In the foyer, Asterion explained his predicament, "It retracts. I'm a grower, not a shower."
Persica and Minnie continued staring, fascinated. The princess concurred, "I see. So you are much like Lord Shellie. His does the same."
"Gamer's so unique. It dangles out, all exposed and ready for the taking," Minnie joshed.
"I doubt he wants it taken away. It's his signature weapon," Asterion found the conversation amusing.
The mansion began to rumble. The same effects Gamer saw were realized thanks to Ouija's possession. The nonliving material of the mansion changed into organic material. The runner carpet in the foyer raised up and lashed out like a tongue. The windows blinked like eyes. Ouija's whines could be heard all throughout.
"What's going on with this place?" Minnie asked.
"Why do I feel like Gamer has something to do with this?" Persica grumbled.
Large molars grew out from the underside of the second floor balconies. When the floor ebbed, it unbalanced Minnie enough for the rug to lick her. She fell backwards underneath the balconies. The teeth bit down towards her, but Asterion jumped over and pulled Minnie away. The teeth slammed down, nearly crushing the shellie.
"Woah! Thanks, Asterion," Minnie scrambled to her feet.
"That was a close one. You were almost a Min sandwich," Asterion quipped.
The hatch to Ouija's lab opened, and Gamer rose up out of it. He gingerly ran over to the group, but yelped each time he passed an unconscious baba. He used Photo Mode in the blink of an eye while passing the topless Yaga.
"Welcome back, Gamer," Asterion greeted.
"'Sup, afro bull," Gamer took in the minotaur's lack of clothing. "Why are you nude?"
"Why are you not nude?" Minnie, Persica, and Asterion countered.
"Hey! Being naked isn't a character trait! I choose to be a whore, thank you!"
"Weeeh!" Mansion Ouija roared. The interior doors began to open and shut violently, and the floor became even less stable. Saliva gathered in puddles and leaked over the wallpaper. It added wet, slurping noises to the entire place.
Persica despised the idea of being digested, "Please, tell me we have a plan."
"Maybe there's a safe room we can go to? With nice music and something to write on!" Minnie imagined such a haven.
Gamer searched the room and his noggin for a solution. Seeing the ghosts cast his eyes skyward, and that's when an idea came to mind. He asked Asterion, "Hey, what is the number one rule when fighting against a boss? What is it you look for?"
Asterion's wisdom told him, "The weak point. Whatever is shining on their body."
All eyes rose to the grand chandelier. Unlike the malformed parts of the mansion, it had a glow to it far too special to ignore. Mansion Ouija stopped his whining and audibly gulped. Gamer grinned and pointed, "Attack his uvula! Samira, it's time to boogie down!"
"A'ight! Time to teach these boys a Smith and Lesson!" ( -_•)▄︻テحكـ━一💥 ༼ つ ''◕_◕ ༽つ came through first, and the violet textbox was forcibly closed out. Samira piped in, "Now that I have the taste of digital blood, it's time to lay these spirits to rest!"
The eurobeat remix of Free Bird kicked on and drowned out the groaning of Ouija's Mansion.
Minnie equipped her boxing shells and used her Super to launch them at the chandelier.
Persica coalesced flames in her hand and threw a pink fireball at the chandelier.
Asterion dashed up the stairs, wall jumped onto one of the flapping doors, and used it to propel a straight-on punch at the chandelier.
Gamer abstained, because he's an innocent little pacifist boy who wouldn't harm a blushroom.
The three attacks shattered the crystal chandelier. Mansion Ouija let out an agonizing cry, and the building began to ungulate more viciously. Ouija gasped over and over, until he violently sneezed. The front doors flew open and all four intruders rocketed out of the mansion.
From the exterior, they could see the mansion's structure morphed to resemble Ouija. The awning of the front doors made up his rounded nose and moustache. His sleep-deprived eyes were formed by all the windows, except the third floor windows. With their lights off, and the roof tiling now turned green, each gave the appearance of dark hair and his green cap.
"Waaah!" Mansion Ouija roared. The corners of the mansion's lifted up. It peeled away from the foundation and labs, and revealed a pair of comically small chicken legs underneath. The corners of the building slapped up crust as the chicken legs proved the importance of not skipping leg day. It wobbled and teetered. The sheer weight of this man would make hard-working whales blush.
"Why does the mansion have secret legs? Is there a tucked away audio log or hidden note I missed that explains this shit?" Gamer gawked.
"It certainly is a mysterious location. I fought this lady stitched together from parts of monsters. Based on the way she came at me and Minnie, she was meant to be a pursuit enemy. A stalker, if you will," Asterion was just as lost. Now outside, he went ahead and put on pants.
"Like a dark stalker," Minnie recalled Frainky's aura.
Asterion buckled his belt, and respectively approved, "That's a good name."
"Nah, dark stalker doesn't sound good. Too forgettable," Gamer criticized. He immediately felt Asterion tower over him.
Once the chicken legs found their balance, Ouija let out a sigh, glared, and charged forward. Before he could bulldozer the group into oblivion, the ground buckled and dropped the legs into a hole. It stopped Mansion Ouija in his tracks. Multiple mounds formed around the perimeter and in front of the group.
A few mollies burst through the surface. They berated the mansion for making so much racket. One mound opened up next to Gamer, and the mollie that emerged immediately hugged his legs. It was Mandy, and her claws cut into his shins, "Ah, I'd know that voice vibrating in the stone anywhere. I missed you, child support provider!"
"Gold digger!" Gamer strained through the pain.
"You got the mollies on our side?" the feat baffled Persica.
"Hey there, my fellow girl. After all the contributions he made, he saved our species from ever being threatened with extinction. We've dedicated our lives to help him and his. All in exchange for financial well-being," Mandy blushed and held her stomach. Persica shot him a questionable look, but all Gamer could do was nervously whistle.
