"Move it, you slackers!" the janitor sat on a little stool, waving his dry, wrinkled hand. "And these are the future defenders of humanity?! Broads, animals, and brainless layabouts?! If we lived under the King, trash like you would've been fed to the Grimm a long time ago!"
"Man, I wanna punch him in the face so bad..." Yort grumbled.
"No talking!" Chuckler (when is this piece of shit finally gonna die?) heard the phrase surprisingly easily from the highest floor of the library. "Come up here and punch me, if you're not scared! I was bayoneting punks like you on the front lines without Aura, you little shit! Scared of an old man, huh?!"
Yort grumbled something so inarticulate that even Egrer, who was standing right next to him, didn't understand it. The janitor, however, did.
"Then don't you dare yap if you don't have the guts! I've strangled so many scumbags with these hands that the God of Light himself will praise me after I die!"
More like the God of Darkness, Egrer sighed mentally, not daring to say it out loud.
Chuckler (may a brick fall on his head) saw and heard everything, and didn't even get tired of yelling after several hours of continuous detention. Aura had clearly heightened all his senses, though even for the gifted, this was a blatant overkill. He must have unlocked some kind of omniscience Semblance. Or the doctor injected him with some super-soldier serum, who the hell knows with that Mungelier guy.
Egrer picked up a stack of wooden shelves and trudged up to the fifth floor, while Yort hauled those very same shelves in from the outside.
When Chuckler (may his death be long and agonizing) returned to the ranks, the first thing he did was check their work. He found dirt where even Goodwitch wouldn't have thought to look, nitpicked things even Goodwitch wouldn't have nitpicked, and was stricter than even Goodwitch! In short—he acted like his usual self.
For Chuckler (may his soul know all the torments of hell), it wasn't enough that they cleaned up the library. Upon seeing peeled varnish on some of the bookcases, he came up with the brilliant idea to replace some of them with new ones. Thus, twelve miserable students transformed from cleaners into carpenters. Neither Goodwitch nor Ozpin took their side; they were perfectly fine with saving a couple of Lien from the budget.
While Egrer was climbing the stairs, he managed to hear hundreds of epithets about his slowness, uselessness, and general worthlessness. But he maintained complete calm, letting all the negativity pass right through him. Nobody could piss him off in this semi-meditative state.
"How do you do it?" Magenta whispered, taking the shelves from his hands.
Behind her stood a disassembled bookcase, with Yang and Ren bustling around it. Both held tools and wore busy expressions, but totally lacked any understanding of what they were doing. They managed to take the bookcase apart and swap out a couple of shelves, but putting it back together just wasn't working out.
"Experience," Egrer replied meaningfully with an exhausted smile.
"No talking!" shouted Chuckler (may he be reincarnated as a dung beetle), causing Magenta to grind her teeth.
"Don't worry, Madge, this is the last day of detention. This hell will be over soon."
***
Team MJEI returned to their room, barely able to move their legs. Tumbling inside, they collapsed onto their beds and groaned with pleasure. It was nice to feel the softness of a mattress beneath you after several hours of exhausting manual labor.
"Mmm..." Magenta moaned tiredly. "Still need to memorize history dates today..."
"Just blow it off," Illmond advised. The others expressed silent agreement. "One F more, one F less, what's the difference?"
"No, I have to set a good example for you."
Demonstrating incredible willpower, their brave leader got up and trudged over to the desk. The sound of an opening bag and rustling paper could be heard, soon joined by the quiet whispering of rote memorization. However, her team was in no rush to enthusiastically do anything other than lazily lounge on their beds. So her sacrifice went completely unappreciated.
But over time, the pack still began to slowly come back to life as their strength returned and their sore muscles rested. Illmond shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out his Scroll, starting to draw something with a dirty smile. It wasn't hard to guess exactly what.
Yort sluggishly stomped over to the sofa, making as much noise as a bear coming out of hibernation, and then turned on the TV. The mumbling of some crime show sounded right next to Egrer's ear, and he hid his head under the pillow, cursing the furniture arrangement in their room for the umpteenth time. Maybe they should think about doing a little rearranging...
The idyll was ruined by a knock on the door.
"Yort, get the door," requested Magenta, hunched over the desk.
"I ain't expecting nobody, if you need it, you get it."
