In his last life, Makoto Nishikado had spent more than a decade reading web novels. That qualified him as half an old bookworm at least.
Which meant he knew exactly who the real workhorse of crossover slice-of-life stories was: Shizuka Hiratsuka.
In more than ninety percent of them, the opening went the same way. The protagonist got dragged into her office, got chewed out, and got forced into the Service Club. Didn't matter if he was a transmigrator, a reborn genius, an esper, an Ultraman host, or a Super Saiyan. First came the punch. Then came obedient membership in the Service Club.
Entertainment novels had their own workhorses too.
But in infinite-flow stories, nobody put in more hours than Saeko Busujima.
Makoto had to admit she ranked near the top of his personal list. Top three, easily.
Because once that woman fell for a man, she gave herself completely. Heart, mind, everything.
Winning her over wasn't even complicated. All you had to do was show her you could accept her love of violence.
Saeko was a born battle maniac. She usually kept that side of herself under wraps, but deep down she'd always wanted someone to recognize it and accept it. That was why she never fit comfortably into an ordinary modern world.
Drop her into the world of One Piece instead, let her train under Kuina or Zoro, and becoming a great swordsman wouldn't have been impossible. At the very least, she'd have become a first-rate swordswoman.
That was why Makoto wasn't surprised she felt out of place in everyday life. A woman like that only needed one person willing to embrace that side of her, and she'd fall hard.
In a way, she resembled Boa Hancock. Most transmigrators in the world of One Piece used the same strategy on Hancock too. Kill a Celestial Dragon, and the route opened on its own.
Even so, Makoto hadn't expected to run into Saeko here.
"If you'd shown up in one of my earlier runs, this would've been a lot more fun."
He gave her a slow once-over, teasing.
The Chainsaw Man world aside, if Saeko had been with him during either of his Naruto runs, she would've been absurdly useful.
Assuming, of course, she wasn't counted as part of his own slot.
If her Chakra nature turned out to be lightning, she could've copied Sasuke's route almost perfectly.
Then again, the pirate world suited her too.
Even if Makoto still felt most swordsmen there used their blades like magic wands for firing shockwaves.
"You're too kind, Commander," Saeko said. "I was a student at Shuchiin before this. But after your battle with the Japanese police last year, my father decided the country wasn't safe and sent me to study in America instead. I never got the chance to reunite with you here."
Under his gaze, a faint flush rose over her alluring face.
Makoto's eyes hadn't held any aggressive male hunger. He'd only been looking.
Not because he lacked interest in women. He'd already had his fill that morning with Yukiko Kudo and Eri Kisaki, and for the moment, that appetite had settled down.
Even so, Saeko still felt something turn dangerous low in her body.
She'd been present for Makoto's speech before. Quite a few people had gotten themselves off on the spot while listening.
She'd been one of them.
For the record, she was the type who came easily.
Coming from Highschool of the Dead, that was understandable enough.
Makoto nodded. "I see. This world should suit your tastes pretty well then. Enjoy yourself."
The world of One Piece was full of animals in human skin.
There were exceptions, people like Luffy who wore the label of pirate while acting more like adventurers. But ninety-nine point nine percent of pirates were scum.
For a player like Saeko, who genuinely enjoyed fighting, it was a perfect playground.
That said, Makoto only applied that logic to early Luffy.
Once he crashed the execution grounds, he stopped being an adventurer in pirate clothing and became a proper pirate.
"Yes. Thank you very much!"
The blush on Saeko's face deepened until the women nearby stared at her in bewilderment. She looked like a kettle about to whistle.
"Do you have a sword?" Makoto asked.
Saeko shook her head.
She trained every morning at her family's dojo, but when the Reincarnation Game had pulled her in, she had been in class. Naturally she hadn't brought a blade.
Makoto turned to Tritoma beside him. "Give her one."
Tritoma moved at once, producing a katana and handing it over.
Saeko received it like treasure and bowed deeply to Makoto.
"How are you supposed to eat that fruit?" Itsuki Nakano asked, staring at the Human-Human Fruit. "It looks like a mushroom. Do you stir-fry it? Make soup?"
That was where her attention had landed.
Ichika Nakano couldn't watch any longer and dragged her sister back.
Eat, eat, eat. All you ever think about is food. Do you even have the right to ask for something from Makoto?
Yotsuba might have a chance...
"Then here, you can eat it," Makoto said with a smile.
Everyone froze.
He was giving it to her? Seriously?
"Huh? Me? R-really?" Itsuki pointed at herself, stunned.
Yotsuba's face fell at once.
It belonged to Makoto. He could give it to whoever he wanted.
If he'd handed it to Megumi Kato, Ran Mouri, or one of the other women close to him, Yotsuba wouldn't have minded. She wouldn't even have objected if he'd given it to Beam or one of the Fab Four.
But one of her sisters?
That she couldn't accept.
Why her? I'm closer to him than she is...