Samira texted, "This is what I'm talking about, fam! Each time you do the sex, it creates new outputs and behaviors. The mollies are supposed to be a sparse threat to players, but you done gone and rizzed, and the mollies be eatin'!! (⊙ _ ⊙ )"
"Do you know what you've done?" Persica made the game seem even more real.
Gamer didn't show any regret, "Nobody deserves to die, let alone go extinct."
Another mound popped up next to Mandy, and a male mollie made an appearance. Wide fellow, this mollie had a hint of aristocracy about him. The gold chains, high-end watches, and jeweled rings gave that hint. Persica's pupils became coins at the sight of him. He spoke to Gamer, "Yo, r' yo' tha thug who the fuck helped out our community? Da namez Tommy. Nice ta meet youz."
"Uh...yo?" Gamer greeted, all the while Mansion Ouija had stones thrown into his eyes in the background.
"Tommy here is my brother, and a money collector," Mandy introduced.
"I'z da local land shark, see. Welcome ta da family. I'll take yo' sonuva bitch goddamn leg if yo' don't pay child support, capiche?" Tommy said with a big smile. Two more male mollies popped up out of mounds near Tommy. They brandished their claws like gangsters.
"Awe! Thanks, big bro!" Mandy hugged Tommy.
Gamer turned to Asterion and showed regret, "Take my bounty! Do it!"
Ouija started to rampage in his pitfall, and the power behind his movements knocked the mollies away. He sent shockwaves throughout the ground and scared many of the mollies. A chunk of rock flipped towards Mandy and Tommy, but they didn't see it coming. Gamer channeled his frustration and pushed the mole people down into the holes while flattening across the ground himself. The piece of earth narrowly missed them and crashed into the tree line.
Gamer opened his inventory and took out Ouija's vacuum. His hunchback appearance was caused by the backpack part of the vacuum. Gamer slipped it on and aimed the rod at the mansion and tried to suck out Ouija's soul. However, for whatever reason, it did not work.
Mansion Ouija laughed, "Wah wah wah!"
"Why isn't it working?" Gamer fiddled with the thing. It had three modes with the switch and indicated by symbols; spirit expulsion, spirit inhalation, and possession inhalation.
"I think we'll need something bigger for a house," Minnie guessed.
Gamer glared at the haunted mansion, and recalled the night of hell it put him through. He set aside his fear, and replaced it with unpurified seething. He flipped to spirit expulsion and, similar to all magic items in Chanterelle, used feelings to summon forth Chaica's spirit. She floated in place and cried, "Please, Ouija, nooo...hold on, you're not Ouija. Oh my! You stole his vacuum?"
"Is that Frainky?" Asterion recognized the voice and cadence.
"Oh me, oh my! You're that manjestic bull I tussled with. Frainky is not my actual name. I'm actually Princess Dai..." Frainky started.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have more pressing matters," Gamer skipped the dialogue, creeped out by a ghost. Mansion Ouija was close to freeing himself. Frainky realized this, and heard Gamer out, "This asshat's causing us a lot of trouble. I know you can possess items. Mind possessing the vacuum and helping me kick his ass?"
Frainky's spirit narrowed her eyes, "Well, my goodness, you bet I would! He deserves all sorts of walloping!"
With her consent – which is key – Gamer grabbed and dropped her onto the vacuum. Her spirit melded with it and took some aspects of her character. The vacuum as a whole gained a yellow and orange color scheme, and Frainky's eyes and mouth were now the nozzle. She breathed out, "Hi, I'm Vaicuum!"
"Like plug and plays," Asterion reminisced on his childhood.
"Great, eat this!" Gamer took out his red cap and turned Vaicuum on. She inhaled the drug, gulped, and belched. After a moment, her eyes crossed and the whole piece of equipment rumbled in Gamer's hands. It grew twice in size, supercharged by the drug. It was a bit oversized, but Gamer cracked a grin and glared at Mansion Ouija. The building noticed the super vacuum and started to quiver.
Gamer sprinted at the monster mansion as Free Bird's guitar solo kicked in, "Hey, Ouija, you've got something on your face!"
"Go, Gamer, go!" Minnie cheered, with Persica, Asterion, Samira, and Mandy backing it up.
Mansion Ouija locked shut his mouth. Gamer ran up to the front doors and rammed Vaicuum into them. The broken doors crumbled like wads of paper as Vaicuum sucked them in. Her big mouth expanded to swallow the pieces. Mansion Ouija let out a hollow, "Weeeh!"
Gamer didn't stop. He aimed Vaicuum at anything not bolted down. Queen Yaga and her babas were sucked up, the broken chandelier was sucked up, the bent banisters were sucked up, so on and so forth. Ouija lashed out with his tongue, but Gamer grappled it into Vaicuum. Gamer planned to get the clean meter all the way to 100%.
Ouija desperately tried to bite down on Gamer, but the intruder jumped into a nearby painting. He'd emerge in the gallery, and he sucked up the star statue and piano. Ouija panicked and tried to crush them by pinching the floor and ceiling together. Gamer abused the paintings and shoddy architecture.
Gamer dashed through all the holes the group created, flew through paintings to reach every corner, and evaded Ouija's every attempt to kill him. Room-by-room, Gamer drained Mansion Ouija of everything.
Gamer returned to the foyer, but all the inner walls and ceilings were gone. All that remained was the skeletal framing of the outside. Gamer aimed Vaicuum up at the roof and had her give the mega succ, "Asta luigi!"
The roof collapsed downwards in a spiral. Once gone, the walls, windows, and front door followed the whirlpool of debris. Mansion Ouija let out one more cry.
And then, silence. The mansion was no more. When all was said and done, Gamer stood in the middle of the plot that once held the haunted location.