"I can't get distracted, I'm doing my homework! And anyway, you're closer." The door was knocked on again. "Ill, open it."
Illmond hid under his blanket and pretended he didn't hear anything.
"Guys, it's me, Jaune," came from behind the door. "Can you open up? I need to talk to Eg."
"Eg, it's for you, so you open it," Magenta declared.
Egrer sighed heavily and got out of bed. If Jaune showed up here with some bullshit, he'd be brutally beaten and thrown out the window.
"What do you want?"
Jaune looked tired and miserable, as if he had already been beaten and thrown out a window by someone else. He had a guitar with him, which he was holding by the neck with one hand.
"Eg, maybe it's none of my business, but... It's just that you keep saying you're not dating Weiss... Is that actually true?.."
"I'm going to hit you right now, you moron," Egrer grumbled in annoyance, then started speaking syllable by syllable so that even a total idiot would understand him. "No shit, if I've said a thousand times that I'm not dating her, it means exactly THAT I AM NOT DATING HER!"
Having poured out all his emotional pain, Egrer slammed the door shut. But before he could return to the inviting softness of his bed, another knock sounded.
"I'm really gonna hit you this time," he hissed, opening the door.
"I'm sorry, but I really need your help! It's a matter of life and death!"
"Come in." Sitting the guest down on his own bed, Egrer leaned his back against the windowsill. "What did you come here for?"
"You know Weiss well, right?"
"Since when did I become a specialist in Weiss-ology? Why do all of you keep coming to me?"
"Well, she mostly just talks to you. That's why I came to you..." Jaune wrung his hands and looked away in embarrassment. "Can you help me win her heart?"
"I'm no expert in such things," Egrer replied, not having the slightest desire to play matchmaker. "You're better off asking Ill."
"Ill, will you help?" Jaune asked hopefully, not even realizing it was said as a joke.
"Well, what can you do, you'll owe me." Surprisingly, he agreed. "For starters, what do you know about her?"
"Uh... she's... beautiful and talented, you've heard her sing, right? And also~"
"I mean personal qualities and interests. You can't get the good ending with a tsundere without thorough preparation. Getting to know them better is always much harder than with other character archetypes, so don't beat yourself up."
"Huh?" Even Yort tore himself away from his crime show. "What, are you some kind of experienced heartthrob?"
Illmond smirked smugly.
"I've played over a thousand romantic visual novels, spending a total of thirty thousand hours completing them. I know EVERYTHING about relationships."
"Ah," Egrer drew out in disappointment, "so you know absolutely nothing. Why am I even surprised?"
"So," Illmond acted as if he hadn't noticed his words, "for starters—what do you see in her?"
"Well..." Jaune embarrassedly turned away and smiled slightly. Egrer leaned forward; he was also curious to know the reason why this dummy was so obsessed with Weiss. "First, she really is talented. She has a very beautiful voice. Second, she's very smart, she's got the best grades in the first year. And listening to her talk, I feel like I start getting smarter too. Third, she's a drop-dead gorgeous beauty~"
"Flat as a board," Illmond interrupted. "No tits, no ass."
"You'd only be satisfied with an F-cup," Egrer quipped in return. "You've watched too much of your hentai, and now you're projecting fiction into reality."
To add more weight to his words, Egrer waved his hand toward the posters of half-naked anime girls decorating the wall by Illmond's bed. They were all hand-picked—curvy, attractive, and in sexy poses.
"Eg's making sense," Yort decided to speak up. He had never liked their misunderstood artist's hobby. "Your drawn porn is made exactly for losers like you. You got no chance in the real world, so you dive into that pool just to put yourself in the MC's shoes and imagine everything's okay."
"I know!" Illmond shouted furiously. That had clearly hit a nerve. "And I'm happy with my choice! The role of relationships is vastly overrated, by the way. If you strip away all the tinsel, all that's left is the main goal for why it's all done—procreation. And all these ritualistic dances around a potential partner get more complicated with every generation, and nobody fucking needs them."
"Loser excuses."