Yotsuba lowered her head in silence, but Nino stepped forward first.
"W-wait a second! Why Itsuki? Based on what?"
Itsuki stared at her in disbelief.
What was with that attitude? It made it sound like she wasn't even worthy of it.
Makoto's expression turned strange. The whole thing looked suspiciously like the original story, with the quintuplets fighting over one man.
"I'm kidding," he said. "That thing tastes awful. I've heard it has the texture of shit."
Itsuki jerked backward at once and waved both hands frantically. "Then I don't want it. No thank you!"
"You little meat-bun monster." Nino pinched her soft stomach.
Itsuki had a little softness there, but it didn't make her look heavy. If anything, it gave her a charm her sisters lacked.
"If all it takes to get superpowers is one bite of something that tastes like shit... that doesn't sound so bad..." Miyuki Shirogane muttered.
Kei Shirogane stepped on his foot without mercy. "And when exactly would it be your turn?"
Then Makoto's next sentence stunned everyone again.
"Who's making anybody eat it? We can fight for it."
The newcomers without powers immediately looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.
Sitting in Makoto's lap, Nayuta stretched lazily and called out, "I was getting bored anyway. If we're using it as a prize, then let's do a boxing championship. Winner takes it."
After hearing from Makoto that the fruit was basically useless, she'd gotten ideas.
Makoto shot Yumiko Miura a look.
She understood immediately. Her hand seals weren't especially fast, but she formed them with practiced ease all the same, then slapped both palms against the ground.
"Earth Release: Earth-Style Wall!"
The ground beside the restaurant rumbled. A raised earthen platform surged up in moments.
Makoto pointed at it. "Anyone interested can get up there. Last one standing takes it."
Silence swept across the crowd.
Several seconds later, Futaro Uesugi scrambled onto the platform first.
"Me!"
Of course the people who wanted superpowers most were the powerless new players.
Sure, Makoto had just said the fruit tasted like shit. But if it could give someone supernatural abilities, then even actual shit would've been worth swallowing.
That power wouldn't just help someone survive in this world. Back in the real world, it could change their entire future.
Just looking at people like Yukino Yukinoshita and Hayato Hayama made that clear. Even if their strength only ranked around the lower middle among superpowered people, or worse, they'd still be treated like elites in ordinary society.
For one dizzy moment, Futaro felt all his years bent over textbooks had gone straight down the drain.
Studying?
Superpowers were what really let people climb.
"Brother, are you serious?"
His little sister Raiha Uesugi went pale. She knew better than anyone how hopeless he was at sports.
"I'm in too!" Miyuki climbed up after him, refusing to be outdone.
Compared to Futaro's awkward scramble, Miyuki looked a little smoother. He planted both hands and vaulted himself up.
Only a little smoother.
"Ooh, Kei, your brother's got ambition," Moeha Fujiwara said, sidling up beside Kei.
"That's about the only good thing about him," Kei said with a click of her tongue.
She didn't hate him. She knew he cared about her.
She just couldn't stand how he hovered over her and nagged like a mother all the time.
Teenage rebellion came for everyone.
Watching the two on the platform, Makoto found himself interested.
They really were alike.
Poor families. Worked part-time. Academic monsters.
If there was one real difference, it was this: in the original story, Miyuki Shirogane was devoted to one person from beginning to end. Futaro Uesugi was the opposite. He wouldn't lock anything down until the ending.
"Hayasaka, do you want to try?" Kaguya Shinomiya asked softly.
Over the past few days, she'd learned that Ai Hayasaka had also gone through a single transmigration.
No wonder she'd become so strong.
Still, compared to the true monsters here, she wasn't enough.
Ai parted her lips, then hesitated.
Of course she wanted to get stronger. She knew perfectly well that she still wasn't enough.
But honestly, the two men up there were powerless newcomers. It felt shameless to go bully them.
"Don't do anything rash, Ai."
A beautiful mature woman who looked eighty percent like her stepped up and draped an arm over both Ai and Kaguya's shoulders.
Nao Hayasaka.
Ai's mother, and an executive in the Shinomiya conglomerate.
She'd been dragged into this Reincarnation Game too.
"Mom, what do you mean?" Ai asked.
She spent all year at Kaguya's side, playing the role of elder sister and half-mother. But at heart she was still only a seventeen-year-old girl, starved for maternal affection.
Seeing her mother pulled into the game had frightened her.
But a small part of her was secretly glad too.
At least now her mother would have more time to be with her.
Nao lowered her voice. "Doesn't this seem strange? If eating that fruit really gives you powers, then why wouldn't our commander give it to one of his wives?"
Kaguya and Ai both understood instantly.
Ah.
Makoto could easily have given it to Megumi Kato, Yui Yuigahama, or one of the others close to him. Failing that, he could've handed it to someone like Kokoro Katsura or Moeha Fujiwara, two of his little admirers.
