"Erza, I'm back!" Lucy called out as she reached the guild entrance. Seeing Erza still in her gown, Lucy suddenly remembered her own goal. "Ah, dammit! I forgot to buy a magazine! And instead of going home, I came straight here!" She slumped, all her energy draining away.
Seeing Lucy's dejected state, Erza sighed, understanding exactly what was going on.
Suddenly, a loud voice cut through the air. "Ohhh! The Titania! Unbelievable, it's the real deal! Cool! Cool! Too cool! It's really the Titania in the flesh! COOL!"
Erza and Lucy turned to see a man with a camera around his neck, dancing around in excitement. Lucy felt a cold sweat break out.
"Who... who is this hyperactive person?" Lucy asked, her voice trembling slightly.
Mira walked over and smiled. "That is Mr. Jason, the reporter from Weekly Sorcerer." While Mira explained, Erza had already begun posing for photos.
Looking at the "Cool"-shouting Jason, Lucy thought to herself: Great, he's totally not my type. But at this point, I have to try. She began striking glamorous poses near Jason, but she was completely ignored.
After finishing with Erza, Jason zoomed over to Juvia and Gray. "Gray! It's the real Gray Fullbuster!"
"Uh... who are you?" Gray asked, acting cool while Jason snapped photos from every angle.
"He's a magazine reporter," Juvia explained from the side.
"And you must be Juvia! COOL!" Jason yelled before turning back to Gray. "Gray, why are you always stripping?"
Gray couldn't keep his cool act up anymore. He jumped onto a table and barked at Jason, "Who the hell is stripping? Don't make me sound like some kind of pervert!" He was so agitated he didn't even notice that his pants had already vanished. Juvia had to point it out before he realized he was half-naked.
"Ah... it really is getting hot. Maybe I should strip too?" Lucy appeared out of nowhere, trying to get into the shot, but Natsu ruined it before she could.
BAM! Natsu flipped a table, sending Lucy flying along with it.
"Which one is the reporter!?" Natsu shouted.
"Natsu! Salamander! You're the second person I wanted to meet most!" Jason squealed.
"Huh? Why am I only second? Actually, forget thatwhy do you always write bad things about me?"
"YES!"
"What did I destroy this time? What? What!?"
"Cool! Cool! COOL! It's the real one! So awesome!" Jason stopped his frantic movement and held out a trembling hand. "Please... please shake my hand!"
"So annoying!!"
"COOL!" Natsu punched Jason, sending him sailing through the air. Even while airborne, Jason managed to scream his catchphrase.
Jason landed and immediately scurried over to Elfman. "Elfman! What does being a man mean to you? Answer me!"
"I am a man!"
"COOL!"
Next, he lunged toward Shadow Gear. "Shadow Gear! Is the love triangle between you three real?"
"......"
"The answer is 'no comment'! Amazing! Too cool! COOL!"
"Master! What is the guild's ambition?"
"Ahem. Well," Makarov began, shamelessly spinning a tale, "With hearts full of love and justice, we move forward every day!"
Jason then zipped over to the Thunder Legion to fire off more questions, completely bypassing Lucy.
Lucy suddenly had an idea. A few moments later, she appeared on the guild's stage. "Everyone, I'd like to sing a song for you all"
Before she could start, Gajeel knocked her aside. He took center stage with his guitar and began singing his own "unique" tune. Naturally, it didn't take long for Natsu to take offense, and a brawl broke out. The sound of crashing furniture filled the guild hall while Jason cheered "Cool!" from the sidelines.
SWISH! A streak of golden light cut between Natsu and Gajeel just as they were about to collide.
BOOM!! A massive crater appeared in the guild floor. Everyone jumped in fright; Natsu and Gajeel were drenched in cold sweat. If that thing had hit them, they would have been crippled for sure.
"Hey, you two idiots! Can't you let me take a nap in peace!?" Chen Fan's voice, thick with irritation, rang out from the second-floor balcony.
"Aye..." Natsu and Gajeel whimpered, thoroughly intimidated by the display of power.
"Could that be... 'God's Hand' Chen Fan!? I've finally seen the real legend! COOL!" Jason scrambled up to Chen Fan, whipping out a notebook and pen. "Chen Fan, I heard you're in a love triangle with Mira and Erza. Is it true!?"
The guild went deathly silent. Chen Fan's hand, which had been raised to slap Jason away, froze in mid-air. Everyone pricked up their ears, eager to hear the answer. After all, this was one of the "Ten Great Taboos" of Fairy Tail.
Crap... the atmosphere is all wrong, Chen Fan thought. How do I answer this? If I mess up, I'm dead. God, help me! I usually use your name as my slogan, so why aren't you helping me now!?
"Hey... handsome, you're saying your inner monologue out loud again," Happy whispered into his ear.
The tension didn't break. Everyone was either too nervous or too excited. Gulp. The sound of people swallowing their spit was audible.
After about a minute of silence, Chen Fan rubbed the back of his head and gave a cheeky grin. "Ah, haha! You asked if I smoke? No, I don't smoke at all."
THUD!! Half the guild fell over. They had waited that long for that answer? They wanted to kill him, but out of fear of his strength, no one dared to speak up.
Jason, either genuinely clueless or suffering from extreme professional curiosity, prepared to follow up. Fortunately, Chen Fan was quick. He landed a punch right in Jason's gut, knocking the reporter out cold.
"Whew." Chen Fan exhaled. "That was close. I almost lost my life there."
Zzzzt... Zzzzt...
The sound of electrical discharge filled the air. For a second, Chen Fan thought Laxus had returned. He turned around only to see Erza and Mira staring at each other, their eyes practically shooting sparks. The air between them was crackling with friction. Chen Fan shivered and tried to sneak away.
Unfortunately, the moment he moved, both women spotted him. They ignored his attempt to flee and walked over to the unconscious Jason.
Slap! Slap! They began slapping him awake. Everyone else in the guild instinctively rubbed their own faces, feeling a phantom sting.
Jason finally groaned back to consciousness. Mira and Erza leaned in with sweet, terrifying smiles. "We have a few photos of Chen Fan. Would you like to see them? If they're good enough, you can put them in your feature."
Chen Fan, who had almost reached the door, froze. He remembered that Mira and Erza had several "unmentionable" photos of him. He sprinted back in a panic.
STOMP! He snapped to attention, standing perfectly straight. "My two Princesses, whatever you need, your humble servant is at your command!"
"Hehe." Mira and Erza shared a laugh, satisfied by his surrender. Jason watched the exchange, looking utterly bewildered.
Lucy watched Chen Fan laughing and joking with Mira and Erza, a touch of sadness in her eyes. "My fated one, huh?"
Cana took another swig of liquor and looked at the trio. "A love triangle? I kind of want one too!"
"Ehh!?" Lucy jumped. Cana waved a hand dismissively. "Just kidding, just kidding!"
No one noticed Levy, who was sitting across from Jet and Droy, steal a glance at Chen Fan. The look lasted only a second, and while her two teammates felt a slight shift in her mood, they couldn't put their finger on it. They shrugged it off and continued their conversation.
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