"No, it's not! Most people only have a partner for status, to brag that they got laid at fifteen. All those lucky freaks in real life are actually just idiots following societal norms that they themselves hate!" Illmond clenched his fists and growled something incoherent. As if he had just pictured ripping someone's throat out. "And what's the result? The result is a man-woman pairing whose physiological goal is purely to procreate. And to provide an incentive to do it, society invented all these rules—that it's shameful to be a virgin at thirty, that if you're single you must be a loser... I just realized this, I am free from the shackles of society! I don't follow idiotic rules, I am above the stupid instinct to breed!"
"Holy shit, you really let loose," Yort said in surprise. He had nothing to counter such an evidence base, since he didn't spend whole days in frustration pondering this issue. And whenever he couldn't convince someone he was right, he followed a single script. "Shove it up your ass, pervert."
"Oh, maybe you should shove it, huh? You're the one who started playing smartass, and now you've backed down. So who's the loser now?! Understand that the cult of relationships is meaningless in its nature. Why do we have to conform to the sick norms of a sick society, when you can just open your eyes and live however you want?!"
"Can you guys keep it down?!" Magenta demanded indignantly. "I'm actually studying!"
Everything immediately quieted down. Arguing with her in such a semi-serious state was asking for trouble.
"Where did we leave off?" Jaune asked after a minute of silence.
"Weiss is a flat board," Illmond reminded him. "No objections accepted, since there's no point in arguing with the obvious. She's barely an A-cup, and even then I'm sure it's just the bra doing the work."
"Maybe Jaune likes them small," Egrer noted. "Besides, the most important thing in a girl isn't her figure, but her soul."
"Oh, don't feed us that cliché bullshit. You think I haven't seen the way you look at Yang? Especially in P.E. Especially when she runs."
"Who hasn't looked at her like that?" He waved it off, blushing slightly in embarrassment. "Besides, you shouldn't confuse the despicable desires of the flesh with the elevated desire for intimacy with someone dear to you."
"Let's slow down!" a blushing Jaune pleaded. "It's too early to think about stuff like that, for starters I just need to hold her hands."
"True," Egrer nodded. "And before committing something so depraved, you need to become friends."
"There you go with your friendship again..." Yort grumbled.
"Hey, strong relationships are built exclusively on strong friendship! It's a necessary foundation. How else would you do it?"
"Dating sites, ever heard of them?"
"Who could those possibly help? Seriously, who in their right mind would date someone they're seeing for the first time?"
"Exactly," Illmond unexpectedly supported him. Which was a cause for alarm, by the way... "They're only used by the desperate—those who urgently need to find a partner to maintain their status in society. So keep quiet, loser!"
"Alright, I've had it." With a creak of her chair, Magenta rolled back from the desk. Striking a strict pose, she planted her hands on her hips and measured them with a displeased glare. "You either shut up right now, or you find yourselves another place for your meetings! I won't say it again."
Yort turned off the TV and put on his headphones, as if he hadn't engaged in the conversation at all. The other three didn't dare argue with this ultimatum and hurriedly decamped to the common room.
It had just recently been renovated following the aftermath of a fire and a short circuit. So now you could even cook something here, but Team Majesty was unlikely to attempt such a thing. Not after their spectacular failure when trying to make fried eggs.
When everyone settled onto the sofa, Illmond began to share his observations.
"Weiss is a tsundere of the rich-girl subspecies. It's pointless to shower her kind with expensive gifts, unless they were made with your own hands. And even then, some connection has to already exist for her to appreciate the gesture."
"I sang her a song." Jaune held up the guitar he had been fidgeting with the whole time. "Does that count as a gift? And if she didn't like it, does that mean we lack a sufficient connection?"
"Or the song is garbage," Egrer noted. He was curious to evaluate his friend's playing skill. "What did you sing to her? Demonstrate."
"I came up with it myself," the lover boy admitted embarrassedly, touching the strings. "It's an invitation to the Vytal dance. Ahem."
"Weeeissss! This morning I saw you, / thought, / what a beaut-y-y!.."
Brother Gods, if she didn't kill him after an intro like that, it definitely means something... Egrer thought detachedly, almost covering his ears with his hands. It was almost physically painful from the sounds being produced by Jaune's mouth and his guitar.
"Though you are cold, you are so smart-t-t! / And I thought - / We should go to the d-a-a-ance together!"
