panic, desperate to escape with its life.
"Where's the sense in leaving a job half-finished?"
The disobedient patient begged for mercy again and again, and Li Fei refused to yield. Out of pure responsibility toward those in her care, she carried out the treatment exactly as planned, meticulous to the last detail.
With superb technique and professional discipline she soon resolved the little difficulty, and the patient's resistance collapsed entirely, much as a bratty child who won't take an injection will find that no amount of crying and kicking works on an angel in white.
It was only a pity the patient could not appreciate her good intentions, and kept squirming and protesting, trying to cut the treatment short.
"Insolence, sheer insolence. I ordered you to stop, and you dare turn a deaf ear."
"Let us continue another time. I have just recalled a matter of urgency that cannot be delayed a moment..."
Su Wen struggled without pause, matching herself against the imperial physician.
But no matter how she reasoned or pleaded, the imperial physician remained utterly immovable. In the end Su Wen ground her teeth and even started to claw at her, fingertips leaving red streaks; only because she had no strength left in her arms did no blood come.
"Almost done..."
Li Fei murmured soothingly, her whole attention on the work at hand, using Acceleration to drive the scalding medicinal oil deeper into her patient's body, her eyes glittering with focus.
Little by little, that lonely, aloof heart was won over by the healer's sincerity and resolve. The fitful resistance dwindled, until at last the honor of the imperial house and the dignity of the Empress's palace shattered along with it, and not a ripple was left.
In the final instant before surrender, clinging to one last shred of luck, Su Wen forced the Meditation Method into motion.
** But to her shock, there was no longer any wind and flowers, snow and moon in the mirror. All that met her eyes was .
The immortal in the mirror stretched out * , and even curled the corner of her lips, glancing at Su Wen as if by accident.
The cracks across the mirror were mending, too, fast enough to see.
Yes. My Meditation Method has long since taken her shape.
At last Su Wen went still and drifted slowly into sleep, the corners of her mouth even curving into something serene.
She floated in a quiet, warm darkness, every worry and sorrow cast off, as though she had returned to childhood and lay in a cradle, filled with an ease and contentment beyond compare.
In her daze Su Wen dreamed. She dreamed that wings grew from her back and she turned into a butterfly and flew out the window, dancing among clustered blossoms, drifting with the wind beneath blue sky and white clouds, breathing in the scent of flowers, bathing in sunlight, free and unbounded.
Her soul, too, went lightly after those brilliant wings, over wall after palace wall, past the cold gates of heaven...
But somehow, , and all that remained in the end was that sleeping face, peaceful and lovely, clear as wind after rain and a bright moon.
"Your Majesty, why are you unhappy? If something troubles you, you're welcome to tell me. But you are the Empress of a nation, and you mustn't shed tears so easily," the imperial physician reminded her kindly.
"It does not matter, it does not matter..."
Su Wen wept and laughed at the same time.
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