So why put it up as a prize?
Was it really just to watch a couple of weaklings slap each other around?
Actually... yes.
What was happening onstage between Miyuki Shirogane and Futaro Uesugi was the purest form of noobs slapping each other around.
Neither of them had any powers. Neither had martial training like Ai Hayasaka or Saeko Busujima.
They were just windmilling.
In the end, Miyuki won without too much trouble, though both the corners of his mouth and one eye were bruised.
He was hopeless at sports that required skill, especially ball games, but his stamina and endurance were solid. Back before the age of superpowers, he'd always placed well in the no-frills school events like sprinting and distance running.
When he finally knocked Futaro off the platform with a side hook, Makoto, Nayuta, Reze, Yukiko, and the others burst into cheers.
It made perfect sense.
There were two kinds of matches that got people's blood up. High-level clashes between masters, and utter beginner brawls between people who barely knew what they were doing.
The first was the Champions League.
The second was neighborhood madness.
The worst kind was the one in the middle. Not skilled enough to impress, not wild enough to entertain. Yeah, everyone knows exactly who I'm talking about.
Miyuki and Futaro clearly belonged to the second category.
No technique at all.
But fun.
Hearing Makoto and the others cheering, Miyuki suddenly felt cool beyond words. He grinned at them before he could stop himself.
He had no idea that with his face swollen and bruised, the grin only made him look more ridiculous.
Kei wanted to bury her face in her hands.
How embarrassing.
"Yotsuba, go. Take him out!"
Nino smacked Yotsuba on the back and pointed at Miyuki like a trainer sending out a Pokemon.
Yotsuba looked like her worldview had cracked in half. "Huh? Me? But I can't bully a normal person."
"Come on, stop overthinking it. This is a great chance to get superpowers!" Nino urged.
A normal girl might have dared run up and scratch at another girl. Doing that to a boy was different.
But Yotsuba wasn't normal.
She'd spent more than ten years training in the Chainsaw Man world. Then she'd spent the last few months in reality going through nonstop special training at Makoto's side.
Compared to Ai Hayasaka, whose strength sat around elite genin level, Yotsuba was no weaker.
Softhearted by nature, she was getting pushed closer and closer to giving in.
Then she noticed Makoto across from her, gently shaking his head.
Yotsuba's expression changed.
"I'm not going!"
All four sisters jumped.
But with how firm she looked, none of them could keep pressing.
Nino puffed up her cheeks. "Fine, don't go. Why are you getting so mad about it?"
After that, a few more new players climbed up to challenge.
Some of the veterans were tempted too, but most of them had already gained powers of one sort or another. Anyone with the slightest shred of pride found it hard to go up there and stomp ordinary people.
Just when everyone thought the Devil Fruit would end up in Miyuki's hands, Haruno Yukinoshita suddenly called out, "Hey! Hayato, get up there!"
Hayato Hayama blinked.
"Y-Yukinoshita-san... you mean me?" He pointed at himself, stunned.
"Yes. Shouldn't you use this chance to get stronger?" Haruno said as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Hayato's expression grew strange.
He had his pride too. Beating up ordinary people wasn't exactly glorious.
Especially when Miyuki was already down to his last breath.
So why was Haruno telling him to go up now, of all times?
"What is it, Hayato? Don't tell me you don't want to."
Haruno lifted a finger to her cheek and looked at him with a pitiful little pout.
Hayato's heart slammed against his ribs.
By the time he came back to himself, he was already on the platform.
It looked exactly like Tom chasing after that white cat.
At that moment, the same two words rose in everyone's mind.
Simp.
"You're not my opponent, classmate," Hayato said, looking at the nearly spent Miyuki with something like pity.
Miyuki only sucked in a rough breath and threw the last punch he had left.
Hayato didn't even bother counterattacking. He merely shifted his waist a little.
Miyuki stumbled past him and lost his balance at once, toppling toward the edge of the platform.
"Brother!"
Kei cried out in alarm.
At the last possible second, a huge skeletal hand shot out and caught Miyuki before he hit the ground.
Kei stared at Makoto with wide eyes, then hurriedly bowed. "Th-thank you, Commander!"
Makoto set Miyuki down beside the Kuja group. "Have the ship's doctor take a look at him."
He didn't have any healers under his command anyway. Most of his people could drink blood and resurrect, so nobody had bothered developing one.
"Hey, Hayato, that was too much. You're really bullying the weak now?"
Yumiko Miura, who had once shared a vaguely flirtatious history with him and now worked as a maid in Makoto's household, looked at him with open contempt.
Going after a powerless opponent who was already on his last legs?
And he still had the nerve to climb up there?
Hayato scratched his head awkwardly.
He couldn't help it. It was the first time Haruno had ever looked at him that way. He hadn't been able to resist.
Makoto glanced at him once.
He had a feeling the guy wasn't far from dying.
Because simps never meet a good end.