It was completely awful. So awful that on some intuitive level Egrer could even understand what kind of harmony Weiss had once told him about. However, he tried to hold back any harshness and first listen to the end, so as not to accidentally offend him. It was just that Jaune didn't know how to translate his feelings into a song. And that doesn't mean he's an idiot just because he expected a positive reaction to this from a world-renowned singer with an exceptional musical ear.
"Jaune," Egrer tried to make his voice softer, but a patronizing tone and pitying notes crept in on their own. "You need to work on the lyrics. And your playing skills. And your singing skills. But until then, I strongly recommend you don't enter Weiss's field of vision with a guitar. I'm afraid she has psychological trauma now..."
"Got it," Jaune nodded humbly. "Can you teach me? You play really well."
"I'm afraid I don't have any free time in the near future. Maybe later."
"That's a shame."
"Listen to me." Illmond drew their attention. He still fancied himself a great seducer and was eager to share his virtual experience of interacting with fake female characters. God, that sounds pathetic... "You should heed Eg's advice, you really do need to learn. And as for Weiss herself, I'm ready to make a couple of assumptions."
"Let's see it, surprise us," Egrer chuckled.
"There are two options for the kind of guys she likes. First—since she grew up in high society, she probably values style, politeness, and neatness. Correct me if I'm wrong, Eg."
"Generally, yes, she values that, but I don't know about guys. It's not like I'm her girlfriend to gossip about boys with."
"And the second option?" Jaune asked hopefully, since he was as far away from those three criteria as possible. He had never been stylish, his politeness was replaced by basic modesty, and he had never stood out for his neatness due to his innate clumsiness.
"The second type are rebels. Those who are as different as possible from what she's used to seeing at the top. Women are curious creatures who love mysteries. And what can be more mysterious than something you've never dealt with before? Eg, am I right?"
"I told you, I don't know. Why are you looking at me like that?"
"No reason," Illmond replied thoughtfully. "I just suddenly realized that you perfectly combine both of these extremes in yourself."
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"On the one hand, a business suit, slicked-back hair, and your annoying neatness." He raised one hand, as if weighing something in it. Then he raised the other. "On the other hand, a rebellious rocker spirit and numerous disregards for school rules, both written and unwritten. Remember the hijacked Bullhead, the peak of your disobedience. Not to mention your criminal past, which only adds to your 'Bad Boy' charm. You already told her about your past, right?"
"You un-think what you just thought! Right now!"
"Sorry, Jaune, but it looks like Weiss is already taken. Either way, Eg was the first to crack her bitter 'Tsun' crust and reach the sweet 'Dere' filling."
"I didn't crack anything! Jaune, I'm going to tell you how to win her favor right now..."
After all, if he really did start dating Weiss, everyone would stop thinking that she was secretly dating Egrer. Yang would start teasing the two of them instead, and her obsessive, third-rate jokes that were already giving him a headache would finally start bypassing him.
Following detailed training from the Professor of Weiss-ology and the virtual Casanova, Jaune gathered the courage to approach the object of his lust right this very minute. To apologize for his awful guitar playing and once again suggest she go to the dance with him, but less pushy this time.
"You're an alpha, you shouldn't apologize," Illmond argued.
"No, Jaune has the right idea," Egrer replied. "Especially since Weiss values sincerity, and if he starts pretending to be something he's not again, it'll only make things worse."
Jaune himself stayed quiet, but carefully listened to all their arguments. And so they walked to the most likely location for Weiss—the library. She frequently disappeared there behind stacks of textbooks, so no one was surprised to find that she actually was there. Only an unexpected obstacle sprang up in their path.
Some blue-haired dandy was sitting next to her and enthusiastically telling her something. Weiss herself, apparently, didn't mind his company. Her textbooks and notebooks were pushed further away, and she was cheerfully twirling a pen between her fingers.
"Alright, hit the brakes," Egrer whispered, hiding behind a stone pillar and dragging Jaune with him. Illmond hid right next to them. "Hold on, are they... flirting? Weiss is flirting with someone? Can she even do that?"
"All girls can do that," Illmond noted importantly.
"But this is Weiss we're talking about!" Jaune objected, not believing his eyes. "She can't flirt with anyone. It's... just impossible, it's not in her character to act like that. Right, Eg?"
"Yeah," the Professor of Weiss-ology nodded firmly. "She's probably just drunk... Wait, no, she definitely wouldn't get that drunk... A love potion, then! That blue-haired asshole slipped her a love potion!"
"An aphrodisiac like in hentai?" Illmond clarified. "With mind break, netorare, and rape?"
"Stop talking in your slang, I didn't understand a single word. But if it means a person acts the way they shouldn't—then yes."
"Then we need to act quickly. Or else Jaune will become the typical boyfriend of a main heroine from a hentai with questionable tags."
Jaune gulped loudly at that prospect.
"Hey you!" a hiss suddenly came from the neighboring pillar. Egrer looked in that direction and saw Sun shaking a fist at them. "Don't interfere with my bro! Or I can't guarantee your safety."
"She studies at Beacon, so it's you out-of-towners who better stay out of our way!" Egrer countered.
"What difference does it make where she studies?" Jaune suddenly pointed out, pointing an accusatory finger at his rival. "She's known me since the first day at Beacon, but she's only known him for a couple of minutes. Why is he even hitting on her?"
"What do you care?" Sun frowned in confusion. "Eg is the one dating her."
"I'm not dating her!" Egrer shouted way too loudly. He immediately slapped his hands over his mouth and pressed himself against the pillar, literally feeling Weiss and the blue-haired guy look in their direction. He asked much more quietly. "And what the hell are you even doing here?"
"Gaining experience. So I can pick up chicks like that too."
"So a perverted stalker, got it."
"Hey, I'm watching with his permission."
While they were shooting the breeze, Illmond had quietly climbed up the pillar to the ceiling. Waiting for the right moment, he pounced on Sun from behind, put him in a chokehold, and covered his mouth. The poor guy was left with nothing to do but twitch and mumble in vain.
"Great job, Ill," Egrer nodded. He didn't care who ultimately ended up as Weiss's suitor, but since he'd promised to help Jaune, he needed to go all out. "Alright, Jaune, the path is clear, now you just need to chase this asshole away from Weiss. Then act as we discussed."
"But what do I tell him?"
"How should I know? Try to scare him somehow."
The mumbling grew louder, Sun started struggling with renewed vigor, but Illmond tightened his grip. A minute later, his victim passed out.
"Good luck." Egrer shoved Jaune out of their hiding spot, and he almost fell, tripping over the carpet. Weiss and the blue-haired guy turned at the sound.
"H-hi." He was met with total silence. "Your friend... uhhh..."
"Sun," Egrer provided the hint.
"...Sun got into some trouble. Goodwitch caught him... outside, near the fountain."
The rival's friendly smile cracked. A bead of sweat rolled down his temple, and his hands started to tremble. He turned to Weiss.
"I gotta run. Can't leave Sun alone, he might do something stupid, ha-ha-ha!" And he just bolted, leaving his crush to stare after him in bewilderment.
"Hi," Jaune greeted her again when they were left one-on-one. Weiss restricted herself to a welcoming nod, and the lover boy put on a confident face just from that simple gesture. "As you've probably heard, the dance is coming up soon. Will you do me the honor of being my date? I don't have my guitar right now, since I figured you didn't really like my song."
Weiss had no reaction to Jaune's proposal. She froze, and her face became like a stone mask. Some might have thought she was touched and thus couldn't find the words, but Egrer knew for a fact—she was just trying to figure out how to shoo away her admirer as politely as possible. If her mood had been a little worse, she definitely wouldn't have stood on ceremony.
"Sorry, but it's too early to talk about that right now. The dance is still a ways off, so I don't really see the point in making plans with anyone just yet. A lot of unforeseen circumstances could happen in that time, and I need a flexible enough schedule that doesn't burden me with unnecessary commitments."
"Should I ask again later?" Jaune translated into normal language.
"Yes, ask again later," Weiss nodded, pointedly turning her head back to her textbooks and notebooks.
Jaune beamed, considering this an unconditional victory. Fancying himself a great conqueror of women's hearts, he wished his future wife a pleasant evening and headed back to cover, where he met the thoughtful gazes of his gurus.
"Ill, how did I do? Tell me it was awesome."
"Four out of ten. No, actually three. No, two."
"But why? She didn't say no."
"That is exactly what she did," Egrer said. "You grew up with seven sisters, don't you get that when a girl speaks like that, it means a one hundred percent 'No'? Even I get that."
It was obvious that those two weren't suited for each other at all, they were just too different. It's only in those sappy romantic TV shows that opposites attract, and only there does watching people fight over trivial things seem cute. Even if Jaune managed to win Weiss over, they'd soon run away from each other in terror. It couldn't end any other way.
Though, Egrer had heard the opinion that a bit of conflict of opinions adds spice to a relationship. However, what kind of conflict could there be with Jaune, when he practically worships the ground his beloved walks on?
"Let's not forget that Weiss is a tsundere," Illmond reminded them. "So she might just be too shy to say yes. Tsunderes always act harsh toward the object of their affection, especially when it comes to romance. So she simply couldn't help but 'Refuse', while actually 'Agreeing'."
"Women," Jaune shook his head.
"Ill, stop trying to adapt everything into a romantic novel," Egrer asked, rubbing his temples. Though, to be completely honest, he fully agreed that Weiss was a classic tsundere.
"We failed this storyline," Illmond concluded. "But I'm sure we'll have more opportunities in the future. Routes with tsunderes usually revolve around their weaknesses, so the protagonist gets a chance to show her that he is always ready to lend a helping hand."
"Pfft, Weiss would sooner gut whoever sees her weak. She values her reputation as an independent, self-reliant top student too much, so that option is out."
"In that case, we have no choice but to discredit our only competitor."
"Hmm..." Egrer trailed off thoughtfully. "That's an idea. As the ancient wisdom goes—in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. If Weiss doesn't have any other options, she'll have to choose someone for the dance. Otherwise, it'll definitely reflect poorly on her image of a perfect lady."
"Hey," Jaune spoke up weakly. "Why am I 'someone'? And anyway, I'm against playing dirty like that! We can't do that."
"Then Weiss will fall into the web of that ugly bastard," Illmond replied. "And then he'll fly out of Beacon and return to his own school. Just imagine how your snow angel will suffer over him, because they might never meet again. How she'll stare out the window, and at night imagine all sorts of dirty things involving him. And she'll never think of you again."
Jaune clenched his fists and nodded with obvious difficulty. That speech definitely had an effect.
"Alright, I agree. Their relationship is doomed from the start; Weiss will only get hurt if this continues. I can't let that happen." He sighed heavily. "What do we need to do?"
"Doesn't matter," Egrer answered thoughtfully. "Weiss cares a lot about her reputation, so she won't go to the dance with someone who could cast a shadow on her... Oh, Twin Gods, I've got it! I get it now!"
A genius deduction pierced his brain like a bolt of lightning. A thought so obvious that he wanted to bang his head against the wall, and so simple that only an idiot wouldn't have guessed it.
"What? What did you figure out?" Jaune fidgeted.
"Weiss has ulterior motives! And I almost believed that she could actually fall in love with someone, what a dummy." Egrer smacked his own forehead. "She only needs a date for the dance for status. And to avoid any awkwardness and problems in the future, she specifically chose someone who will fly far away afterward. Oh, Weiss, you sly fox! I recognize her signature move!"
"It all makes sense," Jaune cheered up. He exhaled in relief. "So, even if I don't manage to convince her to go to the dance with me, all is not lost. What a relief!"
"No, no, no!" Illmond protested, waving his hands. "I like my version with the stereotypical cunning womanizer who just wants to get under his next victim's skirt way better. Besides, the festival scene is the final act of almost every romantic visual novel! It can't be ignored."
"True," Egrer nodded. "But what if Weiss chooses someone else from the out-of-towners? What's stopping her from attaching herself as a partner to, say, him, after we discredit the blue-haired guy?"
They looked at the still unconscious Sun. Jaune deflated again; that thought clearly upset him.
"We'll cross those bridges when we come to them," the Professor of Weiss-ology decided weightily. "First we deal with this blue-haired guy, and then with all the subsequent ones. Until Jaune is the only one left in all of Beacon."
"That's getting a bit too... yandere," Illmond cautiously noted. "Are you sure we should resort to such extremes?"
"I'm sure. All of Beacon needs to realize that I'm not dating Weiss."
"You're reacting awfully strongly to your ship."
"I'm reacting like a normal person! How would you react? Don't answer that!" Egrer immediately added. "I already know you'd immediately start begging her to step on your face or insult you somehow, you sick fetishist."
"There's no accounting for taste."
"In your case, people just don't talk about them period. Otherwise they risk losing their minds."
Jaune stared thoughtfully at the floor, paying almost no attention to their argument. He didn't like the idea of walking over competitors' heads at all, which meant he just needed to become worthy of Weiss's attention. But how to do that? Beat up Cardin again and dedicate a second victory to her too?
"Eg, tell me, maybe I just don't talk to her enough? What if she doesn't know me well and that's why she doesn't want to acknowledge my feelings? When we talk, I only talk about her and almost nothing about myself. Maybe she's worried I just want her for her money..."
"Hmm..." Egrer pondered, slowly scratching his cheek. "Maybe. Either way, you guys need to establish a dialogue, so try talking more about yourself when you meet. Just don't get carried away. Remember that being overly pushy will only make things worse."
"Got it," Jaune nodded importantly, getting ready to go out to his snow angel again.
"Wait, wait, where are you going? You've already messed up twice today, at least hold off until tomorrow."
"No," Illmond objected. "You always have to click on the dialogue option that leads to your waifu. Otherwise, you'll end up with either a bad ending or the loner ending."
"Remind me why we're even listening to you, cyber-Casanova? Let's just have you stop chiming in with your idiotic advice. We need to wait."
"Your competence is giving us reliable information about Weiss, I'll handle the rest. We need to act now."
They turned to Jaune, giving him the right to choose. And even though he wanted to conquer his snow angel's heart as quickly as possible (so that some assholes wouldn't beat him to it), he also understood that rushing things really would only make it worse. In the end, Egrer's advice seemed more useful to him. After all, he hadn't earned the title of Professor of Weiss-ology for nothing; such an outstanding specialist could be trusted.
Illmond, however, didn't inspire trust at all. Not only was his experience strictly virtual and with strictly virtual girls, but he himself... didn't belong to the type of people you could approach for advice of that kind.
Not to mention that his persistence was somewhat suspicious. Why was the apathetic and indifferent-to-the-world Illmond suddenly so active and firm in his views? Usually, he was ready to agree to anything just to get people off his back.
In the end, it was decided to let Weiss forget about this failed pickup attempt for a bit and approach her the next day. This time Jaune prepared better and bought a movie ticket for the new film starring Spruce Willis. Illmond approved of this initiative, while Egrer skeptically noted that she wasn't interested in action movies.
The time and place were chosen so that Weiss wouldn't have a valid reason to avoid the dialogue or even just walk away. During Peter Port's class.
"And there I was! My muscles gleaming, rushing to help those in need!" the teacher broadcasted. "With one strike of my massive fist, I shattered the Ursa's snout, and with the other, I grabbed the King Taijitu by the neck!.."
"Did you hear that, did you hear?!" Magenta squeaked enthusiastically. "Grabbed it by the neck!"
"Snakes don't have necks," noted a half-asleep Yort, who had the misfortune of ending up closest to their brave leader.
"Purely physiologically, a neck is the first six vertebrae, so a snake does have one," replied Illmond, who had managed to avoid handing in his Scroll at the auditorium entrance and was drawing his artwork right now.
"Nobody asked the nerd."
"Quiet, I can't hear anything over you guys," Magenta hissed at them.
"...and then I skillfully swung it around and knocked back the advancing pack of Beowolves. After a whole day of unequal struggle, backup finally arrived. Still very green Huntresses, one of whom kept staring at my muscles the whole time. Ha-ha-ha, it's not surprising." With those words, the old, overweight teacher, of whose greatness only stories remained, kissed his own bicep.
Egrer stole a glance at Weiss. The poor girl was listening to Jaune's stories about his seven sisters in one ear, and Port's tall tales in the other. The mask of slight detachment that usually resided on her face cracked, showing her true emotions—despair and hopelessness. The pen in her fist had long been crushed and ground to dust.
He even felt a little sorry for her. She had been enduring the company of her main admirer for almost an hour and a half.
She ignored Jaune's offer to go to the movies. And when he repeated his question, Weiss snatched the ticket from his hands and angrily promised to personally escort him to the hottest cauldron in hell. The lover-boy assumed she was thanking him and replied with some alpha-male phrase. And only when his precious snow angel tore the ticket to shreds did he finally get the hint.
Now he felt sorry for Jaune. But he wouldn't be himself if he didn't push toward his goal head-on, regardless of obstacles and setbacks.
However, unfortunately for him and fortunately for Weiss, the bell rang. Everyone slowly started waking up and packing their things for the long recess.
"...Alright, I'll tell you how it ended next time," Port concluded somewhat disappointedly.
The visiting students were shocked by this teaching approach, though some even liked it. However, for the most part, they were just snoozing, following the example of the experienced Beaconites.
"Egrer!" Weiss exclaimed with feigned joy when he had almost left the classroom. She walked over to him with quick steps, grabbed his elbow, and vigorously dragged him away. Magenta smiled slyly and made no move to stop the blatant kidnapping of her team member. "Jaune, sorry, but I have union business!"
"But you quit, didn't you?.."
Jaune's sluggish protest had no effect, and a paralyzed-with-surprise Egrer didn't know what to do and simply trudged along. Should he help Jaune and stop Weiss? Or help Weiss and give her a break from Jaune? Some relief came from the fact that the agony of choice didn't last long and soon subsided, since the choice was made for him.
Getting further away, Weiss breathed a sigh of relief.
"He's like a dog off the leash." She looked back, but there was no pursuit. "Why can't that dolt understand that I'm completely uninterested in him as a date for the dance? Didn't I state my position clearly enough? Do I need to be harsher with my words?!"
"I'm surprised you haven't told him to screw off yet. Usually you don't skimp on the insults."
"Eg, who do you think I am, some heartless monster? His persistent attempts to catch my attention are... a little charming." She admitted it unexpectedly even to herself. "I don't want to accidentally break his heart, so I have to be tactful. Though, if he keeps annoying me, I'll break more than just his heart..."
He definitely needs to pass that on to Jaune. He should hold his horses a little more, or Weiss will just snap and all their efforts will be ruined.
"Listen, you two are friends, right?" she suddenly asked. "Calm him down."
"Uh..." such an unexpected request threw Egrer for a loop.
He didn't know what the right thing to do was. They were both his friends, and he couldn't say no to either of them. But if he chose one, he would inevitably betray the other. And if he stood on the sidelines while he was being relied upon, he'd betray them both. There was simply no right way out of this situation.
But Egrer decided to stick to Jaune's side. After all, he was the first to ask for help.
However, the unpleasant feeling that he was betraying Weiss with this decision didn't go away.
"I'm not sure I should get involved in your squabbles." Egrer smiled nervously. "I mean, if he's crazy about you, only a therapist can help."
"Now, what did I say about that? Stop acting like I can't have suitors."
"Of course you can have them, Weiss, but those poor souls just don't know you well enough."
"And you, I suppose, know me well?"
"I dare to hope so," he smirked. "I doubt there's anyone in all of Beacon who knows you better than I do."
Weiss didn't answer; she just turned away toward the window. Egrer really didn't like this ominous silence. [1]
"Do you really think that nobody could like me?"
And then he realized that he had accidentally bruised her maidenly pride. He wanted to bang his head against the wall.
"No, no, you're beautiful, smart, and always reliable! I'm sure someone will fall head over heels for you! Well, someone besides Jaune..."
"Your hasty attempts to apologize don't inspire any confidence, you know. In any case, you already expressed your true thoughts a moment ago." There was nothing to say to that; she had noted everything correctly. All that was left was to apologize for his big, nasty mouth.
"Sorry."
"For what? For simply stating your opinion?"
Well, that's it, she's definitely offended. Did I really have to blurt that out?
Suddenly, Weiss smiled. She was still looking out the window, so it was obvious she saw something out there that lifted her spirits.
"I have to go," she said in parting.
Egrer didn't dare stop her; he only looked where Weiss had been looking. But the only person walking down the street was that same blue-haired dandy. What secret power does he possess to make her pay such attention to him, even though they barely know each other? Is it really true that she just plans to use him for the dance?
Honestly, Egrer wasn't sure anymore. Weiss had looked awfully happy when she saw him.
"What a love triangle is taking shape, however..."
Suddenly, Egrer's Scroll buzzed. Not his own, but the one given by Junior. And that meant only one thing—important information had come up.
"I'm listening..."
[1] (T/N: No waaaay...)